• Ask the Expert: Bondage and Better Sex!

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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Lisa88 wrote:

    Hey what would u recommend for a beginner in bondage I have used handcuffs before but that's about it x

    Hi Lisa88

    To begin with, I would recommend building a small set of beginner-friendly products you can use together. My top products to go for would be: 

    - A blindfold. Non-intimidating. Easy to use and SO effective for making your skin extra sensitive. Something like this

    - Velcro-fastened wrist / ankle cuffs. Something like this with soft material and quick-release clips is perfect. 

    - A feather tickler for making use of that sensitive skin. 

    - A beginners flogger. Use it like a feather tickler to trace the skin and only spank if you want to. 

    - A pinwheel. Looks scary. Feels AMAZING! 

    Other than that your best bet is to explore the Bondage for Beginners category for inspiration :) 

    Happy experimenting! 

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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Fun Louise wrote:

    Loving the new fifty shades darker stuff. Are there any plans to sell some of the items of bondage gear individually? In particular flogger.

    Hey Fun Louise

    It's lush isn't it?! 

    The Fifty Shades Darker No Bounds Collection contains individual bondage items but the sets, as far as I know, are not being split. 

    Having said that, if we find that something is particularly popular with customers, who knows?!

    Sorry I can't be of more help! 

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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    GeekyEleanor wrote:

    Noob question: what's the best way to enjoy a clitoral clamp like this http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=31537 with a partner? I quite like it during solo play but I feel like there's much more in it.

    Hey GeekyEleanor 

    There are a few ways you can bring a clit clamp into couples play but you need to decide where/when you want the main thrill to be. Really, your options are as broad as your imagination!

    Here are a few ideas which I think could be fun: 

    1) Before - using it as a psychological thrill rather than a direct, physical one. Use the thought of wearing the clamp as a reward/punishment to amp up foreplay. "Do this, and I'll let you / make you wear your clamp." This makes almost every action preceeding reward/punishment part of foreplay. 

    2) During - Depending on how the design of the clamp works with your anatomy, you may be able to wear the clamp during sex / other play. Whilst in place, try putting a vibrator on the metal and see how it feels to have direct vibrations on either side of your clitoris. Does it stay on comfortably on its own? If so get your partner to put it on you, get you dressed / lock you in with a female chastity belt and give you instructions - from cooking dinner, doing yoga or popping to the shop << this can be a real physchological AND physical thrill. Intensify sensation during any of this by adding weights to the end of the clamp, or tease with pulling. 

    3) After - Do any/all of the above suggestions and make removal part of your play. Have a bullet vibe, sqweel go, lube, cool/warm glass toys near-by. Once you've removed the clamp, get your partner to tease the area with different textures, techniques and temperatures to see how it feels after clamping. 

    Does that help at all? 

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    GeekyEleanor [sign in to see picture]
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    It definitely helps a lot! Thanks Jess!

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    fabb [sign in to see picture]
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    Hiya my lovelies

    Oooo ok wer to begin...
    Little bit about me I suppose would help :)

    I've just turned 40 and all my life gone from one abusive relationship to another, and sex has been well, non existence or really rubbish.

    So I've met a man, who has been amazing in all respects gentle yet firm and loves to experiment.
    I want to experiment with bondage, but I'm really shy and don't know wer to begin. I like the control element and the trust that couples must have in order to enjoy it fully.
    I am willing to trust again...only just!

    Would you be able to show me the ropes pls? I'm shy about my body,shy to express myself...but I know we could have some really awesome fun if I allow this side of me to come out.

    Thank you :))

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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    fabb wrote:

    Hiya my lovelies

    Oooo ok wer to begin...
    Little bit about me I suppose would help :)

    I've just turned 40 and all my life gone from one abusive relationship to another, and sex has been well, non existence or really rubbish.

    So I've met a man, who has been amazing in all respects gentle yet firm and loves to experiment.
    I want to experiment with bondage, but I'm really shy and don't know wer to begin. I like the control element and the trust that couples must have in order to enjoy it fully.
    I am willing to trust again...only just!

