• Husband has low sex drive - help

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    Carousel [sign in to see picture]
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    Dee_licious333 wrote:

    Yes, he did say that. But we still havent had sex more than once a week. Its just not happening. I need to find a time to discuss it with him, again. He doesnt like to talk about it but i will make him talk. Thanks for your advise. Dont you just wish you could understand men? haha im sure they say the same about us but I am so more open than him. Thanks

    I really, really, really don't mean to sound rude, but maybe you could be pushing the matter a bit too quickly for his liking? Talking is definately the solution to finding out exactly what's going on, but maybe either try a different form of communication (try writing him a letter about all the things you love about him, what you want out of your sex life, what concerns you at the mo etc... and finish saying 'please talk to me' or something) or back of for a little bit and wait for him to open dialogue.

    Good Luck x

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    This seems to be more a problem that happens the other way around - with the woman having the lower sex drive. Unfortunately, it's common for the partner with the lower sex drive to be quite happy about the situation and not really understand that it's a big issue for the other partner.

    BTW - reports from women who have been treated for low testosterone levels (it causes low sex drive in women as well) say that they suddenly go from not even thinking about sex to wanting it all the time so the effects are dramatic.

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh, yes, I also spotted on one of your posts that your husband was working nights - is this a high proportion of his workload? If so, this may also be a factor.

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    No he doesnt work nights all the time. Only a few times per month :-) Hes been doing shift work for many years. Hes used to it. :-)

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    Kawada87 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Dee, I'm a 23 year old male and I'm very inclined to agree with what Mrs P said about your husband feeling overwhelmed and intimidated by your new sex drive. Alot of men find that they need to be the one incontrol of sex (much like being the man of the house as also described by Mrs P) and you've said that in the past your husband has been the one to initiate sex most of the time. It might be then that he is feeling a loss of control that he isn't used to or doesn't like, his way of regaining that control is through the only means he has left which is to stop you having sex. I am by no means suggesting that this is done maliciously or even concisouly but it might be what is going on in that head of his.

    Hope that this might be some help to you

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    curvyscotslass [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello

    Firstly - A BIG HUG for you -

    Secondly - i can get where you are coming from here. I feel a bit like this. My hubby is a 'nice' man....but there is a clinical coldness to sex and i just feel so horny all the time i've done the forbidden thing and jumped into bed with another man.

    I'm not for one minute suggesting this is the answer to your problems - if anything its given me a few more issues to consider!

    Just wanted to say i can empathise about feeling fustrated.

    x x x

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Curvy - Thanks for your advice. I have suggested we have a 3some with another woman as his fantasy is being fkd by women .. lots of them- its not really my thing but i would do it for him. I said i probably couldnt arrange for lots of women but certainly one more :-). I got the feeling he doesnt want anything like that and probably scared I will want a 3some with him and another man... and he would be right - ;-)

    I wouldnt cheat on him but he may consider other things if he knows how much I would like them but I dont want him to be pressured into doing anything he doesnt want to. x

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    Wilkibo [sign in to see picture]
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    Dee, did he start masturbating when u were feeling unsexy (and carried from there) or has he always masturbated? If the latter, I think u've got a big problem because men masturbate to achieve sexual relief and u've stated he has a low sex drive.

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Wilk,

    He masturbates only occasionally and not in front of me, hes told me prob 2/3 times per month. Hes always been the same since weve moved in together. I think he has a low sex drive but maybe i am wrong. Hes always grabbing me and he is very affectionate but its just that when it comes to bed or any other time when I try to seduce him he rarely responds, I do think it could also be down to my weight issue and that he doenst find me as attrative but hes never been a 3-6 times a week guy. But when I allow him to seduce me . we end up making love. Strange I know.

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    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe there's a way you can do something to get him in the mood, and then "let him seduce you"?

    Obviously it would need to be a bit more subtle than going to bed in stockings etc, but if you can find something subtle you may be able to get his mojo going?

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Dee_licious333 wrote:

    But when I allow him to seduce me . we end up making love. Strange I know.

    I wonder if there is something in his upbringing that is causing this - both my wife and I had what could be considered rather Victorian upbringings and there was certainly an element of "nice girls don't want sex" built into that. It took us a while to get completely over that.

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    No, his mother and father were into all sorts and he is aware his father had affairs and there was lots of porn about when he was younger i.e mags etc. Maybe that is why he is a bit anti. Im going to speak to him tonight to see how to progress. Thanks everyone for you help- its much appreciated

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    maccess [sign in to see picture]
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    Dee_licious333 wrote:

    No, his mother and father were into all sorts and he is aware his father had affairs and there was lots of porn about when he was younger i.e mags etc. Maybe that is why he is a bit anti. Im going to speak to him tonight to see how to progress. Thanks everyone for you help- its much appreciated

    good luck... x

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    Wilkibo [sign in to see picture]
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    From what u've described, Dee, I have to assume that he likes being in control. Hope I'm not teaching my grandmother to suck eggs but have u tried to introduce a element of Sub-Dom into ur sexual interaction e.g. fur-lined handcuffs, under-the-bed restraint systems, etc? (If u do try this, remember to have a safety word!)

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