• Unfulfilled

    1299091180
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    Hornymanc - never thought that taking a back seat role in a threesome would be that bad really!

    Mr M - thanks for that link. I think I do a lot of this as it is and have been much more direct lately and it has been successful on the whole. Not obvious used physical means of dominating but as it happens I think I do the mental sexual dominance a lot more now.

    I don't think I have much of an issue with confidence. I do however struggle with the conversation when she says ' but shit comes out of there! The only weak thing I said in return is ' yeh but we do oral and we both piss out if there'.

    I know she's not abnormal or anything for not wanting to but sometimes the mismatch is painful. Thank god for the Internet! I'm thinking of trying the butt plug out on myself whilst I masturbate. Never tried it but what the hell if I can't give maybe I can receive and enjoy it!

    1299093686
    Carousel [sign in to see picture]
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    BigPoppa wrote:

    I'm thinking of trying the butt plug out on myself whilst I masturbate. Never tried it but what the hell if I can't give maybe I can receive and enjoy it!

    Go for it, you should love it!

    MrsPx

    1299106909
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    MrsP wrote:

    BigPoppa wrote:

    I'm thinking of trying the butt plug out on myself whilst I masturbate. Never tried it but what the hell if I can't give maybe I can receive and enjoy it!

    Go for it, you should love it!

    MrsPx

    Well it'll be fun trying and have a once in a blue moon opportunity coming up soon too. Really gettin a bit too excited about it now

    1299107272
    Rugbyman [sign in to see picture]
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    MrsP wrote:

    For me, there's only one thing I wish I'd done and only really two things I'd like to do.

    I am now a happily married woman, have been for 7 years. But, there was a girl I used to be good friends with. She was beautiful and the only girl that I've ever really felt I could 'be' with. There was a time at Uni when we were getting changed and we were both in our knickers and bra's, she looked so hot. I knew she had a boyfriend, but I felt like things were going somewhere. I had a good-for-nothing boyfriend, but I knew she loved her's. And stupidly/sensibly, I said "we shouldn't be doing this" and it never wenr any further. Damn, I kick myself for that and my Hubs and I talk about this loads and fantasise about what would've happened. Though I've made out with a few girls before, this girl was the only one who totally turned me on!

    So, that's the fantasy that almost was...

    And then my other two, I've kind of mentioned briefly elsewhere, but I'd love to fuck Hubs with a strap on, and also there's a violent act I want to re-inact, but as Hubs isn't comfortable with this, it's not right to do it.

    Rugbyman - How much anal play do you indulge in yourself? The only reason I ask is that our anal-issues are the other way round - I love it and want it, but my Husband doesn't (not quite yet!). However, he's seen me/know's about me playing with bigger and bigger toys and has become curious and started to investigate that area slowly. It's taken about 4-5 years since broaching the subject, but he has finally gotten there. I gave him oral last week and he suggested to try a mini anal vibrator on himself - he gradually inserted this as he relaxed into oral and afterwards said it made a difference and that he enjoyed it - this all came from me doing it so much that he finally got curious, which is pretty good going considering it was a real no-no. In saying that, only you really know if you can push the issue any further, but showing her how much enjoyment a person can get from it is different to telling her what you want.

    MrsPx

    I bet that moment of yours is a real turn on for you both. I do play quite a bit myself and hoping that she will get curious will have to wait and see i suppose.

    Thanks for the advice

    1299119152
    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    BigPoppa wrote:

    I do however struggle with the conversation when she says ' but shit comes out of there! The only weak thing I said in return is ' yeh but we do oral and we both piss out if there'.

    SO, my first question would be - why are you having the conversation? If you're trying to tell her that you're comfortable with her arse, there are easier ways. Sounds like you're trying to justify your feelings rather than getting her to just accept that you want her that way - that simple. Obviously, you can gauge her reactions to this and stop if she genuinely gets uncomfortable, but a little while back I gave Mrs M a long lingering massage (honestly with no ulterior motive!) and when I got up to her thighs and bum worked my way closer and closer to her anus. Now, I knew she was OK with a little anal play and touching, and that she'd tell me if she wasn't in the mood, so I started teasing with light touches of my fingertips nearer and nearer, and sure enough, she started squirming a little. As I followed up with kisses and licks she got more excited, and I ended up giving her full-on anilingus for a good twenty minutes. By the time I finished, she was really turned on and that beautiful arse was feeling unsatisfied. She actually asked me for anal then, which is a bit of a first! (Actually asking for anything is rare..)

