• PLEASE HELP! Oral sex alternative????

    1304197683
    Pixieking [sign in to see picture]
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    http://www.youtube.com/user/ExploringIntimacy#p/u/57/jPgJGkCmbCs

    Hey. That vid is about anal-oral sex, but it does also explain about dental dams and it's where I learned the rubber glove trick. =)

    For those saying that he seems to be dismissing it before he's tried it, it's entirely possible that he has tried to get over it while with a previous partner, or indeed the problem started With a previous partner. Phobias about sex are common and if someone has that feeling then just jumping into "try it and see" could be like telling someone afraid of flying to hop in a helicoptor.

    If, untimately, it's something he just does not want to do then he doesn't want to do it. You might be making someone else happy by doing something you don't like, but they are also causing you to do someone you don't want for Their pleasure.

    It's entirely possible that this could be someone he could learn to love, or at least not mind, but that is up to him.

    1304197836
    ChastityBrown [sign in to see picture]
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    He has done it before with previous partners, but only a handful of times from what I can gather and he certainly isn't in any rush to try again with me. So I'm thinking that previous parter(s) may be the root of the issue.

    1304198227
    Dirty Red Angel [sign in to see picture]
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    I bet he's had a previous (maybe embarrassing) experience with a previous partner and this is stuck in his mind....

    1304198423
    Dirty Red Angel [sign in to see picture]
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    toycar69 wrote:

    Dirty Red Angel wrote:

    What I mean is, I NEVER used to be able to swallow cum. EVER. The sheer though repulsed me and wanted to make me gag. I was 'forced' to do it by someone (and by forced I mean consensual as in my boundaries were pushed unexpectedly) and I loved it!!

    The taste took a little getting used to but essentially I loved being made to feel dirty like this!!

    I'm not suggesting you force your OH in this way at all, I'm just saying that I'd built it up in my mind and in reality I did like it - I just didn't think I did. Does that make sense? x

    do you give lessons? Where can I sign the wife up?

    Ha ha - not sure I'm the right person to do lessons!!

    1304198429
    ChastityBrown [sign in to see picture]
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    Thats what I'm thinking has probably happened. Hopefully he'll feel like he can talk to me and we can get to the bottom of this.

    1304215438
    bulldog_71 [sign in to see picture]
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    the first step needs to be an apology for the argument no matter who started it if you make the first step to resolve it then it will go in ur favor, explain to him that you love him and that it is something you really lvoe but tell him your not going to hastle him about it, let him know that even without it will not change the way you feel about him. tell him if he wants to work on the problem then you a willing to help maybe by asking him to kiss down your belly tell him just to go as far as he is comfteable with and if your not ticklish ask him if he could manage to kiss your inner thigh again just going as far as he is comftable, dont stop giving him the things he likes whether it's oral or something else if he manages to get all the way during the kissing even if it was just for a few second make sure he knows how much it ment to you that he did it thank him and maybe ask him if there is anything you could do for him. the real secret tho is to let him go at his own pace make sure the opertunity is there for him but don't push him.

    1304247509
    silverdrop [sign in to see picture]
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    Since you were looking for oral sex alternatives, you might like the look of this:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15410

    I haven't tried it, but the little undulating bit is supposed to feel like a finger or tongue, according to the reviews. Obviously it's a pricey choice, but my personal opinion is that luxury toys are worth the expense.

    As for the larger issue, sexual incompatability is a Big Deal in a relationship, and shouldn't be dismissed as 'oh, it's just sex, so it shouldn't come between us.' If sex is important enough that you won't share it with anyone else, then it's important enough for the two of you to work together to find a solution other than 'the less interested partner has to do without'. Good luck to you.

    1304264199
    fizzy [sign in to see picture]
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    have you thought about asking him to try a flavoured lube? if you can get him to do oral on you then that way you have changed the smell and taste that he said he dosent like. i dont know if that helps you at all.

    1304268349
    Dirty Red Angel [sign in to see picture]
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    silverdrop wrote:

    Since you were looking for oral sex alternatives, you might like the look of this:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15410

    I haven't tried it, but the little undulating bit is supposed to feel like a finger or tongue, according to the reviews. Obviously it's a pricey choice, but my personal opinion is that luxury toys are worth the expense.

    As for the larger issue, sexual incompatability is a Big Deal in a relationship, and shouldn't be dismissed as 'oh, it's just sex, so it shouldn't come between us.' If sex is important enough that you won't share it with anyone else, then it's important enough for the two of you to work together to find a solution other than 'the less interested partner has to do without'. Good luck to you.

    I think this is a very good point. Not saying that the OP is dismissing it as a small issue I just think this is a good point well made!

    1304271994
    HappyCouple [sign in to see picture]
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    Random point, have you not tried to associate it with a good feeling for him?

    Try the 69 position with you on top, use some flavoured lube and: turn him on, but don't make him cum! Be very gentle and try to keep him hard. Brining him close will get him very horny for more and only satisfy him when he begins to return the favour. The first time you try this, don't get too close to his face, give him room to breath and even look away if he wants to. Just try and associate it for him with pleasure and give him a chance to thank you. From my own experience as soon as you 'finish him off' his sex drive will drop to virtually 0 and he will not return the favour after you make him cum.

    I am wondering if he prefers the look of cocks over pussy (just wondering), he should not be scared of your body. I love my other half all over, I took her for her lovely personality and accepted her for her body after that. I think it's his problem that he needs to overcome, you will need to be gentle and take things with him in small steps.

    Good luck and I hope you find this somewhat useful.

    1304272582
    kelly_michelle [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you need to let it drop for a little while. He is clearly on the defensive so any further conversation is going to just make him get more and more defensive, angry and resolved not to try. When you do bring it back up, make it more a general sex discussion rather than going straight to the point. Maybe discussing exes or at least past experience may help. It could be that he was told he was crap at it or something.

