• Open relationships/jelousy/cheating problem

    1296602952
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 351
    • Joined: 24 Jan 2010

    I'm glad you feel confident in yourself. I clearly misjudged that.

    I apologise if you think I was implying you'd be a bad parent. I was more concerned for you for the extra strain on your relationship.

    I still think an open relationship is high risk and perhaps part of him was saying that to put and end to your requests.

    I find this hard to relate to as personally I ( and again this is just me ) that sex is an integral part of a relationship and part of being close and intimate with someone. For me it's a part of loving someone as their partner or in my case husband.

    I think I'll say no more and wish you good luck and happiness in whatever path you choose.

    1296603442
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1062
    • Joined: 15 Aug 2010

    MO,I am really feeling for you right now!

    No offence to madam there above me..... But I think you know I was feeling exactly the same about 6 months ago!

    I don't know if this helps, And in no way am I rubbing anything in!!!

    But J was seriously just as Anti-Sex and Anti communication as your OH sounds to be. Didn't see it as a real problem and made me feel very alone, rejected and angry!

    However, Through a lot of hard work and alot of guts, She has really turned herself around since joining on here.

    I really thought she would go mental when she found out about the OA let alone join up, Yet, Here we are, 6 months down the road, And we are making progress...

    I know you're doing all that you can and more to get him to listen etc.... Don't give up sweetie!

    i suppose I'm trying to say that even the most hardcore of Vanilla lovers & refusers can & will change. I hope and pray I come across as I intend, And I hope this gives YOU some small trickle of hope.

    I know you will and I really don't need to say it, But please really thingk long and hard before commiting yourself to the "Sex only partner" option. I just say it because I feel your anguish right now!

    Chin up hun and I hope I have helped, Not hindered?

    Paul ;) xx

    1296604477

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2534
    • Joined: 30 Oct 2008

    miss o i hope you can sort this one out sometimes it takes a long time for a bloke to come around to being in love again .something maybeto do with depression .stress or something else ,but just hang on a bit longer maybe things will change if you really love each other..i hope so for your sakes

    1296604800
    muchkin [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 84
    • Joined: 12 Jul 2008

    Id just like to say sorry for your situation Miss O, it must really suck.

    Im afraid to say that i have no real advice for you, the only thing i can say is that you need to take a long, hard look at what you want and need from this relationship and try to move forwards.

    This situation is not healthy for either party, so you need to find a way forward that suits both your needs and wants.

    Best of luck in whichever path you choose

    Munch xx

    1296619258
    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 714
    • Joined: 15 Sep 2010

    Just wanted to add my comiserations and support. I have no useful advice, so I'll butt out for a change!

    Hope you get it sorted. You deserve a loving, sexually fulfilled relationship.

    All the best

    MrMr

    1296651898
    Sweet-kitten [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 27
    • Joined: 29 Dec 2010

    It seems like a very complicated situation. I have learned that it never pays to make a complicated situation even more complicated.

    I really hope you find a happy ending.

    1296653621
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 221
    • Joined: 28 Jun 2009

    Well. The guys a dickhead. I love him. But he has serious issues. wow

    1296655279
    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 577
    • Joined: 13 Jul 2010

    Oh no, MissO, what happened now?

    1296655632
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 221
    • Joined: 28 Jun 2009

    Well about 30 years ago he was born. he was very drunk last night. and completly lost his temper and has said i do as im told or its goin to carry on like this and im making him miserable and if im upset its all a show for attention. so yeah. how stupid do do i feel

    1296656151
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1062
    • Joined: 15 Aug 2010

    * Big hugs hun * from me and Lady-J!!!

    I'm so sorry to say this because I know you love him so much, But the guys being a class A Prick sweetie!

    The way he is treating you is totally selfish, Ignorant and unfair!

    Maybe he needs a shock to the system, AKA - YOU playing hardbball! I know it's not a game MO but you need to get the ball in your court.

    It almost looks like he's being so cruel to you, To hide his own issues that need dealing with.

    Does that make sense?

    I'm just making a guess here,

    Could he have an issue that generally has him scared out of his wits, And thus is behaving irationally toward you to hide his own fear??? Like a Self-protect mode?

    I say this because Lady-J's unfair behavour toward me in the past was largly based around her own fears etc and, Because of those fears, She used her anger as a coping mechanism.

    I hope some of this helps, And I haven't overstepped the mark.

    All my best, Paul ;) xxx

    p.s. Chin up and keep talking to us MO :)

    1296656398
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 221
    • Joined: 28 Jun 2009

    Seduced wrote:

    * Big hugs hun * from me and Lady-J!!!

    I'm so sorry to say this because I know you love him so much, But the guys being a class A Prick sweetie!

    The way he is treating you is totally selfish, Ignorant and unfair!

    Maybe he needs a shock to the system, AKA - YOU playing hardbball! I know it's not a game MO but you need to get the ball in your court.

    It almost looks like he's being so cruel to you, To hide his own issues that need dealing with.

    Does that make sense?

