• The trouble with doctors...

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    Lou232 [sign in to see picture]
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    Me again! Hello, another post asking for advice (thanks for putting up with all this, going through a patch right now!). So, I'm in need of some advice. It's a bit specific, I've search the forums and can't come up with anything exactly right.

    Basically, I'm considering the Mirena. I'm chatting to my local FPC about it so that's all fine. The problem is that I want the OH to come with me and hold my hand, but he's reluctant. Now, it gets complicated. He has issues with jealousy and being overprotective, which he knows about and tries very hard to overcome. I understand why he has them - his exes cheated on him in a big way and one of them was severely attacked. Normally we manage fine - if I want to go dancing with a friend (sore spot...ex cheated with dance partner), we sit down, discuss it and it's fine. He trusts me, but not anyone else with me. However, we have made progress and he's now much calmer about me going out dancing with whoever I like. So he is trying really hard to overcome this.

    Now I also have trust issues and have been attacked myself on several occasions, including by my best friend. I am reasonably good at self defence so nothing ever came of the attacks (except bruises). I really want the OH there just as a support thing - I have also been assaulted (not sexually) by a doctor before. However, he is not happy about someone poking around in my downstairs at all and doesn't think he can sit there calmly. I think advice is needed for both of us...I was in therapy about the doctor for a year and I still have major issues. So more help with jealousy, doctor fear etc would be awesome. Thanks Lxx

    1288966840
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Could he not wait outside? I think a lot of places have a nurse and doc for sensitive issues like that.

    Or he could just get over it, what with it being a health thing and all...

    1288968363
    diamonds [sign in to see picture]
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    i dont really understand why he would get jelouse over you having a medical thing done? i find that quiet odd to be honest.

    i also wouldnt think the docs/nurse would let him in the room for this kind of thing either, if you feel worried you can ask for another nurse or femlae doc to be present.

    Dxx

    1288971272
    Lou232 [sign in to see picture]
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    It does sound confusing now I read it back! Basically he is worried he will get overprotective when he is in there. I have told him what happens and that hopefully I will have a female doctor. The other thing is I refuse to be alone with doctors given what happened (forcible restraint by several nurses and a procedure done against my will) so I really need him around.

    @ WandA - he knows it isn't great and he is trying to get over it. I was just asking for some advice to make it easier for both of us. The trouble is he knows what issues I have with the medical profession and so it makes him very protective in that situation.

    1288971433
    diamonds [sign in to see picture]
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    Lou232 wrote:

    It does sound confusing now I read it back! Basically he is worried he will get overprotective when he is in there. I have told him what happens and that hopefully I will have a female doctor. The other thing is I refuse to be alone with doctors given what happened (forcible restraint by several nurses and a procedure done against my will) so I really need him around.

    @ WandA - he knows it isn't great and he is trying to get over it. I was just asking for some advice to make it easier for both of us. The trouble is he knows what issues I have with the medical profession and so it makes him very protective in that situation.

    then wouldnt it be better to take a female friend/relative then him?

    i can only really see that as the solotion if you dont feel safe with having the other nurse/gp as the other person there and as he cant cope with his over proctiveness.

    :-/

    Dxx

    1288971929
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry if I seemed a bit dismissive. The impression given just seems to be his over protectiveness is more from his sense of jealously rather than wanting to protect your wellbeing based on past experiences. Feelings of care are different to control.

    He should have no need to be over protective if you are fine with the situation, he's hardly likely to kick up a fuss if you remain calm and happy, if it is jealously then you don't have that control and he's best left somewhere else.

    Good luck with it anyways.

    1288983301
    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    Could you ask a girlfriend to come in with you? I've done it for friends before so they had some company and someone to make sure they were ok afterwards.

    I've never been alone with a doctor when I've had any gynae procedures or investigations done, there's always been a nurse there too. I'm pretty sure that's standard practice now and you're allowed to request female doctors too. Hope this helps put your OH's mind at rest!

    xxKPxx

    1288985588
    suze9 [sign in to see picture]
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    I had my merina coil fitted at the FPC and it was done by two females as it was a two person job. Why not give them a phone and ask exactly who will be fitting it for you and will there be anyone else involved. I found it good having the second person there as she chatted to me and talked me through things whilst the other one concentrated on what she was doing.

