• Ask the Expert: Bondage and Better Sex!

    1475086114
    Sex Squid [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Jess, weird, I've got the central locking pin fully inserted, it only indents about 1mm though. Using the second lo.gest spacer it protrudes just enough to get the padlock in place. With the longest spacer nothing protrudes at all. I can send pics? (not being worn, obv)

    1475138525
    AsYouWish! [sign in to see picture]
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    Sex Squid wrote:

    Hi Jess, weird, I've got the central locking pin fully inserted, it only indents about 1mm though. Using the second lo.gest spacer it protrudes just enough to get the padlock in place. With the longest spacer nothing protrudes at all. I can send pics? (not being worn, obv)

    I know we should leave responses to Jess so I apologise. I had this problem and realised that I had the top of the ring on the wrong way round. The spacer needs to sit in the recess not the pin. I will leave it to Jess now. Sorry if this is not the answer.
    1475139625
    Hen Night Toad [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Jess

    Great concept answering any questions like this btw !

    OH and I have discussed an initial one month period of role/power reversal. OH has been the submissive partner for most of our relationship but we now wish to switch and on a medium term basis to really test ourselves

    What we've agreed so far is I will wear a cage for one month. She will hold the key and wear it on a neck chain. I will go without any intercourse for the month. Any sexual contact will be entirely at her instigation during this period. Penetration will be by her only and using a strap on doc Johnson vac ulock. I will be at her beck and call and will perform oral sex on request. Inspired by the men eating own c@* thread I have begun to save some and will be required to take it orally upon her request. Up to now that's as much as we've ironed out in terms of how well fulfill this roleplay

    Could you suggest any further ways of enhancing the experience? We have never really done anything like this before so all advice very useful

    1475141188
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Sex Squid wrote:

    Hi Jess, weird, I've got the central locking pin fully inserted, it only indents about 1mm though. Using the second lo.gest spacer it protrudes just enough to get the padlock in place. With the longest spacer nothing protrudes at all. I can send pics? (not being worn, obv)

    Hey Sex Squid - mine also only pokes into the base by about 1mm but this seems to be enough for mine to work.

    Feel free to send me some pics to jess.wilde@lovehoney.co.uk 

    1475141510
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde wrote:

    paulsballs wrote:

    Can the luwi insertable condom be used for anal sex?

    There is a brief mention on their website which seems to suggest that they are, but I've just sent them a message to double check. I want to make sure the outer ring is large and firm enough to stop over-insertion. 

    I'll get back to you with a solid answer ASAP. 

    Hey paulsballs

    Luwi have just replied and confirm that their condoms are perfectly safe for anal and vaginal sex. 

    Yay!

    Enjoy :) 

    1475144928
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Hen Night Toad wrote:

    Hi Jess

    Great concept answering any questions like this btw !

    OH and I have discussed an initial one month period of role/power reversal. OH has been the submissive partner for most of our relationship but we now wish to switch and on a medium term basis to really test ourselves

    What we've agreed so far is I will wear a cage for one month. She will hold the key and wear it on a neck chain. I will go without any intercourse for the month. Any sexual contact will be entirely at her instigation during this period. Penetration will be by her only and using a strap on doc Johnson vac ulock. I will be at her beck and call and will perform oral sex on request. Inspired by the men eating own c@* thread I have begun to save some and will be required to take it orally upon her request. Up to now that's as much as we've ironed out in terms of how well fulfill this roleplay

    Could you suggest any further ways of enhancing the experience? We have never really done anything like this before so all advice very useful

    Hi Hen Night Toad

    Thanks! I totally stole it from Sammi, but I'll take the credit 😜

    That's great that you and your OH have decided to try something new - I love hearing things like this. As fun as sex is, you can still get into a rut (ba-dum-tsss) and end up with a sex routine. 

    First things first - I know a lot of people wear chastity cages for great lengths of time, but I personally never recommend that anyone wears them for longer than a day at a time. Anything more than a couple of hours is classed as "long term wear". I absolutely never condone wearing them to bed. Again, lots of people do it without being aware of any issues at all and, of course, what you do with your genitals is entirely up to you but my top tip is not to do it. I don't think it's worth the potential risk.

