Losing it to a sex worker

What are people's opinions on paying a sex worker to take their virginity? Good? Bad? Sad? I recently read http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/off-topic/348594-escort-work/ and have thought about this before. I've realised that although I'm open to a relationship I'm not really seking one out, and though I don't really like the idea of one-nighters with some stranger from a bar, paying a sex worker has cropped up in my mind a couple of times. In my mind it's a safer environment and a chance to have a little experience before any kind of relationship. Also as a 21 year old I feel quite old to still not have had sex, though I wouldn't say this is to do ith peer-pressure in any way. Is this a good decision or am I thinking wrong?

Honest opinions and advice much appreciated :)

I've read your posts guys and I'm very sympathetic to your situation, I think we've all been there at some time.

I remember being desparate to lose my virginity throughout my teens but I'm really glad I waited. My first sexual partner was also a virgin, we had a very romantic courtship and took our time exploring physical intimacy and gradually building up to full intercourse. It was a woonderful experience for both of us and I would not have changed it for anything. 

So I would say, on balance, abstinence seems painful at the time, but it is well worth the wait. Have patience, your time will come!

Wow, it's great to read such an honest and frank post. I can see the pros and cons of both waiting and paying a working girl (in my experience you'll wait a fairly long time between losing your virginity and experiencing a decent shag, whereas you're more likely to combine the two by paying a pro.)

One thing I would keep in mind is that sex is often not a big deal unless you feel something for someone, it's not dissimilar to masturbating if you're going at it purely for physical pleasure (sadly quite often, DIY would have been more conducive). Those mind-blowing moments tend to be few and far between during intercourse and rarely happen with a casual partner....so on that basis is a random romp 1. What you're really after? or 2. Worth the money if you pay for it?

I don't think this is one anyone who can give you a definitive yes or no to your question, but there is definitely no right or wrong answer. :)

Since we're being honest here; 
My OH was almost 21 when he lost his virginity, whereas I was only 14 (not to him!), he also has a 23 year-old friend who is in a 2 year relationship but has not had sex yet... I do value the guy for sticking with his girl!

I personally believe that you'll lose your virginity when the time is right, and have always disregarded the age of consent in the name of "when you're ready, and in love, what can stop you?" I think that as soon as teens have been through puberty (ie. girl starting her period is like a cat being in heat, nature's saying they're ready) they are physically prepared for sex. They just need to be mentally prepared, which a lot of "let's smoke and get drunk" 12 year olds are not.

Anyway, on this note, I also think it's fine to lose your virginity when you're older! Some people aren't prepared until a much later age, or just haven't found someone they want to connect with on this level. Regardless of your beliefs, sex is always something special, in that it's completely different from anything else, and the closest you can possibly get to a person (you're literally inside them!)...

On this premise, I personally wouldn't have lost my virginity to a sex worker no matter how much I wanted to experience it. Why miss out on the awkward fumbling and 2-minute wonders and after-shag-snuggles? They're all a great part of the experience! Being with someone you love when you lose your virginity is a big thing to me, but this is different for everyone, so I'm not saying your considerations are bad!

At the end of the day, if you're aching to lose it but don't want a relationship, this could be a good option for you... Just make sure to keep safe if you do take that route, and be sure you won't regret it when you do get a partner and share virginity stories with them! ;D

I have a strong personal moral code when it comes to sex.. I had no intention of just giving away my virginity to just anyone.. Not that the V card really held much meaning to me. It was more the emotional side; I relate sex to other emotions including love and affection.

I met my partner a few years ago and did the deed at 21 years of age. I have no regrets as it was amazing being able to share something like that with someone I felt so much for.

I agree with Hella's post. It depends on how you view sex and what you really want from it.

Let us know what you decide on. =]

Ps. Don't think that time is ticking or that there is an age that you are "supposed" to have had sex by. Peer pressure can come in various forms including supposed social norms. Do it your way by your rules. It's the best way.

i think everyone has some really good points!

in my honest oppinion i dont think it would be worth it -

1. its probably gonna be a lot of money and its not guarenteed that youll enjoy it (from an emotional point of view)

2. sex (although a good physical relief) is mainly for me about the emotional connection with a person and i know i fell quite heavily for the first guy i slept with (he was a dick but thats besides the point)

So i honestly think it would be worth waiting until you find someone you really like, then together you can explore sexuaal pleasure be it full blown fetish sex or just a little foreplay, i think the emotional connection plays a big part and i personally have to feel a lot of trust with a person to be able to enjoy sex with them.

