• Long distance relationship... going tits up.

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    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you so much everybody for the lovely advice. I'm glad that lovehoney is full of non judgemental people with great advice and stories. It's really good to know that I'm not the only one who has felt this way and that you have done the right thing and been happier. I just feel so guilty. It sounds really pathetic but he's just spend lots of money on a new double bed because he knows I hate squishing into his single one. He's bending over backwards to make it work. Plus he's going through some stuff at home at the moment and I really worry about him and how he will cope if we break up.

    The problem is that I do care about him so so much and I don't want to cause him any pain. It is so difficult because we are just fizzling out and it's becoming tense and horrible... plus he does not want to break up in any way shape or form so it's going to be entirely one sided. I feel awful.

    I know that in the long run I'm probably going to be happier but I hate making myself and other people unhappy :(

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    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
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    dotdashdot wrote:

    Thank you so much everybody for the lovely advice. I'm glad that lovehoney is full of non judgemental people with great advice and stories. It's really good to know that I'm not the only one who has felt this way and that you have done the right thing and been happier. I just feel so guilty. It sounds really pathetic but he's just spend lots of money on a new double bed because he knows I hate squishing into his single one. He's bending over backwards to make it work. Plus he's going through some stuff at home at the moment and I really worry about him and how he will cope if we break up.

    The problem is that I do care about him so so much and I don't want to cause him any pain. It is so difficult because we are just fizzling out and it's becoming tense and horrible... plus he does not want to break up in any way shape or form so it's going to be entirely one sided. I feel awful.

    I know that in the long run I'm probably going to be happier but I hate making myself and other people unhappy :(

    Relationships are made up of 2 people (well usually lol) and they both need to be happy for it to work. I think it's unfair on your bf to be happy thinking it's all ok when it's not. There is nothing wrong with you thinking about your needs and happiness and wanting to break up. Of course it takes some tact but when you keep waiting it can really draw things out and make things worse. There's never really an ideal time to break up.

    I can tell you really care about this person and I can understand how hard this must be for you to do. It really needs to be done though. Your bf will have to get used to it.. Just be happy knowing it really is the best thing for you both in the long run. Stay strong and commit to your decision though.

    I recommend writing out a long letter fillet with your feelings and thoughts.. make sure you're happy with it and send it off. *hugs* It's hard but think how much harder it'll be later on.. When people stay together despite feeling like that they turn very bitter and resentful to their unsuspecting partner. It's really better that you know now what you want (and don't want) and do something about it.

    Good luck.

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    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
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    filled..* not fillet! =[

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia: you are right. It is common, especially with the first one. I think it is because at round 20 and slightly after you are still forming a lot as a person. I think it was round 19-21 when I was really deciding what I want from life and what is important for me. I know we are still changing, as the life is shaping us, but I feel now changing less than I did back then. It is not only uni which is shaping us, but also the fact we are starting to think about life in longer perspective and whops. Our ideas are not at all matching with our partners. I think if one partner realieses his/her dream is big family and the other does not want kids at all or not any time soon... A problem is created.

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    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 9 Aug 2010

    dotdashdot wrote:

    Thank you so much everybody for the lovely advice. I'm glad that lovehoney is full of non judgemental people with great advice and stories. It's really good to know that I'm not the only one who has felt this way and that you have done the right thing and been happier. I just feel so guilty. It sounds really pathetic but he's just spend lots of money on a new double bed because he knows I hate squishing into his single one. He's bending over backwards to make it work. Plus he's going through some stuff at home at the moment and I really worry about him and how he will cope if we break up.

    The problem is that I do care about him so so much and I don't want to cause him any pain. It is so difficult because we are just fizzling out and it's becoming tense and horrible... plus he does not want to break up in any way shape or form so it's going to be entirely one sided. I feel awful.

    I know that in the long run I'm probably going to be happier but I hate making myself and other people unhappy :(

    Yep been there....my ex managed to keep me tangled up in his web of sadness which prevented me moving on. To be honest you can't stay in something because you feel guilty for hurting him.. I did that and ended up burning out/breaking down which is when I realised that its important to look after yourself first before worrying about someone else.

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