• Getting into the dom mindset

    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 4709
    • Joined: 2 Feb 2008

    GingerConcubine wrote:

    Yeah, I googled it beforehand, and read some sugestions as to what to do, but when the time actually came I forgot it all and just panicked.

    My confidence issues are quite deep rooted, having spent most of my life overweight, I just learnt to hide. Now I've lost the weight I still can't seem the shake being 'the fat one' in my head. He's my best friend, and I know he won't judge me on anything, but I'm still not comfortable with it yet.

    Also, I'm such a natural sub that I have issues doing anything I don't know he'll like. I know that's not really the point, but I wouldn't want to do something he wouldn't enjoy.

    Absolutely - you need to take baby steps to build your confidence and feeling comfortable is so important in the early stages (I say in the early stages because I think stepping out of the comfort zone slightly can be beneficial too as long as you have something to fall back on if you do panic!). With time I'm sure you'll feel more confident.

    And if you want to get in to the dominanat role (of course it's not for everyone - I'm a complete sub, mainly playing the dom for the OH's benefit) then I think it's something you can learn to get into with time :) plus lots of good tips here!


    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1075
    • Joined: 24 Apr 2010

    Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to perform. I tend to hit the stumbling block of being scared I'll go too far, and, given I'm kinda fond of the chappy and don't want to actually harm him, I'll tend to reign myself in a bit too much, and then feel silly 'cause I know I'm doing it half-arsed. Luckily, he kind of understands that I need to be in the right mental space to get there, and leaves it up to me if I feel in a mood where I can feel comfortable doing what I want to do.

    That also adds another aspect to it, if you can discuss beforehand when you can or can't do it, and then leave it up to you to dictate "tonight". Even though he has agreed that the time is suitable to him, you've chosen without asking him, and thus set yourself in a more powerful position without actually doing anything really 'domly'. :)

    ermac [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 1
    • Joined: 27 Oct 2010

    To the point on feeling like a waste being in the clothes, but having him blindfolded - this can actually be incorporated creatively. Have him blindfolded and tied beforehand then slip into it, or wear a dressing gown over it and then you can play the teasing-pleased mistress (rather than the harsher - seriously build-up to it, Rome wasn't built in a day and its fun 'testing').

    You can rub parts of the outfit on his various body parts, even along like his leg or belly, the most mundane places can yield interesting results - again upto experimentaion. Then say something along the vague lines of how you are the centre of attention here and how he has to earn the right to look and touch. Misbehaving can yield to a spank/whip/whatever. But you can gradually escalate it and free him to touch as a reward, but not look. Then if he misbehaves again, he goes back a notch or gets tied back up - again keeping you in power, and him getting a reaffirming mindset to please you and only you like a true sub. You can keep the descriptive of how sexy you look and how much he's missing out on, "if only he'd show his true devotion to his mistress" as an example.

    Also side-note, simple but effective punish/tease would be to rub the point of the heels you really should wear to help convey the sheer sexy-power - seriously it drives guys nuts (no matter that ya into) - very gently (or not) along his skin (inside of his leg perhaps) to teasing nuzzle 'other things' with your heels (although maybe the front end unless ya in a punishing moment) again placing emphasis on the appearance he craves to see and the power you wield.

    And above all else - you don't have to be epic serious, there's nothing sexier than a good giggle. But just because you're not being ultra-strict doesn't mean you aren't in charge ;)

    The gradual build-up should make him desperate to do anything to get that blindfold off and give you anything you want, which is ultimately what he wants from the fantasy in the first place.

    For referece, I'm the dominating one with my girlfriend, but that's my 8-peneth worth how to drive ya Mr rather bonkers.

    (And that was possibly the most 'unique' first post I've ever made on a forum lol)

    Lucyfer [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 31
    • Joined: 29 Apr 2009

    I really like silverdrop's take on it and advice. That resonate with me.

    Alternatively, just wait until the other half winds you up and let rip...oh come on ladies - who couldn't have fun when he's left the loo seat up for the millionth time :D (joking, of course. See above for real answer)


    Lainglesa [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 10 Mar 2009

    I too am a natural sub, and was requested only yesterday to switch it up and dominate him! Panic swiftly ensued, but...I put on a pvc corset, stockings and cruel heels - hair up etc (feeling a little bit like an idiot) I blindfolded him and used our under bed restraints to tie him down...the blindfold REALLY helped, it really took the pressure off knowing he couldnt see me! I then sat over him and made him tongue me until I came, which obviously got me feeling more comfortable and relaxed! Instead of being all awkward and putting a condom on him whilst he was tied up, instead I oiled up my hands and boobs and pleasured him that way. All in all it was very successful and he was very happy, taking that first leap is SO nerve-wracking for a sub but I say just take it easy and it will come to you!

    TheKittyKat [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 148
    • Joined: 7 Mar 2011

    There's some really good advice here. I'm also more inclined to be a sub, but some of these ideas are giving me the incentive to switch for a bit. I definitely think it's time to dig my black Dom boots out of the wardrobe... Thank you everyone for the inspiration!

    Miss Behaviour [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 172
    • Joined: 21 Jun 2011

    I have the opposite problem!

    I am a very dominant woman, I just adore the feeling of power and control I wield, but I have now met a similar man who wants me to play sub. I find it really difficult to relax while I am bound, although it feels very good physically, in my head I am screaming and fighting torrents of rage that I am not the one making the demands. I think he also loves the idea that he can "tame" me. I can see the attraction of subbing though, I guess I just need to chill !

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.