• Need some advice!

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    ToThineOwnSelfBeTrue [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok, so I am seeing this guy. We are getting pretty close. Anyway he told me that about 20 years ago he slept with a man. He said it was the only time, he got nothing from it and hasnt thought about doing it since.

    Admittedly I was a bit taken aback. I asked if he identified as bi and he said no. Sexually he does like anal. Both giving and having a vibrator on himself.

    Our sex life is amazing and we are both really open about what we want to do etc.

    Am I daft questioning his sexuality? I guess if i am honest my concern is one day him saying "this has been great but I have realised I am gay."

    Advice appreciated!

    x

    1478899405
    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
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    You are absolutely daft!!

    I've had a similar encounter in the past, and also love a bit (lot) of anal play, but I don't identify as bi either. My advice would be stop looking for something that isn't there!

    1478899845
    ToThineOwnSelfBeTrue [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Sum Sub, I appreciate your directness! x

    1478899845
    ToThineOwnSelfBeTrue [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Sum Sub, I appreciate your directness! x

    1478900463
    littlemisssub [sign in to see picture]
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    I hate to be the devil's advocate, but I do think it's a bit strange that he's mentioned it... if it was something he doesn't think about or doesn't want to do again, I don't see why he would bring it up to you. But, you said that you were really open about your sex life and it could simply be him telling you his past experiences.

    Whether you need to worry about him going for anyone else depends on whether you think you can trust him regardless of his sexual orientation.

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    My partner has received oral sex from a man before, but he's not bisexual. He was curious in his younger days, but after that experience, he decided that it wasn't for him and his curiousity was settled.

    If he's telling you that he's straight, then I think you need to trust and believe that. He knows his sexuality better than anybody else. If he wanted to be with a man, after such an experience like that, he probably would be.

    As for the anal play, lots of men like this type of stimulation, regardless of sexuality. It doesn't mean anything. In fact, it's great to see a man exploring this area and being open with you about it as it can be beneficial to his prostate health and things like that :)

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    ToThineOwnSelfBeTrue [sign in to see picture]
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    The conversation came about when we were having a silly chat about "tell me something i don't know about you". He said he felt comfortable telling me etc.

    We were doing anal and all that that includes before he told me and I didn't think anything of it then other than it obviously feels good for him.

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    Throbinhood [sign in to see picture]
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    ToThineOwnSelfBeTrue wrote:

    Ok, so I am seeing this guy. We are getting pretty close. Anyway he told me that about 20 years ago he slept with a man. He said it was the only time, he got nothing from it and hasnt thought about doing it since.

    Admittedly I was a bit taken aback. I asked if he identified as bi and he said no. Sexually he does like anal. Both giving and having a vibrator on himself.

    Our sex life is amazing and we are both really open about what we want to do etc.

    Am I daft questioning his sexuality? I guess if i am honest my concern is one day him saying "this has been great but I have realised I am gay."

    Advice appreciated!

    x

    think a lot of men or women are curious about the opposite sex at some point in their lives but doesnt mean they are gay or bi

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    ToThineOwnSelfBeTrue [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Throb :)

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    Caliente [sign in to see picture]
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    ToThineOwnSelfBeTrue - Don't worry. Keep in mind his sexuality is no different to what it was before he told you about this experience. He's with you now. Consider yourself blessed that your relationship is strong enough for him to share this with you.

    Unlike your partner, I do consider myself bisexual. More than once I've had a diffilcult conversation in a relationship where I've had to reassure him that I wouldn't feel there was "something missing" and leave him looking for something else. Ironically, those (100% straight) men ended up cheating or leaving me for other women!

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    ToThineOwnSelfBeTrue [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Caliente, Your advice makes a lot of sense.

    I had a chat with him and told him I shouldn't have expected him to declare his sexuality to me. That was unfair of me. He's a great guy and I think it was probably a bit of insecurity on my part.

    1478954964
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    ToThineOwnSelfBeTrue wrote:

    Ok, so I am seeing this guy. We are getting pretty close. Anyway he told me that about 20 years ago he slept with a man. He said it was the only time, he got nothing from it and hasnt thought about doing it since.

    Admittedly I was a bit taken aback. I asked if he identified as bi and he said no. Sexually he does like anal. Both giving and having a vibrator on himself.

    Our sex life is amazing and we are both really open about what we want to do etc.

    Am I daft questioning his sexuality? I guess if i am honest my concern is one day him saying "this has been great but I have realised I am gay."

    Advice appreciated!

    x

    I understand your concerns but its simply answered by reversing the question. Women are far more likely to have some sort of Bi interaction especially when young. If you did and you confessed this to him how much do you think he'd feel you could become a lesbian.

    Love honey is fantastic and breaking down and exploring sexuality.

    Iam as red blooded full hetro male but I enjoy a woman rimming and giving me prostate stimulation.

    This isn't going to make me gay.

    I think your safe but when chatting to him raise your concerns to him. Get it out in the open.

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    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
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    If he had said "20 years ago I had an encounter with another woman" would you be worried that down the line he might leave you for another woman?

    You wanted openness, you got it! And now what you've learned is that you have someone who doesn't keep secrets from you - so I think you've started off on a great note here!

    Keep up the communication, build the trust and understanding and have some great sex and very intimate times together.

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    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't give yourself a hard time for asking. If you simply asked him he identified as bi then I don't think there was anything judgemental about that especially if this was the first time you had encountered a straight man who has had a previous encounter with a man.

    However you have got your response now so don't let it play on your mind, accept his response and move on to have a fabulous life together. Just think about the fun you are going to have with a man who is so open!!!!

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    He has been open about his past that says alot about him to me, and shows how serious he is about you, I just hope you haven't broken his trust in you. To be honest, what does it matter if he was bi; just because some one is bi, doesn't make them any more, or less likely to go and run off with another person, of any kind.

    That kind of thing is down to the individuals personality, not whatever sexuallity, or gender they Identifiy as.

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    ToThineOwnSelfBeTrue [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Alicia,

    My fleeting concern wasn't that he may be bi, but that he might be a gay man living a straight life. I considered the implications of that.

    Thankfully he says I havent damaged the trust!

    1478992702
    Banannabelsplit [sign in to see picture]
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    If he got nothing out of it, he's probably not bi/gay. He's probably just a straight guy who likes anal play and was once open to experimentation.

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