Having a Threesome

If you can't agree my advice would be not to do it!

We have been down this route a few times, always been MMF, the OH is not comfortable with FFM (she is straight ). We did have a F friend who wanted to join us, but as the OH was not happy we never accepted.

Both sides must be happy for it to work.

Achievement, discomfort, ex friend, unrequited lust,  dissatishfied, unrealised- sounds like the maze in the Goblet of Fire!!!

TB

I'd love a threesome or foursome with my hubby but wouldn't know where to start.

There's no way I'd do it in my area cos I'd only bump into the people in Tesco's...shame!

I wonder if theres a really nice sexy hotel that caters for adults only, somewhere, where you can book and have a dirty weekend and there are like minded people there too, who'd like to join in?

So you could be sitting in the bar with your partner and perhaps get chatting to another couple and then take it from there.

I wonderif  there are any swingers clubs/hotels not too far away from buckinghamshire cos it's hubby's 45th birthday and I'd love to do something like that for him (and me too!)

Bugger my clit is hard as a rock I'm off to pay it some attention LOL!

Oopps just used the search function, have now found my answer..I think?

Sorry Carley

i had a threesome with an ex as well as friend, unfortunately the experience ended both relationships. I'm not saying this is the same for everyone,, however if there are strict rules put in place I cant see how it cant be a good expereince for everyone,  its just one I personally am not willing to experience again.

We've been considering this for awhile but we're both too shy to ask someone!!! My OH is ok with another gal in the room (she's never done that before, but is a little curious) but not a another dude.

We have a friend that we both agree would be good (she's a couple years older, single and seems to be pretty open). We only get to see her a couple of times per year though. She's a good friend and we don't want to mess that up.

We're just not sure how to proceed...

swiss doc wrote:

We've been considering this for awhile but we're both too shy to ask someone!!! My OH is ok with another gal in the room (she's never done that before, but is a little curious) but not a another dude.

We have a friend that we both agree would be good (she's a couple years older, single and seems to be pretty open). We only get to see her a couple of times per year though. She's a good friend and we don't want to mess that up.

We're just not sure how to proceed...

In my opinion, seeking a sexual partner for any circumstance counts as dating.  So proceed as if you were dating (which you are).  In my experience, it really is as simple as that.

swiss doc wrote:

We've been considering this for awhile but we're both too shy to ask someone!!! My OH is ok with another gal in the room (she's never done that before, but is a little curious) but not a another dude.

We have a friend that we both agree would be good (she's a couple years older, single and seems to be pretty open). We only get to see her a couple of times per year though. She's a good friend and we don't want to mess that up.

We're just not sure how to proceed...

Maybe get your girlfirend to ask the other girl when you're not around so it's less intimidating and more like a girly chat?

I've got a friend who I've ocassionally played with (not full sex ut a bit of kiss and squeeze).  We have a very open friendship and have both admited that we'd like to try more but she now has a boyfriend who wouldn't really be ok with it so we have behaved ever since.  We still flirt a bit because we discussed the new rules and like and respect each other we know what's appropriate behaviour.

I've had a few sexual freindships like this and far from finding it weird, I really enjoyed having a friend who I could also give pleasure too!  As long as everyone involved is open minded and honest I think this can be a fantastic arangement. 

When you say you don't want to mess things up, what specifically are you worried about? Jealousy, awkwardness?  I might be able to help but I'm not sure what your concerned about.

xxKPxx

We don't want to lose her as a freind. We really enjoy her company as a friend on the few chance we get to see one another. My OH and I have been together for over 10 years and we are both quite satisfied with our love making and secure in our relationship. This is a little fantasy that pops up now and again and we'd like to do more about it but are just too afraid to proceed. I thinks it's breaking down the initial barrier with her that is scary. The whole "what if she's offended and wants to leave" scenario seems to be too much for us. Since we live quite a ways apart, we generally stay over at each others places for a couple of days when we do get to visit and while that opens up some possibilities, it also makes things awkward if it's not brought up correctly or is found to be insulting.

