• Anal....do you think it's a big deal...???

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    ionabay [sign in to see picture]
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    lilmadam92 wrote:

    It is a big deal because you can cause so much damage if you're not careful and/or trusting in your partner. If you can't relax it will never happen and won't ever be pleasurable for you. I know from experience the damage that can be caused and it's not nice!

    That's what worries me, it's like a catch 22!! I can't relax in case it goes wrong, and itll more than likely go wrong if I can't relax!

    I've been looking into other things I could do on my own and i'm thinking anal training might be the way forward so I can get used to the sensations of it all on my own.

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    lilmadam92 [sign in to see picture]
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    When me and my OH started out we would stimulate each other in other ways first. So he would give me oral and then while he was giving me oral he would slip a lubed finger in. I couldn't get nervous because I was too busy concentrating on the great head!

    Anal training is definitely the way forward if you're really nervous. They're are some teeny tiny slim butt plugs on LH that mean you can try having something inserted but not worry about it hurting. Once you've got used to having something inserted you can move up and bigger :)

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    sally 54 [sign in to see picture]
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    That sounds like a good idea as I'm scared too. I have to admit I don't fancy it but don't want to say no.

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    sally 54 wrote:

    That sounds like a good idea as I'm scared too. I have to admit I don't fancy it but don't want to say no.

    If you don't want to do it, then don't do it.

    There are so many different ways to be sexual and intimate that we really shouldn't expect all of them to work for everyone. Do what you love and what you can commit to whole-heartedly.

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    GingerConcubine [sign in to see picture]
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    My current sex partner is my best friend, so I trust him implicitly (and I know he'll read this at some point so *waves*) and we had talked about it and established that I'd like to try it (him having done it before, and me never having done so).

    It was painful... for about 5 seconds. After that it was just enjoyable. Now I don't think it's a big deal at all. Whenever I go over I always go prepared for both possibilities (don't know if he knew that XD) and I'm up for either. Occasionally I get a bit of surprise if he gets the 'wrong hole', but that just adds to the fun!

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    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
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    It's not a huge deal to me but with OH it is a huge part of our sex life and the fact that I do enjoy it as much as him and its pretty damn enjoyable, we both initiate it. If he wasn't into anal, I would be just as happy though. We vary from anal play with toys to full on penetration.

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    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    sally 54 wrote:

    That sounds like a good idea as I'm scared too. I have to admit I don't fancy it but don't want to say no.

    If you dont fancy it then say no, if your partner respects you he will understand. Anal isnt something you should do just to keep a partner happy, for it to work you need to want to do it.

    Communication is the key, tell him that it doesnt appeal and you are scared of being hurt dont be pressured into trying something which makes you feel uncomfortable

    xGGX

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    sally 54 [sign in to see picture]
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    No, he won't put pressure on me and will respect me if I say no. It's just the way I am- I'm one of those people who wants to please others and finds it hard to say no, but the one time we did try it years ago it was very painful.

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    Janny [sign in to see picture]
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    sally 54 wrote:

    That sounds like a good idea as I'm scared too. I have to admit I don't fancy it but don't want to say no.

    Rose wrote if you don't fancy it you have to say no, and she is right

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    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    sally 54 wrote:

    No, he won't put pressure on me and will respect me if I say no. It's just the way I am- I'm one of those people who wants to please others and finds it hard to say no, but the one time we did try it years ago it was very painful.

    Sally if you are at all unsure then dont do it, any tension means it will be painful and you will risk doing damage.

    xGGx

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    MrSarcastic [sign in to see picture]
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    Sally just because you want to please your other half does not mean you have to do it, as others have said its a very intimate thing to do. I have not tried it yet but hope one day i will get the chance just to see what i think, even then there would be lots of talking and communication between us before doing it and finally taking the pludge. As i said before try small things if you really want to please him and then work up to an actual penis, the more your bum is use to things going up the easier it will be when it finally happens. Otherwise as already stated just dont do it.

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    sally 54 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for your support all.

    I'm in what I guess is an unusual situation as at 55 I'm at that stage in life when women often go off sex, but in my case I'm the total reverse and have suddenly acquired a much higher sex drive than I had when I was young! I'm rather baffled by it actually. Meanwhile my husband is the one starting to lose interest, even though he is a little younger than me. I therefore am trying to revive his interest, and am willing to try something new just to keep that interest going. I may have to draw the line at anal though.

    If he mentions it again we'll have to discuss it more thoroughly.

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    It's worth getting loads of info on it! You might have never fancied it because you've never really thought about it or had misconceptions about it but if you explore the options fully it might be something you'd enjoy. But as has been said, when you try you have to be 100% happy with it because otherwise your body will subconciously tense and increase the risk of pain.

    If you explore it and still don't fancy it then there's no harm in trying anal toys and never going further, or trying anal toys and going backwards if you decide you don't like toys at all!

