• Husband has low sex drive - help

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    I hope you guys can help.

    I wonder what I can do to get my hubby more interested in sex. He says i have lacked confidence for a while due to putting on weight and i dont feel sexy. He is right. However having bought some sexy outfits for him and thinking about sex more recently I feel that I have become alive again, sexually. He is still where he was before and i think i shocked him when I ravished him the other night wearing my new outfit. He has never had a high sex drive.. twice a month would be good for us. Both of us dont talk about sex or talk about fantasies and when i do try, i get one word answers. We have never had sex outside, never sent dirty message to each other but I have suggested these things recently but Im not getting any feedback from him whatsoever. Hes a fantastic husband and I want to try new things with him but my suggestions are not getting through. What can you suggest please?

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    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
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    Similar thread with responses here, might give you quicker answers whilst waiting for replies

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/326168-partner-with-no-libido/

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok thanks

    1298503294
    maccess [sign in to see picture]
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    Dee_licious333 wrote:

    I hope you guys can help.

    I wonder what I can do to get my hubby more interested in sex. He says i have lacked confidence for a while due to putting on weight and i dont feel sexy. He is right. However having bought some sexy outfits for him and thinking about sex more recently I feel that I have become alive again, sexually. He is still where he was before and i think i shocked him when I ravished him the other night wearing my new outfit. He has never had a high sex drive.. twice a month would be good for us. Both of us dont talk about sex or talk about fantasies and when i do try, i get one word answers. We have never had sex outside, never sent dirty message to each other but I have suggested these things recently but Im not getting any feedback from him whatsoever. Hes a fantastic husband and I want to try new things with him but my suggestions are not getting through. What can you suggest please?

    poor you.... its very frustrating, partners should come with labels. lol

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    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    The only other thing that seems highly recommended is to get him to join this forum! Apparently it works wonders....

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    Carousel [sign in to see picture]
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    Dee_licious333 wrote:

    I hope you guys can help.

    I wonder what I can do to get my hubby more interested in sex. He says i have lacked confidence for a while due to putting on weight and i dont feel sexy. He is right. However having bought some sexy outfits for him and thinking about sex more recently I feel that I have become alive again, sexually. He is still where he was before and i think i shocked him when I ravished him the other night wearing my new outfit. He has never had a high sex drive.. twice a month would be good for us. Both of us dont talk about sex or talk about fantasies and when i do try, i get one word answers. We have never had sex outside, never sent dirty message to each other but I have suggested these things recently but Im not getting any feedback from him whatsoever. Hes a fantastic husband and I want to try new things with him but my suggestions are not getting through. What can you suggest please?

    Hi,

    My Husband went through a stage where his disappeared for a bit - turns out he was under a lot of pressure at work and wasn't coping very well. Is there anything else his/your lives that could be putting a strain on him? It's worth talking together, not necessarily about sex, but about life in general and try to make sure you're both as happy as you can be with other areas, and that should hopefully improve the chance of a sex drive returning.

    As uncomfortable as it can be, you must try and communicate - this doesn't necessarily mean verbally. When I was a bit shy about telling my Husband about a couple of my deepest fantasies, I wrote him a note and bought him a few props to hint at the issue. This may not be right for you I guess, but it worked for me, and without communication, neither of you will know what t'other one wants.

    I can also recommend browsing LoveHoney together - just by looking at 'What's New' you may stumble across something you'd not considered. If you're concerned about suggesting sex toys, what about trying a flavoured lube or one of the sexy games available. Monogamy is a lot of fun, it's sexy, but sensual too and it may bring out a side of you and your Husband that you didn't know was there, what with the suggestion cards and things.

    Hope that helps.

    MrsPx

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    new2vibes [sign in to see picture]
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    Dee_licious333 wrote:

    I hope you guys can help.

    I wonder what I can do to get my hubby more interested in sex. He says i have lacked confidence for a while due to putting on weight and i dont feel sexy. He is right. However having bought some sexy outfits for him and thinking about sex more recently I feel that I have become alive again, sexually. He is still where he was before and i think i shocked him when I ravished him the other night wearing my new outfit. He has never had a high sex drive.. twice a month would be good for us. Both of us dont talk about sex or talk about fantasies and when i do try, i get one word answers. We have never had sex outside, never sent dirty message to each other but I have suggested these things recently but Im not getting any feedback from him whatsoever. Hes a fantastic husband and I want to try new things with him but my suggestions are not getting through. What can you suggest please?

    It sounds like you are living my life. I'm going through the same sexual reawakening and wondering why my husband isn't responding as much as I'd like. (Dont' men want it all the time? Well thanks to this forum I've learnt a lot and realise he's not abnormal)

    I'm working on hime and I think it'll be a slow process. I bought the Monogamy board game for him for Christmas. We played it once and only got past the first level before it worked it's magic. Though now he keeps putting off playing again. Good luck. We will turn our men in to the rampant studs we want the to be!

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    Wilkibo [sign in to see picture]
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    Have u thought asking him to use a vibrator (or a dildo) on u? This is the best approach I can suggest without knowing more 'bout situation.

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    Mistress D [sign in to see picture]
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    Come from a different angle. Order a book called the Mistress Manual (its available on LH). See if you recognise any of the signs, he may just be unhappy and wants to try something new and may just not have he confidence to ask you. It worked for me. Love Mistress D.

