• Getting into the dom mindset

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    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello all!

    I have kind of a complicated issue that I'm not expecting any easy answers to, but I'd be greatful for any ideas or feedback.

    My boyfriend has been expressing for a long time for me to have a go being the dom and having a good bondage session with him as the sub. We've had lengthly discussions and I've read many threads on what to do, and while they are somewhat helpful (my boyfriend tells me that if I don't know what to do or feel unsure, it's his fault and I should spank him for it!), it doesnt help with my natural subness.

    There is a distinct mental barrier in my brain. I can sit here right now and think how if I'd slap him, throw him to the bed etc etc if he were to walk in the room right now, and it feels brilliant and right. I can work myself up into a proper dom frenzy, but it's only when he's not here. When he is here, I just want love and cuddles and booby hugs!

    So what I want advice on is this: How (as a sub) do you get into the dom mindset? My OH tells me I should just go for it and it'll feel right once we get into it, but for me, I'm looking as to how to get myself into that dominating mood before we start.

    1305244802
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Ecksvie wrote:

    So what I want advice on is this: How (as a sub) do you get into the dom mindset? My OH tells me I should just go for it and it'll feel right once we get into it, but for me, I'm looking as to how to get myself into that dominating mood before we start.

    Clothing.

    Killer heels, a pvc corset and lots of black and red, hair tied up, red lippie.....feel confident and sexy and let yourself feel like you look so hot, he should worship the ground you walk on!

    I have more tips but I'm just 2 pages in to proof readind WandA's 25 page dissertation so I will have to return but the big one for me is clothing and accessories (cuff him!)

    Adxx

    1305245531
    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
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    Ooh, I agree with Ad. Also, include blindfolds on him.. I'm naturally a sub too with my partner but knowing that he can't really see all that I'm doing is a great confidence builder to getting your way.

    Feel sexy and confident.

    Good luck and let us know how you get on!

    1305271193
    silverdrop [sign in to see picture]
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    There are different flavors of dominance, and one that works for me is the Affectionate Mistress. He's only a fucktoy, there for your pleasure, but you do cherish him. As you would a valued pet. Order him to give you love and cuddles and booby hugs and tell him he's doing it because he's there only to give you pleasure. If you want to cuddle him back, stroke his hair and call him your good little pet.

    "You're such a good fucktoy, giving your Mistress pleasure like that. But of course you need to be spanked now, because Mistress wishes to do it to remind you of your place. And of course you're only here to give her pleasure, aren't you? That's right, your own pleasure means nothing. Lay across my lap now, there's a good little slave. Now count out the strokes, and thank me for each one, and if you're very very good, then you'll be permitted to use your cock to pleasure Mistress afterwards."

    You can still objectify the hell out of him, while being sweet about it, rather than Bossy Domme or Cruel Domme. And if he really wants Cruel Domme, then this will help you work up to that.

    You can do this!

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    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow, silverdrop, great example! That sounds hot!

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    Mistress D [sign in to see picture]
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    There is a very good book available on love honey called The Mistress Manual which discusses all aspects of sub/dom roleplay. I found it a very useful read. X

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    sexy little minx [sign in to see picture]
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    silverdrop wrote:

    There are different flavors of dominance, and one that works for me is the Affectionate Mistress. He's only a fucktoy, there for your pleasure, but you do cherish him. As you would a valued pet. Order him to give you love and cuddles and booby hugs and tell him he's doing it because he's there only to give you pleasure. If you want to cuddle him back, stroke his hair and call him your good little pet.

    "You're such a good fucktoy, giving your Mistress pleasure like that. But of course you need to be spanked now, because Mistress wishes to do it to remind you of your place. And of course you're only here to give her pleasure, aren't you? That's right, your own pleasure means nothing. Lay across my lap now, there's a good little slave. Now count out the strokes, and thank me for each one, and if you're very very good, then you'll be permitted to use your cock to pleasure Mistress afterwards."

    You can still objectify the hell out of him, while being sweet about it, rather than Bossy Domme or Cruel Domme. And if he really wants Cruel Domme, then this will help you work up to that.

    You can do this!

