rougher sex!

I really want to have rough(er) sex and to be dominated but my man won't even entertain the idea as he says he's scared he'll hurt me, I really appreciate his thoughtfulness, but its something I really want to try, any ideas about how I can get him to give it a try??

Discussthe matter with him further, aggree some rules that are acceptable to both of you and decided on an action or word, etc,etc where if it does become to much that it stops. If this does happen just comfort and reassure each other. When and if you do decide to carryout this role play start slowly and enjoy it.

The main thing is there must be trust with one and other, all I can say is what a thoughtfull fella.

i enjoy some rough sex at times and like you my partner is a kind respectful man who loves me. what works for us is to immerse ourselves in a role play - female prisoner and prison guard is my fave. that way he feels comfortable just acting out a role and i get some great rough sex. a safety word is always important though.

Speaking as a man whose wife would like me to be more dominant (not necessarily rough) I find it really difficult to allow myself to get into that mindset of imposing myself and my wishes on someone else. It's a shame, as I like the idea of dominance, but it's really important to me to hear that loud and clear "Go ahead - I want you to do this to me", which isn't something I'm getting at the moment.

And I'm sorry, but "just carry on until they safe-word out" doesn't work for me. Nor does "carry on until they tell you it's too much". That framework puts the whole session in such a negative light - I'm doing everything I can to please her and all I hear is *nothing nothing nothing*"Too much" *nothing nothing nothging* "Wrong" *nothing nothing nothing* "Don't do that...whoa there buster!"

Talk about offputting! Any advice from the men would be gratefully received, too. Someone's got to have a better way than this!

Mr Monster wrote:

Speaking as a man whose wife would like me to be more dominant (not necessarily rough) I find it really difficult to allow myself to get into that mindset of imposing myself and my wishes on someone else. It's a shame, as I like the idea of dominance, but it's really important to me to hear that loud and clear "Go ahead - I want you to do this to me", which isn't something I'm getting at the moment.

And I'm sorry, but "just carry on until they safe-word out" doesn't work for me. Nor does "carry on until they tell you it's too much". That framework puts the whole session in such a negative light - I'm doing everything I can to please her and all I hear is *nothing nothing nothing*"Too much" *nothing nothing nothging* "Wrong" *nothing nothing nothing* "Don't do that...whoa there buster!"

Talk about offputting! Any advice from the men would be gratefully received, too. Someone's got to have a better way than this!

This is such a good point! You have to hear some positivity and encouragment! Usually plenty of moaning does the trick. With me and WandA we have signals too that are less negative (three taps on his body = too much, too hard, too quick - basically adjust slightly but it's not really negative more a "I'd prefer something a bit different") and he's generally very aware so I'll make it obvious it I move away from something that's too much. Less "you're doing it wrong" and more "all change please".

I must say though - I really avoid saying anything negative even during role play or dom play - I still let him know what I want but I do it in a positive way - it's easy to modify your mindset so your responses are always positive (and it makes the session more enjoyable for me too because I get less frustrated with myself if something isn't working out for me).

Adx

 I'm one of these kind of guys who is hesitant about this. Even with a safe word I don't actually like accessing that part of my personality as I don't feel very in control of my angry side. I'd be worried that I would snap into some dark place that I wouldn't like to go....

Jamba wrote:

 I'm one of these kind of guys who is hesitant about this. Even with a safe word I don't actually like accessing that part of my personality as I don't feel very in control of my angry side. I'd be worried that I would snap into some dark place that I wouldn't like to go....

 and i'm in completely the same mind-set as you, miss-lexi 

jamba, i'd reeeeally like to try some rougher stuff, and i completely trust you, and i completely trust that you'd have the self-control to honor a safeword/sound... honestly, i think i wouldnt be with you if i didnt think you had that kind of self-control. 

i'll be watching this thread with interest in the hopes of some good advice too ^__^

Um....I've been with Boobaloo for like..er...13 years i think? nearly? We used to have very...think you use the term 'vanilla' on here...sex. Still do occasionally. I think above all, you need to get used to each other, and build up a lot of trust in yourselves as much as each other. She likes me to be dominant, and I'll admit I'm still not over confident at that. But I think I'm pretty good at being rough....kinda throwing her about a little into positions she couldn't get herself into ( such as kneeling over her and pusing her knees against her chest, or holding her ankles out wide ), without hurting her. It's just a case of restricting her ability to move, holding her in position while you screw the living daylights out of her for me lol. Um...we talk about things a lot too, so I'd definitely advise that. Oh and try and push the boundaries of what you're used to a little, but make sure you know what's too far...yes it's difficult, but you know each other right? And you know what's gonna be just a little testing and when she need you to pack it in...so I'd say just kinda, well, go for it....and dont' worry about being the perfect lover. You're not, you never wil be, I never will be...just enjoy it together.

Jamba wrote:

 I'm one of these kind of guys who is hesitant about this. Even with a safe word I don't actually like accessing that part of my personality as I don't feel very in control of my angry side. I'd be worried that I would snap into some dark place that I wouldn't like to go....

^This.