    Would you be able to show me the ropes pls? I'm shy about my body,shy to express myself...but I know we could have some really awesome fun if I allow this side of me to come out.

    Thank you :))

    Hi fabb 

    Firstly - welcome to the forum! 

    I'm so pleased that after a string of asshole ex's you've found yourself a partner who respects you. I know a thing or two about abusive relationships myself and know the pain and stress involved. Well done for getting yourself out of there. 

    So, back to your question!

    Have you spoken to your partner much about your interest in trying bondage? When you say he likes to experiment, what sort of things have you tried so far? It's always best to add to what you already know, to make the transition to something new easier to take. 

    Do you like the idea of him be dominant, or you? This can obviously change over time, but where would you prefer to start?

    Based on what you've told me so far, I would definitely recomment you try a blindfold and both try wearing it. Here's why: 

    1) A blindfold is non-intimidating and easy to use. Go for one that looks like a sleeping eye mask or one made of lingerie-like materials (like satin) if you want something gentle. 

    2) For the wearer: a blindfold increases overall sensitivity (that includes skin sensitivity and all your other senses like smell and hearing too). It forces the wearer to submit entirely and simply feel what their partner is doing. 

    3) For the non-wearer: a blindfold is a mega confidence booster. Whilst your partner is wearing the blindfold, they can't see you (obviously!). This can give you the confidence to can explore their body without feeling like you're being watched or put on the spot. If you're a bit shy, this is a great way to get around this. 

    Whilst either one of you is wearing the blindfold, the other person can explore the wearers body with fingertips, lips, kisses etc. If you want to bring in some other toys and accessories, massage oil / a massage candle is a great beginner's option. As ar feather ticklers and pinwheels. 

    Take it to the next level with some Velcro-fastened wrist cuffs to stop the wearer wiggling around, too. 

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    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Jess.

    We're having a flaming nightmare with condoms. We've both discovered we have latex allergies which was surprising considering in the past we always used latex condoms with no problems. My symptoms are quite severe and after reading up on them it's freaked me out.

    Anyway we've also tried non latex but they weren't long enough, in hubbys words 'it was like wearing a cock ring'! He also got a reaction with those type but would that of been because they are too small and tight?

    So basically I'm looking for some advice on non-latex decent length condoms please?

    Have a great weekend Jess 💟xx

    1477155491
    lovingnewtoys [sign in to see picture]
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    I really wasn't sure which thread to put this in, so if I've got the wrong one, sorry and please direct me to the right place.

    I have been looking at this

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35070

    In the product description it says for vaginal use only, however most, if not all of the reviews state they have used it anally - can you please confirm if it is safe for anal use.

    Thank you xx

    1477305385
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    slinky binky wrote:

    Hi Jess.

    We're having a flaming nightmare with condoms. We've both discovered we have latex allergies which was surprising considering in the past we always used latex condoms with no problems. My symptoms are quite severe and after reading up on them it's freaked me out.

    Anyway we've also tried non latex but they weren't long enough, in hubbys words 'it was like wearing a cock ring'! He also got a reaction with those type but would that of been because they are too small and tight?

    So basically I'm looking for some advice on non-latex decent length condoms please?

    Have a great weekend Jess 💟xx

    Hey slinky 

    Oh dear - what a pain! I'm sorry to hear you're having some trouble finding suitable condoms. 

    Unfortunately it is a fact that you can devlop a latex allergy over time. Many people in piercing and medical professions (back when you were allowed to wear latex gloves still) would develop a latex allergy from wearing latex so often. 

    You've mentioned that he had a reaction to non-latex though. Are you sure it's a latex allergy you have? And you're not reacting to something in the lubricant? 

    Firstly, I would recommend having an allergy test to properly whittle down what it is you're both having a reaction to. Even if you are allergic to latex, it sounds like your OH is definitely reacting to something else in addition to latex, so you need to figure out exactly what that is. 

