• Internet Dating

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    SnL [sign in to see picture]
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    Enjoy the date. It's great meeting new people one to one.

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    Doug [sign in to see picture]
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    well i had a good time last night and got another date planned for thursday

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    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
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    Excellent Doug, glad it went ok. It's all a good experience I find, even the bad ones, you often learn more from them ;-)

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    Doug [sign in to see picture]
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    yeah bad ones you can mark up as life experiance

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    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh yeah definitely that, haha, and provide funny stories for drunken nights with mates but equally can be great too, met current bloke off the net and although it's not been and continues not to be a smooth ride, were it not for the net we never would have met.... Mind you, sometimes I think that might have been preferable, haha! Altho he's taught me a lot too....

    Hope Thursday goes well x

    1301069149
    Arkadia [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Agreed - I don't think it's sad at all!

    My point about you being young is more a prompt to learn to be happy by yourself and a strong relationship will come with time :) Don't wish away your young single life because you never know when you'll meet the "one" and never have another chance to date and meet *new* people. I met my OH at 15, I wouldn't change it for the world, but I've never been single really.

    Adx

    This post was written a long time ago but I just *had* to echo it! I'm 21 and in a very happy, committed relationship. I met my OH online through a mutual interest (video games) - we simply met and became friends, but very quickly realized we had a special connection that we might never find again in our lifetimes, and over five years later we are living together (he moved to Australia from the US to be with me).

    Now, I LOVE my partner and wouldn't trade him for anything in the world - however, if I was given the option to choose the way my life path went, I would have chosen to meet him MUCH later in my life. I met him when I was fifteen and was in a committed, serious relationship at 16. I'm 21 now and only just beginning to 'find' myself, and words can't express how jealous I am of single friends my age who can do whatever they like whenever they like without having to consider the feelings and interests of a second party. There are opportunities that aren't available to me or made triply difficult due to being in a relationship, such as moving abroad for a year or two. If you share funds, going on vacation becomes a mindblowing bank drain - that cheap $1000 flight turns into $2000, and the hotel room cost you could have split with three friends goes from $700 for a week to $2800. Privacy is often a must when one is bothering to spend the money on vacation so sharing with friends becomes a distant option unless you have a couple friend you are particularly close with.

    There are things you might be interested in doing that a significant other is against - for instance, I'm a part-time model who has a particular affection for fashion art nudes, but my OH is not comfortable with me doing this. I understand his concern and so don't do it, but it's ones of those things one might want to get out of their system when they're younger and carefree. There are a lot of situations that can arise like this that one is best acting on when younger and unattached.

    Anyway this is really just one big long rant on things I can't do and I apologize, but I guess I'm just trying to say: please take the time to enjoy and be grateful for the fact that at this moment you're only responsible for yourself and your own feelings. Do everything you want to do with no strings attached. Having a partner is a lovely, fulfilling experience, but it's not dissimilar to having children - all of a sudden you are partly responsible for another person's wellbeing and best interests. Being single is a wonderful thing in it's own right and 21 is just about the perfect time to get out there, be your own self and do things that young and free people do! :)

    In response to your original post: while it's not weird or creepy that at your age you want to sign up on an online dating site, I like others think you'll find the best way to meet other people is to join communities that pertain to your interests, whether online or off. It doesn't seem as if it would be quite as wonderful to meet someone on an online dating site when you're both openly acknowledging you're looking for that romantic connection - as I mentioned my partner and I met each other online, and it was something amazing to simple talk to a person for a while and then realize that somewhere along the way your heart started to beat for them. I wouldn't look down on anyone who met their partner through online dating though, regardless of their age. I will caution you to be careful about long-distance though - while it can certainly work, it is NOT worth the heartache (and money) if it can be avoided.

    Good luck with whatever path you choose, I hope it's a happy one :)

    *goes off to grumble about jobs, mortgages, babies and immigration fees*

    1301102206
    SweetSubmission [sign in to see picture]
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    I had a really fun time when I tried online dating - it's a really mixed bag, and was spectacularly hit and miss, but that kind of added to the experience! I found that a scatter gun approach worked best, rather than allowing there to be lots of online build up and investing much hope in any one guy before we met. I didn't find love that way (I met my OH through a friend of a friend) but I had a good time.

    I say do it, as long as your safe. Life's too short. I don't think of it as sad at all, I think you should see it as giving Cupid a bit of a nudge!

    SS xx

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Arkadia wrote:

    ,,,

    Great post! Really well written too!

    Though I don't agree long distance isn't worth the heartache. I did it for 3 years and the strength it's given our relationship, my confidence in myself and the trust and honesty, along with brilliant communication we've built up is really, totally worth the heartache and given a choice I actually wouldn't change a thing despite 3 years of crying! I'm a better person now and we're a better couple :)

    Adx

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    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    we're a better couple :)

    They really are. It's sickening...

