• PLEASE HELP! Oral sex alternative????

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    man of pleasure wrote:

    thats fantastic advice by Laveila, my only concern is does it reall y replace the excitement of a man between your legs,

    Well, I dont need anal so often, its one of the things I like to spice things. And I cannot complain otherwise. He does everything to please me apart from anal. And he turns me on extremely well and I do get the excitements, like him spanking me - which is actually bigger turn on for me than anal, so as I said I can hardly complain and I would not force him into something he does not like. I am more lucky that my needs for anal are not huge and I am finding out I do just fine without it most of the time.

    And I said for now, because the situation, as described, seems to me a big extreme, to be honest and I do think it may cause some problems in the future, even without the oral, if he finds anything to do with a vagina repulsive. So professional help may be very good idea. I am just having hard time of imagining someone finding it that repulsive about vagina actually having sex with a woman.

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    Dirty Red Angel [sign in to see picture]
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    The only thing I'd be concerned with (aside the advice the others have given is) in a few months time are you going to start to resent the fact that he's not giving you what you want & what you need?

    You may not think you will now but is this going to be a bone of contention that keeps recurring? I could understand more if you'd both tried it and not enjoyed it but he doesn't seem to show much willingness to try it. Of course there could be previous issues affecting him, making it almost impossible for him to try it with you but I'd be worried about resenting someone who could not give me what I loved & what I needed

    Angel x

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    ChastityBrown [sign in to see picture]
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    I must admit this did cross my mind when he said it. He watches me masturbate but he always stays near my face so he can kiss me so doesn't get a full view as such.

    Most of the time I am fine without, but I think the fact I know it is definitely not on offer making me want it more than I would normally.

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    Clown Feet [sign in to see picture]
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    Gotta agree with Angel. If he isn't willing to try and get over it, it could cause problems further down the line. I think being in a relationship with someone you love should involve getting over certain hurdles together and trying to come to some kind of compromise about things. For him to give you a plain "no" sounds unreasonable to me and could show how things may unfold in the future concerning other things.

    I don't understand why a guy wouldn't want to give his woman as much pleasure as possible in any way she wants, within reason. I love seeing how my girl squirms when i go down on her that way.

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    Dirty Red Angel [sign in to see picture]
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    ChastityBrown wrote:

    I must admit this did cross my mind when he said it. He watches me masturbate but he always stays near my face so he can kiss me so doesn't get a full view as such.

    Most of the time I am fine without, but I think the fact I know it is definitely not on offer making me want it more than I would normally.

    Obviously it's easy for us to comment on two people we don't know but I think you should approach the situation with him again (after a bit of a breather) but in a neutral place and for neither of you to get 'riled' up.

    If he really cannot fulfill your needs and shows no willingness to want to then I think you're going to have a hard decision to make as to whether or not the relationship continues or not. You need to make the really tough decision of whether or not the relationship is as 'perfect' as you think.

    Of course, you may be able to do without and enjoy the rest of your life with him!! And that would be great but better to deal with it now than a few months down the line when you're even further emotionally invested.

    I hope that makes sense and doesn't seem harsh!

    Angel x

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    ChastityBrown [sign in to see picture]
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    He fulfills all my other needs, we just seem to have hit a wall with this one. I've tried to reassure him I wouldn't demand it all the time and that I think he'll be good at it and I'll enjoy it to try and remove any feelings of nervousness he might have.

    I think perhaps he might have previous issues because he isn't normally a defensive person so I'll see if I can get him to talk about it.

    Angel you don't seem harsh at all, just honest which is why I posted on a forum, to get the honesty :)

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    Clown Feet [sign in to see picture]
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    Or you could try the old trick of getting him extremely wound up for days and days, starving him of any action. Then when you feel he can't control it any longer, when he's feeling that way we get when we HAVE to have you, tell him then you want him to do it. Maybe the starvation and excitement will help him change his mind?

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    ChastityBrown [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm not sure that would work. We only see each other for two days a week anyway so normally we are both pretty wound up when we do see each other. I think he would get more frustrated if he thought I was deliberately delaying the action so to speak!

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    Dirty Red Angel [sign in to see picture]
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    I was always told not to use sex as a weapon and whilst I can totally see where Clown Feet is going, it would almost be like forcing him to do something he didn't want to do!!

    I have to be honest I used to hate the idea of giving my OH a BJ - I didn't say I'd never do it, or shy away from the issue of doing it but I didn't want to do it because of the cleanliness issues, if I'm honest - even though he's clean!

    Whereas with another person I loved giving a BJ - strange how different people make you feel....

    I know it's not the same, I guess what I'm saying is it took a bloody long time to change my mind on my BJ front with my OH and even now he give's me oral WAY more than I give him but he does enjoy it when I do it and appreciates the effort - plus he says I'm amazing at it LOL

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    I am wondering, does he touch you and use his fingers on you? or refuses that as well? Because that would leave the smell on his fingers. Plus the vaginal wetness. I am a person who only cums with clitoral stimulation, so my partner finding repulsive touching me would be a huge problem, because I could just get myself off and would not need him at all.

    If its previous experience, it seems to effect him very harsly. If he does not even watch you touch yourself so he does not get the view. I am really lost, to be honest.

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    ChastityBrown [sign in to see picture]
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    He does touch me and use his fingers on me, very willingly and without being asked. Aside from the oral sex he is a very good lover.

    As for watching me, he claims he doesn't need to be at the 'action end' as it were because he would rather be close so he can hear the noises I make (have to be very quiet as he lives in a shared house)

    Angel I was the same as you for a long time with previous partners, however they never went without, they just had to understand that I wasn't the sort of person who would be rushing to get down there. However with my man now I do like giving him head.