    So, if you really want to get acquainted with her rear, put your money where your mouth is - pay it the attention it deserves, and tell her how much you love it. No amount of logic can rid someone of that squicky feeling (and, seriously, you're talking yourself out of oral there too, mate!) but loving acceptance can work wonders, as with everything else in life! Just be aware of cleanliness issues, and invest in some good anti-bacterial hand soap, moist wipes and mouthwash... Also, did I mention lube? Lots and lots of lube if anything is going "in".

    1299422609
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    I do tell her how much I love her arse on a regular basis.

    I know what your saying. Thankfully that perhaps ill judged comment has been forgotten as oral is still on going.

    We both come from a scientific background and so what bacteria lives where and what it does to you is info all to readily accessible to us. I can forget about this but MrsBP can't. Her hygiene is almost obsessive but not in a way that you could call OCD ( I think ) but honestly it's always ' you can't touch that after touching that' or ' this can't go on that' . I have bad hand eczema as I have to wash my hands so much ( way way more than when I was single and no harm came to me then ). Of course this is my fault as I don't use hand cream often enough!

    I think the science side of it is why we often have perhaps more logical discussion than we should when it comes to sex. I like to talk and communicate what I want / feel as when I've tried in past my hand just gets pushed away.

    I thought that if perhaps we both knew thats what we were going to be doing we could have lube and handwash etc at the ready.

    I have become ever afraid of rejection from her as its always me that gets rejected. She has never once had a sexual request rejected by me. The one thing she did want was for me to dress up as a sailor. So eventually I did it for valentines, was laughed at and told I looked stupid. We still had sex after but I know I didn't look half as daft as I felt.

    It would be easier to live with if it weren't for the fact that she does like me touching her anus whilst riding me. She enjoys the added sensations. So this teases me in a bad way and keeps the hope alive. I guess I just try and accept that this is all I'm gonna get and hope she does read the Tracey Cox leaflet as suggested one day.

    Cheers for all the advice especially Mr Monster!

    1299424171
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    BigPoppa wrote:

    We both come from a scientific background and so what bacteria lives where and what it does to you is info all to readily accessible to us. I can forget about this but MrsBP can't. Her hygiene is almost obsessive but not in a way that you could call OCD ( I think ) but honestly it's always ' you can't touch that after touching that' or ' this can't go on that' . I have bad hand eczema as I have to wash my hands so much ( way way more than when I was single and no harm came to me then ). Of course this is my fault as I don't use hand cream often enough!

    Sounds bad enough to be OCD to me. And she's forcing it on you as well which isn't good. I have OCD over things being clean but because it was dealt with well as a kid I now know how to recognise it if it gets bad again (as it is at the minute). Using hand cream once your skin is raw can sting but you do need to use it if you're hand washing a lot. Though I really don't think you're doing her any favours by pandering to her obsessive requests with regards to hand washing.

    I really think it'd be worth seeing a counsellor together and separately. If she's OCD it needs reigning in as it can make both your lives difficult.

    It's so difficult when it seems to be all one sided. It's not comparable but WandA tends not to initiate because he has a higher drive than me and always wants it when I do but it doesn't half upset me sometimes when I ask if he wants a blow job and the answer is "I don't mind" so to amplify that to the situation your in and I can only imagine how tough it is. I do hope you come to some sort of conclusion but it's hard when all the work comes from one side :(

    Adx

    1299427920
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't pander to them as such. I think I've been brainwashed into it. Some of it she states is religious/cultural ( she's hindu ) and I know her mum is very much the same so to some extent its a cultural norm. She never re-cleans anything or washes herself over and over etc but I think her mum has instilled in her an obsession with hygiene. I wouldn't in a million years think my parents habits were unclean or dirty but thats the way she see's it.

    I guess with kids we have to wash our hands an awful lot more which just rubs it in really.

    I don't need counselling thanks. I've been through it twice now and after the last time I really think I've cracked what the issue was and that was me. I was unable to speak out and wasn't allowing myself to breathe , to speak out and to value my time, my opinions and desires. I was living life keeping quiet and putting other s first far to often and this was causing me to just blow up sometimes.

    I have said firmly that if she starts to introduce any further rules then she needs help. I have refused to comply with her requests when I just can't see the logic in it. In these cases I've either done it against her wishes or just let her do things her way by herself.

    Sounds like you guys have a very good sex life and are pretty compatable that way. I can tell you if I left it up to MrsBP to start things then I'd be looking at once every 6-8 weeks or so. I'm happiest with twice a week. Its not even as if I want as massive session. A quickie is fine. She just always has way , way to much on her mind and sadly sex is never on her lists.

    1299428317
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    just looked this up. seems ok to me in terms of questions asked. Would it be out of order to email this link to her?

    http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/support-info/do-i-have-ocd/

    1299429578
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    BigPoppa wrote:

    I don't pander to them as such. I think I've been brainwashed into it. Some of it she states is religious/cultural ( she's hindu ) and I know her mum is very much the same so to some extent its a cultural norm. She never re-cleans anything or washes herself over and over etc but I think her mum has instilled in her an obsession with hygiene. I wouldn't in a million years think my parents habits were unclean or dirty but thats the way she see's it.