But thats just my oppinion, i wouldnt say it was wrong to sleep with a prostitue/call girl/etc. but like others say i think it depends what you actually want out of it and in general you may not have 'lost your virginity to another person' but if you masturbate then you'll probably know what you like/dont like when it comes to sex anyway so there may be not a great deal to gain from a one night stand :) xx

I'd like to add on the flip side to my personal preference- My OH has had his fair share of partners. We have talked about sex and virginity before. He likes that he's "played the field" before and that he's sure that I'm the One. He views sex just as sexual pleasure and not necessarily tied with any emotional feelings.

He also likes that he's experienced and confident in knowing how to pleasure me.. although all girls are different. I think he also worries that since I haven't been with anyone but him sexually, that I might want to experiment. Of course this is not true but yeah.. Just saying. Both sides have their pros and cons. =]

good point xXx - most of the replies have been women, it would be interesting to see some guys POV for this one :) x

Loves huni wrote:

good point xXx - most of the replies have been women, it would be interesting to see some guys POV for this one :) x

Righto...

I lost my virginity to my OH (and her to me) aged 21, after we'd been together about 15 months. Complete lack of experience was certainly a factor, but it was still the best night of my life up to that point. Having spent what felt like far too long as a horny teenager, I was pretty desperate to lose the V-plates, but in hindsight I'm very glad it was with her - unless you're seriously inebriated, your first time is something you'll remember for the rest of your life, however inexperienced you both are.

I'd agree with Hella's point that if you go to a prostitute, their experience is likely to mean you'll benefit pleasure-wise. Another factor in your decision-making may be your own confidence - doing it for the first time makes a lot of guys (and gals) extremely nervous, and when you're really nervous it's likely to affect your performance. Getting it all 'over with' without that pressure to perform might help you be more relaxed when you're with someone you want to impress .

Speaking personally, the intimacy aspect means a lot to me. It's true that sometimes all you need is a shag and you don't really care about the cuddling afterwards, but if I had to lose my virginity all over again I don't think I'd change anything. It's doubtless frustrating to have to wait, but it's something you only get to do once - without wishing to get religious, all you take from this life is memories so you might as well make them something to treasure.

YesChef wrote:

I'd agree with Hella's point that if you go to a prostitute, their experience is likely to mean you'll benefit pleasure-wise. Another factor in your decision-making may be your own confidence - doing it for the first time makes a lot of guys (and gals) extremely nervous, and when you're really nervous it's likely to affect your performance. Getting it all 'over with' without that pressure to perform might help you be more relaxed when you're with someone you want to impress .

Speaking personally, the intimacy aspect means a lot to me. It's true that sometimes all you need is a shag and you don't really care about the cuddling afterwards, but if I had to lose my virginity all over again I don't think I'd change anything. It's doubtless frustrating to have to wait, but it's something you only get to do once - without wishing to get religious, all you take from this life is memories so you might as well make them something to treasure.

 i just want to add a point for each of these paragraphs, though I think it was all very well-said;

1. If you lose your virginity to someone you love, or even another virgin, you are generally more comfortable than if you just want a reputation of being a great shag and the oppotunity to show off your package. Also sleeping with a sex worker won't necessarily make you more confident when you do it "for real" if you get me? They're obliged not to tell you how bad or good you were in honesty, and you're not so desperate to impress them as you will be with a gal you really like.

2.  I think your virginity is different somehow. You can hire sex workers or have a quick shag behind the cinema any time in your life... You can only lose your virginity once, which is why I personally think it's important to make it special.

Sorry for the rant! x

Booties wrote:

 Also sleeping with a sex worker won't necessarily make you more confident when you do it "for real" if you get me? They're obliged not to tell you how bad or good you were in honesty, and you're not so desperate to impress them as you will be with a gal you really like.

Absolutely - I wasn't thinking about it from the perspective of asking for an evaluation afterwards, more from the perspective of just taking the pressure off if you are getting stressed about popping your cherry. I'm pretty sure I was nervous the first time, fortunately we'd been together a long time and done pretty much everything else. If you're stressing out about "Will I be able to get it up? Will I last more than ten seconds?" it might just help to confirm that it will all be alright on the (second) night. The simple fact that it's not someone you care about might - for some people - make it less stressful.

