• Open relationships/jelousy/cheating problem

    1296658531
    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Ah, sorry, I didn't want to imply you were an evil nymphomaniac or anything! It's the problem with the written word, so often it can be misenterpreted. For the record, 3 a week would be great!

    With the other people thing, I was kind of thinking about one of his mates bringing sex into conversation on a lads night out or something, so it would be separate to your pleas for help. Of course this could well be difficult to orchestrate, but if you knew / trusted of of his good friends, then it would be a possibility.

    I hate to say it, but its sounding more and more like the 2 of you are coming to some sort of relationship changing confrontation. Something has to give soon.

    1296658731
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
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    i cant talk to him without getting upset, which annoys him or him interupting or twisting what im saying. i cant believe i was tupid enough to stick up for him yesterday. im leaving him for now deffo. im going to explain in a note and stay with a friend for a few days. i dont see any other way around this. maybe he'll come crawling back with his tail between his legs but personnaly i don't see it happening. in which case he doesnt want this as much as me, so it isnt worth my mascara

    1296658968
    paradise found [sign in to see picture]
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    missorgasm wrote:

    "no one thinks about me"

    "yeahyeah thats it blame me, everyone else does"

    "you would be homeless with out me working so why dont you just shut up and be greatful for what i do do and stop pointing out what i dont"

    He made an effort to begin with. maybe 3times a week at best. how often does he want sex?? last time i remember was august. since then its been around once a fortnight "to shut me up". what a pig.

    Do you know if he has always been like this even before you knew him? Does he have any family you can ask?

    He sounds as though he's depressed. Contrary to what many people understand, depression doesn't always involve moping about looking obviously down about things but it does involve brain chemistry in a big way and it definitely affects libido.

    1296659233
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
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    I think hes depressed too. but he wont go to the doctors. he thinks its everyone else pointing his problems out thats causing it. his mum is beside her self with worry for him, which she shouldnt be, hes 30 for goodness sake. i just cant do this.

    1296659554
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    missorgasm wrote:

    i cant talk to him without getting upset, which annoys him or him interupting or twisting what im saying. i cant believe i was tupid enough to stick up for him yesterday. im leaving him for now deffo. im going to explain in a note and stay with a friend for a few days. i dont see any other way around this. maybe he'll come crawling back with his tail between his legs but personnaly i don't see it happening. in which case he doesnt want this as much as me, so it isnt worth my mascara

    I hate to say this and hate seeing you hurt, But I think this is the right decision hun!

    And as for what I highlighted...

    This is what I wanted to say but coiuldn't find a way to say it.

    basically, The ball is in your court, And you've left him with two choices. Don't do anything and lose you, Or come crawling.

    If he doesn't bother, He obviously isn't that bothered about your future. ( I hate saying that :( )

    If however, He comes crawling....

    If you give him that second chance, May I suggest you do what I did when Me and J got back together???

    I told her the most impoortant thing and the first thing we were going to do was arrange couple counceling. No arguments, Not up for debate ( she had previously refused this. )

    It worked in our case, So it goes to show there IS hope ;)

    1296659690
    paradise found [sign in to see picture]
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    missorgasm wrote:

    I think hes depressed too. but he wont go to the doctors. he thinks its everyone else pointing his problems out thats causing it. his mum is beside her self with worry for him, which she shouldnt be, hes 30 for goodness sake. i just cant do this.

    Unfortunately depression is a bit like alcoholism in that you have to want help, nobody can force help on you (unless you are sectioned of course, but that ain't going to happen)

    1296659708
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
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    Seduced wrote:

    missorgasm wrote:

    i cant talk to him without getting upset, which annoys him or him interupting or twisting what im saying. i cant believe i was tupid enough to stick up for him yesterday. im leaving him for now deffo. im going to explain in a note and stay with a friend for a few days. i dont see any other way around this. maybe he'll come crawling back with his tail between his legs but personnaly i don't see it happening. in which case he doesnt want this as much as me, so it isnt worth my mascara

    I hate to say this and hate seeing you hurt, But I think this is the right decision hun!

    And as for what I highlighted...

    This is what I wanted to say but coiuldn't find a way to say it.

    basically, The ball is in your court, And you've left him with two choices. Don't do anything and lose you, Or come crawling.

    If he doesn't bother, He obviously isn't that bothered about your future. ( I hate saying that :( )

    If however, He comes crawling....

    If you give him that second chance, May I suggest you do what I did when Me and J got back together???

    I told her the most impoortant thing and the first thing we were going to do was arrange couple counceling. No arguments, Not up for debate ( she had previously refused this. )

    It worked in our case, So it goes to show there IS hope ;)

    He wont even take time off work to go see a doc for himself....he sure as hell isnt goin to do that for me is he? I have to take care of myself. Thats all hes doing.

    1296659835
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Basically, If you do have a break , And then he comes a runnin' ( He'ld be a fool not too! )

    You want to make some clear and strong rules! Stick to them and make sure he understands that you mean business, No messing around!