For me it's not so much being angry ( which I am, lots. Long story, old thread) as accessing those things that get bundled up and stored alongside the anger. Asking me to get all that clutter out and "trusting" me to use the right bits is missing the point. It's the very process of unleashing and then sorting through all of it, to locate the "sexy" bits that Mrs M is keen on, that is the turn-off for me. I just flat don't like myself from that perspective, and it doesn't feel good to remind myself of all the things I'd rather weren't there.

Maybe if I explain on here and someone gets it, by a process of esoteric osmosis, Mrs M will understand my explanations too...

we like to indulge in some very rough sex biting scratching spanking etc and always hard and fast, we both love it on many occ we have ended up with some minor injurys i think the last one was a loose screw from a dining room chair we were fucking on caught my knee we relised after we finished that there was more than my cum and her squirt juices running down my leg, then it started to hurt like hell...

 we're getting rougher with time. There are some days we're very gentle but in general OH bangs the hell out of me. When we first met i spent a lot of time covered in bruises!! I tend to tell him what I want and hes figured out the more wound up he gets me the higher the chance i will ask for something dirty and somewhat rough!!! 

i love having my neck held but he doesnt get too tight and my arms arent restrained so i can grab him off if i want him to let go. 

start slow or why dont you get in there first..... rough him up a bit ;) 

@Mr Monster... my OH doesnt have a choice i go for it and the more he has p'd me off (i get killer pmt at times) the more im going to twist, bite and make him wriggle.... its pure domination and he finds it hard but one he gives in I think its fun. Why not talk about it first... we spoke about it in general before we started anything. 

I really enjoy when D roughs me up, lots of scratching and biting of my balls and nipples.

with regards to getting men to be rougher with me, I usually find the good old, "oh yes right there, harder, there HARDER HARDERHARDER fuck me, I like that" works a treat.

Rougher sex can just be thrusting harder, or holding her hands over her head/ behind her back. A lot of the point about being dominant is that you have to have much more self control, be concisive, and exact, rather than letting yourself go.I believe a lot of doms preplan their sessions to help them stay in control.

I can understand where you're coming from with not wanting to allow yourself in to that dark space tho. I am generally a very controlled person in the bedroom with someone who I dont think can be dominant with me because when I let go I have caused serious damage, bitten and scratched hard enough to draw blood, sent men flying across the room kicking them off the bed etc. and I've not even remembered doing it so I am careful that side of me only comes out with either a man whos strong enoughto restrain me if needed, or a man who enjoys that side of me, or both.

I did find someone to allow that this week though and it was amazing

start with light stuff...spanking...light biting and see how he feels...

I did this with my OH

I think i would just do what my lover had asked and if it does not work then say it was not what you expected and that you do not want to try it again...

Mr Monster wrote:

Speaking as a man whose wife would like me to be more dominant (not necessarily rough) I find it really difficult to allow myself to get into that mindset of imposing myself and my wishes on someone else. It's a shame, as I like the idea of dominance, but it's really important to me to hear that loud and clear "Go ahead - I want you to do this to me", which isn't something I'm getting at the moment.

And I'm sorry, but "just carry on until they safe-word out" doesn't work for me. Nor does "carry on until they tell you it's too much". That framework puts the whole session in such a negative light - I'm doing everything I can to please her and all I hear is *nothing nothing nothing*"Too much" *nothing nothing nothging* "Wrong" *nothing nothing nothing* "Don't do that...whoa there buster!"

Talk about offputting! Any advice from the men would be gratefully received, too. Someone's got to have a better way than this!

Some might judge me for this but a fair few years ago I had a 'thing' with a girl as revenge... it's a very long story and she was very up for it because she was as horny as anything. But she loved it rough, I have never been able to be as rough with anyone else because it just is not the same. The sex was amazing but it sure as hell was not love between us.

Just to clarify the 'revenge' - her bf stole my ex-gf... ok, could explain how it was revenge or you can use your imagination. Lets just leave it at he commented how good she tasted ready-salted.

Oh right... my point, be careful how much you push this, to be 'rough' with someone you care about I think you have to change how you feel about them or be thinking about how you feel for someone else and then take it out on them. They might enjoy it but for us guys, I would not advise digging around in those kind of thoughts.

HC, sounds like you weren't very careful there. Hope you're OK.

It's a different situation, though, because what you had was never love; it started from somewhere different and got really rough and really sexy. That doesn't mean you can't be really rough within a loving relationship, so long as the communication is there.

I am fine now, it must have happened about 3 1/2 years ago... been with my other half over 4 1/2 years (she knows the full story). But being with my OH for going on 5 years, she loves the intimacy of sex rather than rough most of the time but I have never 'pounded her' like I have to someone else (who really got off on it). I think there is a mental block that if you care about someone enough you are not going to do anything which may potentially hurt them.

I sort of have rough sex fixed into two catagories.

There is the angry, cold sex, which I really don't like the idea off. Then there is the hot, passionate sex, where the roughness comes from wanting more, more, more, and you let the lust be the incentive.

I think "angry" sex sounds incredibly unhealthy, but I guess it works for some and not for others.