And thank you re. the first line!

(From Geoff) After I'd left school and gone to work in London I was desperate to lose my virginity, so when I got a 'come on' from a girl standing in a doorway in central London I was immediately attracted. She was a few years older than me and very attractive and the price she quoted was right, so we went up to her flat and I paid.  She didn't want me to help undress her and she wouldn't let me touch or kiss her (I had undressed girls before without us going 'all the way' and was very disappointed, I hadn't realised that sex workers don't usually kiss) and when we were nude she just wanted me to enter her straight away.  It wasn't the romantic seduction I'd dreamt of and was all a bit sordid and businesslike. I realised I just couldn't do it this way, so left.  

A couple of months later I met a girl of my own age at a party and we started kissing.  The houseowner said "there's a bed free upstairs if you want" and she said yes, so we went up and made love.  It was wonderful and I'm glad I lost my virginity that way.  I didn't last long but she was very sweet about it and we did it again and things were much better for both of us.  We went out together for a few months afterwards and sex became a normal activity in my life, rather than just a fantasy. I'm glad it happened the way it did.

I may be able to offer a useful male perspective on this, in addition to the excellent points made in replies above.

It's an option that I considered regularly throughout my twenties when I wasn't getting any. Being a virgin often felt to me like a stigma, especially when I was with friends who boasted about their conquests and, after a while, noticeably stopped asking about me. At times, I just wanted to get rid of it by any means possible, so that I would no longer have to dread telling a partner that it was my first time. In my imagination, said partner would roll their eyes and sigh as their expectations for a worthwhile encounter were dashed. I realise now that this was probably unfair -- as I'm sure some of the ladies here can confirm -- but it reflected my own uncertainties at the time.

So... why didn't I seek a sex worker to relieve me of my burden? Others above have already mentioned my main reason. I didn't want "clinical" first-time sex. I wanted intimacy alongside the sex. I wanted to lose my virginity to someone who would guide me through the whole experience and at least give the appearance of being interested in me. In modern terms, I wanted "The Girlfriend Experience" rather than just a technically-brilliant shag. If I had found a GFE service during my time of drought and despair, then I might well have gone for it. I don't feel ashamed of saying that. At least, it's consistent with my subsequent experience that it's the build-up, the imagination and the intimacy that makes for really great sex. I'm not sure that I'd advocate it as the best option, though. Ultimately, it's always going to be a false experience.

I've rambled on a bit! I hope there's something in there that's helpful.

Only you can make that decision, but I don't really see if it's worth it.

I have to say that I hold very little value in virginity from either direction. So, is it really worth it to you to be able to say No to people who ask if you are a virgin (not that they should). Another thing should be to consider what you would think if someone asked you Who you lost your virginity to. Would it being someone who is professionally involved be equal or lesser than someone you made a more traditional connection with?

I'd also like to say that, in my experience, having sex with randoms is like wanking with someone elses body. If you want a close connection, and mutual attraction, a pro probably isn't the way.

I have way more fun with solo play than I do with randoms, cause I can focus on me and really enjoy myself. If I want sex with someone, it's not for the sexual pleasure, it's for the closeness and the contact.

In the spirit of frankness and honesty I was 2 weeks from my 20th birthday before I had sex, it was painful but my boyfriend who I had been with for 1 year was also a virgin so we both were in new territory. My hubby on the other hand was 14 and regrets it to this day. It happened with a girl who was 18 and while he was on holiday. He did feel pressure to have sex and caved into it and now he wishes he waited. I can honestly say I have a great deal of pride in the fact that I didn't bow to pressure and lay on my back for any guy present and waited until I was ready. It wasn't easy as all my friend had had sex by the time we were in our last year of school and I was the only virgin between them. Therefore in this I would go with what you feel is right, have a good think about things make a list of pros and cons you would consider will come out of this decision and decide from there if you think they are worth it. My hubby has a friend who is now 32 (male) and he is still a virgin, he has told me that he just doesn't feel he has met someone he wants to spend his life with and to him that is important. I lost my virginity to my fiancé and although we didn't end p getting married we were together a long time and I have fond memories of my childhood love and my first experience. I don't regret it and I can look back on it not as the best sex of my life but as a lovely innocent experience.

I lost my virginity in Barbados to a sex worker called Julie  in 1963.

I've never been able to work out if that was a good thing or a bad thing. My wife thinks it's a pity, I really don't know.