• Affairs

    1476058049
    Seasidecouple [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 102
    • Joined: 19 Feb 2016

    Hey guys
    A fantasy of mine is to have an affair. It is purely a fantasy and nothing more. Is this an unusual thing or are there others like me?
    If anyone has ever taken the fantasy of one into a reality, was it worth it?

    1476059590
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 5927
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    I cannot condone affairs if being honest. Sure temptations are always going to be ever present but so far I have kept a lid firmly shut.

    Having an affair is just not worth it ,as they always get found out and the consequences are that it is likely to destabilise or destroy a marriage .

    Just my opinion.

    1476060821
    Shadow Collector [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3460
    • Joined: 2 Apr 2014

    mysteron wrote:

    Having an affair is just not worth it ,as they always get found out and the consequences are that it is likely to destabilise or destroy a marriage .

    +1

    I get the fantasy, but personally I could never condone it being anything but that.

    1476061253
    wildflower [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3702
    • Joined: 17 Jul 2013

    I fantasise about many things , an affair being one of them but I'd never do it for real . As mysteron says ,the temptations are there but you've got to exercise some sort of self control .
    Unfortunately I've seen from friends and family the devastation affairs cause .
    I'm glad I'm not the only one to fantasise about it though ...I thought maybe I was alone on this :)

    1476088817
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 5927
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    mysteron wrote:

    I cannot condone affairs if being honest. Sure temptations are always going to be ever present but so far I have kept a lid firmly shut.

    Having an affair is just not worth it ,as they always get found out and the consequences are that it is likely to destabilise or destroy a marriage .

    Just my opinion.

    Seasidecouple wrote:

    Hey guys
    A fantasy of mine is to have an affair. It is purely a fantasy and nothing more. Is this an unusual thing or are there others like me?
    If anyone has ever taken the fantasy of one into a reality, was it worth it?

    I thought I would elaborate a little bit as it was quite late from my original post and its one of those subjects that hasn't been looked at before, certainly for some time anyway .

    My Mrs decribes me as a "looker" . Short of putting an Avi picture of which I won't do for business reasons , she describes me as an older version of Steve Jones the presenter , as I have the same physique now , not as tall and I have a 6 day beared instead of 3 day beard . Obviously with being older in my early 50s , although I look in my 40s , my hair has a touch of grey in places but is otherwise complete . I always dress fairly smartly these days with figure hugging tops as I have earned the right to wear such things with working out every other day. I am also very slim now.My confidence is also very good but I still have a deep rooted shyness that makes me nervous sometimes when being watched by others. So that's me .

    So when we go out on usually Saturday night , I tend to get its fair to say a number of admirers and often some of them will trigger a conversation going usually at the bar . I am guessing that these tend to be singles as they are normally within a group of girls or unattached within a mixed group . One thing I have noticed from my dating days is that women arn't afraid and will trigger a chat up conversation rather than just leaving it to the guy to start one .I usually manage the dialogue by saying a spoiler line being something like " I need to get this drinks back otherwise the Mrs will send out a search party " This usually kills the conversation but suble enough to send the message that I am taken and not available . So as I said before in my original. post temptations are gong to be there but I do keep a firm lid on them .

    On top of the above there is the other category where the fantasy element that comes in. These are women who have come out with their partner and just start eying me up,and watching every move I make . The  possibley do this to  others as well . These are the types that really annoy my Mrs and perhaps really pose of a less of a threat as no dialouge tends to ensue .The exception s sometimes when I bump into the say coming back from the bar or from the "powder room" , when a passing "Hi or Hello" ,or smile happens. Obviously they have no intention of leaving their partner but appear to enjoy playing a game of cat and mouse with body language and eye contact .These are the types that make me more nervous . So I am guessing that they are fantasising as mentioned by the others and probably mentally undress me as I have done with a couple of them . I am a warm blooded male after all ! But thats were it gets left just as a fantasy.

    So those are my thoughts and add a little grey to the black and white answer from my original post.

    1476089313
    Stuburns [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1782
    • Joined: 23 Nov 2011

    How do you manage to get out the door without being mobbed Mysteron? You should take up modelling. Quite good money involved especially in the mature gent market.