    On average, a healthy man has 3-5 full erections throughout a nights sleep, and each erection can last anything between 25-35 minutes each. Allowing your body to do what comes naturally to it is important, and nocturnal erections are not only a sign that you and your trousersnake are happy and healthy, but blood flow to and from the penis helps flush toxins from your groin lymph nodes and also maintains healthy circulation to your penis. There is some truth to the phrase "use it or lose it". 

    So whilst I don't want to put you off exploring something new, I don't recommend wearing a cage for a month straight unless you're going to take it off at night. 

    Second point: You say you've started saving some cum for cum-eating play. What do you mean by this? Are you simply not wanking and keeping a heavy load in your balls? Or are you physically saving this in a container? If so, how are you storing it? 

    Without knowing your boundaries, it's hard to suggest new additions to your role play but I will give you some ideas which you can go away and research. I would say that at the beginning it's best not to overcomplicate things, and add new kinks as you go along. 

    Here are a few femdom play scenarios you might like to try though: 

    - Foot Worship: You kiss, lick, caress her feet/shoes/stockings and she decides how high up her leg you're allowed to go. 

    - Sissy Play: She insists you wear something which makes you feel emasculated/owned. Whether it's frilly pants under your daywear, keeping your toenails painted in a shade she approves of, wearing ladies nighties to bed or wearing a collar at home at all times. You (well, she) choose how to explore this area. 

    - Word of Mouth: She bans you from speaking in the first person. You're not allowed to backtalk and must ask for permission to address her. She might even insist you need to kneel for her attention. 

    - Cock Tease: Whilst you're in chastity, she should tease you to almost breaking point. Wearing your favourite lingerie, telling you what you'll be allowed to to to her later, or what she's going to to do you. 

    - Puppy Play: As it sounds. You wear a collar and leash. She trains you like the puppy dog you are. You must obey commands or there will be a punishment. We have lots of tail butt plugs and accessories to enhance this type of play, too. 

    - Slave: She can instruct you to do anything. Washing up. Going shopping for her. Vacume the house whilst wearing a maid outfit. Anything she wants. She will then inspect your work and decide whether you're worthy of her attention. 

    Do you think any of those would give you some ideas? Basically, anything you would normally do without asking permission, agree that you now have to ask permission and it instantly flips the power role over to her. 

    1475236780
    glittergirl [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi jess I have it I have Slube!!!
    (Very excited lol)
    Anyway we want to use this on are inflatable body slide and guile mat it says use in bath so firstly will it be OK on the PVC.?
    Secondly we want to have wam! Completely but naked in our sex it is primary a massage slime will this but OK on intermite areas and enturnaly as I'm quite sensitive within my lady lips haha.
    But want this to be a total fun messy free for all without worry. X

    1475260237
    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    It might sound like a silly question but...how do you know if you have a latex allergy/sensitivity? I've got a latex dress and just bought some latex gauntlets. When I put them on I get redness that isn't painful but lasts for a while after I take them off. I don't know whether it's just a kind of friction burn. I definitely didn't put enough dressing aid on when I wore the dress and with the gauntlets I found talc was easier for me but I still got red marks, especially around the crease of my elbow. I've never had an issue with latex gloves and, as far as I know, my issues with certain latex condoms are due to the lubricant.

    1475576068
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    glittergirl wrote:

    Hi jess I have it I have Slube!!!
    (Very excited lol)
    Anyway we want to use this on are inflatable body slide and guile mat it says use in bath so firstly will it be OK on the PVC.?
    Secondly we want to have wam! Completely but naked in our sex it is primary a massage slime will this but OK on intermite areas and enturnaly as I'm quite sensitive within my lady lips haha.
    But want this to be a total fun messy free for all without worry. X

    Hey glittergirl

    Ahh so cool! Slube is amazing!

    So - here's what you need to know: 

    Slube is water-based and completely safe for PVC and your body, internally and externally. They recommend you don't eat it - apparently it tastes awful! It says it's non-staining, but I'm not 100% convinced so I'd say to avoid getting it on anything you don't want blotches on!

    There should be nothing in the ingredients which could give you any discomfort - even if you're sensitive, but to be extra safe just take a quick look at the ingredients on the side of the box to check there's nothing which you're sensitive to. You can always Google the individual ingredients to find out exactly what they all are. Slube is definitely sugar-free /glycerine -free so you have no worries there.

