• Condoms and safe sex....musings

    1289182967
    Reaperr [sign in to see picture]
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    hey guys, sorry for randomly posting but can anyone tell me how i can make my own thread? thanks...

    1289183175
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Reaperr wrote:

    hey guys, sorry for randomly posting but can anyone tell me how i can make my own thread? thanks...

    Hello, select a sub forum, for example:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/introduce-yourself/

    Then scroll to the bottom for a similar text box to typing when posting a message.

    Also have a look for some topics with the search function, we have plenty of great advice if that's what you're looking for.

    1289184071
    TRE [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    TRE wrote:

    I think both partners getting tested is the best idea because until you do that, surely there is a risk from giving oral sex with regard to getting some STD's? Thats what it always seemed to say when I read up on STD's, though many think there isn't a risk on giving oral sex for either a man or a woman.

    Indeed. Oral sex can spread STDs but it is generally less risky. Still worth wrapping up I imagine though!

    Its a right pain. These days there are to many risks to most things you wanna do that are fun. I

    1289270643
    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    Hate condoms, but Mrs M can't take the pill any more and the only thing we're worried about is pregnancy. So it's condoms all the way until I work up the courage to get fixed!

    I think that for most people, though, unless you are 100% sure of your partner's fidelity (and that means "they'd never do anything with anyone else without telling me straight away") the risks are too high. It just takes a slip at the wrong time with the wrong person, and then to ignore it, and both of you might have something incurable or permanently damaging. Getting tested is fine, but like an MOT, it picks up when something's wrong, and doesn't guarantee that you're roadworthy the next day. Again, it all comes down to trust.

    1293034367
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
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    Dragging up an old thread again, seems to be my trick at the mo, I don't know if this has been mentioned as iv only scanned the comments but i just thought maybe this would be relevant-

    I dont like discussing this much as for obvious reasons its rather embarrasing and iv been degraded by my doc for it and felt completly humiliated but here goes,

    When me and the OH got together we were using condoms untill it got serious, then we both went for STD tests at the local clininc seperatly and both got the all clear.

    i had previously found a small scar on his willy while giving him oral and asked about it and said he'd had it since he'd had a mischief with his zipper, it went a bit funny after healing and he went to the docs, who said it was just bad scarring, it was never mentioned at his STD check either, and its rather obvious to the eye.

    So about 4months after the check up and not using condoms, i developed some thing rather similar and when to the docs who refurred me to the clinic and i tested positive for something.

    My initial responce was he's cheated on me, or lied about being checked, but it turns out, unless pointed out, its won't show up on an STD test, its purely visual, and often mistaken for various other non threatening things. And condoms wont make jack all difference, it can be passed on with fingers, mouths, skin, clothing, towels etc.

    Needles to say i was utterly distraught (and still am to be fair but heyho) I dont think id could ever sleep with any one other than my OH again, certainly not fun, spur of the moment fling sex, i couldnt and wouldn't put some one at risk and id have to love and trust some one an awful lot before i could trust them not to be judgemental.

    SO the moral of this is even if you've never had sex without condom, even if you've never has full sex, even if all tests show your clear, don't assume, keep an eye on ur bits and your partners!!

    I must be the only person who's caught an STD from their 100% faithfull fiance

    x

    1293035472
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm confused MissO. What is the something?

    1293036063
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
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    it begins with a "w". ahem. i cant even say it. im so ashamed

    1293036528
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    missorgasm wrote:

    it begins with a "w". ahem. i cant even say it. im so ashamed

    Don't be silly! I was just hoping your OH hadn't evolved something in his grundies!

    I get oral coldsores, a virus with me for life. When you call them coldsores it sounds much better than saying herpes!

    About 50% of sexually active adults have the virus that causes what I think you refer to, HPV, they just often don't show up.

    Do please keep an eye on things there though and make sure you don't miss smears and such. Always best to.

