• Relationships - What would you do?

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    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    I hope this little thread will be used by anyone who has a relationship dilemma - not necessarily the big stuff, just those litle things that drive you crazy! I'm genuinely interested in your ideas here, so try to keep it thoughtful, please.

    I'll go first...

    Tonight, after a busy day, we were relaxing on the bed with toast, drinks, book, laptop, etc. (I should mention that I'd tried to pounce on Mrs M just after she got up this morning and been soundly rebuffed!)

    Mrs M, fully clothed, was buried in a book, so I fired up the laptop, checked e-mail and the forums. She started stroking my bare back and shoulders with one hand, while lying back and reading. I enjoyed it, and made appreciative noises. She continued as before, stopping occasionally to turn a page.

    So, OAers, what would you do here? Carry on enjoying the intimacy and just snuggle? Say "get off, you're tickling"? Log off, throw her book aside and ravish her there and then? (No access to Mrs M should be implied, substitute your own OH!) Something else?

    There may not be a right answer, but you can be damn sure I picked a wrong 'un!

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    Yoko [sign in to see picture]
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    Mr M: might Mrs M be receptive to a relaxing back massage, or some other non-sexual intimate contact which might get her in the mood?

    AA: I'd remove the PJs and go for it.

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    hustla [sign in to see picture]
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    Carry on enjoying the intimacy and just snuggle?

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    hustla [sign in to see picture]
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    for the 2nd one push him away

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    boobaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    MrMr, my oh would just ask me if I wanted something, but we are very direct with each other, saves dissapointment and upsetting each other, but other suggestions like returning the favour by stroking her would probably be good, she might just be hinting that she wants her back rubbing. Just because she wasn't in the mood this morning doesn't mean that she wouldn't be in the mood later on, I vary rarely want it first thing in the morning where my oh always does.

    AA if I really wasn't in the mood I would push his hand away and say lets just cuddle tonight I'm tired

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Me and Ad would, like boobaloo, be quite direct. One of us would probably ask if the other wanted anything.

    It really depends how you both feel doesn't it, you may have been happy with 'just cuddles' she may not have wanted more but then she may have. The only way to find out what to do next is via some form of investigation (be it direct question or trying something more subtle)!

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Generally we're pretty blunt when we want something, just the way that works for us but if being so communicative were an issue and it were me in that situation. I'd put the laptop down, lay back into the bed and settle somewhere comfy and just mimic. Encouraging her to take it further if she wants it but giving her the change to pull back if she wants to as well.

    I'd stroke part of her body with a similar speed/intensity...maybe edge towards more intimate areas if she seems to allow/enjoy that and just see what happens.

    I do think it sounds like she was sending you mixed messages (if you were sounding appreciative she perhaps ought to have realised how *you* were feeling and been more clear) but at the same time, you probably want to encourage intimacy like that even if it's just stroking, cuddling and no more. It's a balance really.

    AA - I'd tacftully indicate that I was far too shattered without making him feel rejected. Luckily for me, WandA is very, very good at noticing when I'm too tired and will insist I sleep without which I know is partly because I've fallen asleep midway through () too many times and he's protecting his own emotions but partly because he knows how fatigue affects me (and how often) and really does want to do the best for me

    This morning he's made me a drink and picked up all my books putting them at easier heights for me to reach when my joints are playing up because he knows how tired/sick I've been feeling lately and knows my joints are playing up - and...we didn't even get chance to sex last night because I was too tired/sore and he insisted I sleep - bless him

    Adx

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    hustla [sign in to see picture]
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    ahh thats really good thats what I want to do in my next relationship AA.Thats a real man.

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    LittleMiss1981UK [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Generally we're pretty blunt when we want something, just the way that works for us but if being so communicative were an issue and it were me in that situation. I'd put the laptop down, lay back into the bed and settle somewhere comfy and just mimic. Encouraging her to take it further if she wants it but giving her the change to pull back if she wants to as well.

    I'd stroke part of her body with a similar speed/intensity...maybe edge towards more intimate areas if she seems to allow/enjoy that and just see what happens.

    I do think it sounds like she was sending you mixed messages (if you were sounding appreciative she perhaps ought to have realised how *you* were feeling and been more clear) but at the same time, you probably want to encourage intimacy like that even if it's just stroking, cuddling and no more. It's a balance really.

