• one for the ladies to answer

    1305148235
    1976male [sign in to see picture]
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    Alright small admission here, I am obsessed with boobs

    ladies how much would it annoy you to be felt every time your naked?

    as my last few posts show my sex life s down to once a month, I'm married, 3 kids 5.8+10

    I have a fairly stresfull job and wifey does not work, she has very low confidence, doesn't like showing love especially in public (unless she's had a drink once in a while)

    I love my OH and fancy her rotten but my lust for her has become an obsession.

    (think I need an agony aunt!)

    opinions people please.

    thanks.

    1305149370
    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    Put simply - A LOT!

    Seriously if you are trying putting your hands on her boobs everytime she is naked around you she may be getting peed off with it. I would be and might even avoid the situation at times if I wasnt feeling horny.

    Have you asked her how she feels about it? What I would think isnt actually important because your hands and my boobs are never going to meet but what she thinks is very important.

    xGGx

    1305149407
    Possum [sign in to see picture]
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    Write her a letter. Start it off by saying 'I know our sex life isn't what it might be right now, and I'm happy to take as much time and offer you whatever support I can to help you realise how much I love you. This letter is not at all intended to make you feel 'up for it', but I know I'm not always that great at giving compliments so I thought I'd try and write it down. I wont mind if you don't feel like talking about all this right now, I just need you to know how fucking sexy you are. You are gorgeous, from your x to your y. You might feel like your breasts have sagged, but you should believe me that knowing you over the years makes me fancy every inch of you more and more...' carry on in this vein....try to feed the bit of her that needs to feel loved and respected, whilst making it clear how much you love her body. You might want to describe a sexual act you know she enjoys, but making it clear that you aren't trying to nag for a shag. You just need to tell her how much she means to you, and how fit she is. What you actually say should of course be based on what you know about her. Did she breadtfeed? That can leave a woman feeling a bit embarrassed about the shape of her breasts, and worried that her husband might have felt resentful/jealous at times. Of course she shouldn't, but you might feel it's appropriate to reinforce how grateful you are for the children her body has produced! And that knowing all that just makes you fancy her all the more.

    You might think this is a crap idea, don't try it unless you think it'll be helpful! But I think us girls often crave compliments and flattery, but tend to reject it when we get it from those we love. So maybe writing it down would help.

    1305149556
    Dirty Red Angel [sign in to see picture]
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    Yep, same. It annoys me if OH tries to touch me *every* time I'm naked. I get irritated with it.

    Not sure why - I guess it's because I'm not an object there just to be touched.

    Like GG said, best to ask her though - and flipping it on its head, how would you feel if someone grabbed you every time you were naked if you felt stressed or quite frankly couldn't be arsed and didn't feel desirable? Would you want to be touched or left alone if you were unlikely to derive any sexual pleasure from it?

    1305149769
    1976male [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks Ladies, I think even putting this on here as I wrote it I made myself realise what the answer is, the letter (or 2011 version...Email :) ) is a good Idea.

    over the next few dys I'll deside what to write and I will do it.

    thanks again.

    1305149952
    boobaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi

    I would find it incredably annoying and probably avoid situations where that would happen after a while, if anything it would push me away from you as I would find it suffocating, but I dont really think that this is what this post is about.

    I think you and your wife need to sit down and have a chat about things

    Its obvious from a few of your posts that you love her to pieces and you want to be with her, but there must be a reason why she is been the way that she is with you and until you find out why you are gonna struggle to be able to make any progress with things. I hope you manage to work it out. There are some lovely people on here who will offer you some great advice, but no-one really knows your situation better than you do, if you aren't able to sit and talk as a couple maybe some couple counselling might help

    1305151219
    sharry [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree. It can be really annoying to be grabbed at everytime my OH passes me. I'm trying to cook or work and he can't keep his hands off me, I've snapped a few times. It can feel that this is the only interest I hold for my OH sometimes, although I know that's not true. Sorry to be harsh but try and learn some restraint.

    1305153831
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm going to go against the grain here and say I quite like it *but* we have a good level of understanding between us-

    1) WandA is very visual and feels a lot of loving feelings from sexual intimacy (in fact a lot of men do),

    2) I don't always feel like sex when he wants it and therefore him touching me and getting some intimacy from that can be a comprimise and

    3) I absolutely understand that he doesn't want to fuck me every time he touches my body so I can relax, enjoy it for what it is - a tender touch from a loving partner and not feel like he's pressuring or even pestering me.

