• likeminded lover?

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    princess moo [sign in to see picture]
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    So, atm my partner is the most gorgeous, horny man I've ever been with, I adore him with every bone in my body, he gives me everything sexually I could ever want, I never feel scared to ask him to try something new and he knows I'll try anything he wants because if hes happy im happy. Theres never a time we're together that either of us fail to cum, and sexually we're more compatible than I've been with anyone, ever.

    BUT...

    He doesn't give me what I need outside of the bedroom, hes pretty much made it clear that we want different things in terms of "commitment" (run boys run!!!) we've both been married and have children, hes been screwed over, as have I but I feel ready to move on to the next level and would really love someone to wake up to each morning.

    My problem is this, I spend my days being told to move on by friends and family, but my nights being turned on by my lover. How can I choose? Is it too much to ask for both? I'm petrified of leaving him to never find someone else who could understand my needs without making me feel seedy, or touch me in a way thats all about giving. I've never met a man like this before and am kinda scared I might never meet one again...

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    [suspended user]

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    Can't you sort out this problem of commitment, it could be just paranoia from previous relationships..i was the same with my oh when we met but now we have been together for 33yeras it's great, had it's up's and downs but she's my star even if she does piss me off on the very odd occasion i love her to hell and back

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    princess moo [sign in to see picture]
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    hes made it VERY clear that he doesnt wanna live together etc, says he loves me, I believe him, but I'm at a point I want someone to look after and be looked after by, selfish? maybe, truthful, yes.

    Truth be told hes a lucky boy, I spoil him rotton, in and outta the sack but I just need someone to wear pjs with, when we're not swinging from the chandilears....make sense?? ;)

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    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    How long have you been together? It's understandable for a guy to steer clear of commitment. We all seem to do it!

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    princess moo [sign in to see picture]
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    you see, I miss living with someone, I dont miss my husband but I miss someone to snug with when I'm tired, its just in my nature.

    was married 13 years and liked nothing better than someone to come home to.

    1296742832
    princess moo [sign in to see picture]
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    makes your skin crawl?? oh well, I can't imagine NOT wanting to share my whole life with the man I love, different horses for different courses I guess...

    Now don't get me wrong, I'm not dependant on him, I've lived alone with my children long enough not to "need" a man, I just kinda want one, this one.

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    Sweet-kitten [sign in to see picture]
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    LoveHoney - Hella Rouge wrote:

    I don't see what all of the fuss is about, this living together malarky. I spent 5 years living with one man and 2 1/2 years with another and both times it was Hell on Earth. Just gimme my place and my cat, men can come and go.

    I honestly think that living with other people is overrated and think you should push past this. If it's meant to go that way it will when you're both ready, but don't be so keen to rush things.

    This!

    I agree completely. I have my dogs and cats and I have sexual friendships as and when I want them. I answer to no one but myself. I am happy and fulfilled. I really don't understand what the rush is to live together.

    Good luck and much happiness to you though.

    1296747984
    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    I guess the first thing that springs to mind is the worrying statistics that are bandied about regarding marriage and divorce - 50% of first marriages fail and 70% of second marriages. It perhaps accounts for an unwillingness on his part to commit to a new relationship.

    While I think a good sex life is important in a long-term relationship (and I'm glad we still regularly bonk each other senseless after 38 years together) it is the friendship between us that is the real glue that binds us together. So, I'm not sure that a relationship built on the fact that each finds the other an irresistibly good shag is necessarily built for the long term.

    I found it interesting that, on another thread, when I questioned the validity of a "my body, my business" attitude in marriage that my supporters were somewhat outweighed by the others although my wife and I agree we would not wish to do anything that the other disapproved of. We both feel that we want to help the other get as much as they can of the things they want and that, in many regards we enjoy seeing the other's pleasure more than our own.

    I feel that this level of commitment makes for a good sex life. Neither of us would want to refuse trying something the other thinks they might like - we have a real "try anything once" attitude. After all, if it is a real "till death" match then when you say no to something you are committing the other to never experience it either - which rather brings into question the "no has the casting vote" attitude in marriage (another good debate I think!).

    I know that if my wife likes something then I seem to like it too and I can't honestly say if my own pleasure in it is direct or is just a reaction to her enjoyment.

    All this is a roundabout way of saying I think a good sex life is a likely consequence of a solid committed friendship but I'm not convinced the reverse is true.

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    paradise found [sign in to see picture]
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    Gyrator53 wrote:

    While I think a good sex life is important in a long-term relationship (and I'm glad we still regularly bonk each other senseless after 38 years together) it is the friendship between us that is the real glue that binds us together. So, I'm not sure that a relationship built on the fact that each finds the other an irresistibly good shag is necessarily built for the long term.

    See, that's what everyone would have said about us because our relationship was built on lust at first sight. The friendship came later. We can pip you on the 38 years and we still have sex everyday

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    paradise found wrote:

    See, that's what everyone would have said about us because our relationship was built on lust at first sight. The friendship came later. We can pip you on the 38 years and we still have sex everyday

    I don't think it's an issue that a relationship starts out built primarily on physical attraction - I belive most do. I think the problems come when people try to glue a long-term relationship togeter when the relationship has not evolved into a friendship outside the bedroom.

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Gyrator53 wrote:

    I feel that this level of commitment makes for a good sex life. Neither of us would want to refuse trying something the other thinks they might like - we have a real "try anything once" attitude. After all, if it is a real "till death" match then when you say no to something you are committing the other to never experience it either - which rather brings into question the "no has the casting vote" attitude in marriage (another good debate I think!).

