• Bi-polar disorder and Hypersexuality.

    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    OK, Sooo,

    Where the hell do I start?...

    Those of you who know me well enough on here know that when I first joined, I was going trough some tough times with lack of intimacy with Lady-J and problems with exsessive masterbation, Watching porn constantly etc.

    Now so far we've come o the understanding that me and my OH are at polar oposites when it comes to libido.

    And since being on here, I have been able to get a grip on my problems as mentioned above.

    Until the last few days that is.

    I've started masterbating again, A LOT! Watching porn and pestering Jade a lot of the time.

    I keep getting really really angry, Both with myself and with Jade, Though I know it's not her thats the problem. :(

    If Im not angry, Im sad or feeling very lonely, And when I'm horny, Which is almost 24/7 at the moment, It's not a good feeling... I'm horny, But I feel miserable about it, Guilty and in a rage! I feel like it's controlling my every day life and I bloody hate it, As Im stressed eough as it is without this to cope with.

    Now, Why the Bi-polar thing?...

    I have been off work now for 13 years with so-called *depression*

    Now over the last 4 years I've come to believe and understand my body and mind enough,.....

    To know it's a totally different animal I'm/we're dealing with.

    I'm currently waiting to have bi-polar tests etc to be done, And quite so, It may be something completely different I get diagnosed with...

    Thing is, The one mental health disorder I relate to pretty much across the board is BPD.

    Pretty much 99% of my symptons, Even going back to early childhood/teenage/adolescent years ( Now me and family have talked it through ) are consistent with Bi-polar disorder.

    So, my main questions are these...

    Does anyone at all here suffer with this ( Hypersexuality ) Or know much about it?

    Is it known for someone to have prolonged episodes of hypersexuality? Not just in Manic phase but on a low aswell?

    Is what I'm going through, Going to get worse?

    How can We deal with this as a couple without me completely screwing things up with Jade?

    Jeez, I really just want to drink a shed load of JD's and hide my head in the sand ight now

    Please, Someone help while I await my referrel.

    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Hell Seduced.

    I'm very wary sometimes of offering advice. I think, especially with mental health, it really is best to leave it to the professionals as it's so easy for an uninformed opinion to screw things up. I'll only say be patient and stick with the help you're getting because it really is likely to help.

    Now my utter uselessness is out the way I'll wish you all the best. I think strong networks are a wonder for mental health issues so I hope you and J can come up with some arrangement to reduce tension. Also, please try not to feel guilty about certain things, it'll only tear you up.

    Good luck Sed.

    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    MsEllie [sign in to see picture]
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    Does anyone at all here suffer with this ( Hypersexuality ) Or know much about it?

    Yes fellow sufferer

    Is it known for someone to have prolonged episodes of hypersexuality? Not just in Manic phase but on a low aswell?

    Sometimes the manic can feel like a low as Irritability, and temper can be signs of the manic, and then I get upset from being so grouchy, touchy and tearful because the hyper-sexuality is making me demanding and MrEllie would like me to keep my distance

    Is what I'm going through, Going to get worse?

    I cant answer this. I seem to cycle, so I have a couple of weeks of completely insatiable, followed by calming (I.e. will settle for 1 session a day - two at most but i'll be pretty damn twitchy by the end of the 2nd day). I know how all consuming it can become. I dont have a lot of advice, other than perhaps some exercise or taking a run or a walk will tire you out a bit - it could sometimes calm me down.

    How can We deal with this as a couple without me completely screwing things up with Jade?

    I was lucky, MrEllie was very understanding, he did get very fed-up with me being 'at him' all the time. In the end we came to the practice that I would fight really hard to give him some room for a few days or so, entertaining myself as necessary, and he would put his foot down with a 'No' regardless of how much I squinnied and cried and hasseled.

    Just explain that its something you genuinely cant help, and explain what its like, and apologise. Hopefully it should ease off for you soon. If it doesnt, it gets worse or unbearable, then get in contact with your local hospital, they should have a crisis team who can help (Even cart yourself off to A&E if necessary, explaining that you're a suspected bipolar, 'in crisis'.

    All I can say really. Can only go on my own experiences.

    *comforting hugs*

    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
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    Firstly, don't hide from it, recognising the major issues is necessary in order to deal with them. Has Jade done much research into the disorder? If not it is crucial that she do so, as well as understand that the medications generally used to treat bi-polar have a direct effect on sex drive, either significantly suppressing it, or boosting that, this includes 'mood stabilisers'. I don't have bipolar disorder, my brother does, but I have been on many of the medications used and watched the effects in others.