    The instructions recommend making Slube with warm water so you should be able to enjoy a warm slippery WAM massage, worry-free! :)

    Have fun! 

    1475577019
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Friday13 wrote:

    It might sound like a silly question but...how do you know if you have a latex allergy/sensitivity? I've got a latex dress and just bought some latex gauntlets. When I put them on I get redness that isn't painful but lasts for a while after I take them off. I don't know whether it's just a kind of friction burn. I definitely didn't put enough dressing aid on when I wore the dress and with the gauntlets I found talc was easier for me but I still got red marks, especially around the crease of my elbow. I've never had an issue with latex gloves and, as far as I know, my issues with certain latex condoms are due to the lubricant.

    Hey Friday13

    Hmm... There are a few reasons you could be being left with red marks after wering latex.

    1) As you say, it could be friction burn: I also prefer talc for getting in and out of latex so that shouldn't be an issue if your latex fits well. I always put some on the garment and myself, and always use plenty. I also reapply talc if I'm going to be wearing it for long periods of time. Did the latex scuff a lot whilst putting it on or removing it? Did it feel comfortable during wear?

    2) It could be a developing latex allergy. Do you have a rash? Is there redness, pain, swelling, heat or discomfort in that area? Or any other symptoms?

    3) Heat rash: If you got particularly hot whilst wearing the latex / wore it for a long time it could be heat rash. Looks more like prickly heat than an overall rash. 

    4) Bad fit: Is it a new garment? You mention the marks are particularly visible around your elbows - if the gloves were a little too tight they could have been digging in here and caused some rubbing, or even some bruising. 

    How long do the red marks last after removing the latex? Is it minutes, hours or longer? Is the skin raised, warm or itchy? 

    There is quite a lot of information online about latex allergies for reference - you might like to take a look for comparison, but if you're unsure I'd always recommend speaking to your doc, just to be on the safe said. They can arrange an allergy patch test to figure our if you're allergic to anything, and pin down the culprit (latex or a lubricant ingredient) so you can avoid it.

    1475588455
    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Jess

    The things I have are definitely not too tight and I only wore them for a maximum of half an hour so friction burn or latex sensitivity seem most likely. It doesn't look anywhere near as bad as the pictures online but definitely hot and a bit itchy but not raised. That lasted for probably about an hour. I think I'll try a longer trial of wearing one gauntlet and see if that makes it worse then speak to my GP about a patch test depending on the results.

    1475664670
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Friday13 wrote:

    Thanks Jess

    The things I have are definitely not too tight and I only wore them for a maximum of half an hour so friction burn or latex sensitivity seem most likely. It doesn't look anywhere near as bad as the pictures online but definitely hot and a bit itchy but not raised. That lasted for probably about an hour. I think I'll try a longer trial of wearing one gauntlet and see if that makes it worse then speak to my GP about a patch test depending on the results.

    Hmm - sounds like it could be a heat rash in that case? 

    If you want to do another test at home before seeing your doc, I'd recommend cutting a small strip of latex from some latex gloves (the surgical kind) or a lubircant-free condom and place it somewhere where it can maintain contact with your skin - preferably in a sensitive area. (Under your bra band or stuck to the inside of your arm or thigh with a piece of hypoallergenic surgical tape is good.)

    This is better than testing with your gaunlets again for a few reasons.

    - You'll be testing a smaller area which is safer
    - If you get left with a rash it will be in a less visible place and over a smaller area
    - Hands are pretty hard-wearing from regular use and exposure to sun etc etc. A softer patch of skin which is usually show a reaction quicker. 

    If you plan to do this, please keep some antihistamines near-by, just in case.

    As I'm sure you're aware, some latex allergy reactions can be very severe so it's never a bad idea to play on the safe safe safe side. 

    Leave the small strip in place for 12-24 hours (unless it becomes uncomfortable before in which case remove it sooner) and track your reaction to it. Take pics, note if/when it becomes irritated and how long after removing the latex the reaction lasts. This will give you doc a lot of info to go on. 

    1475671232
    AnalLover88 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi,

    Do you know what's the best thing for my Mrs with a really low sex drive?

    We've tried a couple of your sex pills but they don't seem to do much for her.

    1475687364
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    AnalLover88 wrote:

    Hi,

    Do you know what's the best thing for my Mrs with a really low sex drive?

