• Exes - Avoid or Talk ?

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    It may be coincidence but I bumped into my third ex. this month . I know some of you are thinking well whats so special about that. Well I have been out now with my Mrs now for over 26 years ,so any of my exes , I was in a relationship with them prior to 1989 , which is quite some time ago.

    For some reason I still feel uneasy about bumping into them so I tend to avoid . The most recent one was Saturday just gone having endured a 130 mile round trip from Blackpool after sorting my Mother's house out and doing some errands for her.

    So me and my Mrs had our dinner out later than normal in the pub we normally frequent and then entered my ex fiance with her younger sister and her mother and a guy I didn't recognise . I decided to keep well away and perhaps that I did on this occasion as I never got on with her mother who seemed to be accompanied by this other guy. That wasn't the reason we broke up but clearly she would have been the mother in law from hell for me.

    Anyway , for some reason I am beginning to feel a bit guilty for not saying hello especially as I made a detour when going to the bar , to just confirm that it was her. I havn't seen her for nearly 20 years so I wasn't 100% sure at first from a distance . Even close up around 2 yards away I struggled a little as she has aged quite badly . A 50 year old looking like a 57/8 year old and that was the view of my Mrs without being bitchy .

    Anyway we decided to leave early and go to another pub as I was feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing .

    So I am just wondering if some of you peops feel the same way about your exes or do you go and happily talk to them ?

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    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm happily in contact with all my exes bar one, who I would be afraid to run into due to the abuse he gave me. I would certainly exit the area if I ran into him. Anyone else I'd be happy to see and would definitely talk to, but since I've never dated anyone from the same town (or who live any closer than an hours train journey away) I never bump into any of them. Both a pity and a blessing I suppose!

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    Vanilla_Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    Personally I avoid them. This is mostly just out of respect for my partner and/or their current partner. I'm also quite shy so don't tend to speak to people unless spoken to first unless they are someone I'm very comfortable around. The only exception is of course my boys dads. One of which would get a civil hello and the other was a very recent break up so we chat quite a bit still.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Vanilla_Kink wrote:

    Personally I avoid them. This is mostly just out of respect for my partner and/or their current partner. I'm also quite shy so don't tend to speak to people unless spoken to first unless they are someone I'm very comfortable around. The only exception is of course my boys dads. One of which would get a civil hello and the other was a very recent break up so we chat quite a bit still.

    Actually thanks for that as its given me something to think about . Perhaps it is best that I did avoid them as my Mrs sometimes has a bit of an inferiority complex, coupled with a bit of insecurity . I have had many talks about the latter and its something she isn't able to get rid of .I think its a confidence thing . The former is something I have had to put up with as well from the very beginning as she sees me in a different league to her and everyone is better than her so I have to put that right on every occasion it occurs and tell her that she is the best for me. Ironically the only ex she hasn't been threatened with is my last one my ex fiance as we did bump into her previously some 20 years ago when we had been going steady .

    So perhaps for me its best to avoid them if my OH is with me

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    luvved up cupple [sign in to see picture]
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    Just going to throw this into the discussion.

    My ex introduced me to my wife.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    luvved up cupple wrote:

    Just going to throw this into the discussion.

    My ex introduced me to my wife.

    That can happen and obviously you all get on well . My half brother did a strange one where litterally he swapped his wife for his mates wife and his mate ended up with his exwife . They all got on well until the divorce settlements starting flying about and then they were at each others throats. Life can be strange !

    I used to see one of my nephews until recently and then he has just emigrated to Auistralia . The above arrangement didn't do him any good .

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have found when I have attempted to be friendly it causes undue stress... specifically if their new partner is intimidated by me... which for some reason is common lol... so I avoid it or leave it to a polite hello or headnod.

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    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
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    I moved around 150 miles away from any history I have to be with my OH, so the likelihood of seeing the very few exes I have is infinitessimately small.

    The OHs exes are local, and although I wouldn't know them from Adam, to my knowledge we never ever see them either.

    So, to answer your question, I dunno.

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    Siren40 [sign in to see picture]
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    Theres one I avoid ( he's an oddball) And my ex fiancé I often bump into either in our local town, or the Supemarket. Despite hurting me lots, we do talk, sometimes it feels awkward other times ok. Not sure how id feel if I bumped into him while Hubby and I were out on a date

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    Caliente [sign in to see picture]
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    Depends how, when, and why we broke up! All my exes are different and I feel very differently towards them.

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    bex1213 [sign in to see picture]
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    It's really important to think about the new partner in your life as Vanilla_Kink just said. Also, sometimes the ex doesn't need to have all of those old memories brought back. It can be quite overwhelming sometimes, particularly after a large commitment (which it sounds like with you seeing as she was your ex fiance).

    Personally, I envy people who can stay friends with exes. I also have a nasty habit of running into them even in London. I mean seriously. I moved for 2 years came back to one of the largest cities and the next day my ex was at the same bus stop on the opposite side of town to where we both lived. It was so unbelievably awkward.