    Being armed with the info is the best you can do for yourself!

    Adx

    1307395674
    MrSarcastic [sign in to see picture]
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    I thought that was normal older womens sex drives increased at a later age and mens decreased? Swear thats what i read many mooons ago. But yes, do you research and experiment on yourself if you think that will help when you have some alone time or buy a smallish toy.

    Just as said dont do it if you dont feel comfortable and/or tense take your time.

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    Liquidsugar [sign in to see picture]
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    I used to find it a big deal, until I realised that relaxation is the key (along with a good lube!) Now I find the worst thing to do is feel nervous about it, then it makes you tense up. I find it similar to getting a wax - when you get your bum waxed you know in the back of your head that's it's going to hurt when they pull the strip off, but if you tense as they're pulling it then you get little bits of wax left on your bum for the rest of the day (which is really annoying and sticky!) SO... If you just let your muscles relax and tell yourself it's going to be fine - the strip comes away easily with no little bits of wax residue left.

    Odd analogy (I find that an appropriate word for this topic :D) I know but, what i'm basically trying to say is - the more you let it bother you, the worse it will be!

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Ionabay,

    I bought some desensitising lube from here. We both use it and it really does help. I not the greatest fan of Anal but thats probably because we dont do it that often, i agree it is something that takes practice so dont rush it. I can say that i found it much more pleasurable if he uses a dildo on me whilst giving me anal as the pleasure outweighs any uncomfortableness.

    1308302904
    SweetSubmission [sign in to see picture]
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    Mr. 10 wrote:

    It's as big a deal as you make of it.

    You're lucky that your OH isn't too pushy about it, which means that if you are willing to fulfil his wish, you have plenty of time to prepare yourself for anal rather than feeling pressurred from you OH.

    This post really worries me - it sounds to me like her OH is being a little pushy. As most others have said, if it's a big deal to her, it's a big deal full stop, and her partner ought to respect that.

    None of should think it's "lucky" to have a partner who respects our boundaries and listens to us. It's as crazy as saying, "Oh I'm so lucky to have found a boyfriend who doesn't hit me". It's not lucky, it's a basic expectation in a relationship, or at least it should be, and nobody, nobody should put up with less than that.

    As for the anal question - most people have got it covered with their advice and posts above, and Hella's guide is really good. I'd just add that the body is more resiliant than you think. If you use lube, go slow, and listen to your body and stop if it hurts then it's highly, highly unlikely you'll do any damage. I hope that helps people who want to try it feel a bit more relaxed about giving it a go.

    SS xx

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    SweetSubmission wrote:

    Mr. 10 wrote:

    It's as big a deal as you make of it.

    You're lucky that your OH isn't too pushy about it, which means that if you are willing to fulfil his wish, you have plenty of time to prepare yourself for anal rather than feeling pressurred from you OH.


    None of should think it's "lucky" to have a partner who respects our boundaries and listens to us. It's as crazy as saying, "Oh I'm so lucky to have found a boyfriend who doesn't hit me". It's not lucky, it's a basic expectation in a relationship, or at least it should be, and nobody, nobody should put up with less than that.

    spot on! It's not lucky to have a none pushy partner - it's an absolute requirement of a good and happy relationship!

    Adx

    1308339242
    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    Dee_licious333 wrote:

    Hi Ionabay,

    I bought some desensitising lube from here. We both use it and it really does help. I not the greatest fan of Anal but thats probably because we dont do it that often, i agree it is something that takes practice so dont rush it. I can say that i found it much more pleasurable if he uses a dildo on me whilst giving me anal as the pleasure outweighs any uncomfortableness.

    have to disagree with this one, pain is the body's way of telling you that you are doing damage, masking it by desensitising the area risks missing the first signs and therefore doing more damage.

    It is better to be really relaxed, wanting to do it and using either normal lube or an anal lube not a desensitising one

    xGGx

    1308341258
    ronnie-baby [sign in to see picture]
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    for me and my oh it's not a big deal as we don't have anal sex. It's not for us, and not our thing. I don't think my oh has tried it before, nor wants to. I don't mind either way as I have tried it once, and it just wasn't all that. It wasn't painful or uncomfortable, but just felt odd and like a needed to go to the toilet.lol.But, it was rushed and we were both inexperienced (me and a previous parnter this is), so if it was done properly and with more time, I might like it more. Have suggested it to my oh and he's not all that keen, bit squeamish maybe? But it doesn't bother me too much as it was just a suggestion to try out new things, and I respect his decision to not want to try it. Everybody has their boundaries and limits.

    It is a big deal however if you both want to try it, and I feel the person who is more nervous/more inexperienced in this field/or the person recieving it, should be the one to control everything as regards the technique ect.....

    good luck.

    xx

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