    I guess with kids we have to wash our hands an awful lot more which just rubs it in really.

    I don't need counselling thanks. I've been through it twice now and after the last time I really think I've cracked what the issue was and that was me. I was unable to speak out and wasn't allowing myself to breathe , to speak out and to value my time, my opinions and desires. I was living life keeping quiet and putting other s first far to often and this was causing me to just blow up sometimes.

    I have said firmly that if she starts to introduce any further rules then she needs help. I have refused to comply with her requests when I just can't see the logic in it. In these cases I've either done it against her wishes or just let her do things her way by herself.

    Sounds like you guys have a very good sex life and are pretty compatable that way. I can tell you if I left it up to MrsBP to start things then I'd be looking at once every 6-8 weeks or so. I'm happiest with twice a week. Its not even as if I want as massive session. A quickie is fine. She just always has way , way to much on her mind and sadly sex is never on her lists.

    Sounds like you know what you're doing and you're doing everything you can. Good that you maintain a need for logic too - I think that's important. WandA does the same and this helps with my obsessions. He insists I justify every time I wash my hands which really helps actually.

    It perhaps sounds like you need her to acknowledge the problem exists in order to move forwards as it really seems like you're doing everything right!

    I can't tell you whether emailing the link to her would upset her or not I think you're best to judge. I know for me - I was very secretive and embarrassed about my hand washing. I'd make excuses (used to go up to the bathroom, wash my hands, wait a few minutes, flush the loo then wash my hands again) and didn't want people to know about it. So I found it difficult when I was initially encouraged to "sort it" - it was easier to deal with because I was a kid and my teacher (a remarkable woman) took the time to make a chart and reward me for having dry sleeves (I wouldn't touch them to pull them up when washing) - initially I was reluctant but eventually I really wanted to prove I could do it.

    It's definitely worth having a read through some of the info though - see whether you think it *is* the case before trying to bring it up sensitively. OCD comes in many different forms - you don't *have* to repeatedly do something for it to be a compulsive action. I can wash my hands ten times in the lab and it's not OCD behaviour because I'm dealing with chemicals that could damage my hands and protocol dictates that I wash them, yet I can wash them just once at home and if it's because I touched something that I feel is "contaminated" and feel I *have* to wash my hands then that's an OCD action.

    I can't tell you if it's extreme enough to be OCD but it's worth reading the info and seeing what you think as the person who knows her/sees her most.

    Adx

    1299464701
    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    Damn! Just lost my big long reply!

    The gist - good hygeine is needed with anal, it's not obsessive to take care, just good sense. You can introduce your own routine for keeping scrupulously clean - if you follow it, she may come to trust that you're taking it seriously. Obviously she's comfortable with her own touch there, now she needs to get used to the idea of yours.

    Try exploring medical fetish play as a fun way to introduce both cleanliness and prophylaxis to your sessions! Rubber barriers, gloves, masks, dams, etc.

    1299526916
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Mr Monster wrote:

    Damn! Just lost my big long reply!

    The gist - good hygeine is needed with anal, it's not obsessive to take care, just good sense. You can introduce your own routine for keeping scrupulously clean - if you follow it, she may come to trust that you're taking it seriously. Obviously she's comfortable with her own touch there, now she needs to get used to the idea of yours.

    Try exploring medical fetish play as a fun way to introduce both cleanliness and prophylaxis to your sessions! Rubber barriers, gloves, masks, dams, etc.

    MrM, I think it's really important to understand about OCD with things like this. Sure in this instance it may not be OCD but with OCD sufferers will try to justify their behaviour and this is exactly how. If someone makes it a big deal in their mind it can take over. I There was a tap in my house that I didn't touch for nearly 2 years because I felt it was "contaminated". Just the cold tap in the kitchen....every other tap was fine (if I opened it with my sleeve) but that one was "contaminated".

    It's not just good sense to "take care" if taking care means scrubbing your hands until they bleed. Or refusing to touch something because you've built it into a big deal. You have to make it into something that's less of a big deal otherwise you will make it completely off limits in your mind and that rules the act out completely!

    Plus it's hardly going to make you sick. As long as you wash the area before and wash your hands afterwards then there's no need to worry. Sure you may not have "sterilised" everything but it's unlikely to do that much damage and building it up into a big deal will do more damage than good.

    Again, this is the case with someone with OCD which BP's partner may not have but if she does, statements like the above can do more damage than good for the sufferer.

