• Is there something wrong wih me?

    1299410290
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    I think that to know what he thinks is the only option. As I am not sure how I would act. As some know me and my lover had once problem in communication and it costed us a lot (but we are now closer). Openness and being able to talk about what is wrong was the only thing that solved the problem. I guess you need to talk openly about what you like, what ideas you may have etc...

    One thing is that my lover can soften a bit (but it does not go away completely, nowhere close to that) if not directly stimulated, but I have no doubts I turn him on.

    1299410339
    Wilkibo [sign in to see picture]
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    U must stop blaming urself! It obviously isn't ur fault & u r being very unfair on urself. I think ur OH is just being boorishly mannish! Some men r unable to throw off their early conditioning by parents & peers (or just don't see the need to) and think being totally self-involved is the only way to b. To b brutally frank, I don't really see what u can do to improve things!

    W

    1299412581
    CullensNaughtyLamb [sign in to see picture]
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    Noon wrote:

    Oh no :(

    I really don't think you are doing anything wrong. There has been loads of good advice here so far, but not sure what to suggest next.

    It does occur to me that your OH might tell a totally different version, not that I think your wrong - just that I wonder if his perception of what happened and why might be different.

    Hey Noon, sorry i went off blooming ipod!

    Anyway your comment got me thinking so i asked him, I just said have you got anything to say about last night and he just said that he had said sorry for coming up stairs late. Like all "whats you rproblem woman?" I told him how i felt and all he said was that he had already told me he's not very good at talking about stuff. So I guess that is it then, I'm just stuck with beimng with someone who doesnt like to talk about stuff. I just think that i'm going to have to try and figure things out without him, you know ive got the super stroker and i'll try the stop and start on him myself and just see if things get any better with me doing stuff. I think they will but i just hope that i dont start resenting doing everything to try and help his situation and end up pushing myself away. Oh well, that's life

    1299412668
    CullensNaughtyLamb [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks guys, i'll and stop blaming myself. Hard to change a habit of a lifetime though, At least i try though,hahaha

    1299414170
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Sweetie you seriously can't expect to just shut up and put up with the way things are!

    I know it sounds harsh, But he needs to man up ( in the proper way ) and treat you with some respect.

    It seems to me that you're trying to work through things and solve your problems. While he comes out with the old " You know im no good with talking " excuse. That almost always means, " I'm turning my back on a problem i know is there because i either dont know how to deal with it, or just cant be bothered! "

    I tried sorting mine and Lady-J's issues out a-la-solo and it doesn't work. It needs both of you putting equal amounts of work into it.

    Instead of brushing things off he needs to meet you half way and start working on his relationship with you.

    YOU have done NOTHING wrong! So you can stop blaming yourself right now chick! ;) xxx

    1299415003
    CullensNaughtyLamb [sign in to see picture]
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    Seduced wrote:

    Sweetie you seriously can't expect to just shut up and put up with the way things are!

    I know it sounds harsh, But he needs to man up ( in the proper way ) and treat you with some respect.

    It seems to me that you're trying to work through things and solve your problems. While he comes out with the old " You know im no good with talking " excuse. That almost always means, " I'm turning my back on a problem i know is there because i either dont know how to deal with it, or just cant be bothered! "

    I tried sorting mine and Lady-J's issues out a-la-solo and it doesn't work. It needs both of you putting equal amounts of work into it.

    Instead of brushing things off he needs to meet you half way and start working on his relationship with you.

    YOU have done NOTHING wrong! So you can stop blaming yourself right now chick! ;) xxx

    Hahaha, oh this did make me laugh. You sound just like me! You are right I know, Maybe i'll try and have another little chat with him later

    1299415873
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    I find this sooo hard to understand where he's coming from. So he's already had steamy shower sex and theres you prepared to dress up for him and offering to watch porn as well. I'd think my birthday , christmas and lottery ticket had come in at the same time!

    Seriously though. It sounds like you have a fair bit of toys, porn and outfits. Are / have you been trying really hard to keep your sex life alive all by yourself or is he keen on all this stuff?

    I feel sorry for you I really do. Perhaps tell him how important it is to you being able to understand where he's coming from as to you his actions don't make any sense and are hurtful.

    Or perhaps you should have just stayed upstairs got a few toys out and had a bit quality time with yourself? If he walked in on you and didn't want to join in then there really is a problem and if not then everyone wins. I've had to do this in the past when MrsBP wasn't in the mood otherwise I get really frustrated and moody.

