• on being BI

    Leon Bellmont [sign in to see picture]
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    It isn't a matter of being classified as one thing or another so much as i want to know who i am and how i fit in. Your right i am young and I have never been out there before though I have tried in the past with poor results. There is one memory from my past a story i call the tale of the two brothers that defines the turning point in my life, what made me who i am now. I don't want to explain it too much but I really don't do well sociely and as much as I can sit here and vent you are right in saying i will need to get out there and simply try. Thanks for thee hug and for the advice.

    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    Leon Bellmont wrote:

    It isn't a matter of being classified as one thing or another so much as i want to know who i am and how i fit in.

    That's so very normal for your age. Even if it is frustrating and maddening. Does it help to know that pretty much everyone has been in similar positions of wanting to define and understand some aspect of ourselves? It's part of the transition into adulthood.

    You might find the Klein Grid helpful. It looks at orientation in terms of several different aspects - attraction, activity, fantasies, emotions, social life, community and self-identification.



    (Bi but functionally straight. Somehow I'm more attractive to men than to women. I've never seen that category on anyone's grid. ;-) )

    Pixieking [sign in to see picture]
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    I think I am rather like hella in this reguard. I self identify as a gay man but have a sexual "fetish" for women. I've never had any sexual contact with a woman, and I probably won't just because I would't want to risk feelings developing on the other side. I don't get enough sex with blokes to worry abot considering women.

    Also, to the poster above, being attracted to people no matter what they're gender identity is sometimes known as being pansexul. I'd agree with just not worrying And going with the flow.

    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    I feel a little bit like you in the fact that I value personalities rather than gender when choosing partners.
    As others have said sexuality is not black or white or even fixed. Most people have a different view if sex in their 20's than their 50's, but its the ability to change and develop that makes sexuality so interesting

    Unfortunatley we can't tell you what your sexual identity is, but try to relax and things will become clearer over time. Dont forget that if you do end up trying something you dont like you can chabge your mind

    Have you thought a bout talking things over with a LGBTQ charity? a google search would help find some in your area, and there is stonewall.co.uk as a good source of infi

    atlanta [sign in to see picture]
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    Dear Leon,

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with having feelings for both men and women. It's just that a lot of sexually insecure people feel that it's necessary to say it's wrong. It is not. I am bi and I gave myself a great deal of grief when I was younger trying to surpress the fact that I found men attractive as well as women. Part of the trouble came when an older man forced himself on me when I was 17. Looking back I was really silly about the whole thing. As you grow up you will learn to accept your sexuality and after a while you won't even care if the whole world knows.

    Knowing yourself gives you a sort of power and if people challenge you about it, just give it back. I sometimes say "Hey at least I know, what about you?"

    I used to be really scared about being found out. Try not to hide it too much, you'll be missing out at the age when it's most enjoyable.


    Miss Behaviour [sign in to see picture]
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    atlanta...can i just say i think I love you lol xx so well said

    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    I am straight, but I am bi curious. I dont think I m really bi, I cannot imagine myself in relationship with a woman anyway, as I often feel among men better, including friends (maybe the result in being a bit male dominated environment for years in my work). So I cannot imagine myself falling really in love with woman. I only fell in love 3 times really and all were men. And not because I tried to supress something, but because they just seem to fit with me better. And although I do sometimes fantasy about women, its like 1 case in about 50 fantasies. I guess I lack really strong sexual attraction to women as well as emotions. So in my case it is more just curiosity.

    As for attraction, well, you can enjoy how someone looks, but it is in the end the personality I always fall for (may explain why its always friends). If you are really struggling and unsure whom to turn to, you can try some professional help. But if you can find a friend, it may be a bit better. I also think that people here would listen to you,in private on the chat, if you want to talk about it and try to help you as much as they can, or most of us here, anyway.

    Leon Bellmont [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you to everyone one who has taken the time to be supportive of me and my worries. Atlanta I am truly sorry for your ordeal, I can't begin to imagine what you must have felt but I am glad you have become as strong and sure and confident as you are. All the advice and experiances you have all shared have been helpful and on one level I am more relaxed about it, sort of like it has all been put into perspective. I realise this is just another part of myself i will figure out in time and I can't thank you all enough for taking the time to listen and to me and to respond. Thank you all.

    atlanta [sign in to see picture]
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    Good for you. Love xxx

    Openmindedcouple [sign in to see picture]
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    I think I'm similar to Hella and others who have posted to say that while they are sexually attracted to both sexes (or one), they only feel emotionally attracted to one (the other).

    I love sex with women as they feel so different to most men (softer and more touchy feely) and there is just something about it that really satisfies me. I've never been in a relationship with another woman though as it just doesn't feel right to me - I'm not sure why exactly but it just never has. Men on the otherhand...I've definitely fallen for a few - some that I shouldn't have and some that I definitely should have (including my amazing husband!).

    In my teens, I had the usual anxieties over who was I and where did I fit in. Thankfully I was in an environment with excellent friends for whom experimentation was normal and exciting. If you met someone and wanted to explore things with them everyone was always accepting of that and normally just jealous! :P Even with experimenting and the acceptance, it probably wasn't until I was past university that I really accepted and understood my own sexuality in terms of who I was attracted to. I'm still learing about what turns me on so even today, I would say that I don't really understand myself fully.

    Leon, I think the main thing to take from my experiences and all the others here is that there are so many different ways of being human and none of them are any better or any worse than any others. It might feel a bit disconcerting but over the next few years you will explore and from that you will start to understand what you like and what you're not so interested in. If you're open enough with yourself to admit which bits were good, you'll get to know yourself pretty quickly. The main thing is not to close your mind to anything, be open to new experiences and - the most important - have fun. (Well, as important would be to have safe fun but I'm sure you will)

    P.S. one fab advantage of being bi and dating someone of the opposite sex or who is also bi - you can point out all the hot people around you and they agree! If you're lucky, you might even get to pick up a few and bring them home ;)

    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    I am bi but I don't really share it with everyone. If someone asked, I would tell them and I wouldn't mind talking about women.

    However, I don't go around telling everyone, I have told a few friends but not my family. I have a very small family, which consists of 3 members that matter to me. One is very traditional and wasn't brought up with the same sexual openness. The other is fine with sexuality as a general rule but not so sure about how they would be when its family. The last one would be fine about it.

    If I was in a long term relationship with a woman I would tell them though.

    I think if you feel the need to share your sexuality with others then do so, as people have said, you find out who your real friends are. However, if you only want to tell a few people then that is ok as well, it's up to you. Good luck.

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