    I know that if my wife likes something then I seem to like it too and I can't honestly say if my own pleasure in it is direct or is just a reaction to her enjoyment.

    I think me and WandA are the same - my issue in the other thread was that noone (partner or otherwise) should *expect* you to do some something/not do something but because I adore WandA I often *want* to do as he likes. Perfect balance for me.

    Princess moo - I think if you're not getting something you need from your relationship you should try to fix this. If you need a long term partner then noone can tell you you should want otherwise! If you need committment then go out and get it - from the current partner or a new partner. It's not selfish to want love, committment and good sex, you just have to hope that the right person comes along at the right time.

    If he won't commit could you not keep it casual and try to meet new people too? He can't have his cake and eat it so if there's no commitment would he have an issue with non exclusivity?

    All the best!

    Adx

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    princess moo [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok, for all you lovely ppl that have taken the time to reply, thankyou.

    Let me just reiterate, when I said how great our sex life is I was deadly serious, it's the closest most intimate relationship I've ever had, even compared with the one I had with the father of my children. Now everyone knows how important this is but I don't want you to think our relationship is purely based on this. He is my best friend, we share a lot of time with each others children and are happy and relaxed in each others company, we know how to make each other belly chuckle, you know?

    My problem is this, I don't just want him for the weekend, I want him for forever, I hate when he leaves and get really excited when I know hes coming...

    Two of you made very valid, but contrasting points for me, A) Hella Rouge asks if sharing my bed every night is really that important and worth throwing away real love for? A very sad but perhaps shockinly true comment. B) Alicia D'amore says if you feel you need a long term partner then noone can tell you you should want otherwise...this is exactly how I feel!!

    Perhaps I'm just not gonna be able to answer this one, my head says maybe stick it out because you love him and don't want anyone else but my heart says theres someone out there just craving the level of affection I want from a relationship. Essentially I'm none the wiser!!

    Its been a long day guys n gals, I feel a large glass of red, hot bubble bath and bed, on my own, (except for my LH toys!!!) may be in order... Thanks again for the pearls of wisdom you lovely worldly wise people so willingly give out!! ;-)

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    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't know how long you've been together PM, but give him some time, maybe he'll come around. I'm sure you can find something to have at your place that will make him want to spend more time there. Good luck!

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    kimberlyc [sign in to see picture]
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    There is nothing wrong with you for wanting more. You deserve to have everything you want in a partner (unless your wants are unreasonable, and yours are not.)

    Do you give him everything he wants, when he wants it? What I mean is... are you always available for him, on his terms? Do you let him determine when and how long you're together?

    Do you have your own hobbies and interests and friends that you spend time with? Do you schedule those around him, leaving yourself available for him?

    The reason I ask is that that can have the effect of making a man feel either smothered or as if he doesn't have to do anything but what he wants to do. If that's the case, then I think you should be less available to him on his terms. Now, I'm not saying you should play games, here. What I'm saying is that you may need to be more busy. Men like when a woman is so damn fabulous and has such a wonderful life that they have to work a bit to get in there. I know some people will disagree with me, but I think men like a little bit of a challenge. Nothing bitchy, just... they like to know that the woman they have is a prize worth winning.

    Don't play coy games. Just schedule some things for you that don't involve him. Maybe go camping for a weekend with some old girl friends, or join a pub quiz team. (I am in a knitting group, myself. It's really fun and it gets me out of the house. LOL) If you're thinking "But, Saturday is the only day he can spend with me!" then I think that Saturday is probably a good day to go do something with some friends.

    If you're not a bitch about it (which any man worth the bother will see right through), I think you may be very pleasantly surprised by his reaction. He may start working harder to see more of you, and want to be a part of your life in a bigger way. Or, he may be perfectly happy to just let you go do your thing... in which case you'll know that this is not the relationship for you.

    Give the man the opportunity to miss you and pine for you a tiny bit. If he doesn't miss you, then you'll at least know that.

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    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    I can't reply because its all already been said lol!

    There's nothing wrong at all in wanting more from the relationship at all!

    But, Also, Time is a great ally! Be patient and great things can happen! Sorry if Im a bit vague - Just got up and havent had coffee yet lolz....

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    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    Just a suggestion - if moving in together isn't an option, have you considered moving closer? While you wouldn't be living together, you could be close enough that you can just pop around whenever you need to.

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    Draig [sign in to see picture]
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    Pretty much all been said... just want to add my 2pence :-)

    My OH is anti allot of the 'comitment' norms eg weddings, morgage etc which is a really pain in the bum!! As this is what i would love for us. but he is the best bloke I could wish for in every way (can make me giggle whatever mood im in, knows me better than I no me, oh and fantastic in bed) So you just have to decide can you be without these things to be with him. My veiw he still makes me smile so yes I can

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    Frizzer [sign in to see picture]
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    living together and marriage is shit - stay as u are !!!!! lol

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    Virginia [sign in to see picture]
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    katy.bird wrote:

    There is nothing wrong with you for wanting more. You deserve to have everything you want in a partner (unless your wants are unreasonable, and yours are not.)

    ...

    Give the man the opportunity to miss you and pine for you a tiny bit. If he doesn't miss you, then you'll at least know that.

    katy.bird you couldn't have put it better!

    Princess Moo - I think ultimately you have to be prepared to decide whether it's more painful to stay with somebody who cannot fulfil what you want in life or not be with somebody who can fulfil some parts of your life.

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