    Which non-latex condoms did you try? And which were your preferred latex condoms of choice previously? Without knowing what you use now it's a little tricky to recommend an alternative, but here are a couple to get you started: 

    Mates Skyn Large Non Latex Condoms

    Luwi Latex-Free Insertable Female Condoms

    1477305536
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    lovingnewtoys wrote:

    I really wasn't sure which thread to put this in, so if I've got the wrong one, sorry and please direct me to the right place.

    I have been looking at this

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35070

    In the product description it says for vaginal use only, however most, if not all of the reviews state they have used it anally - can you please confirm if it is safe for anal use.

    Thank you xx

    Hey lovingnewtoys

    Ideally, posts like this are best put in the TYPOS thread, but it's no biggie! 

    The Mötorhead Bombers are not suitable for anal use as they have no flared base. 

    Thanks 

    1477315566
    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Jess.
    Thank you for the informative reply. There's some excellent points you make.

    I was asking oh yesterday and he said the non latex ones were just that tight, circulation stopping tight. They seemed really short aswell as thin.

    Okay my phone's decided not to link (most likely me struggling with new browser. Lol) The condoms were both in the 'passante' range which we've been 'prescribed so to speak'. But unfortunately there's issues with both types provided. We've used those and durex purchased many moons ago which must of been really good on reflection. I prefered the non latex because they were thinner but oh preferred the latex because he was 'comfortable' in them. So idk obviously if we choose non-latex which is very probable considering the reactons we'll have to find a solution an in-between.

    As for the allergies on lubricants, that makes total sense without being graphic we've been using liquid silk for awhile and everything seemed spot on. We've also been using the Lovehoney flavoured ones which are lush but thinking about it reactions started around that time (I can't be sure if it's those or liquid silk just guessing on timeframes.) Neither of us have reacted to Lovehoney non-flavoured lubes in the past so idk, perhaps it's possible to react because there'll be different ingredients creating the flavour?

    An allergy test definitely sounds a great idea. I'll look into that later 👍
    That's a bit of a nightmare folk doing piercings aswell as wearing condoms developing latex allergies over time 😞 because theyre very handy for piercings etc. We were stunned because we always used latex ones at the start of the relationship and then both of us reacting but on reading your post it's just one of those things like you can get hayfeever at any point in life, probably all allergies thinking about it.

    Im more than sure that hubbys definantly reacting to the latex because even there's no lube he complained and going on the symptoms it makes sense.

    But yeah a bit of a nightmare but we'll get there in the end, especially having the wonderful advice on hand here. And the opportunity to ask the experts such as yourself is a brilliant feature 👍💟xx

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    fabb [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you so much for your reply and your honesty :)
    Means a lot to know I'm not alone xxx

    We have had very intimate and gentle conversations about my likes and he is defo on board with experimentation, all at my pace :)))

    I enjoy the idea of being dominated as well as taking the lead.

    The idea of blind folds is awesome,
    And what is a massage candle?
    I'll look it up :) is there any such thing as hot wax?

    I would love to work my way up to full on bondage!

    1477354408
    captainmeow [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Jess,

    Not sure if this is the right place for this, but I figured I'd give it a shot! Do redirect me if I should put this elsewhere :)

    I've only begun exploring sex toys this year in an attempt to chase that orgasm that's eluded me all my life :/ I've received suggestions to try orgasm gels / warming lube, and I'm wondering if they are safe to use with silicone and plastic toys, like the We-Vibe Tango or the Swoon Wand. I'm aware that water-based lubes are often the best for toys and vaginal use, but are there any orgasm lubes that are water-based or vice versa? The only one I came across that maybe fits the profile is this http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25365 but even then, I'm not sure if this is a warming lube. I'm also trying to avoid lubes with parabens or glycerin.

    I'm also considering using a vaginal toy, but I've found only bullets fit comfortably (so far). Are there good insertable toys / G-spot vibrators that would be rather small girth-wise (length doesn't matter), and yet provide deep rumbly vibrations? I've tried a few cheaper toys and found that the buzzy ones really put me off! Whereas the ones that are reviewed as rumbly tend to be rather large for me :(

    Would really appreciate your suggestions! :)

    *ps: loving the YouTube content!