    Affairs shouldn't even enter the realms of fantasy. Affairs usually happen when there are relationship problems. Either sort the problems or end the relationship.

    1476090167
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 5927
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Stuburns wrote:

    How do you manage to get out the door without being mobbed Mysteron? You should take up modelling. Quite good money involved especially in the mature gent market.

    Affairs shouldn't even enter the realms of fantasy. Affairs usually happen when there are relationship problems. Either sort the problems or end the relationship.

    Funny you should say that . We were stopped in a street in Manchester about 3 weeks ago about getting a photo portfolio done . We wern't sure if she was just touting for her own business or not. I have been out with a model and I just don't like the lifestyle and the upeaval it causes. I am more than happy in my curent job and can take retirement any time from next year onwards .

    I agree with your opinion to a certain degree. Then, I think of the hunter gatherer instinct and perhaps the ability to have many wives as some tiribal traditions like that still survive in certain parts of the world. I still think you can admire a person , its when you go accross that line , the trouble then starts and then you do question your own existing relationship. This is something I have mentioned in my orginal post that affairs do destablise and can wreck a solid marriage. Something I would never do nor promote . Something I have always done is to keep loyal hence my 26 year old relationship. On the plus side it does keep my Mrs on her toes !

    1476092920
    Lovinthetoys [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 928
    • Joined: 22 Jun 2015

    Seasidecouple wrote:

    Hey guys
    A fantasy of mine is to have an affair. It is purely a fantasy and nothing more. Is this an unusual thing or are there others like me?
    If anyone has ever taken the fantasy of one into a reality, was it worth it?

    Its a thought that comes to mind now and again, but remains as that. I wouldnt ever go for it.

    1476095600
    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1485
    • Joined: 11 Apr 2016

    I wouldn't dream of an affair. I love my husband too much. Of course there are days when you see an attractive person and you wonder what they would be like in the bedroom but its only ever a passing thought.

    For me an affair would be another relationship that would drain love and affection from the marriage.

    I read something many years ago that said "if you are involved with 2 people and bees to choose between them, always choose the second. You never truly loved the first if you needed the second'.

    1476096367
    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3609
    • Joined: 6 Aug 2014

    I personally think affairs are horrible. I've also seen among friends and family the distress and devastation it causes and it's even worse if there's kids involved.


    I genuinely feel that if you don't love someone enough anymore to be with them and are sneaking around elsewhere, risking their sexual health by being with others then you should do the decent thing and finish your primary relationship. Ideally this should actually be done first before you go sniffing around elsewhere. I hate to see people being made a mug of or putting up with stuff and getting scraps every now and then because they feel trapped and can't leave so they put up with the cheating and stay. Nobody should be treated so badly by the person that they love.

    Instead of cheating many people act out the stranger affair fantasy in role play. Pretending to meet at the bar of your hotel for the "first time" or "meeting up again" and going up to your room together for a night of fun or they imagine that someone else maybe someone that they have spotted while out or someone you know well together or even a celebrity is joining you both in the bedroom by using toys and dirty talk, discussing what they would be doing and have a pretend threesome. The mind is a powerful thing and you can channel the lusty feelings and put them to better use within your own relationship.


    Some people go a step further and discuss wanting to open up the relationship and as long as both parties are in full agreement at all times then there is plenty potentional playmates to arrange to meet up with either online or at swingers clubs so you can indulge the urges together as a couple rather than going down the sneaky, sordid road of having an affair and eroding or totally destroying all trust within a committed relationship when found out. Personally I love my OH too much to share so adding extras is not for us but for many it works and improves their relationship.


    In my mind there is so many things you can try to improve and spice up the relationship you are already in if it is solid and there is no emotional or physical abuse going on where sometimes it is best to part company for all concerned. If it's just you've got stuck in a rut and are a bit bored sexually then you shouldn't need to totally disrespect your partner by having an affair. There is always consequences. Talk to each other, try some new things, positions, toys, places, dressing up, roleplay and act out fantasies you'd both like to together.


    There's nothing wrong with looking around you and admiring the view but when you act on it without your partner's knowledge then that's for me when you've taken it much too far.