    Is the counselling helping and if so would seeing someone more frequently in the more difficult times be advantageous? If things are going to work and not be 'screwed up' both of you are going to have to want and actively try to understand and compromise. That is much, much easier to do when you are not having anger management problems, verging on self destruction, or feeling as though you have no control over your own mind, it's also hard to try and work/ live with someone who is unpredictable in their reactions. If Jade doesn't know which 'you' will respond it will be a deterrant to any potential progress or advances (whether sexual or not).

    It is unrealistic to expect in such a situation the person to cease masturbating along with everything else, more viable would be refraining from the porn as an aid, which can also become and encouragement and means your partner is less likely to be willing to stay with you while you bring yourself to orgasm.

    If you are wired the energy has to go somewhere and directing some of it can be more constructive and help you to feel less guilt or self recrimination about masturbating often and being distracted by inconvenient sexual thoughts etc. Not easy though.

    When I was on certain doses of 3 different medications my sex drive went through the roof, as it did when they took me off something that killed it stone dead until I was 19.

    Yes it can occur in low phases but seems to have a different dynamic, and rejection is that much harder to deal with. Please don't turn to JD whatever happens, the last thing you need if this is the case is something that enhances whatever mood you are in at the time!! *biiig hugs*

    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Seduced,

    Firstly I have to say well done for getting the help you need and accepting that it's an issue - that's a huge step and is not necessarily something that comes naturally!

    Secondly - I know you communicate with Jade as best you can and it really is the number one thing to do so well done for that too

    After that - all I can say is I've no experience with BPD but as with any form of depression building a support network of people "in the know" - doctors, therapists (the normal kind and CBT? Not sure which is best for BPD), make sure Jade is in the know about the disorder, preferably get one of your parents on side? Make sure your surrounded by people who know what's best for you and can remind you if you forget!

    If you feel overcome with the hypersexuality then as MsE said, it'll help if Jade understands and can either be very firm or very understanding depending what helps the most. Perhaps you could take her along to a counselling session with you and discuss good technique and how she can help you.

    Work closely with people who know the disorder and know you. Medication may be an option but look into the pros and cons (side effects, etc.) and if one type doesn't help ask to try another. But obviously that very much depends on the advice of your doctor.

    All the best lovely!


    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    Sed, that sucks, my friend.

    I'd say that you may be on to something here, as it seems to explain so many of your symptoms. I can't say I've experienced such extreme sexual swings, (oo-er!) but my libido defiitely cycles up and down, so you could say that it's normal to a certain extent.

    Does masturbating help relieve the tension and the sexual craving, or just make you want J more? If it helps, and if it bothers her for you to "pester" her so much, then maybe scheduling in a heck of a lot more "alone time" will let you ride out the worst of the cycle. Anyway, she should know you're having problems and I'm sure she's a very understanding lady. Just try to make sure she sees that the hypersexuality is down to you and how you feel, and that if you do have to watch porn, try to make sure she knows it's not that you're rejecting her.

    To be honest, it's the other emotional stuff that I identify more with - angry, lonely and sad. That sounds like a horrible way to be feeling (I don't like it when I get like that), and possibly it's the thing you should focus on sorting first. Definitely keep talking to your doctor - they should be able to refer you to a decent mental health team who can identify and start to address what you're feeling. If you're feeling rich or desperate, consider seeking out a good counsellor or therapist privately. With the doctors working on the medical side of things and someone to help you through the cognitive and emotional side, you will be able to get on top of this.

    All the best,

    Mr M

    browneyed girl [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Seduced...i currently take medication for Bi-polar now and have done for a few years so any questions....ask away! I've found i usually get horny when im either totally manic ooooor pretty down but when im just on a level keel im not!

    I do believe we all know our own bodys and minds better than any doctor and if you think you have the main symptoms of bpd perhaps discuss this with your gp or psychiatrist if you have one? Bi-polar and BPD are very similar in a fair few ways so can easily be miss diagnosed!

    I'm really sorry things arent to great at the moment and hopefully i may be able to help a little with any questions you have.....chin up eh!

    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Thankyou so much everyone! Your kind words and offers of help/ears/eyes etc have been duely noted!

    At the moment I'm concentrating on getting through christmas in one piece, And I'm having sneaky faps here and there when I can to alleviate the tension.

    Lol, I feel like my inner-self is having a full on war with itself. Shouldn't lol really should I?! If I can't laugh, I'll scream!

    Hopefully soon , Jade will start to understand what I'm going through. Just as I understand how difficult it must be for her!

    Many thanks peepz, Paul ;) xx

    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    You sound much more positive. Keep it up Sed! Errr... I meant the positivity by the way...

    I hope Xmas is a good'un.