    Wow that sounds some great advice!

    Ad yours too, think the clothing is a definate must!

    I'm natural sub but have tried to switch but always found it hard. Now I just need to find a willing subject to try it on now I've got some ideas. x

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    elwoodhx78 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi there, my wife was nervous about dominating me,we found that some of the scenarios described on the Arena Blaze website really helped her prepare and have to confidence to know what she was doing.

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    MrSarcastic [sign in to see picture]
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    I think im a little like you Ecksvie while i would love to have a dominating session and even be rough while having sex with someone im one them "kind natured guys" i would love to be able to hold the woman down and suffocate her (not too much mind lol) but because of my way i would find it hard :/

    I agree i would also love a woman to dominate me i think that would be amazing! I think you have have to get in a mind set of "Im the boss, what i say goes" and if the person disagrees then they are survely punished, if they do as you say then well obviously you treat them (at some point). God now my heads thinking and going craaaazy lol I know this might not seem like a good idea, or maybe bad advice, but maybe try a session with some dutch corrage or as others have said blindfolding him or even both!

    1305331779
    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks guys, already had some great suggestions, keep 'em coming!

    As it happens I have an amazing red PVC dress that I got for my birthday but haven't been able to wear yet. My issue is that it feels easier if he's blindfolded, but then it feels a waste wearing the clothes, but I suppose I'll just have to make sure it's not a waste and get lots of use out of this dress!

    That Mistress Manual looks to be a really good book, will definitely be putting that one on the wishlist for future reference! The Arena Blaze website looks really good too, there's some good step by step guides there which will help me to just follow without having to think of what to do next and feel silly.

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    MrSarcastic [sign in to see picture]
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    Ecksvie, he only has to be blidfolded till you get your confidence up.

    Besides you get to tease him while its still on with saying like "i bet you would love me to remove that blindfold wouldnt you? you would just love to see what im wearing and doing right now..." then maybe as a treat you cnan take it off let him see you for a few seconds and then whip it straight back on all of it would be fun for both you and him him getting teased and dominated you with the power aspect of doing what you want and decideding what he can see and do.

    Damn now my minds going crazy! lol Hope this helps x

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    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    Posture.

    This can make such a difference. Straight back, shoulders back, boobs pushed out, legs straight. All posture of a dominant female. And it works

    Oh yes! My wife has a tendency to slouch modestly, but she transforms when she pulls herself up confidently. I bought her some 4-inch heels to try and, as I hoped, they forced her to stand with the posture that you describe. To prove the point to my wife, I took some photos of her wearing the heels and sexy lingerie to show back to her. She gasped when she saw them. My wife could hardly believe that she was the siren in the photos, standing tall and firm with her boobs thrust forward and her legs comfortably but invitingly parted. Looking back, that was the turning point when she really started to believe in her appearance.

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    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
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    MrSarcastic wrote:

    Ecksvie, he only has to be blidfolded till you get your confidence up.

    Besides you get to tease him while its still on with saying like "i bet you would love me to remove that blindfold wouldnt you? you would just love to see what im wearing and doing right now..." then maybe as a treat you cnan take it off let him see you for a few seconds and then whip it straight back on all of it would be fun for both you and him him getting teased and dominated you with the power aspect of doing what you want and decideding what he can see and do.

    Damn now my minds going crazy! lol Hope this helps x

    This. =]

    Once you get into the flow I think the need for you to "show" him who's boss may come into play.

    For me, I think other scenarios (whilst can be helpful in giving ideas) can be quite counterproductive in a sense as it makes me think too much of what I have to do, in what order etc etc. I think it's best to take it at your pace and be willing to take it however far you are willing to. I think it's best to go by feeling rather than routine.

    Good luck!

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    ladysc [sign in to see picture]
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    I saw a pron film once where a bloke had gone to a Dominatix, she was doing all sorts to him.

    One thing she did, (that made him squeel !) was to wrap a telephone cable around his cock and then pull it off in one go - not for the fainthearted ! A couple of other things she "pleasured him" with was rubbing a cheese grater against the head of his cock and also getting an empty toilet roll with sand paper inside it, fed it over his cock and tossed him off this way !!

