• PLEASE HELP! Oral sex alternative????

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    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
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    ghostgirl wrote:

    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Does he love you?

    In my opinion - if you truly love someone - well you want to *try* everything to make them happy. If he knows how important it is to you and he truly loves you then why doesn't he want to even try to learn to like it?


    Sorry Ad but I am going to disagree with you on this, I do love my OH but giving oral is something which I hate, had a bad experience with another partner and am not willing to try again. I have been very clear about it and he accepts it. We have worked around it and I believe that as a result have a stronger relationship. and great sex.

    I think it is about working out which is most important to you, oral sex or being with a partner who is compatable in other ways. I understand that it takes effort, anything worthwhile does but it isnt impossible to have a solid relationship built on comprimise.

    xGGx

    Actually I totally agree with GG, I just didn't know how to explain myself fully but GG is spot on. I love my OH and have been clear about anal. It's not something I even want to try. But I have told my partner that I was willing to compromise on other sexual aspects and fanatasies. The good thing is we are actually on an understanding about it as we're both not a fan at all.

    I also believe it does depend on the individual and how they feel about things. Compromising and understanding can take hard work but a lot of communication is needed so everyone is happy and satisfied.

    1304194142
    Dirty Red Angel [sign in to see picture]
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    You're right in an earlier post - he probably just felt backed into a corner and so made a rash NO decision.

    I think having another chat with him at a calmer time will probably work and you can ask him if he really meant a flat out no.

    I don't have a sqweel but that with lots of lube is supposed to be like having oral so I hope that works as an alternative!

    Angel x

    1304194269
    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
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    Hope the conversation turns out better this time.. I do suggest taking your time with it but explaining how you feel. The squeel sounds great as a temporary alternative. Who knows if it works great for you and he witnesses that he may be more encouraged to try.

    Good luck and let us know how it goes. =]

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    Clown Feet [sign in to see picture]
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    Guys can be stubborn as hell too, especially if they feel attacked or poked at. I've been accused of it a few times and really am trying to kill that side of my nature. Explaining in a calmer moment, no accustions, no guilt trip, just clear explanation that you love and respect him, might lead him to thinking he could at least give it a try sometime.

    1304194504
    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    ChastityBrown wrote:

    Utimately if he tried it once and it didn't work out then I would accept it.

    yeah, I feel the same way. My wife doesn't really want to try either. Its just a little frustrating sometimes, especially when I'm happy to return the favour

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I didn't say a relationship shouldn't or couldn't be built on compromise. I just happen to think that if something is really important to your partner and you just don't fancy it (as is the case here - or at least that's the impression that I get from the OP) then you should *want* to try it for them.

    If neither of you is bothered or one person hates it much more than the other would love it (or there is some valid reason for really not wanting to try) then it's a different matter.

    But you're saying if your OH really, really loved something and you just weren't that keen but hadn't tried it with that partner that you wouldn't *want* to give it a go?

    My comment was contextual as I thought I'd got across but clearly not.

    Adx

    1304194913
    ChastityBrown [sign in to see picture]
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    I understand what you're saying and originally it just seemed like he just didn't really fancy it. But after our conversation last night it seems like it actually disgusts him because of the smell, taste and sight and possibly some other reason he hasn't told me. I'm going to talk to him and see if I can comepletely get to the bottom of his 'phobia' for want of a better word, and we'll see where we can go from there with regards to him giving me oral.

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    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    thats starting to sound like there's something else behind it CB. Hope you get to the bottom of it.

    1304195411
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    ChastityBrown wrote:

    I understand what you're saying and originally it just seemed like he just didn't really fancy it. But after our conversation last night it seems like it actually disgusts him because of the smell, taste and sight and possibly some other reason he hasn't told me. I'm going to talk to him and see if I can comepletely get to the bottom of his 'phobia' for want of a better word, and we'll see where we can go from there with regards to him giving me oral.

    Sometimes things take time and effort - I just think it's odd that he doesn't want to at least *try* to - not necessarily just jump into trying oral - but try to get to the bottom of the issue and maybe gradually work up to it!

    When I first sucked cock it took weeks of just keeping my face by it and licking or kissing it first before I could put it in my mouth!

    It's difficult because you don't want him to feel forced, but unless there's some major psychological issue I'd carrying on discussing it with him :)

    Adx

    1304195490
    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
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    It was contextual but I still think it doesn't have to work that way. I think if my OH really really wanted to try something I really didn't want- then we'd probably have issues. I mean, it's just as important to respect things people don't like/detest just as much as them wanting/liking something else. I do understand it seems easy enough and pleasing to "try" but it doesn't always work that way. I love pleasing him but there can be limitations.. (btw sorry if it comes across harsh- it was just another view.. >.<)

    In the OP's case it's understandable of her frustrations as she has been trying to communicate and he seems to respond rashly and stubbornly especially as he did say he'd try.

    ChastityBrown wrote:

    I understand what you're saying and originally it just seemed like he just didn't really fancy it. But after our conversation last night it seems like it actually disgusts him because of the smell, taste and sight and possibly some other reason he hasn't told me. I'm going to talk to him and see if I can comepletely get to the bottom of his 'phobia' for want of a better word, and we'll see where we can go from there with regards to him giving me oral.

    Yes, that does sound quite "weird"? To me it sounds like he's either making excuses or just really despises the idea of doing that specific act.. >.< Good luck! It would help to both be relaxed when discussing.

