• Anal....do you think it's a big deal...???

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    ionabay [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi all, i'm looking for some opinions/advice. I've been with my bf for 5 years and we are working our way to having anal sex (i'm the one putting it off, I just can't seem to relax enough and sometimes freak out a little if it goes a bit too far)...so we got into a conversation last night about it and he said that anal sex is not a big deal, he's done it before and I haven't so it is a big deal for me, am I the only one that thinks it's a big deal??

    Also, has anybody got any tips/hints for the 1st time I try it?

    Many thanks for all your help (",)

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    Mr D and Mrs D [sign in to see picture]
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    If you think it is a big deal then YES it is a big deal. If he thinks it’s not try sticking a dildo up his bottom and then ask if he still thinks it’s not a big deal.

    Seriously though he needs to understand that it is something that can take time to get comfortable with and that he is very lucky that you are willing to try, not everyone is. Rushing things is likely to lead to you not enjoying it and not wanting to do it in the future. You’ll find lots of treads on here about first time anal, if you do a search, but I think you’ll find everyone tends to agree that you should take it easy and use lots of lube.

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    des69er [sign in to see picture]
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    my wife thinks the same as you so i have to respect that. But i still ask from time to time

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    The Plaything [sign in to see picture]
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    i enjoy anal but at first in can be a big deal i found it hard to relax at first so it tended to be a little painful, the art is take it very slowly over a period of weeks and build up to full penertration. need to talk it through with your partner

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Mr&Mrs is right. If it's a big deal to you then yes it's a big deal. There's no harm in building up gradually 'til you're ready and arming yourself with loads of information so it goes well!

    As Hella says, it needn't be a big deal if you're well informed/warmed up, but it takes time to get there :)

    Adx

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    easy_tiger [sign in to see picture]
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    The thing is to take your time start with your fingers then move up to using toys and so on try to relax and use plenty of lub this is how i did it in the end now me and my OH love giving each other anal good luck and have fun doing it p

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    S&S [sign in to see picture]
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    It depends on the situation really. My OH had anal sex before vaginal sex and did not enjoy it at all, so when it came around to me broaching the topic with her, it was definitely a very big deal. Now I don't think anal is a huge deal (hell, I enjoy the hell out of pegging), but as has been said, if its a big deal for you then its a big deal for the two of you. You just take control of the situation; practice with some smaller toys before, include a finger or two in your usual foreplay, little things like that. If you're not enjoying that at all, then maybe its best not to pursue anal for now.

    From a male perspective, there is a certain part of me that thinks 'well other guys have been there, why shouldn't I?' Yes it is silly, but that's how male mentality can work at times. So on his side it could just be a case of wanting to be there, do that, mission accomplished. So that's a possibility. Just talk with him seriously about it, and at least concede to giving a finger a try. If you really don't enjoy that, stop it there. If you do. . . well you've a whole new sexual area to have fun with!

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    Postillionager [sign in to see picture]
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    It is a big deal, it's an incredibly intimate thing to do with somebody so you need to feel completely safe, relaxed and comfortable with the whole thing. You need to want to do it, to feel ready to enjoy something really exotic. It's a physically unusual experience for your body, but it should be totally painfree and pleasurable. If it's painful or unpleasant, something is wrong.

    As others have said, you should take your time, gradually explore different types of anal stimulation, find out what you enjoy and what helps you to relax. There is no reason why he shouldn't let you do this on him as well, it's a highly intimate way for lovers to explore eachother, and helps both of you understand how to relax and achieve enjoyable penetration.

    If it's done right, it's an amazingly exhilarating and liberating way to make love. But as I said, make sure you really do want it, it's not something that should be done just to please someone else.

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    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    Postillionager wrote:

    It is a big deal, it's an incredibly intimate thing to do with somebody so you need to feel completely safe, relaxed and comfortable with the whole thing. You need to want to do it, to feel ready to enjoy something really exotic. It's a physically unusual experience for your body, but it should be totally painfree and pleasurable. If it's painful or unpleasant, something is wrong.

    As others have said, you should take your time, gradually explore different types of anal stimulation, find out what you enjoy and what helps you to relax. There is no reason why he shouldn't let you do this on him as well, it's a highly intimate way for lovers to explore eachother, and helps both of you understand how to relax and achieve enjoyable penetration.

    If it's done right, it's an amazingly exhilarating and liberating way to make love. But as I said, make sure you really do want it, it's not something that should be done just to please someone else.

