• when is the right time to tell your partner your kinks/fetishes?

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    Draven [sign in to see picture]
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    is it best to be up front at the dating stage and tell them what you like in an open and honest way even if it risks them running a mile?

    is it better to wait until your in a relationship before you bring it up and risk having your partner saying no to each of your core fantasies/fetishes? and do you think it's possible to ignore your desires to stay in a relationship with someone?

    (not asking for my own relationship BTW, Luckily The Wife is pretty open minded. lol)

    1295299851
    Jamba [sign in to see picture]
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    I'd say that you should mention it fairly early on, especially if it's a bit of your sex life that you couldn't do without. Then I would gradually test the waters in the bedroom to see if they were interested or at least interested in exploring things.

    This would give you a good idea if there was any mileage in it or if it would become an issue.

    1295300437
    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    I tend to be up front with people. if theyre scared away it means that a relationship wouldnt work.

    only problem i have is if i use dating sites, where openely admitting you're into kink or sex of any kind would attract the wrong kind of person.

    1295301293
    niftyb [sign in to see picture]
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    ...as soon as you've ascertained that the "regular" sex is great.

    i'd be up front, too... if the other person isn't in to what you're in to, and isn't willing to budge or even try your suggestions then maybe they're not the right person for you?

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    muchkin [sign in to see picture]
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    I would agree, i would suggest fairly early on, because you want to make sure you are on the same wavelength on every level, including sexually.

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    Inara14 [sign in to see picture]
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    Well my partner knew about my kinks/fetishes long before we started dating and that didnt go too badly!

    1295301813
    Draven [sign in to see picture]
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    Interesting answers : )

    how about a little hypothetical scenario?

    You've been single for a while and wondering if you'll ever fnd tht one person that you "Click" with. you decide to join a dating websie and after a few losers and weirdos you get a message from someone interesting. half a dozen messages swap and everything is perfect, they seem ideal for you in every way. another dozen messages pass between you when they ask, "So what are you into in the bedroom?"

    do you tell them there and then?

    1295302552
    niftyb [sign in to see picture]
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    Draven wrote:

    Interesting answers : )

    how about a little hypothetical scenario?

    You've been single for a while and wondering if you'll ever fnd tht one person that you "Click" with. you decide to join a dating websie and after a few losers and weirdos you get a message from someone interesting. half a dozen messages swap and everything is perfect, they seem ideal for you in every way. another dozen messages pass between you when they ask, "So what are you into in the bedroom?"

    do you tell them there and then?

    hypothetical, eeehhhh???! :P

    i'd say if you've gotten to the stage of asking "so what are you up to in the bedroom?" (which is hardly a first date dinner convo!) you'd be pretty ok to carefully lay out your interests honestly.

    when i say "carefully", i mean ~ still with a bit of modesty... if that makes any sense... "well, i hope you don't run a mile, but here goes...!!" kind of talk - and maybe softening blows a bit.. like if you were in to rape roleplay you could call it "resistance play" instead ^__^ that kinda thing.

    <-- USE THE COY SMILEY!! ;D

    1295304145
    Inara14 [sign in to see picture]
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    Draven wrote:

    Interesting answers : )

    how about a little hypothetical scenario?

    You've been single for a while and wondering if you'll ever fnd tht one person that you "Click" with. you decide to join a dating websie and after a few losers and weirdos you get a message from someone interesting. half a dozen messages swap and everything is perfect, they seem ideal for you in every way. another dozen messages pass between you when they ask, "So what are you into in the bedroom?"

    do you tell them there and then?

    I would tell them, but id be fairly discreet about it at the same time. Not give everything away, but give them a the gist of it!

    1295307866
    Belles [sign in to see picture]
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    I'd agree with the comments that the earlier the better. OH and I were fairly honest quite quickly with each other about what we liked, but still share new fantasies together (not been together all that long in fairness). I guess you get a bit of an impression straight off from the first time you have sex together as to whether they might be into the something more interesting than the standard.

    I've done some internet dating though, and have to say that as nice as someone might seem online, it's only when you meet face to face that you know whether there's chemistry there. I had a few dates with guys I thought seemed really nice but just didn't fancy them when we met. Might be worth meeting before you tell them what you'd like to do to them in the bedroom (and vice versa). Could save embarrasment if you meet them and decide they're not really for you.

