• Orgasm leading to depression?

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    I know it sounds ridiculous, but last few days when I actually orgams (none of them was really satisfactory in many respects) I started to be seriously depressed - despising my own body, hating myself as a personality, almost cut my hair short. The thing is - I was completely fine before having some time by myself and playing, which ended up with orgasm. After that I started to suffer serious depression. I just came accross an article (in my mother tongue, so cannot link), which said that it is not unheard of to suffer post orgasm depression for women - about 1/3 of them experienced it. I dont usually do, but I did few times in the past as well.

    Anyone experienced the same problem, or am I... strange? Or even worse, labile person?

    1305570132
    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
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    I do remember hearing something along those lines in another thread (buried deep though, so not gonna go digging). It makes sense scientifically, as the release of the 'happy' hormones must be followed by a 'come down' of sorts. It's one of the reasons people suffering from depression can develop a pseduo-addiction to masturbation, as the low following the high can be too much to bear when combined with a pre-existing lull, and the natural urge is to try a hair-of-the-dog style repeat to bring you up, resulting in a cycle of almost needing to come to stave off the inevitable bleugh-feeling.

    Obviously as you say, you weren't depressed beforehand, so it's slightly different, but if the chemical surge, and following dip, can leave you lower than you were to begin with, it's not too much of a stretch to believe that you can fall a bit lower even from a relatively neutral starting point.

    I know when I've been suffering serious bouts of depression, I could fall into the cycle, and at my worst ended up sleeping with everyone who'd take me as a form of self-medication, which was definitely not healthy, and if anything made me worse! It's one of the reasons why, if I'm in a bad place, I try to not masturbate or have sex unless I'm either about to sleep - and thus can avoid the after-effect - or can bring myself up enough that I know I can handle to dip that's almost sure to follow.

    Can't say I've ever experienced it as extreme as you describe, going from normal to seriously low, but at least I can say that it sounds scientifically plausible, and has been mentioned by other people, so chances are you're not alone, or weird, and hopefully it's something that'll either pass naturally or can be handled with a bit of tweaking. x

    1305571023
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Well. Its interesting that this can happen to me mainly round ovulation, or at a time when you would expect one. And at time when I have hard time to orgasm, can take long and generally experience low period of sex drive. And maybe if I gave into a nap afterwards I would not be so low now... Wondering if I should avoid it round this time in order to avoid this. Because when I am high on sex drive round my period I never experience this. So also thinking if its hormonal related? Because hormones can also influence mood swings in women.

    But I am glad I am not strange. When I reliased from where my bad mood came I was really worried and put me even lower for a bit. I am mainly fine, but last 2 days were hellish after orgasm. I even started to avoid people and really thought of cutting my hair to release the pressure. Walk did not help, I normally love to run, but today I could not make myself to, I was barely able to walk and felt like crying.

    I never tried to handle depression by sex, I found nature is a better option. Walk in a forest, laying in a grass, listening to a bird of prey in the mountains always gave me strenght and improved me greatly.

    1305574485
    EmilyBlenkins [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm really sorry to hear that Laveila.

    Could it be a diet problem?

    1305576384
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    No, I do take care of my diet for many reasons, one is I have problems with meat - makes me sick, also I am on vitamines now because of recent hair loss thanks to stress during past academic year. I do take care to eat as best as possible. This is NOT regular occurance to be caused by diet problem, but someting I experience now and then. And always in the middle of my cicle (I cannot take hormonal contraception so I have normal monthly circle). So I think in my case it may be hormonal related.

    1305621811
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the hug It lasted hours. from afternoon (round 4-5pm) till night. But then I orgasmed again the next day which started it again, thats when it hit me what is wrong. And thats why I am talking about 2 days. Last time I suffered this was like mid February or so, so it is not like regular.I usually feel happy and content, especially with my partner. I really think hormonal changes do play a role in it for me as well, because they can cause me mood swings at time by itself. But now I am a bit down by the discovery as where the problem is and I may avoid orgasms for some time. Which will cause problems with my OH I guess.