    I'm just making a guess here,

    Could he have an issue that generally has him scared out of his wits, And thus is behaving irationally toward you to hide his own fear??? Like a Self-protect mode?

    I say this because Lady-J's unfair behavour toward me in the past was largly based around her own fears etc and, Because of those fears, She used her anger as a coping mechanism.

    I hope some of this helps, And I haven't overstepped the mark.

    All my best, Paul ;) xxx

    p.s. Chin up and keep talking to us MO :)

    Thanks for ur kind words :) im a tough bird he wont break me that easy :)

    It seems what you have said is very much the case. im stuck in limbo over what to do atm, iv done eveything i can, he wont do anything, so its stay like this or end it. I guess it doesn't really take a genious to work out what i should be doing. I just cannot understand his reluctance to sort himself out. But it doesn't make the dicision any easier x

    1296656464
    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 577
    • Joined: 13 Jul 2010

    Well, I wouldn't normally comment like this, but he was acting like a total twat.

    I can only hope that he remembers what he said this morning, and is truely sorry for it. He really should be...

    I can only assume that he got drunk and acted like a complete idiot because either:

    1) He feels guilty;

    or

    2) He feels he's had enough pressure from you about his libido, but still can't see that his lower sex drive is causing you real hurt.

    Just trying to get things straight on this, so correct me where I go wrong:

    He's never had much libido since you got together, but at first made an effort with it. I can't find anywhere that says how often he does feel like having sex?

    1296656884
    paradise found [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 81
    • Joined: 18 Jan 2010

    toycar69 wrote:

    Well, I wouldn't normally comment like this, but he was acting like a total twat.

    I can only hope that he remembers what he said this morning, and is truely sorry for it. He really should be...

    I can only assume that he got drunk and acted like a complete idiot because either:

    1) He feels guilty;

    or

    2) He feels he's had enough pressure from you about his libido, but still can't see that his lower sex drive is causing you real hurt.

    Just trying to get things straight on this, so correct me where I go wrong:

    He's never had much libido since you got together, but at first made an effort with it. I can't find anywhere that says how often he does feel like having sex?

    A lot of times people will use the fact that they were drunk for saying something they regretted. I've usually found they may have regretted saying it but it was what they were thinking anyway whether they were drunk or not.

    I think the guy wants out but he doesn't want to say so. He wants you to do the breaking up

    1296657029
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 221
    • Joined: 28 Jun 2009

    toycar69 wrote:

    Well, I wouldn't normally comment like this, but he was acting like a total twat.

    I can only hope that he remembers what he said this morning, and is truely sorry for it. He really should be...

    I can only assume that he got drunk and acted like a complete idiot because either:

    1) He feels guilty;

    or

    2) He feels he's had enough pressure from you about his libido, but still can't see that his lower sex drive is causing you real hurt.

    Just trying to get things straight on this, so correct me where I go wrong:

    He's never had much libido since you got together, but at first made an effort with it. I can't find anywhere that says how often he does feel like having sex?

    One thing i DO know about him is that he does not apolagise. Ever. And as for remember what he said, certainly not, he will say im making it up and twist what i said to him no doubt. He also doesn't do guilty. He's full of phrases like "welcome to my world"

    "no one thinks about me"

    "yeahyeah thats it blame me, everyone else does"

    "you would be homeless with out me working so why dont you just shut up and be greatful for what i do do and stop pointing out what i dont"

    He made an effort to begin with. maybe 3times a week at best. how often does he want sex?? last time i remember was august. since then its been around once a fortnight "to shut me up". what a pig.

    1296657174
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 221
    • Joined: 28 Jun 2009

    paradise found wrote:

    toycar69 wrote:

    Well, I wouldn't normally comment like this, but he was acting like a total twat.

    I can only hope that he remembers what he said this morning, and is truely sorry for it. He really should be...

    I can only assume that he got drunk and acted like a complete idiot because either:

    1) He feels guilty;

    or

    2) He feels he's had enough pressure from you about his libido, but still can't see that his lower sex drive is causing you real hurt.

    Just trying to get things straight on this, so correct me where I go wrong:

    He's never had much libido since you got together, but at first made an effort with it. I can't find anywhere that says how often he does feel like having sex?

    A lot of times people will use the fact that they were drunk for saying something they regretted. I've usually found they may have regretted saying it but it was what they were thinking anyway whether they were drunk or not.

    I think the guy wants out but he doesn't want to say so. He wants you to do the breaking up

    Ive tried. and he says im giving up on us. And when i ask him honestly if thats what he wants he says no, so then i ask how he thinks we can make it right, and he says i just have to put up with this and not complain....am i being unreasonable btw?? i dont think i am......but sometimes he really makes me think i might be losing the plot....

    1296657305
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1062
    • Joined: 15 Aug 2010

    missorgasm wrote:

    toycar69 wrote:

    Well, I wouldn't normally comment like this, but he was acting like a total twat.

    I can only hope that he remembers what he said this morning, and is truely sorry for it. He really should be...