    This time its YOUR way, Or the highway ;)

    1296659970
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
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    Seduced wrote:

    Basically, If you do have a break , And then he comes a runnin' ( He'ld be a fool not too! )

    You want to make some clear and strong rules! Stick to them and make sure he understands that you mean business, No messing around!

    This time its YOUR way, Or the highway ;)

    lol! done this before, he either wont agree to or wont stick to anything i say. I juyst dont believe a word he says anymore. im currently writing a lil note to explain whats goin on etc. i hope im doing the right thing

    1296660132
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Just stay strong in your decision sweetie!

    And make sure you are 150% sure you want to do this...

    Either way you look at it, Something needs to change, And carrying on the way you are as a couple isn't very healthy hun.

    1296660539
    JonnyBeBad [sign in to see picture]
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    If only there was a drug you could use to make someone horny!

    Whatever happends you need to find a way to stop fighting about it, how I don't know as it sounds like you are the one in the right to me.

    1296660643
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
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    i dunno. im gunna type the letter on to here if thats ok? i want it to be somewhere i can access it should i need it again, sad isnt it, that even now, when im ending and obv distraught i KNOW im gunna have to prove whats in ths letter cuz hel twist it??

    1296660790
    JonnyBeBad [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey Miss O, can I suggest you try and arrange a night out with the girls tonight and take you mind off things just a little bit, maybe talking things over with them might make you feel better.

    1296661053
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Jonny has a great idea there!

    And Missy, That's a good idea actually! If anything to re-assure yourself that you're not the one at fault here ;)

    1296661208
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
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    Night out? thatl be the day lol, iv got 56p in my purse an empty backaccount and 2 1/2 year ols :) glass of juice in front of the telly with a mate when the kids are asleep is as goo as its gunna get

    1296661462
    JonnyBeBad [sign in to see picture]
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    Then any chance of a girly night in with a DVD, just as good if you can get a few freinds over! but you'll need some wine and chocolates : )

    1296661479
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    missorgasm wrote:

    Night out? thatl be the day lol, iv got 56p in my purse an empty backaccount and 2 1/2 year ols :) glass of juice in front of the telly with a mate when the kids are asleep is as goo as its gunna get

    Better than nothing at all hun!

    And I know, Hving kids puts a whole new perspective on things ;)

    p.s. MO, chek your OA FB profile, You have a message on there ;)

    1296662242
    Sweet-kitten [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't wish to sound negative but two things occur to me here. Will your child be ok with being away from daddy so suddenly? Is your OH the type that will see this whole thread as being LH encouraging the break up of a relationship?

    Just sharing a couple of thoughts. Good luck girl.

    1296662265
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
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    I've had to go, i would say i'm sorry but i don't think you'll believe it or care.

    I Can't carry on like this anymore it just isn't fair. And if i make you as miserable as you tell me i do, then i know im doing the right thing, no matter how much it hurts.

    Aside from the endless arguements and lack of afection in this relationship the fact that you can shout at me as you do, and not even kiss me goodnight makes me realise what this has become. It doesn't matter whats been said or not said, theres never a time when i don't want to a kiss goodnight from you and won't. Its just a small thing that sums the whole thing up, i would, and still belive i have done everything i can to make this work but whatever i ask off you is always too much. In my veiw, nothing was too much to save this but i can't do it anymore on my own.

    Its gone too far this time and i'd need too much from you too make it work. The saddest thing is, i don't even need to talk to you about it and see. I already know you won't. It seems you either want this to be the end but don't want to do it yourself or you simply don't care enough to help me salvage whats left of it. So whatever, i think i'm doing the right thing, i don't expect you to be happy about it. Nothing i've done so far has made you happy.

    One thing i can't come to terms with is how you say you love me so much, yet you can deny me affection and throw such hurtfull things at me. I know i've said some stuff to, but its come from hurt and desperation to try and make you see how i feel. You do it out of spite, or because you have no sensible explanation. I love you, i always will. But i can't truly beleive you love me too and want me anymore.

    Im staying a *****'s untill friday and i'l have too sort somewhere else out after that. I'll come home again when the timings right and i'll get in touch and make sure its ok with you too. If you wanna talk, you know where i am but im not expecting you to want to.

    I think i've done what you wanted. But if i haven't, why change the habbit of a lifetime ay. I won't say i love you, i can't face you not feeling it back. But you know i do

    x

    1296662406
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
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    Sweet-kitten wrote:

    I don't wish to sound negative but two things occur to me here. Will your child be ok with being away from daddy so suddenly? Is your OH the type that will see this whole thread as being LH encouraging the break up of a relationship?

    Just sharing a couple of thoughts. Good luck girl.

    H'es not his dad. He doesnt have my password. if he does. then what? he'll see that im desperate. that iv tried everything and that i cant cope. he wont look simply because he wont care

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