    Communication is the key :)

    Adx

    1305154775
    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    I'm going to go against the grain here and say I quite like it *but* we have a good level of understanding between us-

    1) WandA is very visual and feels a lot of loving feelings from sexual intimacy (in fact a lot of men do),

    2) I don't always feel like sex when he wants it and therefore him touching me and getting some intimacy from that can be a comprimise and

    3) I absolutely understand that he doesn't want to fuck me every time he touches my body so I can relax, enjoy it for what it is - a tender touch from a loving partner and not feel like he's pressuring or even pestering me.

    Communication is the key :)

    Adx

    I dont think that is going against the grain as you said communication is the key, my OH is very physical but knows to leave me alone if I am not in the mood. I love the closeness that we have and the non sexual physicallity but I have mood swings and depressed days when touching irritates me. Because we talk a lot he knows that during those days it is safer to respect my personal space.

    xGGx

    1305155347
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes it's good when anyone understands you and being understanding of each other!

    I stopped seeing nude touching as sexual a long time ago due to WandA's gain of intimacy from it and now it's just a lovely thing to share but if I didn't enjoy it, then I'd expect him to respect that also.

    As you say, communication is the main thing!

    I guess by against the grain I just meant the opposite feeling to that which others expressed!

    Adx

    1305159155
    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm the opposite of most people here in that I love it when my OH touches and takes notice of my boobs (which he does ALOT), because it gives me a confidence boost. I'm not ugly, but there are parts of my body that I don't really like and it is a self-esteem boost to me when my OH admires the parts he considers to be good and he more or less ignores the parts that I don't particularly like.

    Having said that though, we don't live together, so when we get naked together, it is for sex or at least naked cuddles (which usually lead onto sex) and we're both very sexual people. I also know that if it was an issue for me, all I'd have to do is say and we'd come to some kind of agreement.

    Going in and touching her boobs from the off might be a bit over the top, but cuddles are always nice, whether you're clothed or not.

    1305163780
    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
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    I wouldn't have an issue with it, but that's because I'm quite tactile, and actually hate not being touched all the time, naked or not! Unless I'm right in the middle of doing something finniky and the fella's being too boisterous with me, then that'd annoy me, but I can't think of what kind of situation like that would also involve me being naked...

    Anyway, trouble is, it sounds like your lady isn't one of those physically needy folk, so would assume she's more like those that have answered that it would annoy the poop out of them. :)

    There's several issues here that're all overlapping.

    1. Her confidence
    You recognise that it's not great, and mention her lack of a job, so obviously you know there has to be a bit of a link. while it's stupid to link our sense of self to a job, it is what we often do, and if she doesn't have one, it's easy to feel like you're achieveing nothing in a given day. Maybe encourage her to look into something to keep her busy and give her that same feeling of accomplishment, like a study course, or a sports club, or a volunteer position (most charity shops are desperate for folk to dop a few hours!). Getting active and feeling like you've done something worthwhile with your day, as well as siomply getting out of the house and interacting with other people, go a long way to making you feel happier in yourself. Plus, the obvious thing for you to do: pay her lots of compliments without making it a way of trying to weasle into her pants.

    2. Your grope-y-ness
    You need to curtail this. Not only are you annoying her in the "geroff me!" sense, but you are reinforcing that belief that she's worthless, because you don't want her, you just want a pair of boobs to squeeze. The more you pester her - physically or verbally - then the more likely it is that, if she does give in and have sex, then it won't be about you being with each other, but about her giving you what you want because she's you're wife and you make the money and thus she 'owes' you. Remember, you want your wife, your love, not some chattels or live-in whore. Sit down and discuss this behaviour pattern with her, not to make her see how much you need it, but to let her know that it's not meant in a disrespectful way, or as a way of harassing her, and that she should feel safe knowing that she can tell you to fuck off if you're being a pest and that you'll respect that. And then live up to it and try to let her have some space until she initiates or shows that she's interested in some physical closeness.