    1304195626
    ChastityBrown [sign in to see picture]
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    I understand about building up slowly, I was the same with blowjobs and I would never expect him to just dive in there. I think I'm just going to try and talk about it without putting pressure on him to do anything, I just want to know whats really going on here. It hurts me to think that he's upset or worried by something and doesn't feel he can talk to me. So I'll buy the Squeel and take the pressure away and see if we can get to the bottom of the issue and then maybe build up to trying.

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    I didn't say a relationship shouldn't or couldn't be built on compromise. I just happen to think that if something is really important to your partner and you just don't fancy it (as is the case here - or at least that's the impression that I get from the OP) then you should *want* to try it for them.

    If neither of you is bothered or one person hates it much more than the other would love it (or there is some valid reason for really not wanting to try) then it's a different matter.

    But you're saying if your OH really, really loved something and you just weren't that keen but hadn't tried it with that partner that you wouldn't *want* to give it a go?

    My comment was contextual as I thought I'd got across but clearly not.

    Adx

    Don't think I could have been more clear that it's a different case if one member really, really detests it.

    Sorry but I think you're misrepresenting me.

    Adx

    1304195821
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    ChastityBrown wrote:

    I understand about building up slowly, I was the same with blowjobs and I would never expect him to just dive in there. I think I'm just going to try and talk about it without putting pressure on him to do anything, I just want to know whats really going on here. It hurts me to think that he's upset or worried by something and doesn't feel he can talk to me. So I'll buy the Squeel and take the pressure away and see if we can get to the bottom of the issue and then maybe build up to trying.

    He's a lucky fella that you're willing to put so much effort and thought into the situation and his happiness :)

    Adx

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    I didn't say a relationship shouldn't or couldn't be built on compromise. I just happen to think that if something is really important to your partner and you just don't fancy it (as is the case here - or at least that's the impression that I get from the OP) then you should *want* to try it for them.

    If neither of you is bothered or one person hates it much more than the other would love it (or there is some valid reason for really not wanting to try) then it's a different matter.

    But you're saying if your OH really, really loved something and you just weren't that keen but hadn't tried it with that partner that you wouldn't *want* to give it a go?

    My comment was contextual as I thought I'd got across but clearly not.

    Adx

    Well, for some certain activities can be HUGE turn off. My OH just does not like anal to the point he does not get hard. There is nothing to compromise about it, really. I know, he does use the toys, but I know he will never take me that way because he just cannot. If something does not appeal to you but does to your partner, you may have to compromise. I know he wants to please me, thats why I really appreciate the toys, but one my wish is something which he just cannot really do. And I also felt slightly uncomfortable few times when he uses my toys on me, because I know he does not enjoy it as much as he would other things. So while I love it I can also feel unsure about it at times. I rather do something we both enjoy then seeing him force himself into something he does not like.

    1304195975
    ChastityBrown [sign in to see picture]
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    It might have only been 5 months but I couldn't be without him now. And with everything else he goes to so much trouble to make sure I'm ok I feel I owe him and the relationship some effort before I really consider throwing the towel in :)

    1304196009
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Going to leave this conversation now because 1) it's really off topic and 2) I'm being misunderstood.

    I absolutely think there are exceptions and I was talking about very particular circumstances but I still go by the general rule that if my OH really wants something and I'm not really against it then I want to give it ago to make him happy/.feel good! Don't really see what's wrong with that statement.

    Adx

    1304196639
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Going to leave this conversation now because 1) it's really off topic and 2) I'm being misunderstood.

    I absolutely think there are exceptions and I was talking about very particular circumstances but I still go by the general rule that if my OH really wants something and I'm not really against it then I want to give it ago to make him happy/.feel good! Don't really see what's wrong with that statement.

    Adx

    Well, in this case he seems to be very against it, as it seems to me. But maybe I am not understanding the situation properly.

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    Dirty Red Angel [sign in to see picture]
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    ChastityBrown wrote:

    I understand what you're saying and originally it just seemed like he just didn't really fancy it. But after our conversation last night it seems like it actually disgusts him because of the smell, taste and sight and possibly some other reason he hasn't told me. I'm going to talk to him and see if I can comepletely get to the bottom of his 'phobia' for want of a better word, and we'll see where we can go from there with regards to him giving me oral.

    This does seem really weird but I wonder if he's built it up in his mind to say I don't like this, when maybe he actually could?

    What I mean is, I NEVER used to be able to swallow cum. EVER. The sheer though repulsed me and wanted to make me gag. I was 'forced' to do it by someone (and by forced I mean consensual as in my boundaries were pushed unexpectedly) and I loved it!!

    The taste took a little getting used to but essentially I loved being made to feel dirty like this!!

    I'm not suggesting you force your OH in this way at all, I'm just saying that I'd built it up in my mind and in reality I did like it - I just didn't think I did. Does that make sense? x

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    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Dirty Red Angel wrote:

    What I mean is, I NEVER used to be able to swallow cum. EVER. The sheer though repulsed me and wanted to make me gag. I was 'forced' to do it by someone (and by forced I mean consensual as in my boundaries were pushed unexpectedly) and I loved it!!

    The taste took a little getting used to but essentially I loved being made to feel dirty like this!!

    I'm not suggesting you force your OH in this way at all, I'm just saying that I'd built it up in my mind and in reality I did like it - I just didn't think I did. Does that make sense? x

    do you give lessons? Where can I sign the wife up?

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    ChastityBrown [sign in to see picture]
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    I know where you're coming from Angel, I was exactly the same, to the point of losing my virginity before having really touched a man properly because it worried me that much. So if that is part of the problem I will totally understand. I guess I just have to wait until I talk to him later and see what he says.

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