    1295310219
    Hedonistic [sign in to see picture]
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    I''m up front about it, but I broach the subject gently to try and not terrify them.

    Kink does not have to be part of a relationship for me, as it has not been before now. So I wouldn't press the issue if there was no interest, but I would try to gently show them what it is about to make sure they make an informed decision.

    I'm just so happy that myself and my OH share the same crazy appreciation for kink and fetish :)

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    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    Never tell them. Have you any idea how rare it is to find a truly good, nice person? Don't risk scaring them away.

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    being lucky i've picked up all my fetish fantasies with the same person

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    and i'm still with them tilldeath we part hopefully

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    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    But if they scare away from what you want and like and need then they wont be able to satisfy you, therefore, they are better off not having. The nice and truely good partners are the ones who wont run a mile when you tell them these things

    nice people can have likes and dislikes too. And there are different ways of being satisfied. I can't stand the thought that someone would engage in any kind of play they didn't actively want, just because I'd expressed an interest in it.

    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    otherwise, whats the point?

    Good question.

    1295321556
    OperationFilth [sign in to see picture]
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    I couldn't be with someone I had to hide every last fetish and kink from. It's too significant as a part of me to do that. Saying that, I haven't explicitly discussed everything I'm into with the Mr... Long story, in all honesty.

    We had the more generalised 'I'm a bit kinky'/'so am i!' talk pretty early - I've had involvements with too many nilla people not to!

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    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it's been much simpler as me and the OH started with a 'clean' slate and discovered things together, I never would have been able to take a talk then (virginal) on 'by the way I'm ass-curious, love leather and tying people up/ being tied, odd pain circuitry and would like to spank you or leave handprints on your flesh....

    I obviously knew he liked leather, corsets and was avoiding porn after over exposure and a sort of dependency as a teenager (his personal choice, not my insistence). However the practical experience was negligiable and so we learned going along what works and what doesn't :)

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    MissFortune [sign in to see picture]
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    Draven wrote:

    is it best to be up front at the dating stage and tell them what you like in an open and honest way even if it risks them running a mile?

    is it better to wait until your in a relationship before you bring it up and risk having your partner saying no to each of your core fantasies/fetishes? and do you think it's possible to ignore your desires to stay in a relationship with someone?

    Hmm. I think my priority would be to ensure that all the vanilla kinda stuff was up to scratch before worrying about taking things further. After all, if I don't enjoy straightforward sex with them, I'm unlikely to enjoy them doing anything else.

    However, my OH and I did communicate along the lines of "if there's anything you want to try you can tell me, and I'd be happy to do it" pretty early on. It's always good to know that the option is there for the future... but there was never really any rush to get to all the more kinky stuff.

    That said, to my knowledge, I don't believe either of us have any serious fetishes to the point that they would be a dealbreaker within the context of a relationship.

    xx

    1295356713
    DesignDude [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    I get what your saying, but what I mean is there are ways around it rather than 'running a mile'. If I explained to somebody about my shoe fetish, they may run a mile and I wouldn't want them around anyway if they didn't want to be open minded and even attempt to understand it. Doesn't mean they have to actively participate in it, but they have the right to know that it's a kink I have - otherwise they might get a shock if they find me getting my rocks off to a pair of high heels in a chick flick or something!

    My man was quite fine about it. Thought it was a bit funny when watching a porno and I'm staring at the stripper boots in it while he stares at the boobs!

    There's a joke in there about a Running shoe fetish but i just can't get it to work lol

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    Rowan wrote:

    I think it's been much simpler as me and the OH started with a 'clean' slate and discovered things together, I never would have been able to take a talk then (virginal) on 'by the way I'm ass-curious, love leather and tying people up/ being tied, odd pain circuitry and would like to spank you or leave handprints on your flesh....

    I obviously knew he liked leather, corsets and was avoiding porn after over exposure and a sort of dependency as a teenager (his personal choice, not my insistence). However the practical experience was negligiable and so we learned going along what works and what doesn't :)

    Us too and isn't it great Rowan ??

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