We also aren't comfortable with going a pro or someone we don't know...that is not going to happen.

swiss doc wrote:

We don't want to lose her as a freind. We really enjoy her company as a friend on the few chance we get to see one another. My OH and I have been together for over 10 years and we are both quite satisfied with our love making and secure in our relationship. This is a little fantasy that pops up now and again and we'd like to do more about it but are just too afraid to proceed. I thinks it's breaking down the initial barrier with her that is scary. The whole "what if she's offended and wants to leave" scenario seems to be too much for us. Since we live quite a ways apart, we generally stay over at each others places for a couple of days when we do get to visit and while that opens up some possibilities, it also makes things awkward if it's not brought up correctly or is found to be insulting.

Hmmm I guess it depends on the friend, you said you think she's open minded so I can't imagine she'd be offeneded at being asked.  A couple of my friends that I'm not at all interested in sexually have expressed an interest in sleeping with me and I've just said no thanks and we've just got on with our friendship.  Assuming she's a reasonable person and she values the friendship I can't imagine it being a big deal if you ask nicely

xxKPxx

swiss doc wrote:

We don't want to lose her as a freind. We really enjoy her company as a friend on the few chance we get to see one another. [...] we'd like to do more about it but are just too afraid to proceed. I thinks it's breaking down the initial barrier with her that is scary. The whole "what if she's offended and wants to leave" scenario seems to be too much for us. Since we live quite a ways apart, we generally stay over at each others places for a couple of days when we do get to visit and while that opens up some possibilities, it also makes things awkward if it's not brought up correctly or is found to be insulting.

swiss doc wrote:

We also aren't comfortable with going a pro or someone we don't know...that is not going to happen.

In my experience, dating always involves risks, both emotional and circumstantial, I think that's par for the course.  Dating is about getting to know people and finding out what everybody's comfortable with, and what limits to stay within.  That's what dating is all about.  If remaining emotionally safe is more important to you than exploring these possibilities, then you can stay as you are and keep it as a fantasy.  If exploring these possibilities is more important to you than remaining emotionally safe, then by all means proceed with it.

I think it's a matter of prioritising which risks you're prepared to accept and which ones you're not, just like in any dating situation.

Nexas wrote:

I personally couldn't share an OH with another person as I get quite intimate with partners.

Do you mean that you think that your ability to be intimate would be impaired in some way if there were another person present?

 I regard sexual acts as very intimate too.  However, I think my ability to be intimate depends not on who else is or isn't in the privacy of my environment or in my life, but on my response to an individual.  I don't understand the idea of switching off the ability to respond intimately, unless something is a turn-off.     Is that what you meant?

I'd love a threesome with another woman, it's something me and MH have discussed in depth, but now were pretty serious about eachother I won't do it, there's too much to lose if things went wrong.  If we were only casual or I was single I wouldn't hesitate!

Magic Hands is sat at side of me and in answer to Nexas he says yes he'd be fine with watching me with another woman, in fact he'd love it that much he'd make her breakfast, dinner and tea, and probably not let her leave!! lol

He respects my decision though and I think he feels the same.  I get quite jealous, I can't help it and I wish it were different but that's just what i'm like.  I think at this stage in our relationship a threesome would mess with my head too much.

I do really enjoy the fantasy though!  MH is always telling me sexy lesbian/threesome stories when we're in bed and letting me borrow his porn collection, love it!

Xx

I agree with Nexas - I could do a one-time thing just for the experience but not on a regular basis. I would probably try to meet someone whilst with my partner rather than asking a friend but that is just me x

Thats if I was in a relationship btw. I might consider being a third but I would have to feel very comfortable with the couple x

The issue is so complex for me. I'm really possessive, so I couldn't watch my partner with someone else... but even aside from that, who would you ask? Is a stranger better, or a friend? What if the friend gets attached? What if it becomes a regualr thing? It's just... too complicated. Not sure I'd risk it.

shellyboo wrote:

The issue is so complex for me. I'm really possessive, so I couldn't watch my partner with someone else... but even aside from that, who would you ask? Is a stranger better, or a friend? What if the friend gets attached? What if it becomes a regualr thing? It's just... too complicated. Not sure I'd risk it.

Those are my concerns.  I always thought we'd go for  a stranger if we were to do it, but even then it's not neccessarily no strings.  What if she fancies my OH?  Keeps in touch with him? Wants to do it again but without me?... My head would be mashed x

That's exactly it. Too many variables, too many what if's.