    1477410632
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    fabb wrote:

    Thank you so much for your reply and your honesty :)
    Means a lot to know I'm not alone xxx

    We have had very intimate and gentle conversations about my likes and he is defo on board with experimentation, all at my pace :)))

    I enjoy the idea of being dominated as well as taking the lead.

    The idea of blind folds is awesome,
    And what is a massage candle?
    I'll look it up :) is there any such thing as hot wax?

    I would love to work my way up to full on bondage!

    Brilliant - I think a blindfold and some simple restraints would be perfect for the pair of you. 

    A massage candle is a candle which melts to a warm massage oil when lit. They burn a lot cooler than a regular candle or a bondage candle, and are not designed for any pain. I have loads of them - they're amazing! 

    View the ones we sell here and our guide to massage candles here

    Bondage Candles are designed for hot wax play and burn hotter than a massage candle. Bondage candles can cause some pain (this is controlled by how high you hold the candle whilst dripping) and leave a mark, so this is worth thinking about before you play. Unlike a massage candle which rubs into the skin as an oil, bondage candles cool back to a solid wax on the body so this can be fun to play with. 

    You can view our bondage candles and other sensory tools here and our guide to bondage candles here

    Happy experimenting! 

    1477412552
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    captainmeow wrote:

    Hi Jess,

    Not sure if this is the right place for this, but I figured I'd give it a shot! Do redirect me if I should put this elsewhere :)

    I've only begun exploring sex toys this year in an attempt to chase that orgasm that's eluded me all my life :/ I've received suggestions to try orgasm gels / warming lube, and I'm wondering if they are safe to use with silicone and plastic toys, like the We-Vibe Tango or the Swoon Wand. I'm aware that water-based lubes are often the best for toys and vaginal use, but are there any orgasm lubes that are water-based or vice versa? The only one I came across that maybe fits the profile is this http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25365 but even then, I'm not sure if this is a warming lube. I'm also trying to avoid lubes with parabens or glycerin.

    I'm also considering using a vaginal toy, but I've found only bullets fit comfortably (so far). Are there good insertable toys / G-spot vibrators that would be rather small girth-wise (length doesn't matter), and yet provide deep rumbly vibrations? I've tried a few cheaper toys and found that the buzzy ones really put me off! Whereas the ones that are reviewed as rumbly tend to be rather large for me :(

    Would really appreciate your suggestions! :)

    *ps: loving the YouTube content!

    Hi captainmeow

    This is the perfect place for your questions, and I'm so pleased you're enjoying our new YouTube stuff! 

    So, first things first... LUBE! 

    Now, when we list a lube at Lovehoney, we'll always tell you the ingedients, its properties and whether its safe with toys and condoms or not. If you take another look at the Swoon Smooth Mover Lube you linked me to, you should see that all of your questions are answered on that particular product page. Make sure you always scroll down to the description and specs for all the details. 

    When it comes to lube / sex toy compatability, it all depends on the ingredients in the lube, and what the toy is made from. 

    Here's a quick guide: 

    Water-based: Safe with all toys

    Silicone-based: Safe with all toys EXCEPT silicone toys 

    Oil-based: Safe with glass and metal ONLY 

    Hybrid lubes (usually water and silicone together) - probably fine with all toys, but to be safe avoid silicone toys 

    So to find a stimulating lubricant that's safe with silicone or plastic, you'll need to check the ingredients. 

    You can view all of our stimulating lubes here

    Here are a couple of suggestions for water-based tingle lubes which are safe with all toys (which also contain no Glycerine or parabens):

    Tracey Cox Supersex Orgasm Gel

    Fifty Shades of Grey Come Alive Pleasure Gel for Her

    Sliquid Organics Natural Sensation Warming Lubricant

    KY Warming Jelly Intimate Lubricant

    You might also like to check out our category: Better Sex for Her < there are LOADS of products to help you go from so-so to the big O. Again, check the ingredients on any lotions and potitions here to make sure you're happy to use it in/on your body and with your toys. 