    3. The Sex/Romance side
    It does sound like, between her mental state and your stress-lust mode, you've lost sight of the real connection between ye. Try and find relatives or friends who will take the kids for a weekend, and do something datey. Take her out, make her feel special, and make sure she knows that all you're expecting at the end is a cuddle before sleep, and even that only if she's comfortable with it. You have to make the time to be with each other and learn to be in each other's company without it becoming some battle of wills over who 'wins' the sex/no-sex game. Choosing public stuff, like a walk in the park or dinner out or something, is a better plan, because then the pressure over whether you'll try and push your luck is off, and ye can kind of push the sex issue to one side for a time and just be together. Until you both get back to a stage where ye can be loving and relaxed around each other in a non-physical way, there's little hope of any decent sexual contact.

    If you dial down your own pushiness, and build up her confidence and your romantic link as a couple, then there's a much better chance of ye meeting in the middle naturally, instead of with some feeling of forced compromise.

    1305164573
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    BashfulBabe wrote:

    I wouldn't have an issue with it, but that's because I'm quite tactile, and actually hate not being touched all the time, naked or not! Unless I'm right in the middle of doing something finniky and the fella's being too boisterous with me, then that'd annoy me, but I can't think of what kind of situation like that would also involve me being naked...

    What, so you don't do naked cross stitch?

    I actually do lots of finnicky things naked, but then I do spend a lot of time naked ;)

    I like to get fully ready for a night out before puting on my clothes so all the eyelash adding, necklace unknotting and liquid eyeliner is done sans clothes. WandA does end up making it take longer but he's very good at hearing the "ah" (meaning just a minute) and waiting 'til I can pause :P

    A truly excellent post BB - I wish we could recommend posts for a reward of Oh! Points or something!

    Adx

    1305164943
    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
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    Agree with Ad, great post from BB

    i have a view to add but too hard to type so many words on my phone so I'll do that tomorrow

    1305165385
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    MissTerryCleavage wrote:

    Agree with Ad, great post from BB

    i have a view to add but too hard to type so many words on my phone so I'll do that tomorrow

    Leaving us in suspense!

    *Gentle hugs, avoiding the arm* hope you're ok!

    Adx

    1305166301
    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Ad, not too bad, painful & awkward tho. How's you & WandA?

    As for my view, probs not too exciting but sounds similar to how I was feeling a few years ago, just need to find some clarity in my painkiller filled haze to express myself.

    x

    1305194289
    Carousel [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey 1976male,

    I would definately recommend writing a letter, and tho you've suggested communicating via e-mail, I would still say take the time to hand write something to your Wife, even if you want to do a draft in Word or something and then re-write it, as it's much more personal.

    About 3 years ago I wrote a long letter to my Husband... Basically, things were the other way round and I wasn't 'getting enough' and was getting incredibly frustrated. I found the letter worked a treat as sometimes things aren't easy to say face to face, for either person involved.

    As far as my Hubby touching me, well, we're quite touchy feely and I am guilty of grabbing his bum almost every time he goes past as I adore it, I just can't help but squeeze his cheeks! And he's always touching my waist and slapping my bum. I think the key for us is that this kind of contact doesn't automatically mean sex is on the cards. If your Wife thinks you're after sex, then I'm sure that would annoy her.

    You'll have to work extra hard to pay compliments without sexual connotations and turn up the romance and up the intamacy without expectations of sex. My Husband and I share a bath / share bathtime almost every night and we groom each other and talk about our days and pamper one another and for us it's proved a vital part of communication and intamacy in our relationship. I know this isn't practical for everyone, and it may not be your thing, but you need to find time to just relax together and enjoy one another company, as regularly as possible.

    Good Luck!

    1305198501
    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
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    So last night I seemed to think I had something to say, but I may struggle expressing myself clearly, these painkillers seem to have disengaged my brain, however I'll try...

    I have been in a similar position to your wife, little or no self esteem or sex drive, it had to got so as me & my now ex rarely had sex & whenever we did I did more out of 'duty' than desire. He too had a boob obsession but feeling as I did, it seemed as tho all he ever wanted to do was feel my boobs & get his end away, without ever thinking about my needs. I came to resent him, as I associated him touching me with wanting a shag, it was never as a gesture of love, I just felt constantly pawed.