    1288985749
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    suze9 wrote:

    I had my merina coil fitted at the FPC and it was done by two females as it was a two person job. Why not give them a phone and ask exactly who will be fitting it for you and will there be anyone else involved. I found it good having the second person there as she chatted to me and talked me through things whilst the other one concentrated on what she was doing.

    Same with me but it was a male doctor and a nurse. The OH came with me but sat outside.

    1288986860
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    KittyPurry wrote:

    Could you ask a girlfriend to come in with you? I've done it for friends before so they had some company and someone to make sure they were ok afterwards.

    I've never been alone with a doctor when I've had any gynae procedures or investigations done, there's always been a nurse there too. I'm pretty sure that's standard practice now and you're allowed to request female doctors too. Hope this helps put your OH's mind at rest!

    xxKPxx

    They will sometimes use a friend as "supervision" my mum has been present instead of a nurse before but they usually have someone present to cover their backs.

    I'd also advise taking a girl mate! I've been the lady docs with friends before and would happily again.

    I'm sorry you've had a bad time in the past but it sounds like you and your OH are really doing the best you can! Though perhaps suggesting some form of counselling for himself might be beneficial for the future :)

    Adx

    1289005765
    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    KittyPurry wrote:

    Could you ask a girlfriend to come in with you? I've done it for friends before so they had some company and someone to make sure they were ok afterwards.

    I've never been alone with a doctor when I've had any gynae procedures or investigations done, there's always been a nurse there too. I'm pretty sure that's standard practice now and you're allowed to request female doctors too. Hope this helps put your OH's mind at rest!

    xxKPxx

    They will sometimes use a friend as "supervision" my mum has been present instead of a nurse before but they usually have someone present to cover their backs.

    I'd also advise taking a girl mate! I've been the lady docs with friends before and would happily again.

    I'm sorry you've had a bad time in the past but it sounds like you and your OH are really doing the best you can! Though perhaps suggesting some form of counselling for himself might be beneficial for the future :)

    Adx

    At one coil check I had 4 medical students watching! That was very weird.... especially when the gynae said "ooh that's pretty" then proceeded to point bits of my anatomy out!

    If you're shy and they ask if you'd mind students watching I reccomend declining...I found it quite embarassing but for some reason didn't say no!

    xxKPxx

    1289011641
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I've had students in before, and they've always been polite. Looked out the side of their vision rather than "staring". Guess having so many students makes it easier for *them* to forget that you are a patient, whereas if there's just one student there, they're more aware of what might make you feel uncomfy.

    Adx

    1289012783
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    KittyPurry wrote:

    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    KittyPurry wrote:

    Could you ask a girlfriend to come in with you? I've done it for friends before so they had some company and someone to make sure they were ok afterwards.

    I've never been alone with a doctor when I've had any gynae procedures or investigations done, there's always been a nurse there too. I'm pretty sure that's standard practice now and you're allowed to request female doctors too. Hope this helps put your OH's mind at rest!

    xxKPxx

    They will sometimes use a friend as "supervision" my mum has been present instead of a nurse before but they usually have someone present to cover their backs.

    I'd also advise taking a girl mate! I've been the lady docs with friends before and would happily again.

    I'm sorry you've had a bad time in the past but it sounds like you and your OH are really doing the best you can! Though perhaps suggesting some form of counselling for himself might be beneficial for the future :)

    Adx

    At one coil check I had 4 medical students watching! That was very weird.... especially when the gynae said "ooh that's pretty" then proceeded to point bits of my anatomy out!

    If you're shy and they ask if you'd mind students watching I reccomend declining...I found it quite embarassing but for some reason didn't say no!

    xxKPxx

    I can understand the embarrassment, although I'm sure she/he was correct I don't think I'd like compliments on my bits at the docs while pointing bits out, shouldn't those bits be rather obvious? Sure they were medical students?

    4 is a bit too many. You would think they wouldn't even allow that many in for a non-private matter, I know I'd rather it didn't feel like a seminar or meeting concerning my health.

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