    ***

    TOYS! 

    A good quality, slim vibrator would be the Rocks Off Ammunition RO-150mm 10 Function Bullet Vibrator. It has the same girth as a bullet, but is much longer for deeper play. It's not curved, and with such a slim tip you may find it tricky to locate and massage your G-spot but it's a top-quality vibrator with many settings, so you can cycle through to the rumbliest ones.

    Our Extra Powerful Vibrators category is filled with more rumbly toys you might like to explore - don't forget to check out the reviews here, and the product videos at the bottom of the page to see if you like what you see before you buy. A few which I think meet your requirements of being slim and good for G-spot rumbles are the Lovehoney Power Play Slimline G-Spot Vibrator, Lovehoney Dream Rabbit 10 Function Silicone Slimline Rabbit Vibrator and The Trumpeter Swan Luxury G-spot USB Rechargeable Vibrator.  The Swan is more pricey, but is a fantastic toy. Plus you can use both ends - start on the slim one and work up to the bulbobus end if/when you want to! 

    ***

    I hope that helps! Let me know if there's anything else I can help with 😸

    1477421355
    captainmeow [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde wrote:

    captainmeow wrote:

    Hi Jess,

    Not sure if this is the right place for this, but I figured I'd give it a shot! Do redirect me if I should put this elsewhere :)

    I've only begun exploring sex toys this year in an attempt to chase that orgasm that's eluded me all my life :/ I've received suggestions to try orgasm gels / warming lube, and I'm wondering if they are safe to use with silicone and plastic toys, like the We-Vibe Tango or the Swoon Wand. I'm aware that water-based lubes are often the best for toys and vaginal use, but are there any orgasm lubes that are water-based or vice versa? The only one I came across that maybe fits the profile is this http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25365 but even then, I'm not sure if this is a warming lube. I'm also trying to avoid lubes with parabens or glycerin.

    I'm also considering using a vaginal toy, but I've found only bullets fit comfortably (so far). Are there good insertable toys / G-spot vibrators that would be rather small girth-wise (length doesn't matter), and yet provide deep rumbly vibrations? I've tried a few cheaper toys and found that the buzzy ones really put me off! Whereas the ones that are reviewed as rumbly tend to be rather large for me :(

    Would really appreciate your suggestions! :)

    *ps: loving the YouTube content!

    Hi captainmeow

    This is the perfect place for your questions, and I'm so pleased you're enjoying our new YouTube stuff!

    So, first things first... LUBE!

    Now, when we list a lube at Lovehoney, we'll always tell you the ingedients, its properties and whether its safe with toys and condoms or not. If you take another look at the http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25365 you linked me to, you should see that all of your questions are answered on that particular product page. Make sure you always scroll down to the description and specs for all the details.

    When it comes to lube / sex toy compatability, it all depends on the ingredients in the lube, and what the toy is made from.

    Here's a quick guide:

    Water-based: Safe with all toys

    Silicone-based: Safe with all toys EXCEPT silicone toys

    Oil-based: Safe with glass and metal ONLY

    Hybrid lubes (usually water and silicone together) - probably fine with all toys, but to be safe avoid silicone toys

    So to find a stimulating lubricant that's safe with silicone or plastic, you'll need to check the ingredients.

    You can view all of our http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex/lubricants/warming-lubes/.

    Here are a couple of suggestions for water-based tingle lubes which are safe with all toys (which also contain no Glycerine or parabens):

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25009

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=26092

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15122

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=26693

    You might also like to check out our category: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex/better-sex-for-her/ < there are LOADS of products to help you go from so-so to the big O. Again, check the ingredients on any lotions and potitions here to make sure you're happy to use it in/on your body and with your toys.

    ***

    TOYS!

    A good quality, slim vibrator would be the http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=21991. It has the same girth as a bullet, but is much longer for deeper play. It's not curved, and with such a slim tip you may find it tricky to locate and massage your G-spot but it's a top-quality vibrator with many settings, so you can cycle through to the rumbliest ones.