    Now far from making me think I was some kind of super confident desirable sex kitten, it made me feel worse, like all he viewed me as was a shag, despite us having been together about 5/6years at this point. It became a vicious circle of me not feelin loved, sex out of duty, resentment, it was a horrible time in my life. I'm not suggesting your wife feels like this, I'm just trying (badly) to present yet another side of the story.

    Lack of communication between us made everything worse, we both just simmered angrily but silently, we had reached the point of no-return it seemed. So please follow some of the great advice in this thread, be open & honest with your wife, make her feel loved not just a sex object.

    A friend always says to me "men need sex to feel loved whereas women need to feel loved to have sex" quite opposing points it seems but I suspect true & may explain where these differences arise from.

    I wish I had known bout this forum when I was going through my difficulties, the outcome may have been different had I had such good advice. Take it slowly, lots of reassurances, talking & no pressure on her. It's great you are full of lust for her but perhaps keep it in check for a little while?

    Not sure I've made any useful points here, brain isn't working at all, so if it's just waffle I apologise x

    1305241781
    1976male [sign in to see picture]
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    BashfulBabe wrote:

    I wouldn't have an issue with it, but that's because I'm quite tactile, and actually hate not being touched all the time, naked or not! Unless I'm right in the middle of doing something finniky and the fella's being too boisterous with me, then that'd annoy me, but I can't think of what kind of situation like that would also involve me being naked...

    Anyway, trouble is, it sounds like your lady isn't one of those physically needy folk, so would assume she's more like those that have answered that it would annoy the poop out of them. :)

    There's several issues here that're all overlapping.

    1. Her confidence
    You recognise that it's not great, and mention her lack of a job, so obviously you know there has to be a bit of a link. while it's stupid to link our sense of self to a job, it is what we often do, and if she doesn't have one, it's easy to feel like you're achieveing nothing in a given day. Maybe encourage her to look into something to keep her busy and give her that same feeling of accomplishment, like a study course, or a sports club, or a volunteer position (most charity shops are desperate for folk to dop a few hours!). Getting active and feeling like you've done something worthwhile with your day, as well as siomply getting out of the house and interacting with other people, go a long way to making you feel happier in yourself. Plus, the obvious thing for you to do: pay her lots of compliments without making it a way of trying to weasle into her pants.

    2. Your grope-y-ness
    You need to curtail this. Not only are you annoying her in the "geroff me!" sense, but you are reinforcing that belief that she's worthless, because you don't want her, you just want a pair of boobs to squeeze. The more you pester her - physically or verbally - then the more likely it is that, if she does give in and have sex, then it won't be about you being with each other, but about her giving you what you want because she's you're wife and you make the money and thus she 'owes' you. Remember, you want your wife, your love, not some chattels or live-in whore. Sit down and discuss this behaviour pattern with her, not to make her see how much you need it, but to let her know that it's not meant in a disrespectful way, or as a way of harassing her, and that she should feel safe knowing that she can tell you to fuck off if you're being a pest and that you'll respect that. And then live up to it and try to let her have some space until she initiates or shows that she's interested in some physical closeness.

    3. The Sex/Romance side
    It does sound like, between her mental state and your stress-lust mode, you've lost sight of the real connection between ye. Try and find relatives or friends who will take the kids for a weekend, and do something datey. Take her out, make her feel special, and make sure she knows that all you're expecting at the end is a cuddle before sleep, and even that only if she's comfortable with it. You have to make the time to be with each other and learn to be in each other's company without it becoming some battle of wills over who 'wins' the sex/no-sex game. Choosing public stuff, like a walk in the park or dinner out or something, is a better plan, because then the pressure over whether you'll try and push your luck is off, and ye can kind of push the sex issue to one side for a time and just be together. Until you both get back to a stage where ye can be loving and relaxed around each other in a non-physical way, there's little hope of any decent sexual contact.

    If you dial down your own pushiness, and build up her confidence and your romantic link as a couple, then there's a much better chance of ye meeting in the middle naturally, instead of with some feeling of forced compromise.

    1305241949
    1976male [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks to you all, who said women talk no sense? :)

    I do intend trying to keep my paws to myself.

    many thanks ladies for your sound advice!!

    :)

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