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    Doug [sign in to see picture]
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    ok has anyone else who is active on a dating site found that you may have been on one date, and then had a look back on the site, and suddenly there is someone better than the person u have previously dated. What do you do?

    1301457895
    LovingHer [sign in to see picture]
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    Well how was the date? I have a friend who uses dating sites and she has had at times a few men she has been talking to and went on dates with each of them before deciding who she liked and got on with the most. I guess its like the real world go with your gut feelings =] I'm sure not everyone on dating sites does this but I can imagine it being quite common, plus if you keep your options open a little if after a few dates girl number 2 decides you aren't for her, if you have been sneaky (if you feel happy and comfortable doing so) then you can always fall back on girl number 1 if you do think there could be something.

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    SweetSubmission [sign in to see picture]
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    Assuming you've not made any commitments to the first date, I see no harm in dating the second one too. I do wonder what a person could possibly say in an online profile that would make you think they were "better" than someone else though.

    SS xx

    1301480153
    wettongues [sign in to see picture]
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    Dating is just that, or the way I see it, that you see a number of people. Personally, I don't like to see more than a few people at the same time, just doesn't stil well with me, but if you are comfortable, and havn't made any promises or commitments to girl 1, and are completely honest with her and yourself, then go for it.

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    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
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    Whenever I've been active on dating sites, I've chatted to numerous people at once, and then met a few at a time, at the end of the day, the meeting is to see if you do get IRL, on net it's easy to be something you're not etc. I'm a big believer in there having to be a 'spark' when I meet someone and if not, then I won't bother meeting them again.

    Only when I met my current OH did I immediately stop seeing anyone else, there was such a spark between us, I couldn't entertain the thought of meeting anyone else, we had the conversation on exclusivity after about date 3 and that was that, odd maybe?

    I guess after one date with girl 1 you don't owe her anything so why not meet girl 2 for a coffee or whatever and see? Just be careful if you are sleeping with them obviously, cos chances are they might be doing the same and you don't want to end up with itchy bits.....

    It's about fun after all and one date does not a committed relatiopnship make, enjoy!

    1301484952
    Doug [sign in to see picture]
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    cheers for your views guys, thats reall helped me

    SweetSubmission wrote:

    Assuming you've not made any commitments to the first date, I see no harm in dating the second one too. I do wonder what a person could possibly say in an online profile that would make you think they were "better" than someone else though.

    SS xx

    and to answer yout comment, basicaly i was able to stay up till about half 3 in the morning chatting without the convo getting boring or drying up, can't do that with most people so yeah thats why.

    1301486442
    wettongues [sign in to see picture]
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    Doug wrote:

    cheers for your views guys, thats reall helped me

    SweetSubmission wrote:

    Assuming you've not made any commitments to the first date, I see no harm in dating the second one too. I do wonder what a person could possibly say in an online profile that would make you think they were "better" than someone else though.

    SS xx

    and to answer yout comment, basicaly i was able to stay up till about half 3 in the morning chatting without the convo getting boring or drying up, can't do that with most people so yeah thats why.

    I did this, met him and well it was a waste of my time, cos there was just no spark.

    Good Luck though ;)

    1390492154
    betelgeuse49 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'll be awakening an old thread it seems and maybe everyone is done discussing online dating, but I've had recent experience which may be of use to those still thinking about meeting someone online. I'm 56, been married and now divorced. Due to a family bereavement where there's a business to keep running until it's sold it means I'm currently disadvantaged by being in a small rural community, so Internet dating was a very attractive option.

    The relationship I had at the time of the bereavement broke down, which was one I had got into via PlentyofFish, so we'll start with that site.

    From my experience I consider POF as suitable for people seeking a serious relationship because although you can indicate you are looking for casual fun you are compartmentalised and stigmatised for doing so and you will be blocked by the vast majority of people on there. Which shows how hypocritical people can be. I'm sure nearly every single one still wants a physical relationship but god forbid they should admit it! Consequently you will stand a good chance of meeting people, but compatibility outside of the 'safe' interests they let you put on your profile is in the lap of the gods.

    Case in point; the person I met via POF and fell for was a good match in all the aspects that the site allowed, and it didn't take long for us to start to want to expore the physical compatibilities as it turned out. But time revealed some worrying personality traits around trust, intolerance and her need to control. Plus the sex, it turned out, was very vanilla. She owned a regular vibe but she'd turn white at some of the fun and games that could be had with items from Lovehoney!

    Because I wanted a period of time without a longterm attachment due to my circumstances I put up a profile on a couple of adult dating websites that are geared to casual NSA relationships. At least here you could meet people who knew what they wanted and their profiles said specifically what they liked.