    Vampyrewillow [sign in to see picture]
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    i can't offer you any help Sed but i just wanna send you big hugs and say well done for getting yourself sorted out and admitting to a problem and trying to get help

    big step and well done,

    make sure jade has a look at this so she knows how you feel and just make sure you look after each other over christmas.

    good luck seduced!

    VW x

    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Aww, Thanks VW * Hugs * xx

    And thanks Wanda * High fives instead! * lol

    I am feeling a bit more positive now, I think I was 'peaking' or whatever, Like if I have got Bipolar or Bipolar Disorder, If I was indeed on a Manic Phase, It was at it's worst! And I get that a lot...

    I've had to admit to a lot of things this year actually...

    Bi-Polar ?!, Spending problem, Sex/masterbation/porn addiction(ish) and feelings of hitting the bottle etc ( never been an alchohlic but came close years ago, And was addicted to class A's for 6 odd years minus Heroin - Never touched smack thank God! )

    Luckely, I haven't succombed to the drink/drugs and haven't become violent/self harmed ( When I did I always hit out at inanimate objects or self harmed! ) Having a son now, Helps to stop those demons wake up again! Bless him, All I have to do is think of him for a split second and I'm ok!

    But it's the spending and sexually related stuff Im having issues with. Which I am now 99.9% positive are related to Bi-Polar disorder.

    Keeping it under check for now so I'm feeling good today - Been doing a lot of art and craft with Little man which has helped, And been talking to my older brother who I found out has BPD. It's actually in my family quite a lot, Going back over the tree. - Thankfully my mum has been enlightening me the past few days :)

    So gonna concentrate on christmas and my family being happy. GP is calling me on teh 4th, So I'll beable to get the ball rolling then!

    Anyway, I'm off to get a bit of gaming in - Forza 3 methinks. Gaming helps A LOT too!

    Loves you all ;) xxx

    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    And thankyou Brown Eyed Girl. Sorry I missed you out then sweetie ;) x

    Pixieking [sign in to see picture]
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    I never really thought about masturbaton as self-medication, but it really does make sense.

    In my case, when I went through a period of severe anxiety disorder, wanking was one of the ways I would have to take my mind off it, and break the hormonal cycle that lead to me being terrified. I only ever did this in bed when I was too scared to fall asleep, and it helped me loads.

    I can deffinately see how it could become compulsive though, and I hope that you have a good Christmas and keep everything in check.


    [suspended user]

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    Sed All i can do is offer my thoughts and virtual hugs to help

    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Thankyou Hella, That helps a lot chick!

    Pixie... Thanks dude and have a good christmas youself ;)

    Tulip, That's very kind sweetie! Thankyou ;) * Hugs back xxx *

    Dirty Red Angel [sign in to see picture]
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    Sed, I know chat's not up and we don't chat that much but if you ever want an impartial ear, I'm here.

    I cannot add any advice on BPD at all, since I have no experience BUT I do suffer with my moods - not just a moody miserable cow(!) but I do have problems with getting down easily and worrying too much which has a knock on effect with things going on around me.

    Hope you get it sorted soon x

    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
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    Bless you LK, Thanks Sweetie. And I'll remember that! ;) xxx

    suicide_note_pt2 [sign in to see picture]
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    Im really glad you started this thread, it's an issue that gets avoided a lot. I've suffered from bi-polar disorder since i was a toddler and only in the last few years I've had therapy and medication for it and I'm doing okay.

    Prior to that I was in a relationship with a guy that really didn't get the idea of depression/mania at all, and I think that really exasperated the situation a lot. I suffered a lot from hypersexuality, and when depressed I would totally lose my libido, and when manic I'd be frustrated and angry and I would cheat on my partner a lot. Luckily these infidelities led me to my current partner mr mt_unreal69 (i think that's his screen name :| ). He's very good with understanding my disorder and I think that's actually helped a great deal, the reason I sought out angry sex during mania was being so frustrated with how I felt and not having a partner who understood. Although the counselling and drugs probably helped a lot too :P

    Another thing you might have is borderline personality disorder, a very similar thing which is more rapidly cycling and is usually easilly controlled with cognitive behavioural therapy.

    For extra support, I recommend you join the bipolar forums on about.com. They have a fantastic network of support on there for people with bipolar1, bipolar2, borderline personality disorder and depression. They've helped me through a lot of tough times. If you join, my screen name is xX_rhia_Xx, look out for me :)

    and don't worry about it! Either way there's plenty of help out there :) xxx

    suicide_note_pt2 [sign in to see picture]
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    another point to mention is that it IS hard for the partner in these situations. There is support on the forum for partners/parents/children of people with BPD and how to help them deal with it, and how to deal with it yourself.


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