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the responses.

    I have tried all your suggestions. He has used dildo on my and i haev used strap on with him. But sex is once in a blue moon. Last night he said me putting on weight was a slight issue because it made me feel unsexy. But now this has changed and i am trying to experiment with new toys and sexy outfits hes not interested. He is the one that usually initiates sex but whenever i try .. he backs off. He would rather sit as his pc and work than make love. Last night we also had discussion about being more open. I am the one talking about fanatasies, not just recently either but its like there is no response. I even cried last night once the light was out because i was so frustrated that he wouldnt talk about what he wants and how we can move on. I just dont know what to do. He thinks i am trying to move to fast and make him do things that he doesnt want to do. I just told him i wanted his ideas, his fantasies.. what did i get back .. nothing.

    Mistress, he doenst want to try anything new, that is the problem. I have found a new lease of life sexually and i want him to join in. Thanks for your help. x

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Stress at work certainly has a big negative effect on sex drive though even with the most high-powered jobs this doesn't stay constant over years so you would expect to see periods of good and bad.

    Low testosterone can be a persistent long-term cause that is easily sorted. The Americans seem quite keen to test for this (and even have over-the-counter test kits for it) but somehow we seem less on the ball with this over here for some reason. However, I would certainly bother your GP about this possibility.

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    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Dee_licious333 wrote:

    He would rather sit as his pc and work than make love.

    This sticks out to me. I think someone else mentioned above is he under a lot of pressure or stress from work. Has anything in his work life changed recently? I guess if your new lease of life has only been recent, it could be that he's been under excess work pressure for some time now?

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Gyrator, hmm. What are the signs for low testosterone?

    He doesnt think he has a problem at all. I could never imagine him going to the doctors. He isnt stressed at work or at home. I can usually tell if he is stressed. Maybe I need to perservere and keep trying to get his attention.

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    Carousel [sign in to see picture]
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    toycar69 wrote:

    Dee_licious333 wrote:

    He would rather sit as his pc and work than make love.

    This sticks out to me. I think someone else mentioned above is he under a lot of pressure or stress from work. Has anything in his work life changed recently? I guess if your new lease of life has only been recent, it could be that he's been under excess work pressure for some time now?

    Dee_Licious - You say you can usually tell when he's stressed... I am not questioning how well you know your husband, but it's worth considering that sometimes, some men will cover up the fact they are not coping, because some men believe they are supposed to cope, and revealing they are not is seen as some kind of weakness.

    My husband broke down one day, I'd never seen him cry in 7 years, when I didn't think anything was wrong, but for months the pressure of a heavy work load and climbing the corporate ladder had taken it's toll. We have a very open relationship and talk lots, but he said that he felt like he couldn't tell me because he was my husband and was supposed to be the man of the house and support us. He was completely secretive about the fact he was struggling, though he would work late on the home computer and sometimes at weekends to catch up.

    Also, not everyone has sex 7 days a week - if once a month is your norm, then that may be the way it is. Is he happy for you to pleasure yourself to deal with the imbalance of sex drive?

    Other than that, have you considered some kind of relationship councelling?

    MrsPx

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Dee

    There is quite a lot of info on the web about this but here is a link that gives the typical symptoms:-

    http://www.medicinenet.com/low_testosterone/page3.htm

    My guess is that your husband is about my age (57) and I would be banging my head on the floor in frustration if I didn't have sex a couple of times a week and I reckon I'm not atypical in that. So it seems to me there could well be a physical issue here. Does he have any erectile dysfunction issues? If so, this would further suggest he needs to talk to a doctor. He should not be shy about doing this - in my experience medics are a randy bunch that think about sex more than most!

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Gyrator, he is only 38 years old. I have never been able to make him cum via BJ or hand. He cums through sex and on his own but he doesnt allow me ever to watch him wank to the point of cumming. I dont know why. He said he didnt wank much as a kid and was late teens before he did. Hes a handsome guy and he does attract the women sometimes. Hes intelligent, well mannered and artistic. Thats why i love him.

    He has no trouble getting stiff and holding it either.

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Mrs P- I think he would tell me if he was struggling with work Hes not a manager and there isnt that much responsibility with his work .. hes knows the job inside out. Thanks for your advise though :-)

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    Carousel [sign in to see picture]
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    To me, from what you've described, there's some kind of sexual confidence issue there. And, just because he attracts women and is an all-round-nice guy, he may feel insecure about something - what that is/could be, I don't know, but I hope between the two of you it can be addressed.

    It could be as simple as him finding your new sexual confidence frightening - we assume men want sex 24/7, but if his lovely wife has gone from twice a month to twice a week very quickly, this may be overwhelming for him and maybe he worries he can't keep up with you or won't be able to satisfy your new level of drive?

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    Dee_licious333 wrote:

    Mrs P- I think he would tell me if he was struggling with work Hes not a manager and there isnt that much responsibility with his work .. hes knows the job inside out. Thanks for your advise though :-)

    That's fine, hope you find out what the problem is soon :-)

    MrsPx

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes, he did say that. But we still havent had sex more than once a week. Its just not happening. I need to find a time to discuss it with him, again. He doesnt like to talk about it but i will make him talk. Thanks for your advise. Dont you just wish you could understand men? haha im sure they say the same about us but I am so more open than him. Thanks

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