    1293036639
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    missorgasm wrote:

    it begins with a "w". ahem. i cant even say it. im so ashamed

    Don't be silly! I was just hoping your OH hadn't evolved something in his grundies!

    I get oral coldsores, a virus with me for life. When you call them coldsores it sounds much better than saying herpes!

    About 50% of sexually active adults have the virus that causes what I think you refer to, HPV, they just often don't show up.

    Do please keep an eye on things there though and make sure you don't miss smears and such. Always best to.

    EDIT: 50% may be too high or low:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_papillomavirus#Prevalence

    1293036867
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
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    Indeed. apparenly it comes up in this form usually when you're run down. which i was when it popped up on me, and he works 7 days and 5 nights a week so he's always run down. But the thing is, once its popped up, its an absolute sod to get rid of and spreads like F*** so its some thing i guess we both have to live with now. but what else could we do? we were as careful as any one can be. Don't get me started on smear tests. My doc refuses untill i'm 25 despite the fact iv been begging since i was 15 as i have very irregular bleeding any thing from once every six months the constant for up to 3months as well as normal monthlies.

    1293036926
    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
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    Why? You went and had it checked, were careful, it's simply unfortunate that the anomaly had initially seemed innocuous. No shame required. Not as though you had an orgy without any protection in a dark alleyway!

    I've just been tested for all the nasties, I swear that midwife didn't believe I'd only had sexual contact with one person

    1293036965
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh dear MissO - I'm sorry!

    I know what you mean though I'm stupidly careful when WandA gets coldsores (on his mouth) and refuse to receive oral for weeks just to be sure because it's easy to avoid passing it from mouth to mouth - but if you get a "coldsore" on your bits, you're ruining every form of intimacy *apart* from mouth kissing! And if someone's run down enough to get a coldsore there, what are the chances of getting one on their mouth too!

    Really, don't be embarrassed - as WandA said - it's a common virus and it's something that's so easy to be exposed to, there really is nothing to be ashamed of!

    And if you're both carriers then you don't have to be careful now! And if you're getting married then you don't have to worry about other partners :)

    Really concentrate on the positives!

    And as WandA said, do keep an eye out for any changes

    Adxx

    1293037119
    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
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    missorgasm wrote:

    Indeed. apparenly it comes up in this form usually when you're run down. which i was when it popped up on me, and he works 7 days and 5 nights a week so he's always run down. But the thing is, once its popped up, its an absolute sod to get rid of and spreads like F*** so its some thing i guess we both have to live with now. but what else could we do? we were as careful as any one can be. Don't get me started on smear tests. My doc refuses untill i'm 25 despite the fact iv been begging since i was 15 as i have very irregular bleeding any thing from once every six months the constant for up to 3months as well as normal monthlies.

    Why is this? Here we are pursued from about 17/ 18 to get them, I was being posted reminders to make an appointment before I was in any way sexually active. Is this a Scotland/ England thing?

    1293037139
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Rowan wrote:

    Why? You went and had it checked, were careful, it's simply unfortunate that the anomaly had initially seemed innocuous. No shame required. Not as though you had an orgy without any protection in a dark alleyway!

    I've just been tested for all the nasties, I swear that midwife didn't believe I'd only had sexual contact with one person

    I'm tested every few weeks! Well not that often but it seems like that!

    Every time I see a gynae they insist even though I've only had one partner. Best to be sure.

    MissO I'd insist on a smear if you really feel you need/want one. It's wrong that they deny people who want them. It should be that they only *offer* them routinely to women over 25 but give them to anyone who asks!

    Adxx

    1293037600
    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Rowan wrote:

    Why? You went and had it checked, were careful, it's simply unfortunate that the anomaly had initially seemed innocuous. No shame required. Not as though you had an orgy without any protection in a dark alleyway!

    I've just been tested for all the nasties, I swear that midwife didn't believe I'd only had sexual contact with one person

    I'm tested every few weeks! Well not that often but it seems like that!

