• When do couples with kids find the time?

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok, so I don't have kids - but I do live on *just* 4 hours sleep a night, every night. And you're right MrMo 2 nights of increased sleep doesn't sort it, and it just gets worse over time - you don't get used to being sleep deprived, it just builds up and gets worse and worse over time.

    Not to mention how it affects your ability to deal with things, you become over (or under) sensitive and every little "mishap" or "rejection" seems like the worst thing ever! It affects your brain too, you feel useless because you can't string a sentence together and forget what words mean, or even forget what you were saying half way through.

    That said - sleep deprivation isn't going to go away so you have to learn to deal with it! There's no point saying "I'm too tired for sex" because you're always going to be just as tired!

    It takes a bit of effort but there's a lot said for planning sex and just going for it anyway (the number of amazing sex sessions we've had when before we started I "just didn't feel like it" is suprising). Yes there are days when you're more tired than most. But just a 10 minute "lazy blowjob" or half an hour of cuddles can work wonders for intimacy. Planning when you have free time to use it "productively" - when baby is away for an hour or two it's not a "good time to catch up on the washing" it's a good time to get down and dirty. You have to get the priorities right in your mind. Intimacy is important in any relationship which means sex is important too! You have to *make* time for it.

    I think it's important to communicate. In my opinion sex is something enjoyable but it's also an "obligation" in a relationship - that sounds worse than how I mean it, but what I mean is you both have to work to make each other happy. Relationships aren't meant to be easy - if you want a good relationship you have to put in a little bit of effort and as long as both members are "trying" you can't go far wrong! I know WandA needs sex to feel intimate just like I need cuddles, so if I want a cuddle from him, I need to make sure he's getting his intimacy too. It's not that I "owe" him, more that I want to please him and he wants to please me and we both put effort into that. It's important to make sure you're both on the same page, otherwise it's inevitable that you'll feel like one person is always "making excuses" not to have sex - even if they're valid reasons not to, that doesn't mean you shouldn't!

    You'd never be "too tired" to reassure baby, or give him/her a cuddle or make sure he/she is happy...so why would you be too tired to reassure your partner and make sure he/she is happy? Plus - you have better quality sleep after sex. Fact.

    Adx

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Mr Monster wrote:

    Also, Mini Monster is very posessive and demanding. He tends to suggest very loudly that we stop hugging each other and hug him instead! (What Oedipus complex? )

    Hah!

    Watch him... He's just waiting for your throne.

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    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    toycar69 wrote:

    MrMonster, I think you have described the tiredness perfectly to those without kids. If you're managed up to two sessions a week, I guess you're not doing too badly. I've had one quicky in the last month at the moment.

    Up to, TC, up to! It varies between month-long gaps and two sessions a week, averaging one a week.

    We are having more luck now he's sleeping better - have you ever had the joy of not one, not two, but three interruptions before you both manage to come? I tell you, it's pure frustration. Plus, very tricky keeping one's end up, awaiting your parner's return.

    And as for any kind of kinkyness: how on earth do you justify tying up, inserting toys into, slathering oils onto or dressing up your partner if she might have to leap up and breast-feed at a moment's notice? Can't be done.

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    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Not to mention how it affects your ability to deal with things, you become over (or under) sensitive and every little "mishap" or "rejection" seems like the worst thing ever! It affects your brain too, you feel useless because you can't string a sentence together and forget what words mean, or even forget what you were saying half way through.

    Tell me about it . . .

    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Planning when you have free time to use it "productively" - when baby is away for an hour or two it's not a "good time to catch up on the washing" it's a good time to get down and dirty.

    Excellent point, Ad! I think you'll find as the baby gets older (and this is something Mrs M did instinctively, and I am just learning to do) that you don't have to "entertain" them quite so much, and can actually potter about doing little jobs with them in tow, or even with a little thought letting them help! The plus side is you get to do things together, and don't have to think up something to fill a morning or afternoon with: the sort-of down side is that a 10-minute job might take the two of you half an hour - BUT it's a half-hour well-spent if it frees up an extra ten minutes with the OH when she gets in, and gets a little job out of the way so (in my experience) she's feeling more in the mood. Yes, fellas, housework is foreplay!

    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    You'd never be "too tired" to reassure baby, or give him/her a cuddle or make sure he/she is happy...

    Wanna bet? My user name's only half a joke, you know. I'm convinced I'm a terrible parent, but Mrs M reassures me I'm doing OK. Still, it would be nice if I felt more in control of my life.

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Mr Monster wrote:

    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    You'd never be "too tired" to reassure baby, or give him/her a cuddle or make sure he/she is happy...

    Wanna bet? My user name's only half a joke, you know. I'm convinced I'm a terrible parent, but Mrs M reassures me I'm doing OK. Still, it would be nice if I felt more in control of my life.

    But if your little 'un was desperately in need of a cuddle and some attention you'd be perfectly capable of providing it! Everyone gets frustrated - especially when they're sleep deprived - but it's how you react over the "important" things that matters - it's all about remembering that sex and intimacy is one of the important things!

    And you're right, foreplay starts with a cup of tea in the morning ;)

    Adx

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