    1305647103
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    No, don't avoid orgasms. I know it is horrible when it does happen and you feel really shitty afterwards, but it doesn't happen all the time. It's rare to have post orgasm low mood every single time you have an orgasm.

    Perhaps it is to do with your cycle, or maybe it is other factors. It is difficult to pin point it. I sometimes get really low after sex with my man and it seems that there is no apparent reason for it all, but I can cry and bawl over nothing for over an hour!

    But avoiding orgasms isn't the best way around it. Maybe keep a diary of your cycle and when you orgasm and when you feel low, then you can work out if there is actually a connection there.

    But equally - there's nothing wrong with not orgasming....but there is something wrong with resenting each orgasm.

    I rarely orgasm because I don't enjoy it, have to be in the mood, it causes me painful cramps and stresses me out....if I'm really in the mood to orgasm then I do - but if I don't fancy it then I don't let myself feel bad either - and the OH is completely understanding because I've explained it's my issue and not his and I get satisfaction in other ways.

    Don't make orgasming in to a big deal - it's one of the biggest mistakes you can make sexually...take each orgasm as it comes and see how you go.

    If the depressing feelings post-orgasm continue I'd see a doctor (try to pick one you trust/is understanding)

    Adxx

    1305647933
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes, rare, but happened to me for 2 days in raw and I am now really scared to orgasm. I dont want to feel like that again! I havent felt like this since the ex friend was sucking all energy out of me. All energy left me and everything went dark. Not something I want to go through again. It may be also related to the fact I felt tired and sleepy afterwards, but could not fall asleep.

    And thats the problem, I dont want this to happen while I am with my partner. if I start to despise my body while with him and after lovemaking, it would be a total disaster. He would feel bad as well and I am worried it would just destroy our sex life - although its not his fault at all. He was staring at me in disbelieve when I told him, he never saw this happen. And I would have hard time believing until now as well I guess.

    How do you deal with it? Especially if it happens while with a partner?

    1305648263
    MrSarcastic [sign in to see picture]
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    I personally think you should try and find the cause of the issue, you have said you were stressed last year that caused hair loss issues maybe your still alittle stressed out subconciously becuas eyour saying your starting to despise your own body. There is some good info above, but i think finding the route of the issue is the main course of action by either speaking to a doctor, signing on a depression forum (something ive never done) or seeking help else where this is the route ive taken, still waiting for an appointment but i get to talk to a person that will help me understand my problems and then hopefully deal with them.

    1305648512
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Erh, that would be a problem. I dont trust doctors apart from my dentist and he is not the right doctor to talk about depression related to orgasm Plus I am not sure they would be able to do anything about it. My hormonal imbalance is causing me huge problems, but considering how badly I reacted to hormonal treatment, they cannot do anything - joints problems, high pressure, problems with heart, etc). And antidepresives are not something I want to take! My friend did and they can have serious side effects and you can be addicted, so stopping to take them can be like stopping to take drugs.

    1305649004
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    The stress is due to university, I did not get much sleep since September, as my MA is 1 year and the university does have high standards. The fact is when I was in the heaviest stress it did not happen! I orgasmed without this happening 2 days before 3 deadlines for essays and I felt content and happy. And now when I am done I feel like this? Does not make much sense to me. The previous case was when my hormones were going rather wild, which even resulted into trush problem in the end.

    And I have issues with my body all the time and I know it. For many reasons. So I am not sure why it would manifest out of sudden right now? and most of the time it would be fine? But it does freak me out a lot. Still I think the despising of my body goes more to surfice during this, but would not cause it, or I would be like this every time I have orgasm.

    1305649265
    MrSarcastic [sign in to see picture]
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    Sounds like your really stressed out to me and have alot on your mind which could be causing this depression, you cn take the solo route and just keep your self busy as i suggested in another thread eat health do some exercise etc etc and take walks and what not to make you feel better, find someone to talk to or as you said a doctor but id leave that as a last resort if you dont like them.

    As for the tablets ive been on them for a while and stopped the 75mg ones instantly no side-effects doctor never even advised me on how i should stop them i just went in said im stopping them "oh ok" his response! Though i do admit they do have alot of side effects to them the tablets, some good, some bad others just plain right annoying... for a man lol But i think finding the cause of the problem and then deciding what route to take is best otherwise its possible cause > take action > failed > back to step one...

    just scanned though next post like i said could be sub concious, not on your mind then wham! Down in the dumps.