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    ChastityBrown [sign in to see picture]
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    And I also keep thinking that breaking up with someone because they won't give you oral sex is unreasonable. He makes me so happy with everything else and our sex life is brilliant without the oral sex.

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    Dirty Red Angel [sign in to see picture]
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    ChastityBrown wrote:

    And I also keep thinking that breaking up with someone because they won't give you oral sex is unreasonable. He makes me so happy with everything else and our sex life is brilliant without the oral sex.

    Hmmmm - yes and no.

    I think it's give and take (no pun intended). It isn't unreasonable to break up with someone "just" because they won't give you oral sex if that's what you really like. It simply means you aren't compatible (perhaps!) and that this is a dealbreaker for you.

    If it's NOT a dealbreaker for you, then you need to work on an alternative or work with your OH to see if he can work with you.

    It isn't unreasonable to break up with someone if they don't fulfill all your needs and you can't work past this. He did sort of tell you he didn't like oral when you started together so in a way I guess you had prior warning but then it depends on how much he elaborated on that!!

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    ChastityBrown [sign in to see picture]
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    The only thing he said was that he didn't really like it, I suppose I should have checked just how much he was against it before we were together but it was a bit of a love at first sight situation so I didn't really think about it!

    After reading the reviews I think I'm going to buy the Squeel, and perhaps with the compromise that he is the one to use it on me and I get lots of thigh kisses.

    Thanks for all your help guys! I'll let you know how we get on :)

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    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Chastity,

    just catching up on this one, really sorry for you!

    I've got a similar situation with my wife, she won't do oral for me, while I am perfectly happy to do it for her. We also have completely different libidos which further complicates things, but oral is one thing I would really appreciate her trying.

    We've been together now for 15 years, marrried for 5, so I guess what I'm saying is that it is possible to live with missing a part of sex you really enjoy, but its hard work.

    I really hope it works out for you!

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Does he love you?

    In my opinion - if you truly love someone - well you want to *try* everything to make them happy. If he knows how important it is to you and he truly loves you then why doesn't he want to even try to learn to like it?

    I mean sure it might take a long time and a lot of gradual build up but surely he thinks you're happiness is worth the effort?

    If he doesn't think you're happiness is worth at least a try then I don't think he's showing that he loves you very well.

    If he's given it a fair shot and still really can't stand it then yes I agree with accepting it's not on the cards for you both but otherwise he's being unfair.

    I'm OCD and hate any "gunk" but with time and effort I've learned to love swallowing for my OH - he enjoys it and sees it as full acceptance of his body so why wouldn't I want to learn how to enjoy it.If he took his time but at least showed he was trying then you'd be less likely to feel resentful and the relationship would be happier even if he couldn't ever learn to enjoy it.

    Adxx

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    Pixieking [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you considered coloured dental dams with a flavoured lube?

    I was once with a guy that wouldn't have oral with me unless I wore a condom because semen made him retch, but he was fine if I have all wrapped up. Being coloured, it would aliviate sight, and flavoured lubes also tend to have a nice smell to them.

    If you can't find dental dams, I have heard a tip from a dr ruthie vid about getting white rubber gloves, cutting off all the fingers Except the thumb, opening it out flat and inserting the thumb part in to the vagina, with the rest of the material covering the outside. This means he can also work his tounge inside you. So long as you get unpowdered, a pack should last a fair while, and being white, he wont have to worry about what it looks like.

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    ChastityBrown [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the support toycar, nice to know it can work.

    He does love me. I think maybe last night he said a flat no because he felt wound up and probably a bit backed in to a corner. I'm going to talk to him about the Squeel tonight and give that a go and hopefully we can work on it from there. Hes so lovely and spoils me rotten with everything else so obviously he has some serious isses with this. I think once the situation has calmed down a bit he will be more willing to talk and try a few options.

    Good idea about the dental dams Pixie. Does anyone have any experience with them? The good, the bad and the ugly so to speak! Any tips or tricks I should know?

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    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Does he love you?

    In my opinion - if you truly love someone - well you want to *try* everything to make them happy. If he knows how important it is to you and he truly loves you then why doesn't he want to even try to learn to like it?

    I mean sure it might take a long time and a lot of gradual build up but surely he thinks you're happiness is worth the effort?

    If he doesn't think you're happiness is worth at least a try then I don't think he's showing that he loves you very well.

    If he's given it a fair shot and still really can't stand it then yes I agree with accepting it's not on the cards for you both but otherwise he's being unfair.

    I'm OCD and hate any "gunk" but with time and effort I've learned to love swallowing for my OH - he enjoys it and sees it as full acceptance of his body so why wouldn't I want to learn how to enjoy it.If he took his time but at least showed he was trying then you'd be less likely to feel resentful and the relationship would be happier even if he couldn't ever learn to enjoy it.

    Adxx

    Sorry Ad but I am going to disagree with you on this, I do love my OH but giving oral is something which I hate, had a bad experience with another partner and am not willing to try again. I have been very clear about it and he accepts it. We have worked around it and I believe that as a result have a stronger relationship. and great sex.

    I think it is about working out which is most important to you, oral sex or being with a partner who is compatable in other ways. I understand that it takes effort, anything worthwhile does but it isnt impossible to have a solid relationship built on comprimise.

    xGGx

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    ChastityBrown [sign in to see picture]
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    The thought of not being with him is heartbreaking, so I guess he wins over the oral sex. I'd just like to find some sort of compromise.

    Utimately if he tried it once and it didn't work out then I would accept it. I think it was his sudden decision that he wasn't even going to try that made me so upset and doubtful about our relationship.

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