    Our http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/vibrators/extra-powerful-vibrators/ category is filled with more rumbly toys you might like to explore - don't forget to check out the reviews here, and the product videos at the bottom of the page to see if you like what you see before you buy. A few which I think meet your requirements of being slim and good for G-spot rumbles are the http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=36047, http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22191 and http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22241. The Swan is more pricey, but is a fantastic toy. Plus you can use both ends - start on the slim one and work up to the bulbobus end if/when you want to!

    ***

    I hope that helps! Let me know if there's anything else I can help with 😸

    Thanks a bunch for the really detailed reply! Certainly wasn't expecting that! I'll definitely be collecting pennies for the Swan ;)

    One more question, if it's not too much trouble: do you think clitoral clamps are helpful in chasing down the big O? Or is that just more of a personal preference / bondage thing? I'm not afraid of possible pain and am really quite curious, but I'd like to know what to expect :)

    1477524995
    Garycahoon [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi there. I was looking for advice. I myself am just under 5" girth and average length. My gf had never seemed to have much enjoyment from sex. I am her first and we have 2 kids. I purchased a lifelike dildo which is 6.25" girth and just over average length from this site and i wore it as a strapon. She looked and sounded like a different woman and i had never seen her in so much pleasure and it was amazing seeing her like this. The Thing is She had said weeks later that one night during sex she was thinking of asking me to use that again but she never bothered. And it only got me thinking the only reason she never asked me is because she feared it would dent my pride. Now we have used it several times and she loves it. But when just the two of us she just looks bored and as though she cannot wait for me to finish. I think she now wants me to purchase a new girthier one. I dont know i think this only seems like thigs will get worse. For me that is

    1477669086
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    @captainmeow - You're very welcome! Clit clamps can work to help any woman looking for a clitoral orgasm. In much the same way as a pussy pump works, a clit clamp pinches the area (which feels nice anyway!) and draws blood flow to the area. This encourages your clitoris to swell and become ultra sensitive to other touches. Also - a clit clamp usually focusses attention on either side of your clitoris, which is where most of your nerve endings are - BONUS!

    Whether you go for something which is a painful pleasure or purley gentle pinching really depends on what sort of clamp you go for. I would recommend starting with something gentle if you're looking for something to enhance sensitivity rather than punishing pinching. 

    I would recommend you start out with some clitoral balms and gentle finger pinching to begin with, and if you like that, then consider introducing an adjutable clit clamp 😃

    1477670616
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Garycahoon wrote:

    Hi there. I was looking for advice. I myself am just under 5" girth and average length. My gf had never seemed to have much enjoyment from sex. I am her first and we have 2 kids. I purchased a lifelike dildo which is 6.25" girth and just over average length from this site and i wore it as a strapon. She looked and sounded like a different woman and i had never seen her in so much pleasure and it was amazing seeing her like this. The Thing is She had said weeks later that one night during sex she was thinking of asking me to use that again but she never bothered. And it only got me thinking the only reason she never asked me is because she feared it would dent my pride. Now we have used it several times and she loves it. But when just the two of us she just looks bored and as though she cannot wait for me to finish. I think she now wants me to purchase a new girthier one. I dont know i think this only seems like thigs will get worse. For me that is

    Hi Garycahoon

    This is a tough one. Whilst I think it's amazing you two have explored something new and have opened a new door into pleasure for your gf, I am sorry to hear it's left you feeling somewhat disappointed. 

    First things first: If you don't already know, you are above the UK average when it comes to penis girth, so if you're even slightly concerned about the size of your manhood, please don't be. 

    Secondly, it's common knowledge that generally speaking it takes women a lot longer to climax than it does men. It could be that girthier toys just help her to orgasm more quickly rather than it being the key to climax for her. The only way to find that out is to talk to her. Have you tried any products which allow you to enjoy foreplay or sex for longer? This could enable her to climax with you naturally. 

