• threesome complications- am i being unreasonable?

    1476904938
    andyappetite [sign in to see picture]
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    Happily married blokes point of view.

    Your man is being unreasonable.
    Any kind of sex should be along a mutual consent basis.
    This sounds to me as if he wants to play around a bit with you just sitting there watching. Perhaps he wants you to just fiddle with the other lady a bit whilst he gets what he wants.
    Meanwhile in planet reality, he's hurting you.
    Maybe thats not his intention, but thats the most likely outcome and you have to ask yourself, is it worth it.
    If i were in your shoes, i'd say NO.

    1476914495
    Zephron [sign in to see picture]
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    Arajuna wrote:

    ...Im glad none of you have said im mental and think i have a point!

    i suppose ill have to have a bit of a chat with him and see if he can accept a no and if not then i guess its the boot.

    Could I say he is being totally unreasonable too, and as usual you just have to flip round the viewpoint, which is quite easy here, a threesome with another guy...
    How uncomfortable does he feel about that? But he wants you to go through the same kinda thing 'for him'.
    Maybe point this out to him, but if he's doing the "guy thing" of everything being your fault then I guess you know how much he values you, and the relationship...

    1476914848
    AT1 [sign in to see picture]
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    You're not being unreasonable at all, I think he is. If you both really want to experience a 3 some and are worried about potential jealousy, limits being crossed etc I would recommend an escort instead if him trying to pick up a girl. They are professional, used to dealing with this and it removes most of the emotional concerns, that's the route we went and it worked out for us, we decided to keep it exclusively with escorts so no emotional bonds could ever form.

    1476952754
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    We're kind of in the same boat. He wants a threesome, I'm not bothered either way. No men, I'm bi so I'm happy with that, not really into men except him. But the source is very important, we are looking at escorts or swingers. Him flirting with a woman then trying to convince her to let me join would be a big no no, what if she only says yes to have sex with him and ignores me. The woman neutering needs to know what you want from this. What I would recommend if you don't want to go down the more formal route is that you flirt with women and try and introduce him. It will build your confidence with women, he can watch you flirt and kiss other women. And you know the woman is interested in you.
    What's most important is that you actually want to do it and aren't just doing it for him. That you go at your pace. That you agree to each others rules and are confident the other will follow them. And that he's not just using you to fulfil his fantasy.

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    People sometimes believe that bi means we are OK in threesomes, we still get jealous though. If you don't want it say no and relate it to how he won't let you go with a man.

    1476977493
    littlemisssub [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Arajuna!

    Hopefully I can be a bit of help as a student myself. First of all, what happens in student accomodation isn't as private as you imagine and if you wanted to keep this quiet then it's not the place to do it. Definitely don't just spring it on whoever you take home that there are two of you - I can't see that going well.

    I actually met up with a couple who were looking for a woman to join them for a threesome. In my case, I was told the girl was curious about other women and that was the main reason they wanted a threesome. However, it was really clear from the beginning that they weren't 100% happy. The guy was very interested, but the girl came off as incredibly jealous and didn't enjoy herself at all. She didn't want me to kiss him - which as you've noted was pretty awkward. It ended up being an hour of me and the guy trying to do whatever she liked, which wasn't enjoyable for anyone else.

    I don't know whether it didn't work because of her (she was a bit of a princess) or because she was surprised at how she actually felt when someone else was involved, but unless you are both excited to do this and have clearly agreed upon boundaries, I don't think it would work. It sounds like you have a lot of justified fears about this - so I would hold back on doing it until you've resolved them.

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    Cucks14 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi all,
    Males point of view here...

    I think he's a bit of a tit of you ask me from what I've heard.. he's basically asking for permission to go out and cheat on you, then bring you in last minite so it's "ok"...

    It's selfish and unreasonable..
    especially the kissing part ( totally agree )

    I thinks its obvious you shouldn't go threw with it at your home. Try Fab Swingers and try and meet someone there. You be in control and in charge. You pick the girl and you decide when it happens. Don't let him have control.. he still gets his fantasie and you get your peice of mind..

    Good luck

    Chris xx

    1477157011
    Justfuckme [sign in to see picture]
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    As many have stated, he is being unreasonable. Me and my husband are open to many things, but the one thing we always agree on is we both have to feel the exact same about something. We've spoken about three some sort many times and we both feel the same, he doesn't want another man touching me and I don't want another woman touching him. We enjoy the thought of having sex infront of other people and also watching other people but we would never risk our relationship just to have a threesome. He screams selfish to me, he isn't thinking about your feelings at all.