    Its all down to communication at the end of the day and I think thats whats makes or breaks couples at the end of the day. If you talk you can almost always work around stuff but if not it'll end peacefully rather than in a blazing row.

    1299416535
    CullensNaughtyLamb [sign in to see picture]
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    BigPoppa wrote:

    I find this sooo hard to understand where he's coming from. So he's already had steamy shower sex and theres you prepared to dress up for him and offering to watch porn as well. I'd think my birthday , christmas and lottery ticket had come in at the same time!

    Seriously though. It sounds like you have a fair bit of toys, porn and outfits. Are / have you been trying really hard to keep your sex life alive all by yourself or is he keen on all this stuff?

    I feel sorry for you I really do. Perhaps tell him how important it is to you being able to understand where he's coming from as to you his actions don't make any sense and are hurtful.

    Or perhaps you should have just stayed upstairs got a few toys out and had a bit quality time with yourself? If he walked in on you and didn't want to join in then there really is a problem and if not then everyone wins. I've had to do this in the past when MrsBP wasn't in the mood otherwise I get really frustrated and moody.

    Its all down to communication at the end of the day and I think thats whats makes or breaks couples at the end of the day. If you talk you can almost always work around stuff but if not it'll end peacefully rather than in a blazing row.

    Hahaha, bless Thank you!

    Yeah we do have alot of stuff and he is into it all,We use to use it all the time and still do really but it's just one go and that's it for that night which is fine but because i only really cum from my clit then I need to cum quite alot because my orgasm isn't really enough from that for me. I'd be quite happy to go without an orgasm if we were having sex for a while and there was touching and intmacy. There's never any of that though, it's basically "give her a lick and then get in and it's a race to finish" and thats when we put effort in most of the time we'll be laying in bed and he'll say he wants some and just go for it. Which i had to say to him yesterday (because i couldn't lie anymore) that you have to warm me up abit first, you know i need to be turned on first by kissing my neck or touching me. Which he used to know so I just dont get why now he just tries to get stuff done as quickly as possible.

    I think the problem last night was just that he couldn't go again and he didn't want to say because he was embarassed but if he can't tell then that's not right in my eyes.

    TBH i did go at it myself while i waited because I had a feeling that thing were going to go the way they did, lol.

    1299417686
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Which i had to say to him yesterday (because i couldn't lie anymore) that you have to warm me up abit first, you know i need to be turned on first by kissing my neck or touching me. Which he used to know so I just dont get why now he just tries to get stuff done as quickly as possible.

    The sentence about which he used to know made me wonder if your sex life was different in the past from what it is now?

    1299418001
    CullensNaughtyLamb [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah totally different, i think i put it somewhere on here that we used to have sex everynight with everything - dress up, lots of foreplay, 69's etc etc anal, toys, all sorts but it got boring doing and using everything everynight so we cut back and back and then it was nothing then we'd go back to using stuff and now it's that we do use stuff and sometimes we dont but the sex is always the same. No touching, looking into my eyes, stroking me (i sound like a pet,lol) kissing, nothing it's just foreplay and quick sex I'm very ungrateful i know

    1299418333
    CullensNaughtyLamb [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm starting to make him sound bad

    He really isn't, he is very very generous with foreplay it's just that i'm not 100% happy and he won't communicate. I'm very lucky to have him, i really am a lucky girl just abit ungrateful i suppose

    1299418456
    crag630 [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you considedered making him read some of these posts? Dont get me wrong him being one of us men I understand why he wont talk about but the thing is when you break down through the barriers he's arrected in most cases a guy will burst into tears and tell you everything the problem is getting past said barriers.

    1299418537
    CullensNaughtyLamb [sign in to see picture]
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    I did think about it but i'd feel bad that all of us are talking about him. I know done of it is bad really but i don't want things to worse.

    1299418606
    Wilkibo [sign in to see picture]
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    CullensNaughtyLamb wrote:

    No touching, looking into my eyes, stroking me (i sound like a pet,lol) kissing, nothing it's just foreplay and quick sex I'm very ungrateful i know

    U r not ungrateful! Speaking personally, I regard foreplay (stroking, kissing, tongueing,etc; I don't know what u regard as foreplay) as an almost indispensable part of the sexual act.