    Every time I see a gynae they insist even though I've only had one partner. Best to be sure.

    MissO I'd insist on a smear if you really feel you need/want one. It's wrong that they deny people who want them. It should be that they only *offer* them routinely to women over 25 but give them to anyone who asks!

    Adxx

    I've been having smears every couple of years since I became sexually active at 18 and a couple of times in between when I went to the GUM - I just asked if they would and they did it along with the other tests. Maybe I've just been lucky but it's 3 seperate places that it's been done so hopefully it's not uncommon.

    xxKPxx

    1293037684
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Rowan wrote:

    Why? You went and had it checked, were careful, it's simply unfortunate that the anomaly had initially seemed innocuous. No shame required. Not as though you had an orgy without any protection in a dark alleyway!

    I've just been tested for all the nasties, I swear that midwife didn't believe I'd only had sexual contact with one person

    I'm tested every few weeks! Well not that often but it seems like that!

    Every time I see a gynae they insist even though I've only had one partner. Best to be sure.

    MissO I'd insist on a smear if you really feel you need/want one. It's wrong that they deny people who want them. It should be that they only *offer* them routinely to women over 25 but give them to anyone who asks!

    Adxx

    I've asked and asked and asked and he refuses, after what happened last month couple with the almost continous bleeding if it happens again i'm going back again, if he still refuses OH says he'll pay for me to go private.

    And i think you may have missunderstood, its not the coldsore virus, some thing else, and very contagious, i went fom having one to about 10 in a matter of days and as soon as i get rid of them there back some where else, obv with us ladys wiping everytime we need a wee and men touching us interally and externally during forplay they spread very easily, im currently trying a few home remedies and measure to try and keep it under control, tea tree oil in bath water etc etc fingers crossed

    xx

    1293038314
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    No I know it's not a coldsore virus but my example was another highly contagious, cyclical virus which can crop up during periods of being run down and is not necessarily caught from unprotected sex

    You could always try your local GUM clinic?

    I get sent to mine by my doc because they generally know a bit more and are better at being sensitive

    Of course you'll have to make some adjustments to your sexual activities but I'm sure once you've managed to get them gone, if you can be very, very careful about them not cropping up again it should be ok . As with coldsores where you try to avoid getting run down and passing them between yourself and your partner you can *try* to do the same and hopefully avoid them. Not ideal, but certainly not the end of the world - even if it feels like it right now

    Sending *hugs* your way

    Adx

    1293043120
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
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    Im sticking to buying the stuff the doc prescribed the first time online when i need more, its not prescription only.

    I know its not really advisable but he made me feel so small and dirty i just cant face going back with a small child in tow, its just too traumatic. As if i need to feel any worse about it ay its been quite a while since it happened but some times you think about it you know? any way. on to chirpier subjects, this is so unsexy ad depressing i might crack open a bottle already!

    xx

    1293044991
    Pixieking [sign in to see picture]
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    GUM clinics tend to be a lot less judgmental than doctors surgeries, simply because the people who work in GUM clinics went into the job knowing that they would be dealing with sexual matters every day, and they've seen it soo often that they just aren't suprised.

    It may be worth just having a pop in, since they can't do anything to you you aren't comfortable with, you could scope it out and then go a bit deeper if you wish it.

    1293056157
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
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    Pixieking wrote:

    GUM clinics tend to be a lot less judgmental than doctors surgeries, simply because the people who work in GUM clinics went into the job knowing that they would be dealing with sexual matters every day, and they've seen it soo often that they just aren't suprised.

    It may be worth just having a pop in, since they can't do anything to you you aren't comfortable with, you could scope it out and then go a bit deeper if you wish it.

    this is the doc i was on about. he was awfull. and i cant really just "go" because its 10miles away and id have to tow a child with me anhd a two yr old and an internal? me no think so :/

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