    1305649576
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Laveila wrote:

    Erh, that would be a problem. I dont trust doctors apart from my dentist and he is not the right doctor to talk about depression related to orgasm Plus I am not sure they would be able to do anything about it. My hormonal imbalance is causing me huge problems, but considering how badly I reacted to hormonal treatment, they cannot do anything - joints problems, high pressure, problems with heart, etc). And antidepresives are not something I want to take! My friend did and they can have serious side effects and you can be addicted, so stopping to take them can be like stopping to take drugs.

    I mean this with no disrespect but you are not a doctor - you are not qualified to say that they are the only two options that a doctor can offer you.

    There are always alternative options and a good doctor should help you find the best thing for you, your circumstances and what you believe in....sure they may take the time to explain that ADs aren't always the bad thing people believe them to be (and that there are many types and many different mild doses) however they should also respect your choice if you are really adament.

    If, for example, a counsellor is a recommendation, or a sexual therapist, then they may be able to help you deal with the emotions if and when they occur, how best to help your partner come to terms with it and how you can recognise when it might happen.

    If you're really so strongly against seeing a doctor then keeping a diary may help you pinpoint the cause - but I still think a doctor would be better placed to help you with this.

    Adx

    1305651617
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    I have been... Had nightmares about failing, but that was month ago! I had month to relax myself now. Only dissertation left. and not sure what you mean by solo route. I am not giving up my partner. And I run for hour and half daily in park unless its raining or I feel bad (migrane, etc) - does no happen, so I am running I think 25 out of 30 roughly days a month. Thats a pretty lot of exercise. And I dont use lifts, I walk. If I go anywhere under hour by walk I dont use buses unless there is bad weather, I walk. I do try to take very good care as to what i eat. Vegetables, fruits, jogurts daily, I never do fast foods etc., chips is something I have like twice a month, I have never been drunk, I only drink a glass of wine, sherry, port or mead at time. Never hard alcohol. I dont eat pork, very little beaf, because I have problems digesting those, but eat chicken or fish.

    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    There are always alternative options and a good doctor should help you find the best thing for you, your circumstances and what you believe in....sure they may take the time to explain that ADs aren't always the bad thing people believe them to be (and that there are many types and many different mild doses) however they should also respect your choice if you are really adament.

    If, for example, a counsellor is a recommendation, or a sexual therapist, then they may be able to help you deal with the emotions if and when they occur, how best to help your partner come to terms with it and how you can recognise when it might happen.

    If you're really so strongly against seeing a doctor then keeping a diary may help you pinpoint the cause - but I still think a doctor would be better placed to help you with this.

    Adx


    I will think about my school counsellor, as otherwise those can be expensive and I dont have the money right now. But then they can be really busy and it can take long time to get a date unless you are in real emergency. One problem with doctor here is I dont have a stable one here, as I am only a student registered at university doctors, so I only see mine in cases of emergency (last time was 2 years ago almost). All my regular doctors are in my home country. So I dont have any ties to her. And I think I have adversity to doctors since my teen age when they left me for 4 years with apendix, yelling at me I was spoilt brat avoiding exams at school. And the hospital in the end was also nightmare. Think since then I am trying to avoid them as much as I can. I know its my problem, but I rarely meet doctor whom I can trust.

    1305654024
    MrSarcastic [sign in to see picture]
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    Laveila wrote:

    I have been... Had nightmares about failing, but that was month ago! I had month to relax myself now. Only dissertation left. and not sure what you mean by solo route. I am not giving up my partner. And I run for hour and half daily in park unless its raining or I feel bad (migrane, etc) - does no happen, so I am running I think 25 out of 30 roughly days a month. Thats a pretty lot of exercise. And I dont use lifts, I walk. If I go anywhere under hour by walk I dont use buses unless there is bad weather, I walk. I do try to take very good care as to what i eat. Vegetables, fruits, jogurts daily, I never do fast foods etc., chips is something I have like twice a month, I have never been drunk, I only drink a glass of wine, sherry, port or mead at time. Never hard alcohol. I dont eat pork, very little beaf, because I have problems digesting those, but eat chicken or fish.