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    cardiff_couple [sign in to see picture]
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    evening Arajuna

    the mrs and i have been together 19 years married 12 years i have asked suggested to the mrs about the 3some idea and we have spoke about it she wasnt and is not keen on the idea so i havent pushed it

    obvoiusly being male im thinking 2 females and myself

    the mrs is not bi or bi curious so maybe thats not for us

    but horses for corses as they say

    i do think your partner is being a bit selfish its your body and you should choose who exsplores no one else and if your really not comfy with it then dont do it hun

    he should respect your bounderies you shuldnt be made to feel this way xxxxxxx

    1477305291
    Theatreman [sign in to see picture]
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    We fantasise about a 3-some a lot, my wife is flirty by nature so does get a fair amount of attention when she's out.
    Both of us want it to be with another man, we've corresponded with a couple of men she'd chatted with, swapped photos etc but it's them that bale out the moment a threesome with the husband is mentioned! The thought of being naked with another naked man/'crossing swords' etc seems to dent their delicate egos!
    What's wrong with most men???
    We are very sexual, we've both had 3-domes in other relationships, my wife and a friend were totally nailed by 4 Australians in a hotel when they were at uni!
    I get turned on by wanting to see her pleasures, she gets turned on by getting fucked in front of me and having 2 cocks at once.
    Come on men, get a grip!!!

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Theatreman wrote:

    We fantasise about a 3-some a lot, my wife is flirty by nature so does get a fair amount of attention when she's out.
    Both of us want it to be with another man, we've corresponded with a couple of men she'd chatted with, swapped photos etc but it's them that bale out the moment a threesome with the husband is mentioned! The thought of being naked with another naked man/'crossing swords' etc seems to dent their delicate egos!
    What's wrong with most men???
    We are very sexual, we've both had 3-domes in other relationships, my wife and a friend were totally nailed by 4 Australians in a hotel when they were at uni!
    I get turned on by wanting to see her pleasures, she gets turned on by getting fucked in front of me and having 2 cocks at once.
    Come on men, get a grip!!!

    That's great for you ifyou both get of on it. Please don't tell the rest of us to get a grip as if we men are weak or wrong for not wanting to share our loved one with others.

    Your views are welcome but don't judge others.

    Its not my intention to offend. But it should niot be yours either.

    1480119831
    Theatreman [sign in to see picture]
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    If someone's prepared to fuck another mans wife but bottles it if the husbands going to be there, then damn right they need to get a grip!

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    Sir Psycho Sexy [sign in to see picture]
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    Get rid, he's taking the pi**, you can do better.

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    Ember C [sign in to see picture]
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    It's your body and your sexual relationship. I don't think there's a single way to be unreasonable here since it's one of the most intimate thing you can do with eachother.

    If you have even an ounce of doubt for whatever reason, I think that you will get hurt. Is there a way you can ease into it? Have a few sessions with touching a third person, without going into the full act? You can then see what you are and aren't comfortable with while it's happening and therefore set up boundaries to ensure that it's safe and fun for all of you.

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    Alistoy [sign in to see picture]
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    I think that you have your doubts, and thats probably enough to call a halt.

    1480364269
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
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    I like the idea of sharing my wife, but there's also the point of not sharing with anybody for the sake of fulfilling a fantasy. I'm afraid that if it didn't seem like a good fit then I'd like to think that as a couple we could respect each others feelings on this matter and walk away.

    To me, there needs to be some kind of chemistry, not love, but some kind of respect and attraction, rather than raw animal lust. In truth the latter probably is the simple way of doing things, without emotions getting in the way, however I love my wife to the point where whoever and whatever relationship we have with people (doesn't have to be sexual) there needs to be respect and trust all round.

    It's a mute point because this is my fantasy, not hers, so that would be a no anyway, but I hope you get what I'm trying to say.

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    Freelance_Fool [sign in to see picture]
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    Another happily married man's point of view.

    Dump the scrote. He doesn't love you.
    Probably rare these days but I've been married 37 and a half years and never cheated... sex gets better and better because we love each other, trust each other and know each other.
    Not judging anyone, just giving my personal point of view.

    1480619260
    hornyleekbloke [sign in to see picture]
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    Another male point of view here:

    He sounds like a complete tool.

    With any relationship there is always going to be a bit of give and take, but in the end anything you do should be mutually agreed, and for everyone to be happy with the situation. You should be treated as an equal, and I don't think he's doing this.

    It sounds as though you have some serious reservations about this, and I think you're right to have them.

    My OH and I have things we'd both like to try, but we always - without fail - discuss them with each other. If there are any points we can't agree on or compromise on, we simply shelve the idea.

    Perhaps you could show him this thread and gauge his reaction... I think that would enable you to see what he really wants from your relationship.

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