    I can only assume that he got drunk and acted like a complete idiot because either:

    1) He feels guilty;

    or

    2) He feels he's had enough pressure from you about his libido, but still can't see that his lower sex drive is causing you real hurt.

    Just trying to get things straight on this, so correct me where I go wrong:

    He's never had much libido since you got together, but at first made an effort with it. I can't find anywhere that says how often he does feel like having sex?

    One thing i DO know about him is that he does not apolagise. Ever. And as for remember what he said, certainly not, he will say im making it up and twist what i said to him no doubt. He also doesn't do guilty. He's full of phrases like "welcome to my world"

    "no one thinks about me"

    "yeahyeah thats it blame me, everyone else does"

    "you would be homeless with out me working so why dont you just shut up and be greatful for what i do do and stop pointing out what i dont"

    He made an effort to begin with. maybe 3times a week at best. how often does he want sex?? last time i remember was august. since then its been around once a fortnight "to shut me up". what a pig.

    Jeez girl, The guy needs a bloody wake up call!

    Would having a cooling off period do any good? You know him better than we do hun so you can answer that better.

    I would be the last one to suggest it ususally as I hate " Breaks " etc. but in this case, Looks like you need to get some perspective sweetie ;)

    1296657563
    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 577
    • Joined: 13 Jul 2010

    If thats how often he wants it, then there is no beating about the bush: That's not normal, and he needs to understand that. Its not normal for his age, or even much older.

    Do you think if he realised that all his male friends are still wanting to shag frequently, it would register with him that he needs to sort it?

    You mention 3 times at best to begin with. That sounds reasonable to me (ok, maybe people expect much more at the start of a relationship), but the "at best" bit sounds like even this wasn't really enough?

    1296657823
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 221
    • Joined: 28 Jun 2009

    Seduced wrote:

    missorgasm wrote:

    toycar69 wrote:

    Well, I wouldn't normally comment like this, but he was acting like a total twat.

    I can only hope that he remembers what he said this morning, and is truely sorry for it. He really should be...

    I can only assume that he got drunk and acted like a complete idiot because either:

    1) He feels guilty;

    or

    2) He feels he's had enough pressure from you about his libido, but still can't see that his lower sex drive is causing you real hurt.

    Just trying to get things straight on this, so correct me where I go wrong:

    He's never had much libido since you got together, but at first made an effort with it. I can't find anywhere that says how often he does feel like having sex?

    One thing i DO know about him is that he does not apolagise. Ever. And as for remember what he said, certainly not, he will say im making it up and twist what i said to him no doubt. He also doesn't do guilty. He's full of phrases like "welcome to my world"

    "no one thinks about me"

    "yeahyeah thats it blame me, everyone else does"

    "you would be homeless with out me working so why dont you just shut up and be greatful for what i do do and stop pointing out what i dont"

    He made an effort to begin with. maybe 3times a week at best. how often does he want sex?? last time i remember was august. since then its been around once a fortnight "to shut me up". what a pig.

    Jeez girl, The guy needs a bloody wake up call!

    Would having a cooling off period do any good? You know him better than we do hun so you can answer that better.

    I would be the last one to suggest it ususally as I hate " Breaks " etc. but in this case, Looks like you need to get some perspective sweetie ;)

    Ive suggested this and he said no, if hes going hes goin for good. As you can see, theres no compromising with him. Its all or nothing. And more often than not, nothing

    1296657947
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 221
    • Joined: 28 Jun 2009

    toycar69 wrote:

    If thats how often he wants it, then there is no beating about the bush: That's not normal, and he needs to understand that. Its not normal for his age, or even much older.

    Do you think if he realised that all his male friends are still wanting to shag frequently, it would register with him that he needs to sort it?

    You mention 3 times at best to begin with. That sounds reasonable to me (ok, maybe people expect much more at the start of a relationship), but the "at best" bit sounds like even this wasn't really enough?

    Not at all, three times is fine my me. But most people's "best" maybe i should have said most, is more than that. And if anyother person, even if its no one imparticular is brought in to it he gets angry. I understand it must dent his ego. But he's making it worse, not better

    1296658435
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1062
    • Joined: 15 Aug 2010

    Awww, Sweetie, I really don't know what else to suggest without overstepping any marks.

    See , He may say that because it could be to him an 'empty' threat, And he may think " She'll never go through with it " etc so thinks he can get away with being like that.

    However, If you were to stay at a friends, Without planning it, And he knew why. Would it give him that stick of dynamite, Nope scrap that, NUKE up his arse that he so obviously needs?

    Hun I don't need to tell you that a loving relationship is a two way road, Where communication, Respect, Compramise etc are all important. If he's going to be so selfish and standoffish, I reckon he needs a bloody big wake up call.

    Or is this going to be something you're quite happy to carry on indefinately?

    It sounds to me previously like you need the whole package, ie - love, intimacy, sexual relatioship...

    If you were to go down the path of having a sexual partner for sex and staying with OH for love etc, I can't see it satisfying YOU'RE emotional/physical needs hun.

    Again, I hope Im making sense and not being too brash about this. Just wanna help ;)

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.