    I do think you should try a sqweel, nothing will ever replace a partner's tongue (in my opinion) but it is the closest you are going to get. Maybe ask him to use it on you. You could also try asking him to kiss your upper thighs while you have your knickers on. Then move on to combine him kissing your thighs and using the sqweel on you.

    1304273593
    ChastityBrown [sign in to see picture]
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    UPDATE: Hi guys, just to update you all on the situation...

    Had another chat with him last night. Started talking about previous experience and he said he tried it once or twice with his first 3 girlfriends, decided he definitely didn't like it and so hasn't been there since. He feels very very strongly about it, refering to it as "disgusting", not sure if that was in reference to vaginas or oral sex but either way those are some pretty strong sentiments.

    He definitely isn't scared of any other part of my body, and has a very healthy attitude to the rest of our sex life. He just seems to almost have a phobia of vaginas, and not just mine. I'm willing to be patient with him, I love him and I hate to think that any I'm doing or asking him to do is distressing him.

    We talked about the squeel and he was very positive about it. The compromise is that he uses on me, rather than me using it as a solo toy. He also said he would lay between my legs as though he was giving me oral and kiss my thighs. The outcome is that for the moment I should forget about him trying, but that he may (or may not) feel confident enough in the future to try.

    Thanks for all your advice everyone, it was certainly good to get come advice and words of encouragement :)

    1304274771
    HappyCouple [sign in to see picture]
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    ChastityBrown wrote:

    UPDATE: Hi guys, just to update you all on the situation...

    Had another chat with him last night. Started talking about previous experience and he said he tried it once or twice with his first 3 girlfriends, decided he definitely didn't like it and so hasn't been there since. He feels very very strongly about it, refering to it as "disgusting", not sure if that was in reference to vaginas or oral sex but either way those are some pretty strong sentiments.

    He definitely isn't scared of any other part of my body, and has a very healthy attitude to the rest of our sex life. He just seems to almost have a phobia of vaginas, and not just mine. I'm willing to be patient with him, I love him and I hate to think that any I'm doing or asking him to do is distressing him.

    We talked about the squeel and he was very positive about it. The compromise is that he uses on me, rather than me using it as a solo toy. He also said he would lay between my legs as though he was giving me oral and kiss my thighs. The outcome is that for the moment I should forget about him trying, but that he may (or may not) feel confident enough in the future to try.

    Thanks for all your advice everyone, it was certainly good to get come advice and words of encouragement :)

    Well done, I think getting him used to being between your legs and playing with you using a toy is a very good start. I still think after a while you should introduce the 69 position with the squeel, so he can watch it pleasuring you whilst you satisfy him. Thinking about it, when I first met my other half almost 5 years ago she was a virgin and really hated the idea of giving oral... she has come a long way since .

    Good luck.

    1304274910
    Dirty Red Angel [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm pleased you've had another chat with him.

    Take it slowly and see how it goes, I've defo got my fingers crossed for you x

    1304275216
    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
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    That sounds like a really great compromise. Well done to you both for coming to a solution.

    Let us know how it goes with the Sqweel. They also have different insets for it as well as other little accessories like lube: http://search.lovehoney.co.uk/search?p=Q&asug=&w=sqweel

    Good luck!

    1304325467
    Wizzie86 [sign in to see picture]
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    Channel 4 has a programme called 'The Joys of Teen Sex'. I remember one episode was about an engaged couple where the girl loved but the guy hated giving oral. It might be worth looking it up on the website.

    I love the sqweel & I think it is the closest oral sex simulator on the Market. Definitely enough to keep me satisfied when I was single.

    Good luck!

    1306209282
    Janny [sign in to see picture]
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    Agree with some earlier posts, and think a female vagina is one of the most beautiful sights there are, any shape - shaven or natural. And giving oral is one of the best things. Yes it has a certain smell and a certain taste - but so has some of the most delicious food there is. Just tease him, completely shutting the bedroom down, until he is really gagging for it - and then show him gently what you like. He does not know what he's missing. Good luck x

    1306235991
    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    Janny wrote:

    Agree with some earlier posts, and think a female vagina is one of the most beautiful sights there are, any shape - shaven or natural. And giving oral is one of the best things. Yes it has a certain smell and a certain taste - but so has some of the most delicious food there is. Just tease him, completely shutting the bedroom down, until he is really gagging for it - and then show him gently what you like. He does not know what he's missing. Good luck x

    sorry completely disagree, its not about shutting the bedroom down until he gives you what you want. If the OP was a man asking for advice on getting his gf to give him a bj you would get shot down in flames for suggesting that.

    the key is communicating, taking as much time as he needs, making him feel secure and trusting you enough to try again. IF and when he is ready to, because he wants to not because nothing else is on offer until he does. Pressurising someone into an act they dont want to participate in is not part of a healthy relationship.

    xGGx

    1306269007
    Janny [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok maybye I was wrong, but as a man I find it hard to understand why you would not give your loved one oral sex. She gives him oral, but it's not like for like, not at all. My point is this man does not know what he is missing. I think giving oral sex to your woman is one of the best things ever!

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    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    Janny wrote:

    Ok maybye I was wrong, but as a man I find it hard to understand why you would not give your loved one oral sex. She gives him oral, but it's not like for like, not at all. My point is this man does not know what he is missing. I think giving oral sex to your woman is one of the best things ever!

    thats your opinion which I respect but we are all different and he isnt comfortable with it and I dont feel that pressuring him is a productive way to deal with the issue.

    As I have posted before I have an issue with giving oral and if I was made to feel that I wouldnt get any thing unless I delivered then bye bye . I am worth more than that.

    xGGx

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