    Adx

    1299640065
    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    Ad,

    sorry if I oversimplified - maybe it was clearer in my first draft. Just because OCD sufferers use a particular logic to justify excessive cleansing behaviours doesn't mean that other people don't need to take care!

    I'm not suggesting scrubbing until injured here, just thinking carefully about what is "clean enough" to minimise the risk of illness, and then making sure you remember to wash accordingly.

    And yes, it can make you ill. If you transfer bacteria from the anus to the vagina or mouth they can cause nasty stomach upsets or UTIs, so there is a real need for good hygeine and practices. Not excessive washing, but careful risk management.

    That's all I was trying to say, and it holds true whether OCD is an issue or not.

    1299661766
    menyanthe [sign in to see picture]
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    BigPoppa, as a woman who likes to take charge of practically everything and doesn't really accept any questioning on her decisions (I would say what furniture, what appliances we would buy, I would say where and when we would go to a vacation, things like that), I can tell you that I would definately LOVE him to take more initiative in our sex life. A LOT MORE! Cos currently, I am doing most of it there too - dressing up, caressing him on the soft spots, kissing him all over, making an unexpected blowjobs and handjobs to him... But I would like it more if he was the initiator! Believe it or not. So, it is not so strange for your lady to feel like that.

    Also, I do like experimenting, but sometimes I do need some time to get used with the thought of something new. Maybe she does too?

    And this "but shit comes out of there" was bothering me too at first. Now I prefer to make myself a douche first a couple of times. Makes me feel cleaner, however my stomach doesn't feel exactly right afterwards. Why don't you offer this to her and maybe she would be more willing to try? And the mouth thing - I definately wouldn't feel comfortable with that! Wouldn't recommend it! (even though I am comfortable with anal)

    About hand creams - some are more gentle than others. So maybe you could find one that doesn't have alcohol, perfume, etc and is not stinging.

    1299698458
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Mr Monster wrote:

    Ad,

    sorry if I oversimplified - maybe it was clearer in my first draft. Just because OCD sufferers use a particular logic to justify excessive cleansing behaviours doesn't mean that other people don't need to take care!

    I'm not suggesting scrubbing until injured here, just thinking carefully about what is "clean enough" to minimise the risk of illness, and then making sure you remember to wash accordingly.

    And yes, it can make you ill. If you transfer bacteria from the anus to the vagina or mouth they can cause nasty stomach upsets or UTIs, so there is a real need for good hygeine and practices. Not excessive washing, but careful risk management.

    That's all I was trying to say, and it holds true whether OCD is an issue or not.

    I meant *really* ill. It's not going to kill you (it's unlikely to kill you) and making a big deal out of it to someone who's OCD is counter productive. You can be sure that they will already be "carefully risk managing" so stressing the need for hygeine can be counter productive.

    Obviously you have to be clean and careful, and if someone takes part in a casual bit of rimming without washing well before I'd stress the need a lot more. But you do have to be careful with someone who's OCD since you can easily send them into hysteria over an act and it'll have to stop all together (since they may take it to the extremes causing bleeding hands, or worse if they want to wash all the contamination from other, more delicate areas). I've used alcohol on my lady bits before to clean and I'm not even *that* OCD.

    Adx

    1299712210
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    menyanthe wrote:

    BigPoppa, as a woman who likes to take charge of practically everything and doesn't really accept any questioning on her decisions (I would say what furniture, what appliances we would buy, I would say where and when we would go to a vacation, things like that), I can tell you that I would definately LOVE him to take more initiative in our sex life. A LOT MORE! Cos currently, I am doing most of it there too - dressing up, caressing him on the soft spots, kissing him all over, making an unexpected blowjobs and handjobs to him... But I would like it more if he was the initiator! Believe it or not. So, it is not so strange for your lady to feel like that.

    Also, I do like experimenting, but sometimes I do need some time to get used with the thought of something new. Maybe she does too?

    And this "but shit comes out of there" was bothering me too at first. Now I prefer to make myself a douche first a couple of times. Makes me feel cleaner, however my stomach doesn't feel exactly right afterwards. Why don't you offer this to her and maybe she would be more willing to try? And the mouth thing - I definately wouldn't feel comfortable with that! Wouldn't recommend it! (even though I am comfortable with anal)

    About hand creams - some are more gentle than others. So maybe you could find one that doesn't have alcohol, perfume, etc and is not stinging.

    Yeh I think she would be happier douching etc to get nice and clean but to be honest I haven't a clue on how I broach that idea! I think I have tried all I can to introduce it and perhaps just hope that she reads the Tracey Cox think ( I'm sure it suggests douching in there if your icky about it etc ).

    I have lots of good ideas how to get going once / if she ever comes round to the idea though!

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