    1299418929
    CullensNaughtyLamb [sign in to see picture]
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    Wilkibo wrote:

    CullensNaughtyLamb wrote:

    No touching, looking into my eyes, stroking me (i sound like a pet,lol) kissing, nothing it's just foreplay and quick sex I'm very ungrateful i know

    U r not ungrateful! Speaking personally, I regard foreplay (stroking, kissing, tongueing,etc; I don't know what u regard as foreplay) as an almost indispensable part of the sexual act.

    I do aswell. The thing is I'm a sexual person, (Obviously I have days when I don't want do stuff just like anyone else, I'm not trying to look like a saint, lol) but i'm not overly sexually confidant so I find it hard to talk about certain things but I try because otherwise we wouldn't alk at all.

    1299420138
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    Had a chuckle that you did relieve yourself anyway. Can't blame you!

    Is he fatigued now that you've done so much together? Perhaps slowing right down and having more fun and chat together might help? Me and MrsBP have been together a long time and recently we played Monogamy together which was the most fun relaxed sex we've had in ages. We've done little compared to you so I was trying it to add new dimensions but I think you'd enjoy the Intimacy bits and the slow pace. There is plenty of kissing and stroking and massage so I think you'd love it. He might then have a bit fun but also see how much you enjoy these aspects of foreplay

    I have a rule. I never feel guilty about how I feel. My feelings are mine and therefor true. Neither should you.

    I dunno how you are sexually underconfident yet are able to do all the things that a lot of women might feel very inhibited to do or ask for. I think you have more confidence than you know!

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=662

    1299433854
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    CullensNaughtyLamb wrote:

    Yeah totally different, i think i put it somewhere on here that we used to have sex everynight with everything - dress up, lots of foreplay, 69's etc etc anal, toys, all sorts but it got boring doing and using everything everynight so we cut back and back and then it was nothing then we'd go back to using stuff and now it's that we do use stuff and sometimes we dont but the sex is always the same. No touching, looking into my eyes, stroking me (i sound like a pet,lol) kissing, nothing it's just foreplay and quick sex I'm very ungrateful i know

    You are not ungrateful, i think I would be wondering what I am doing wrong or what is wrong as well. I guess you can try the suggestion to try to get closer without it being necessarilly sexual or maybe just try to see what is wrong in other parts of his life (stress at work, family problems, etc.). Wish I could help more.

    1302355257
    nate [sign in to see picture]
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    I have to say i suffer from PE some times with my misses it has nothing to do with wanting it over and done with believe me so don't feel bad about it.

    I have learnt to except that i may cum way to quick so i improvise and love foreplay i am learning to improve my PC muscle to help control it but still

    Also it depends on what position you try

    a fantastic website i use is http://www.sexinfo101.com/ if you have never been on it i HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT

    also try this site for Kegel exercises

    http://uk.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_60/67_love_tip.html

    1302383631
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    nate wrote:

    I have to say i suffer from PE some times with my misses it has nothing to do with wanting it over and done with believe me so don't feel bad about it.

    I have learnt to except that i may cum way to quick so i improvise and love foreplay i am learning to improve my PC muscle to help control it but still

    Also it depends on what position you try

    a fantastic website i use is http://www.sexinfo101.com/ if you have never been on it i HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT

    also try this site for Kegel exercises

    http://uk.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_60/67_love_tip.html

    Whilst this is a helpful post, Being your first post, It could be seen as 'spammy' or 'spammish' Make sure to read the rules and make an intro post!

    Anyway.....

    Belle, No update for a while. Hope all is well??? xx

    1302430909
    nate [sign in to see picture]
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    Seduced wrote:

    nate wrote:

    I have to say i suffer from PE some times with my misses it has nothing to do with wanting it over and done with believe me so don't feel bad about it.

    I have learnt to except that i may cum way to quick so i improvise and love foreplay i am learning to improve my PC muscle to help control it but still

    Also it depends on what position you try

    a fantastic website i use is http://www.sexinfo101.com/ if you have never been on it i HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT

    also try this site for Kegel exercises

    http://uk.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_60/67_love_tip.html

    Whilst this is a helpful post, Being your first post, It could be seen as 'spammy' or 'spammish' Make sure to read the rules and make an intro post!

    Anyway.....

    Belle, No update for a while. Hope all is well??? xx

    Yeah i realised after that it looked spammish after i posted it but what can you do with no delete option or edit post function So for appearing spammish/spammy i am sorry but believe me it was not my intention

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