    This ^^

    If and when you are ready to try it please do not ignore any pain, it is your body's way of telling you that you are doing damage. If it hurts dont just pull the toy out or pull away from your partner. stop and wait for the pain to pass and slowly withdraw.

    I cant see that anyone else has mentioned it on here, know it is on Hella's blog, but use lube, lots and lots of it. If you think you have enough add a bit more. Unlike the vagina the anus doesnt self lubricate so you need to add lots to avoid injury.

    Dont feel pressured it has to be something you are ready for and a willing participant in, dont do it just because he want to

    xGGx

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    Mr. 10 [sign in to see picture]
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    It's as big a deal as you make of it.

    You're lucky that your OH isn't too pushy about it, which means that if you are willing to fulfil his wish, you have plenty of time to prepare yourself for anal rather than feeling pressurred from you OH.

    The big thing to get over when trying it for the first time is your mentality. If you can get yourself in the right frame of mind (namely a very horny and adventurous mood) then you will find you're half way there.

    The rest is just ensuring you do everythign thoroughly (lots of lube) and just take it easy and at a pace you're cool with.

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    Janny [sign in to see picture]
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    I have never tried, but think it is a big deal. With my ex girlfriend, she loved having her bum touched and even her anus licked (though she felt guilty about that) but any more than that was a no no. "It's not meant to go there" was the standard response. I was always wishing to say "well it's not supposed to go in your mouth either, but that doesen't seem to be a problem". I can understand her though, I would not want a big dildo rammed up my arse.

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    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    I persuaded my wife quite recently to try gentle anal penetration. I used a slim anal vibrator and lots of lube. It seemed to be successful and a failure at the same time. My wife said that she could feel it and it wasn't unpleasant or painful, but neither did it do anything for her. At least it hasn't put her off having another try in due course.

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    ionabay [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you everyone for your comments, just reading them and digesting them...(",)

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    ionabay [sign in to see picture]
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    Mr. 10 wrote:

    The big thing to get over when trying it for the first time is your mentality. If you can get yourself in the right frame of mind (namely a very horny and adventurous mood) then you will find you're half way there.

    I think this is one of my main problems, I just need to figure a way through it (".)

    1306876281
    Honeytongue [sign in to see picture]
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    When you're happy to try, let your OH know. Then wait and see when it *feels* right. If you're nervous don't make it the goal of a session - too much pressure and if you don't go for it then you feel you didn't succeed.

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    MrSarcastic [sign in to see picture]
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    There is alot of good advice above and i admit ive only scanned though the post but i just wanted to say like others have said "Yes its a big deal". End of the day doing anal is something you have to want to do/try and while your bf might want it you may not ive said this before but my ex said "Never" and after sex and soemtimes just watching tv it would get brought up (by me) and in the end it was (maybe) i didnt presure her we just talked about it, she read up about it as did i in the end nothing happend because we broke up but i would never want to make a woman do soemthing she wasn't 100% sure about.

    As people have said, start small work your way up. Its your body and your ass and if he aint happy waiting then its his problem not yours. Take your time, and if needs be try it alone (if you can)

    Ive not brought any of the below but they could be handy for a beginner even been looking at them myself unless is step up the notch :/ lol
    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=12389

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=12402

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=13504

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    puss [sign in to see picture]
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    I was a I will never do it after my ex just trying to ram it in. Thankfully years later I met a guy who knew what he was doing and have loved it ever since. It's incredibly intimate for me and only something I do when in a relationship and comfortable.

    Lots of lube patience and easing in gently. The best advice for me was relax into it.

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    gymnast_kerry [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH wants me to do it and we are just taking it one step at a time and also i practice a bit at home when i can relax myself a little bit more.

    But its all about taking your time and lubing up

    1306952281
    sally 54 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for this thread. My husband wanted to try anal many years ago and in our ignorance we didn't use lube so it was agony for me.

    Now he's said that he'd like to try it again. I'm willing to try and spice up our sex life as it sorely needs it but I'm scared! I'm not sure whether to agree or not now that I know a little more about it.

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    lilmadam92 [sign in to see picture]
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    It is a big deal because you can cause so much damage if you're not careful and/or trusting in your partner. If you can't relax it will never happen and won't ever be pleasurable for you. I know from experience the damage that can be caused and it's not nice!

    But if you take things slowely, work up from well lubed, slim, anal plugs and dildos, then you'll learn to relax and eventually enjoy taking your partner. However, if it hurts always stop, not everyone enjoys anal!

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