• Helping her enjoy

    1288302868
    She cums first [sign in to see picture]
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    Hope I'm in the right place for this

    I'm looking for some insights and suggestions from women. I recently started dating a 60 year old woman.

    • She is a widow for a year and a half now.
    • her husband was 12 years older than she is
    • She tells me that until she started dating me she hasn't had sex in five years (since she was 55)
    • It also came up that she was sexually abused as a child

    We've had sex a few times but her response is not what I am accustomed to. This is the first time in my life I have not been able to figure out how to bring a woman to orgasm. She tells me its a process for her to re-awaken the sexual part of her life.

    I am willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy. And I'm hoping to make her enjoyment of sex among the most spectacluar aspects of her life going forward. Maybe not relevent, but I very much enjoy giving oral sex. And I ve the impression its new for her to have a man want to satisfy her needs and desires before his own. Looking for hints and tips on how I can best make the sexual aspects of our newfound love the best she has have ever had.

    help her

    1288303336
    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    Other people will probably give you plenty of in-depth advice, but I just want to put in the part I feel is most important - sex isn't all about orgasms. You can still have great sex/oral/whatever without orgasming. Trying to make a woman orgasm can sometimes be counterproductive. Just concentrate on having a great time together and the orgasms will follow.

    1288303523
    missorgasm [sign in to see picture]
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    I completly agree, before even thinking of orgasms focus on trust and making her 100% comfortable with absolutly everything to do with sex and any thing you might do to bring her to orgasm in the future, all the best x

    1288304405
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Communicate. Most ladies don't have simple on/off switches that always work.

    As others have said, sex isn't always about the orgasm but I would take what she says seriously, it's likely she is nervous about the whole thing and needs time to get used to being back in the groove and learning to relax.

    Communicate, find out what works for her, does she know? Does she masturbate etc... Take things slow and enjoy the journey for what it is!

    I wish you the best of luck.

    1288305858
    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    I think the best sex is about communication, enthusiasm and patience.

    Trying to "make" your partner come could definately be, as others have mentioned, counter-productive. I'm hypersexual and have even orgasmed by accident on occasion but even I clam up if I feel pressure to come. If I start worrying my OH is getting tired or if I know I need to leave for work soon...thinking I "have" to come makes it impossible - very odd and quite frustrating.

    If she's said its a process for her to re-awaken sexually - take her at her word and let her go at her own pace. Encourage her to keep talking and be tactile and affectionate (hugs, kisses etc.), this should sustain the emotional and physical connection between you.

    xxKPxx

    1288307230
    She cums first [sign in to see picture]
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    thank you for all of the feedback thus far.

    No she does not masturbate. She really is emerging from five years of sexual hibernation that began even befgore her husband's death. She assumed that sex as an aspect of her life had ended entirely. Ironically from the very first time we met she is the most physical and most sensual woman I have ever known.

    I do want to communciate. And two areas I'm trying to handle effectively are
    1) knowing if/how to address anything related to sexual abused as a child (she says both she and her sister were abused but they are not exactly sure by whom)

    2) how to ask/talk about her prior sex life/experiences in a way that respects and is considerate of the 30 year marriage she had.

    1288307818
    X lovely lady X [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
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    Maybe because of her past and because of her dwindled sex life in the past few years she just needs to feel loved again.

    It could be that by taking it right back to basics you find something truely amazing. Light some candles, play some soft music, tell her how amazing she looks and that you would do anything for her! Make her feel loved and worshipped and the more adored she feels the more she will relax. Maybe try taking things really slowly and take it right back to hugs and kisses like kittypurry said.

    When having sex make sure you continue making it special for her by asking her what she wants you to do and what and where feels the best. Everyone else has given you fantastic information about communication and patience and i also think that they are key. When you are both having fun and enjoying each others company orgasms will happen, but whilst an orgasm is your only goal at the moment it wont happen. After all a watched pot never boils! (i think that saying sorta works here!)

    1288308074
    X lovely lady X [sign in to see picture]
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    sorry i posted my last comment before yours appeared.