    Just because you have had a month to relax and get yourself sorted does not mean your fully recovered nothing is every that simple if it was we would all be healed in no time what so ever thats why im saying it could be something sub concious.

    As for the solo route i didnt not mean give up on your partener no that would be totally wrong it would make you worse for sure. I mean solo route as keeping yourself busy, motivated and setting yourself achieveable goals in life.

    as for doctor/councilling, if you have some sort of doctor in this country they will help you seek the advise you require even someone in your university will do that i think some universitys have like a student place where you can go and seek help. Failing that just goto a walk in centre, you just walk in wait 30mins to an house and speak to a nurse or doctor and they will tell you what you need to do.

    As for you not being able to afford councilling there are organisations and people out there that do it as volunteers and get there money from other funding sources like charitys and grants.

    1305657302
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    My university does have a place for students, but it can get pretty busy, so unless you are real bad you may have to wait up to 2 months at times. And now at exam times its likely to be pretty busy.

    But seriously... If I was under stress since September and I orgasmed many times in the meantime, why it only happened 3 times? and why 2 cases happened month after the pressure went off? If it was stress does not make much sense to me, I would expect it to be far more regular and happening especially in the highly stress period, which did not happen, during that time I was actually enjoying lot of sex and ending happy after orgasm. Rather strange? Hormonal changes would explain it much much much! better, because I think all 3 cases happened round expected ovulation in the middle of the circle at a time when I dont have high sex drive and can sometimes suffer mood swings due to drastic hormonal changes. I do think this may be the most appropriate answer rather than stress.

    And if I go to doctor I would end up with high pressure and stressed like hell and depressed. Thanks to my previous experience. I would go with injury or infection, but with depression after sex... I would rather not! I know its problem in me, but I was young (12 when it started) and their behaviour towards me was extremely nasty just because first tests failed I was hysterical brat for them. One reason I would rather avoid a doctor with this problem.

    1305658457
    MrSarcastic [sign in to see picture]
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    Laveila, i am no expert but yo do need to seek expert advise to find out the true cause that is making you not enjoy something that shuold be pleserable, when i say it could be sub concious i mean the thing that is getting you down could of happened week, months or even years ago. There is no way to tell till you face your fears and speak to a professional though, or take some of the advise given above and maybe write a diary? (yeh my spelling sucks i know).

    1305658942
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    I was seeking professional help last year because of an issue, so I think it is not something coming from the past, thank you. I dealed with all of that last year. I went through many sessions with professional and group therapy. So doubt it is that. (university services). And I came to terms with what happened. Although I know some things will leave permanent marks on me. They just go too deep, but I know why they are there and how to deal with them. I just hate doctors, dont trust them, I fear them, yes. But see? I saw professional in the past, I just dont want to see doctor!!! I would rather have all wisdom teeth taken out at the same time then see a doctor telling him I have depression after orgasm, because of their! past behaviour to me.

    But I am now considering going single and focusing on my discipline, not wanting my partner to get involved in this. May make us happier in the end.

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh and something which should be pleasurable is painful for many. Alicia is one and a friend (male) also suffers severe pain during orgasm, so it is not pleasurable for everyone.

    Loves huni: I am sorry you are in the same boat with me. I know how bad it can be. I think next time when I will feel like masturbating I will go for a long run in the park or get cold shower lol

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    I cannot soak myself... I am suffering with skin problems and soaking in water is the last thing I should do, I should keep it moisturised as much as possible. I dont do nails because in my profession I destroy them the day I get to lab because done nails and washing finds dont go well together or worse to do fieldwork. I keep my nails short or I will break them while working with shovel. I dont colour my hair, I cannot put on make up because of my sensitive skin. So hard to do pampering of myself lol So.... running, maybe photography or book, no pampering for me. Or better! Hard work. I think I should return to spanish and akkadian. Should keep me busy. and ignore my sexual needs I guess.

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