    1476096686
    Delboy1991 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1258
    • Joined: 30 Jan 2013

    if i was thinking of having an affair id also be asking myself how much does he/she really mean to me. i just couldnt do it to the person i love so much. Maybe strange but i dont get turnt on at all by anyone elses bits. we have a great sex life so thats maybe why. I suppose we all want something we cant have.

    1476096687
    kelly_michelle [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 115
    • Joined: 15 Apr 2008

    A lot of people have fantasies about things that are "wrong" or taboo. It depends what the turn on is for you. If it is the naughtiness of it or the thrilll of sneaking around, then as a fantasy, I don't see much of an issue. However, if it is to fill a hole your OH isn't (no pun intended) then that's not a good thing.

    In terms of acting on it, bad move if you value your relationship. There are ways you can bring the fantasy to life with your partner (both dress up completely different to how you normally would, meet up in a place you would never normally go, act like strangers and maybe even have a hotel room nearby to go to) but do be careful how you bring that up with your partner, just because it is something you've been thinking about a lot, it will be the first time they've heard it.

    1476591972
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 5927
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Just wondering how many of us if being totally truthful are thinking of having an affair for whatever the reason.

    Sometimes I do miss that excitement of the Chase when you are attracted to someone .And no I am not after an affair but I can understand sometimes why people will go to lengths to have one and as one says it takes 2 to tango.

    1476606146
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 5927
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    mysteron wrote:

    Just wondering how many of us if being totally truthful are thinking of having an affair for whatever the reason.

    Sometimes I do miss that excitement of the Chase when you are attracted to someone .And no I am not after an affair but I can understand sometimes why people will go to lengths to have one and as one says it takes 2 to tango.

    Before I might get bombarded its purely from statistical point of view .Research has shown 65% of men and 45% of women will think of having an affair at some point that equates to 1 in every 2.7 couples .That is quite a lot  ! Source The Independant 

    1476610919
    wildflower [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3702
    • Joined: 17 Jul 2013

    Mysteron - I agree with you that it's the thrill of the chase . I miss that feeling of flirting ,giving each other knowing looks ,that first touch , first kiss and the feeling of your heart thudding so hard in your chest as you look in their eyes ....the excitement of it all .
    For most people that level of thrill dies down a bit when they've been together a long time .
    I'm not saying I'd rush out and have an affair but I can see why so many people actually have these thoughts.
    At least fantasising is safe way of doing it .

    1476611108
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 5927
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    wildflower wrote:

    Mysteron - I agree with you that it's the thrill of the chase . I miss that feeling of flirting ,giving each other knowing looks ,that first touch , first kiss and the feeling of your heart thudding so hard in your chest as you look in their eyes ....the excitement of it all .
    For most people that level of thrill dies down a bit when they've been together a long time .
    I'm not saying I'd rush out and have an affair but I can see why so many people actually have these thoughts.
    At least fantasising is safe way of doing it .

    I agree fantasies as long as they stay as that don't do any harm IMHO .

    1476615179
    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 401
    • Joined: 16 Aug 2016

    This is something that should stay as a fantasy as far as I am concerned.
    Speaking as someone who's OH who had a one night stand with someone behind my back (we are still together and trying to work past it), the devastation this causes cannot be imagined.

    It eats away at your soul.

    A one off mistake is one thing but I but to conciously choose persue  someone is never going to end well.

    1476615506
    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 11366
    • Joined: 20 Aug 2014

    I personally have never even thought about an affair. I love my husband with everything that I am and he's more than enought for me. I would never do anything to hurt him. xx

    1476620655
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 5927
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    I think as couples on here ,that we may be exceptions. Because in theory our sex lives are lets say above the average because on the emrichment of sex due to toys, implements and ideas etc ,this itself reinforces the bonding between couples.Therefore the need to stray is minimised .Just my thory and opinion.

    I know some of you may be thinking ,why am I looking deeper into this subject .Well it's because I do have a qualification in psychology and me and the Mrs do watch the chemistry when we go out between differnt couples. So it is an interest and hence I some times get involved in the problems of relationships when they occur on here .

    1476620716
    Throbinhood [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1423
    • Joined: 15 May 2016

    Affairs are just wrong and someone always gets hurt, if it's sex you want then try swingers clubs together lol

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.