• That middle of the night feeling

    1307042427
    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    I wonder whether anyone else recognises this situation...

    Fairly often, I wake up in the middle of the night feeling horny and hard -- even when my wife and I have had sex earlier in the evening. This creates a dilemma for me.

    What I'd really like to do each time is to wake up my wife and have a quickie with her, but that's not fair -- my wife often has early starts in the morning and she needs her sleep. We've discussed this and, although my wife is sympathetic to my difficulty, it's clear to me that she wouldn't be happy about the prospect of regular interrupted nights (although she hinted that the odd surprise might be okay before a non-work day).

    The obvious solution might seem to be for me to have a quick solo workout. I feel a bit odd about that, even though my wife suggested it and I encourage her to do the same when she fancies it. I worry that my wife might feel sidelined or inadequate, rather than just not available at the time. I guess we need to talk more about this. There are some practical issues as well, though. If I were to stay next to my wife while I do that, my movements would probably wake her up anyway. If I were to get out of bed and go elsewhere, my wife is likely to be disturbed by my leaving, my returning, or my absence.

    The option that I've been taking instead is to stay where I am and wait for my horniness to dissipate. This might takes a couple of hours, though, during which my mind is filled with hot thoughts and fantasies -- not the ideal state in which to get back to sleep! I keep a notepad beside the bed where I try to jot down (quietly!) the ideas that seem at the time like good ones (although they often seem different the following morning).

    I assume that I'm not alone in this, Does anyone have any suggestions?

    1307049535
    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
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    I see no reason why it is selfish for a partner to have a solo session if the other isn't up to it. I think it makes up for any unbalanced situation where one feels more sexually active than the other.

    I can understand your issues but I think it's best not to overthink it. Your partner has expressed her "consent" in you going at it yourself, if you so wish or need to. You can try doing that beside her at night or go to another room. It is up to you and your partner if she has an issue etc.

    It seems to me that you've come to a solution already with your wife. Also, you can think of it this way- would you like your partner to be fulfilled if she feels horny when you're not in the mood at all?

    The jotting down your fantasies in paper sounds like a great plan in expressing your desire and acting it out with your partner when you can. I would suggest perhaps investing in male toys for more variety and fulfilment, in a sense? It's an area you may want to consider trying, if you haven't already. =]

    1307055765
    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for your reply. I think you're right that I'm probably over-thinking it. As you've correctly understood, my wife and I have talked this through and my wife has been clear that she's fine with me taking matters into my own hands (as it were!) if need be.

    My wife and I both understand that there is a difference between our libidos, which we're able to work around most of the time. If my wife isn't in the mood herself, then she's often still happy to help me out, or to encourage me to read some erotica or watch some porn to meet my own needs. I'm so grateful that my wife sympathises and doesn't feel threatened by this, but I must admit that I still feel slightly guilty that I still have these extra needs, and I think that shows up in my initial posting.

    x X x wrote:

    Also, you can think of it this way- would you like your partner to be fulfilled if she feels horny when you're not in the mood at all?

    Absolutely! Ever since I bought my wife her first vibrator years ago, I've been clear with her that I'm fine with her using it (or, indeed, going solo with hands) whenever she feels like it -- indeed, I love the thought of her doing that. I still took me a while, though, to convince her that I really didn't feel threatened or jealous by that.

    I guess that I just need to reach the same understanding in reverse.

    1307057587
    GingerConcubine [sign in to see picture]
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    When this happens to me I have little choice, seeing as my sex friend lives 20 minutes away and doesn't sleep enough as it is. Also means I have my bed to myself, so it doesn't really matter what I do..

    Not helpful in your situation though. When I'm asleep I'm not woken by people getting up in the night, but I am a particularly deep sleeper, maybe just get up one night and see?

    1307066663
    silverdrop [sign in to see picture]
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    You recognize that your wife needs her sleep and that it wouldn't be fair to wake her up for sex except occasionally. Your wife certainly recognizes that you need your sleep as well, and doesn't want you to lie awake with an insomnia causing boner.

    If you woke up with a full bladder, you'd get out of bed and take care of the problem, and return as quietly as you could. Your wife might be a little disturbed in her sleep, but that just comes with being married. First, try jerking off in bed. If she's able to sleep through it, problem solved. If not, then going to another room to take care of your needs seems like the best all around solution. And since it sounds like your wife is not insecure about your masturbation, there's no need for you to be. Unless you get to the point where you are turning her down in favor of your own hand, there's nothing for you to feel guilty about.