    We've tried a couple of your sex pills but they don't seem to do much for her.

    Hi AnalLover88

    A low sex drive can be caused by such a wide range of things. Without knowing what's causing her low sex drive, it's impossible to say what could change that.

    Does she want to increase her libido? What makes you say it's "low"? Is it just lower than yours, or have you noticed a big change in her sex drive during your relationship? 

    Some people naturally have a low sex drive. If she's happy with that and has always been that way, then there's nothing you can really do about it.  

    Other causes include: 

    1) Mental health problems, like anxiety or depression

    2) Stress 

    3) Low self-eseem / poor body image / lack of confidence 

    4) History of abuse / a bad relationship with sex

    5) A previous bad/poor sexual experience

    6) Hormones, including the pill and other contraceptives / HRT / post-pregnancy 

    7) Monthly cycle

    8) Medication 

    9) Diet / lifestyle / general health 

    10) A sex life which lacks pleasure / lack of orgasms

    11) Satisfaction/happiness/atrraction to the relationship / partner

    Have you discussed any of this with her?

    If her libido has dropped significantly since you've been with her, the best place to start is with an open, honest, non-judgmental conversation. Then try to fgure out the cause of her dropped sex drive, and whether she's interested in bringing it back. If she is, then you'll know what steps to take in order to do that. 

    1475826860
    glittergirl [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi jess thanks for getting back to me and just in time to as shipping my mini me of to Nana tomorrow. Haha can't wait im silly excited as never tried slube before.
    Is there any fun ideas or scenarios you can suggest to bring into this as this is a total knew experience to me . we are a very open minded couple we love all kinds of play bondage toys use on each other.
    have a extensive collection of ties rope water proof toys massage stones vibes we could in corporate.
    So please would you hit me with any suggestions? open to all.πŸ˜€

    1475844760
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    glittergirl wrote:

    Hi jess thanks for getting back to me and just in time to as shipping my mini me of to Nana tomorrow. Haha can't wait im silly excited as never tried slube before.
    Is there any fun ideas or scenarios you can suggest to bring into this as this is a total knew experience to me . we are a very open minded couple we love all kinds of play bondage toys use on each other.
    have a extensive collection of ties rope water proof toys massage stones vibes we could in corporate.
    So please would you hit me with any suggestions? open to all.πŸ˜€

    There are so many ways you can use Slube - your only limit is your imagination! 

    Popular options are to make it in a bath or play pool. You might like to make a huge vat of it and lower yourself into it, or you might prefer to pour it or throw it at each other. It's up to you :) 

    It's great for massage or as a lube for toys and sex too. 

    Literally, the world is your oyster! 

    It might be worth posting a new thread to see if any of the other lovely forum members have any suggestions for creative WAM play :) 

    1475854160
    glittergirl [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde wrote:

    glittergirl wrote:

    Hi jess thanks for getting back to me and just in time to as shipping my mini me of to Nana tomorrow. Haha can't wait im silly excited as never tried slube before.
    Is there any fun ideas or scenarios you can suggest to bring into this as this is a total knew experience to me . we are a very open minded couple we love all kinds of play bondage toys use on each other.
    have a extensive collection of ties rope water proof toys massage stones vibes we could in corporate.
    So please would you hit me with any suggestions? open to all.πŸ˜€

    There are so many ways you can use Slube - your only limit is your imagination!

    Popular options are to make it in a bath or play pool. You might like to make a huge vat of it and lower yourself into it, or you might prefer to pour it or throw it at each other. It's up to you :)

    It's great for massage or as a lube for toys and sex too.

    Literally, the world is your oyster!

    It might be worth posting a new thread to see if any of the other lovely forum members have any suggestions for creative WAM play :)

    that's fab idea will do πŸ˜€thanks
    1476369905
    Lisa88 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey what would u recommend for a beginner in bondage I have used handcuffs before but that's about it x

    1476377773
    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 30 Mar 2015

    Loving the new fifty shades darker stuff. Are there any plans to sell some of the items of bondage gear individually? In particular flogger.

    1476708790
    GeekyEleanor [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 22 Nov 2014

    Noob question: what's the best way to enjoy a clitoral clamp like this http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=31537 with a partner? I quite like it during solo play but I feel like there's much more in it.

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