    Blended stimulation is also vital for the majority of women. Do you / does she play with her clit / nipples or butt during sex? This can have a HUUUGE impact on how sex feels and, believe it or not, make you feel bigger whilst insider her. 

    Thirdly, girth can be an important factor for many people when it comes to climaxing. Just look at all the oversized sex toys we sell at Lovehoney.... And we see A LOT of them. 

    It sounds to me like your gf might be a bit of a "size queen" and this is quite common. Having said this, I think it's unfair on you for her to seem disinterested when you're enjoying natural sex. She needs to understand that sex is for both of you. Can she see how much fun you're having when you have natural sex? I would this would be a huge turn on for her, seeing you have a great time. If she makes you feel like this whilst you're "at it", my advice would be to stop what you're doing and talk to her. I can't imagine how horrible it must feel to be sexing away feeling like your partner can't wait for it to be over. If she can't wait, then stop (even if you haven't finished) and tell her how this makes you feel. A woman wouldn't put up with that sh*t so you shouldn't have to either. 

    Really, I think you both need a good talk about what turns you on but here are a few tips which I think could help you both during natural / non-strap-on sex.

    1) More foreplay. Foreplay will make her wet and more swollen, which in turn makes her tighter and you feel bigger. It will also get her closer to climax before you begin and her G-spot more "ready" for pleasure so always spend more time on foreplay than anything else. My biggest advice is to make her climax before sex. If she comes before you have sex, the chances of her coming again during sex go up by about 5000% (give or take 😉)

    2) Wear a cock ring. Wearing a cock or cock and ball ring instantly gives you a thicker, harder penis. Make this even more effective by penis pumping before putting the cock ring on. 

    3) Ask her to wear a butt plug. Wearing a butt plug not only adds extra stimulation (see above for comment on blended stim) but it also fills her inside, which makes her feel tighter, and you bigger. 

    4) Using a pussy pump also does the same as above. 

    5) Explore girthy play during foreplay and not sex. Fisting / large toy play can be a great way to get her off before you get to the sex bit and make her insides ready for sex. 

    6) Try a toy like the We-Vibe. This puts pressure on her G-spot and fills her a little more, whilst still enabling natural sex - so you both benefit! 

    7) Apply pressure to her tummy, just below her belly button (basically where you would guess the bladder to be). Aim for this spot with the tip of your penis. It will shorten her vaginal shaft, making you feel bigger. (Missionary positions where her legs are on your shoulders do this too).

    If after discussion it turns out that really, its the strap on that turns her on, or she really wants girth during sex then I would suggest making a plan.

    Talk to her about how it makes you feel when she seems disinterested in sex with you without accessories and take it from there.

    One suggestion could be for you to take turns with your kink. "If we have sex on a Saturday, we'll use the strap on, but it means than I get a blow job in the shower next week" - something along those lines. Couples don't always see eye to eye with every sexual scenario, and that's completely normal, but what you should be able to do is come to an agreement which benefits both of you. You might even come up with a way to make your sex lives even more exciting together by creating an IOU a mega-sex session agreement. 

    I hope that helps a bit - if you have any other questions please do ask away :) 

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    captainmeow [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 272
    • Joined: 18 Sep 2016

    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde wrote:

    @captainmeow - You're very welcome! Clit clamps can work to help any woman looking for a clitoral orgasm. In much the same way as a pussy pump works, a clit clamp pinches the area (which feels nice anyway!) and draws blood flow to the area. This encourages your clitoris to swell and become ultra sensitive to other touches. Also - a clit clamp usually focusses attention on either side of your clitoris, which is where most of your nerve endings are - BONUS!

    Whether you go for something which is a painful pleasure or purley gentle pinching really depends on what sort of clamp you go for. I would recommend starting with something gentle if you're looking for something to enhance sensitivity rather than punishing pinching.

    I would recommend you start out with some clitoral balms and gentle finger pinching to begin with, and if you like that, then consider introducing an adjutable clit clamp 😃

    I didn't even realise there's a difference between painful and gentle pinching! Once again, thanks a heap! Will definitely take all your recommendations into consideration :D :D

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