    The last thing she did was put a condom on him, played with his cock til he came, carefully took the condom off him and then made him swallow his own come, I quite fancy trying the last thing myself but not too sure about the other things !!

    1308579408
    rach74 [sign in to see picture]
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    ladysc wrote:

    I saw a pron film once where a bloke had gone to a Dominatix, she was doing all sorts to him.

    One thing she did, (that made him squeel !) was to wrap a telephone cable around his cock and then pull it off in one go - not for the fainthearted ! A couple of other things she "pleasured him" with was rubbing a cheese grater against the head of his cock and also getting an empty toilet roll with sand paper inside it, fed it over his cock and tossed him off this way !!

    The last thing she did was put a condom on him, played with his cock til he came, carefully took the condom off him and then made him swallow his own come, I quite fancy trying the last thing myself but not too sure about the other things !!

    no, no and no lol, my oh wouldnt have any of this done

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    Bulldog [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm pretty sure that I would not want to swallow my own cum out of a condom, but if my wife made me swallow it out of her as a punishment for "cumming in her without permission," that would be really hot - especially with out juices mixed together.

    ladysc wrote:

    I saw a pron film once where a bloke had gone to a Dominatix, she was doing all sorts to him.

    One thing she did, (that made him squeel !) was to wrap a telephone cable around his cock and then pull it off in one go - not for the fainthearted ! A couple of other things she "pleasured him" with was rubbing a cheese grater against the head of his cock and also getting an empty toilet roll with sand paper inside it, fed it over his cock and tossed him off this way !!

    The last thing she did was put a condom on him, played with his cock til he came, carefully took the condom off him and then made him swallow his own come, I quite fancy trying the last thing myself but not too sure about the other things !!

    ladysc wrote:

    I saw a pron film once where a bloke had gone to a Dominatix, she was doing all sorts to him.

    One thing she did, (that made him squeel !) was to wrap a telephone cable around his cock and then pull it off in one go - not for the fainthearted ! A couple of other things she "pleasured him" with was rubbing a cheese grater against the head of his cock and also getting an empty toilet roll with sand paper inside it, fed it over his cock and tossed him off this way !!

    The last thing she did was put a condom on him, played with his cock til he came, carefully took the condom off him and then made him swallow his own come, I quite fancy trying the last thing myself but not too sure about the other things !!

    1308746071
    lilmadam92 [sign in to see picture]
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    I definitely find dressing up helps but I'm still struggling to be quite as harsh as a dom as my OH would like. I end up feeling silly because I'm not like that at all in 'real life'

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    GingerConcubine [sign in to see picture]
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    I struggle with this too. I just don't have the confidence to pull it off, I feel ridiculous.

    One time I had him tied up and blindfolded, after about five minutes of panicking about what to do I just ended up sitting next to him and having a chat...

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    GingerConcubine wrote:

    I struggle with this too. I just don't have the confidence to pull it off, I feel ridiculous.

    One time I had him tied up and blindfolded, after about five minutes of panicking about what to do I just ended up sitting next to him and having a chat...

    Sensory play is a good place to start - so he's tied up and blindfolded - you have a feather, a pin wheel, some body brushes (or make up brushes), ice cubes, clippy cloppy shoes so you can stomp around and he doesn't know where you are, some swishy clothing for yourself to drape across him etc. etc. use your imagination.

    Teasing and building up is a very good way to get into the dominant mood - when you realise how much control you can wield with a feather and a blindfold (and a no touching rule :P) you'll soon gain confidence playing the more dominant role :)

    Adx

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    GingerConcubine [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah, I googled it beforehand, and read some sugestions as to what to do, but when the time actually came I forgot it all and just panicked.

    My confidence issues are quite deep rooted, having spent most of my life overweight, I just learnt to hide. Now I've lost the weight I still can't seem the shake being 'the fat one' in my head. He's my best friend, and I know he won't judge me on anything, but I'm still not comfortable with it yet.

    Also, I'm such a natural sub that I have issues doing anything I don't know he'll like. I know that's not really the point, but I wouldn't want to do something he wouldn't enjoy.

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