    Maybe trying to learn about each of those things isn't something you should focus on. As you say they are both very sensitive areas to approach and they dont have to affect the relationship that you two have. Of course her relationship with her husband will have had a profound affect on her life, ut she is starting a new chapter with you with new experiences. Asking what her husband did for her is probably a very sore subject, as is her abuse as a child.

    1288309187
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    She cums first wrote:

    thank you for all of the feedback thus far.

    No she does not masturbate. She really is emerging from five years of sexual hibernation that began even befgore her husband's death. She assumed that sex as an aspect of her life had ended entirely. Ironically from the very first time we met she is the most physical and most sensual woman I have ever known.

    I do want to communciate. And two areas I'm trying to handle effectively are
    1) knowing if/how to address anything related to sexual abused as a child (she says both she and her sister were abused but they are not exactly sure by whom)

    2) how to ask/talk about her prior sex life/experiences in a way that respects and is considerate of the 30 year marriage she had.

    I think the concerns you raise are very important and it's great you show so much respect to her past. I wouldn't address either issue head on, if she has dealt with them, which I assume she has then it might serve no positive purpose to bring them back up.

    Perhaps questioning in a manner that allows her to simply nod or shake her head is an idea. It is really easy to acknowledge in that way without embarrassment.

    Perhaps non-verbal communication would work especially well once you are engaging in the act. Try different things, all manners of foreplay, give each act some time to be enjoyed and see what gets the responses you desire. It can be much easier to communicate without actual questions!

    I'm sure something will work, you seem so considerate.

    1288352681
    Northern lights [sign in to see picture]
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    Patience understanding and time are the things that you need. You need to allow time for her to learn and discover herself, and as part of the journey try new (ish) things or old things done with a difference. Physical communication and learning about each other is going to such a thrill, and If I might suggest, look at it from the perspective of being a teenager all over again. Discovery, passion and making the moments you share fun and frivolous. After the history she has had, it might be good to try and give things a fun direction, help her feel like a girl again? Nice people deserve nice things, and I think you have the patience to see what works.

    1288353944
    Carousel [sign in to see picture]
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    All the advice on here seems great and I'd second the comments above. I also feel it's worth noting that if she'd not had sex for the past 5 years, the likelyhood is she was missing out on the wonder of intamacy and all the benefits that this brings to your mind, body and soul.

    I particularly agree with taking things back to basics. I had a nasty operation a few years ago and my Husband spent so long caring for me, that we both found ourselves seeing each other as patient and carer, and not in a sexy way! For a while intamacy was missing (fair enough, I was very poorly, and he was busy looking after me!). We found that when we tried to re-start our sex life, it just didn't feel right as we'd sort of changed how we'd seen each other, temporarily I may add, until we went back to the start, re-kindled intamate and sexual feelings as they once were, and now things are fab. She needs time to re-awaken the sexual part of her and given time that will grow into something beautiful and real, not forced or rushed.

    Take it slow and it'll be worth it. Good Luck!

    1288355858
    Mad4Sex [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
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    Hi,

    I agree with all that's be said here. I've been through a similar situation to yourself with my fiancee. She's in her mid 50s whilst I'm a few years younger. She hadn't had a sex life with her husband for many many years it took some while before she felt confident and sexy again. My advice would be to try and talk about things, gently and slowly encourage her to feel sexy again. I'm always telling my OH that she's sexy and beautiful, she'd gotten to the stage where she had lost all her confidence in herself and felt that she wasn't attractive to men, her self-esteem was at rock bottom but I'm happy to say that we now enjoy a fantastic and inovative sex life. don't forget the magic of a good old fashioned "cuddle". IMO sex has to be fun and we often laugh about things. Lovehoney is a great place to visit as your confidence increases. She was quite shy at first and sexuall6y in-experienced but now just about anything goes and we love to try new things. Take it easy, talk to her and re-assure her that she's very sexy and turns you on, build up the level of trust and togetherness that's essential for a happy sex life. I too enjoy "going down" and she loves it, at first I almost had to prize out of her what she liked, turned out she'd never experienced it before and she honestly didn't know what she liked but boy was it a lot of fun for us both finding out what works for her! :).

    Wishing you all the best

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