    1307066753
    silverdrop [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh, and congratulations on winning Oh Points for your review, CH. ^_^

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/blog/2011/06/01/best-sex-toy-reviews-of-the-month/

    1307067572
    londoner [sign in to see picture]
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    I certainly recognise that situation.

    I don't think you should feel bad about indulging yourself when your wife is asleep as you seem to be in a good place communicating the differences in your desire levels.

    I've had the occasional solo session when my wife's asleep and I've been wide awake and horny. I've found I can vary my technique so that it doesn't shake the bed and wake her. This also provides very different sensations. Alternatively you could just get out of bed and enjoy a less inhibited solo session elsewhere. Either are better than lying awake feeling frustrated and possibly ending up feeling resentful.

    1307090438
    sharry [sign in to see picture]
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    My Hubby is the same. If I'm half awake he'll make 'overtures' (read, pokes me in the back with his erection)

    and see if I'm willing, if not he'll turn over and go back to sleep. He rarely does it though as we'd both be woken up nearly every night. I don't think he sorts himself out as if he's in the mood he waits until the morning, that and I'd be woken up by it as I'm a very light sleeper.

    1307097455
    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
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    I hardly sleep but love when OH wakes me in the middle of the night :)

    Go solo and see how you feel... I'm sure your wife will not bother... :)

    1307103794
    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    Edit: Hmm... my posting went all wrong. I'll try again later...

    1307104675
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH masturbates every day - I don't feel inadequate at all. It makes sense, we have sex daily but he has a higher drive than me so he masturbates as well.

    If I go to bed before the OH he will often come up and masturbate before sleep - he usually wakes me but I drift off straight away again so it's not an issue.

    If I wake in the night with horniness I'd wake the OH but only because it's so rare ;) he doesn't need as much sleep as me so I'd only hold back if he was up early for something important.

    I often accidently wake him by touching him up though when I'm having a sleep sex episode which is a bit unfair on him as I then wake up, roll over and go back to sleep just as he's getting into it.

    Could you not just get out of bed and put cushions on the floor, or have a chair in your bedroom that you can move to? No leaving but no bed jiggling either.

    We have a setee in our bedroom so if the OH knows I have something really important in the morning he'll masturbate there.

    Adx

    1307113562
    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    ( I'm not sure what happened earlier. I pressed the "Post your message" button and only the last few words of my posting appeared. I couldn't get my original back and I didn't have time then to type it all in again. Here's my second attempt... )

    GingerConcubine, silverdrop, londoner, sharry, occhiverdi, Alicia D'Amore: Thanks for all of your replies. They've really helped me to frame my thoughts. It must seem odd that I've been worrying about this.

    silverdrop wrote:

    If you woke up with a full bladder, you'd get out of bed and take care of the problem, and return as quietly as you could.

    *slaps own forehead*

    That's a very good point! I don't know why it didn't occur to me to think about it that way.

    I spoke to my wife again about this last night. It was clear to me once again that she's very relaxed about me sorting myself out. My wife also hinted that I could try my luck with her in the middle of the night if it's not a work day the following morning, although she said that she has no idea how she'll respond when she's only half-awake.

    On a tangential note, I've often wondered what would happen if I fitted my wife up with a bullet (held in place in some way) when she goes to bed, and then switched it on while she's asleep -- and, ideally, dreaming. I imagine that a likely answer is "nothing at all", but I'm curious to try. I haven't managed yet to persuade my wife to participate in this experiment, though.

    silverdrop wrote:

    Oh, and congratulations on winning Oh Points for your review, CH. ^_^

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/blog/2011/06/01/best-sex-toy-reviews-of-the-month/

    Wow! I hadn't spotted that. Many thanks for letting me know. I'm really chuffed about it.

    1307119784
    Janny [sign in to see picture]
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    You are over-complicating things. Let's be honest - all men wake up hard in the morning, but she might not be in the mood, or you have to go to work, or she has. There is nothing wrong with going solo, even if you lying next to your wife while she is sleeping. Must say I found this quest a bit strange, know all about morning sex, but don't think I've ever woken up in the middle of the night wanting a quickie.

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