• I have a love/ hate relationship with my libido, help!

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    saucyoldwitch [sign in to see picture]
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    Help! Since my youngest weaned from nursing my sex drive has come back in full force. It's like being 18 again. In fact maybe even moreso. I am married and we have a good sex life but I would like it more often and more each time if you see what I mean.

    The week leading up to ovulation I feel like an animal, I am so horny all the time, it doesn't matter whether I have sex or masturbate, I just get horny again. I heard somewhere that when chimps are ovulating the males line up for their turn. Well after dh is done I am ready for the rest of the queue. When I walk around I feel like I am giving off a vibe, like "I eithe rjust had hot sex or am just about to have hot sex and it could be with you!" to every man I pass! A little unnerving when saying hi to the hot dad in the school playground!

    A related issue is that a few minutes after orgasm I get really turned on again, sometimes I feel like I could almost come again without even doing anything. It makes it hard to feel satisfied when that happens.

    Not sure what advice anyone could give me, maybe just hearing some of you are the same, I feel like a bit of a freak for a married mum approaching middle age! Isn't it supposed to be dh begging me for more sex, not the other way round?!!

    I just wish I could have loads and loads of sex. I'd like to spend the whole of that pre-ovulation week in bed having sex, sleeping and stopping for a meal every now and then! I want to feel "done", if you know what I mean- sore and sweaty and worn out. But heck we have a large family to care for, jobs, chores and I need a lot of sleep to feel well. I don't even know if I can feel satisfied, but I'd like to give it a go! My husband works from home and I keep suggesting a day in bed, he says yes but we've been talking about it for months and it's never a convenient time for him to take a day off. I don't want him to feel pressured or inadequate. But aaargh!!

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    try a day in bed see if you still feel horny after that

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    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    You say after you orgasm, a few minutes later you feel you could go for another. Well, why not! Even if it's orgasming through sex, then going for another orgasm with a toy, it could turn out worthwhile. My sex drive can be a bit wild sometimes, but even I have a limit to how much sex/orgasms I can have before I feel like I'll die if anyone puts anything between my legs ever again! :P

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    Yoko [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm in the same boat. 3 weeks of the month all I can think about it sex sex sex. My sex drive now is higher than it ever was when I was younger and that's saying something!

    I don't mean to be impertinent but I wondered how old you are? The reason I ask is this may be due to fluctuating levels of hormones. I've just turned 40 and I have a feeling the reason for it is precisely that.

    Anytime from about mid/late-30s womens hormones start fluctuating and it can continue that way until she hits menopause at 50 or so. Hormone balance is such a precise thing that if one of them is just slightly off, it can cause havoc.

    Just a thought....

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    Yoko [sign in to see picture]
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    violeteyes wrote:

    i dont know how daring your relationship is but maybe you could arrange to attend an orgy? lots of people to have sex with and if your OH attends then you could both have fun

    Damn that sounds good to me right about now.... I'd never convince hubby though.

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    Yoko [sign in to see picture]
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    violeteyes wrote:

    Yoko wrote:

    violeteyes wrote:

    i dont know how daring your relationship is but maybe you could arrange to attend an orgy? lots of people to have sex with and if your OH attends then you could both have fun

    Damn that sounds good to me right about now.... I'd never convince hubby though.

    ha ha same but maybe in a few years he will give in

    I can always hope LOL.

    Oh and to the OP I should have said I'm LOVING having my libido back. The first time it happened it kinda freaked me out a bit, but now that its back and hopefully to stay, I'm finding ways to make it work for me.

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    saucyoldwitch [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm 37, though it has been the same since my youngest weaned from breastfeeding a couple of years ago. I think the other reason is just that I am healthier- turns out I'd been ill to some extent all my adult life with celiac, didn't find out till 3 years ago.

    Orgies, anything involving other people, will not be happening, for multiple reasons I won't bore you with. Not something either of us really wants to do.

    Ecksvie, I think you might be on to something. I don'tknow how dh would feel about it but maybe sometimes after we do whatever we do first, I could do some solo stuff while he rested, he might even be up for me after seeing that. It's all a bit delicate, dh and I used to be very religious and he still doesn't masturbate as he sees it as connected with wanting other people and a risk of unfaithfulness. It's taken some time and care to get to where he is okay with me doing it, and having sex toys etc. But we're pretty much past that now, thank goodness!