    There are plenty of sites to choose from but you'll find many are actually all linked, sharing the same profiles but with a different 'shop window' to front end them. They are easy to spot once you see inside the site but as that requires you to set up a 'free' profile first you'll waste a lot of time doing that only to find it is really the same site. And to be able to send or read messages you have to pay anyway, and some of them are very expensive.

    These sites are often stuffed with fake profiles to make you think there are loads of potential contacts in your area, but the reality is very different. Add in those that are being shared from other sites where the profile options don't even match up and you get some very odd results. Some sites offer less restricted profiles to single women because of the vast excess of single male profiles. This results in you being up against a huge number of 30-40 year olds that women seeking some extra fun will be looking at instead of yours and they can afford to be really choosy about their requirements, which means it is difficult to get someones attention if you fall outside that range.

    Of these profiles there are a huge number, and actually I reckon that it accounts for the vast majority, of profiles to bait you into joining a different website, or are just fantasists / timewasters. Some females (or guys masquerading as girls) seem to delight in putting up profiles just to bait guys into contacting them and flattering them by saying they'd like to have sex with them.

    I have met precisely four contacts over a ten month period, and clicked with one of them so all in all it has been rather a disappointing experience. I'm sure if I fell into the 30-40, athletic body, 9 inch cock category I'd stand a better chance! Yet I am considered to be quite attractive, still have all my own hair and teeth, with a good sense of humour, and able to string more words together than "hello darlin' fancy a fuck?" But none of that counts of course. I did attract the attention and compliments of someone on TheAdultHub but sadly that was because she'd read my blog and wanted to say 'hi' rather than being local... she lives in the United States!

    Conclusion: More genuine people on regular dating websites for whom you would be considered as a match regardless of your age, but be prepared to put aside ideas of searching on sexual compatibility. You'll just have to wait and see, and if you do find you get on it shouldn't take too long before you are finding out. Just be prepared to avoid those seeking their next husband / father to their kids / or even soul-mate (shudder) if you aren't ready for that yet.

    On the other hand, casual dating sites are great for quick hookups providing you are in a reasonably densely populated area and you are fortunate to be young enough and with desirable physical attributes. No-one's going to persuade me about sense of humour, a nice personality being important. It may be to women looking for a partner or friend, but not for casual relationships, especially if they are married as they just want a bit of fun with an idealised sexual partner that is different from their hubby.

    Well, sorry that was longer than probably any post you've read on the forum but that's got it off my chest. I did see someone I felt strongly attracted to recently but I'm told she's married and so for now I'm giving up on finding anyone online or in the real world as I'm fed up of getting up my hopes only to be disappointmented. Maybe one day before too long, eh?

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    Conclusion: More genuine people on regular dating websites for whom you would be considered as a match regardless of your age, but be prepared to put aside ideas of searching on sexual compatibility.

    So you haven't been through OK Cupid's questionnaires then? Thousands of questions you can answer or skip, with more than a few on sexual preferences and attitudes. You can safely weed out all of us boring women who aren't wired for kink. Just mark the sexual preference ones as very important.

    PoF is a meat market. I adore sex, but I'm really not interested in helping some guy cheat on his wife while he's in town for a business meeting. Or trying to slot into a young man's revved-up cougar fantasies. Or.... The quality of men who propositioned me on PoF was very low and very frequent. Not a good combination.

    I only sleep with men who I click with. Even if it was going to be short term, a good personality is still mandatory. Believe whatever you want. That's the way it is for me and plenty of other women I know. I don't want someone young and looks really don't carry any weight with me.

    The biggest piece of advice I can give you - if you're carrying that much by way of baggage from being on dating sites, take some time off. Otherwise you're liable to get things off to a real bad start if you do meet someone you'd be compatible with on a calmer day.

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    [suspended user]

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    rose hip wrote:

    Conclusion: More genuine people on regular dating websites for whom you would be considered as a match regardless of your age, but be prepared to put aside ideas of searching on sexual compatibility.

    I only sleep with men who I click with. Even if it was going to be short term, a good personality is still mandatory. Believe whatever you want. That's the way it is for me and plenty of other women I know. I don't want someone young and looks really don't carry any weight with me.

    100% agree hun I'm also one of them women. X

    1390500644
    Private_member [sign in to see picture]
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    I think one of the issues with PoF is it is linked in with lots of other more 'dodgy' sites so if you have a profile on there then it is also viewable on a sex orientated site so guys viewing on that site might thing you are just up for a quick 'shag'.

    Personally I have found PoF easy enough to find single people of my (relatively elderly) age to date and develop physical relationships with but I'm not into one night stands and really am single so maybe that helps a little.

    I would say eHarmony worked very well for me but does have a monthly fee. I signed up for one month and quickly found the person I hoped to spend the rest of my life with.

    I guess if you are honest and are a little suspicious of faceless people people on the internet who could be scammers or fake then just search and message people until you find someone who is what you are looking for, if things go pear shape just start again.

    Enjoy the ride.

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