    AA - I'd tacftully indicate that I was far too shattered without making him feel rejected. Luckily for me, WandA is very, very good at noticing when I'm too tired and will insist I sleep without which I know is partly because I've fallen asleep midway through () too many times and he's protecting his own emotions but partly because he knows how fatigue affects me (and how often) and really does want to do the best for me

    This morning he's made me a drink and picked up all my books putting them at easier heights for me to reach when my joints are playing up because he knows how tired/sick I've been feeling lately and knows my joints are playing up - and...we didn't even get chance to sex last night because I was too tired/sore and he insisted I sleep - bless him

    Adx

    WandA sounds like my other half Superfurry. I real gent at understanding our illnesses

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    chipNroll [sign in to see picture]
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    I love this thread! Curious to hear what option your plumped for Mr.Monster...

    If I were you I'd probably reciprocate with some innocent stroking and then go from there, based on her reaction. And if she said something like 'I'm not in the mood' you could just act all offended and insist you were merely enjoying being affectionate :P

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    Kooky [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm with AA, personally :)

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    hustla [sign in to see picture]
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    You see a beautiful girl in the lift and you want to make a converstaion.How would you do it?

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    hustla [sign in to see picture]
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    ps Make it good you wana get her :D

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    BobNobody [sign in to see picture]
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    "So, do you come here often?"

    Well, I think it's funny.

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    LittleMiss1981UK [sign in to see picture]
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    With my OH I could say "So, wanna fuck?"

    But as it was quite intimate, I agree with AA

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    Jamba [sign in to see picture]
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    hustla wrote:

    ps Make it good you wana get her :D

    Are you serious?

    Only thing I could suggest is finding a (non-awkward) way to gain some very close physical proximity. Not bump into her per-se but close enough to feel some intimacy. This will give you a good gauge as to whether she is interested or attracted to you.

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    niftyb [sign in to see picture]
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    jeeze, in a lift? that's a tricky one 'cause about 83% of the time, hitting ona woman in a lift makes you look like a desperate, letchy letch. but ok... he i was a dude, and audrey tautou walked into an elevator with me, i'd probably smile nicely and politely yet nonchalantly enquire about the lovely perfume she was wearing (because i, uhh.. want to buy it for my little neice. who's 12. and adorable. aaaand has a rare form of kidney disease, so i'm selflessly donating one of mine to her...?!) then i'd casually mention that this swanky hotel (of course...) isn't as welcoming as the ritz, but that the cocktails served between 7 and 8 in the main bar are to die for.

    then i'd spend the next 24 hours waiting in that bar... because... it's freakin' audrey tautou.

    but UNLESS it's freakin' audrey tautou (or anne hathaway) i wouldn't bother. 'cause i'm in a lift. letchy letch.

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    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    OK, if it's Audrey Tautou we're talking about then we've got to be suave, sophisticated and utterly original. I find knob jokes work well here.

    Stand by the buttons, lift one eyebrow (this is important!) and say, politely, "Going down?". If she says yes, reply, "Good" and smile. If she says no, ask, "mind if I do?" and press for the lobby, or whatever.

    Then just try not to faint until after she's left the area.

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    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    Right, thanks for the great responses! I'm relieved that so many of you seemed to be as misled as I was. It might be worth bearing in mind that we're suffering from a distinct lack of opportunities for sex, which means when we do get a chance there's a huge amount of pressure to have sex rather than anything else (largely coming from my direction). Mrs M is not so keen on this. So -

    I started stroking her foot (which was about the only thing I could reach) with one hand, and let her carry on stroking my back. After a little while, (still reading, mark you!) she basically said she had been in the mood, but I'd ignored her and wasted the chance. I apparently should have just interrupted her reading and Initiated sex. Again. You know, nothing says "I want you so badly" like "All right, then, just let me finish my chapter".

    Cue - a two hour argument over how I was supposed to know, why she feels she doesn't want to initiate, how vulnerable I still feel about pressuring her into things she shows no signs of wanting, why we seem to be dutifully having sex every spare second and how that's too much, and still not enough, how unhappy I still am and how little I let her know, depression, lack of communication, suicidal tendencies, love, life and crap like that. We went round in circles, I got angry (not raving angry, just for once didn't like her that much) and basically had to promise to go against my instincts and keep on throwing myself at her so that she gets to be uncommunicative and passive and still get sex if she happens to want it. If she doesn't, she'll let me know.

    Can you tell I'm still a tad pissed off?

    AA - hijack away, hun! It's what I thought people needed, after all! I'd be prepared to sacrifice some sleep for a bit of nookie, but if you're really set on turning him down, the least you could do is murmer sweet filth in his ear as he sorts himself out. If that's his thing, of course.

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    OperationFilth [sign in to see picture]
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    I have to be honest Mr M, that seems like she's expecting a lot of work from you versus very little from her - especially as it does involve putting yourself 'out there' - even with an existing, long term partner, when you try to initiate...

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