    Also it occurred to me I could do some of that day in bed stuff on my own, I work part time so have time during the day when the kids are at school, for more than just a quickie with my bullet. Dh works from home though so it's a bit awkward.

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    sharry [sign in to see picture]
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    I have similar symptoms, though not quite as severe. I find the the couple of weeks leading up to my period I get very horny, and sometimes through my period. I think it's just hormones taking over as it happens every month. As yours seem a bit extreme (possibly) it might be worth getting your hormone levels checked by the doc. Maybe its something to do with weaning your youngest, either physically or psychologically. Are you on the pill or using some other form of contraceptive?

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    saucyoldwitch [sign in to see picture]
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    No, no pill or anything like that. I had my hormones checked a while ago (about 3 years or so) as I wasn't ovulating every cycle, everything came back fine. It was later I found out I was ill with something else and that was why I wasn't ovulating, as I was so run down. Since getting that sorted I am regular as clockwork and my luteal phase is 14 days instead of 10. I take all that and the extra horniness as good signs that I am in much better health. So to me it's a good sign rather than a concern. I've always had a high sex drive except when breastfeeding, from the age of 12 was sneaking into the loos to masturbate at lunchtimes at school lol, so really it's normal for me I think.

    I don't think it's related to weaning, as in it causing a problem, it's that while I was breastfeeding my libido was suppressed, which is normal, just one way the body reduces the chance of another baby coming along while the current little one is still needing to nurse. I have 4 kids and breastfed them for a total of 8 years so I'd got pretty used to the low interest, I was really sad about it and didn't know if it would come back. But thankfully with weaning and improved health I am back to my old self.

    I think part of the issue is dh has got used to me not being interested, he was very kind and tried not to pressure me. But now he's used to not having sex very often (and he doesn't masturbate) so his body has adjusted to that and also he's very tentative about saying he wants me. We talked yesterday and he said he wants me every night when we get into bed, I joked that I'd like to set him a challenge of telling me every time he feels like he wants me but he thinks I will be tired or not want to (eh? lol). This morning the alarm went off and we snuggled up and he said "Now I want to have sex with you". Good stuff! No time for it right then but still, good to know!

    We have actually been having more sex lately so I've got used to not masturbating very often and relying on him. But then over the winter is his busy time with work, staying up till after midnight working and me really needing my sleep especially as I have mild seasonal affective disorder. Hence less sex again. I think if I get back into taking care of myself more often that'll help. Had a nice session of DIY this morning, instead of just a quick one in the bathroom and I feel better lol.

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    LittleMissLilyKat [sign in to see picture]
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    I have a similar issue, before i went on the depot injection at 19 my sex drive was throught the roof for about two weeks of the month, I came off hormonal contraception in October and it's gone up almost as much as it was before i ever went on depot.

    It just seems ridiculous and i've even considered going back on the mini pill just to lower it down again, it's even worse atm cos I'm single! then for the other two weeks i just feel pretty normal. I'm glad it's not just me.

    xxx

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    kimberlyc [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow... I could write several of the posts in this thread!

    Since hitting 40, I've become sex mad during my fertile period. I am very aware of my fertile period because we used to practice Natural Family Planning and I could just chart horniness and it would be as reliable as temperature or mucous checks. LOL.

    We have religious beliefs that lead to a lot of frustration and dissonance, and my husband was getting used to nearly no sex, etc. We're now communicating much more clearly about these things and they are getting better. They were pretty bad for a while, but recently they've improved. It sounds like you two are communicating your needs and clearing out some old baggage, too.

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    Draig [sign in to see picture]
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    Im not sure if Im in the same situation as you ( no kids) but I have the prob of a high sex drive. The Dr changed my pill a few years ago and it seemed to help. even though my OH still complains about it ( he should have known me without the pill!)

    Apart from that the only other thing I can suggest to help with the unfinished feeling! is each time you start to cum stop what ever it is your/he's doing and move on to something else. then after 3/4 goes let yourself climax. My OH did this the other night and it really worked, when he at last let me it was bigger than normal and I actually felt finished, try it. good luck x

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