    I think it really is different horses for different courses. Like Caliente says, it's all about who, where, what and how of the breakup. Being civil and distant is probably the most mature way to go. However, I'm still not over the avoid-eye-contact-as-I-sprint-away method.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    bex1213 wrote:

    It's really important to think about the new partner in your life as Vanilla_Kink just said. Also, sometimes the ex doesn't need to have all of those old memories brought back. It can be quite overwhelming sometimes, particularly after a large commitment (which it sounds like with you seeing as she was your ex fiance).

    Personally, I envy people who can stay friends with exes. I also have a nasty habit of running into them even in London. I mean seriously. I moved for 2 years came back to one of the largest cities and the next day my ex was at the same bus stop on the opposite side of town to where we both lived. It was so unbelievably awkward.

    I think it really is different horses for different courses. Like Caliente says, it's all about who, where, what and how of the breakup. Being civil and distant is probably the most mature way to go. However, I'm still not over the avoid-eye-contact-as-I-sprint-away method.

    Thanks Bex your input was invaluable like VKs . To be on the safe side I will just avoid them and say a polite "hello" if needed. Many of them won't recognise me now as I have changed so much over the past few years.

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    MissNoir [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it depends on the ex and how things ended.

    I couldn't be friends with my ex as he was a control freak, and I ended things to get away from him. He would message me, come to my flat, message my friends (who hated him) until I moved and blocked him on all social media, even hearing his name makes me angry. We bumped into each other a year later and I felt beyond anger so I had to walk away from him.

    In some cases I think it's lovely, I have friends who are still friends with exes adn they get on a lot better and it's nice to see but of course they respect new partners. If you're lucky enough to be friends then why not but personally I'd avoid it like the plague!

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    VioletWolf [sign in to see picture]
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    I work with one my exes 🙈 Sometimes it can be a little awkward; we have days where we get on better than we ever did, and some days he can be an absolute arse. Both of our OHs work with us, though his is based elsewhere in the company 99% of the time so it's not often she's in our store. I got on well with her until they got together, then she got quite uptight around me and wouldn't speak to me. We're fine in a professional capacity but don't think we could have a conversation outside of work. My OH gets on well with both of them, he has a lot of common interests with my ex!
    Was awful in the beginning, but we split up over 7yrs ago so it's just run of the mill now.
    Have several other exes, don't speak to them, probably for the best.

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    Gem276 [sign in to see picture]
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    My ex I'm still sleeping with!

    My ex husband is my children's father so we have to speak all the time but that's become friendlier as he's become a bit nicer.

    I have other exes on Facebook as friends and will always say hello if I saw anyone.

    I once bumped into an ex when my second baby was born in the shopping centre, I was mortified as I was 5 stone heavier than normal and uttered as much with a bright red face and my 3 year old was playing up! He looked bloody gorgeous too! I'd love to bump into him now just to prove that I got my figure back and have aged pretty well since! - pathetic really!

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    I told my ex wife today that I was gay and thanked her for wearing latex catsuits as now I prefer cock*REMOVED BY MODERATOR* 

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    Onlywhenisayso [sign in to see picture]
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    I am friendly with all my exes, although none of them live in the same country as me now, so only have regular contact with two of them.

    I was the first and last boyfriend of one of them, and about 6 years after we broke up I landed up sharing a house with her and her girlfriend. The three of us lived together and hung out most weekends and there was never any drama. I still consider her a close friend.

    I very rarely talk about exes with my OH, but she knows the history between me and this girl and has never shown any negative emotions towards it. I would probably introduce them if we were ever in the same country.

    As others have stated, it probably depends on how the relationship ended. Fortunately all my relationships have ended amicably.

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    ToGildALily [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm still a close friend to one of my exes but we broke up due to them moving far from where I lived. It's not awkward and in fact I'm good friends with his partner which is nice. In truth it's lovely seeing the relationship they have and how they have grown as a couple and how they have brought new things to each others lives. That's all there is to the relationship we have, friends. Then again I work in a male dominated job so I have a lot of platonic male friends and to me what body a person comes in isn't a factor to friendship but the person they are.

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    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
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    I wouldn't have a problem with saying hello to any of my exes but I have never bumped into any of them. It has been years though so I doubt I would recognise any of them now anyway.
    You watch it will happen now I've said that 😀
    I would say you made the right choice Mysteron by not saying anything to your ex especially if it may have caused upset for anyone else. I wouldn't be surprised if your ex saw you as well even though you've changed. I can pick out a voice in a room even when it's busy and I think a lot of people can particularly when it's someone I know well.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots wrote:

    I wouldn't have a problem with saying hello to any of my exes but I have never bumped into any of them. It has been years though so I doubt I would recognise any of them now anyway.
    You watch it will happen now I've said that 😀
    I would say you made the right choice Mysteron by not saying anything to your ex especially if it may have caused upset for anyone else. I wouldn't be surprised if your ex saw you as well even though you've changed. I can pick out a voice in a room even when it's busy and I think a lot of people can particularly when it's someone I know well.

    Thanks. We were actually a safe distance away at the time and Wetherspoon pubs are notoriously very very noisy, so me and the Mrs could talk freely withjout being overheard by anyone. Probably the only pub we go in and talk about sex sometimes knowing your not going to be overheard! My only concern was that a table for 4 became vacant adjacent to us but thankfully another couple quickly took it over .

    I think its just a coincidence that in a month , I have seen 3 of my exes . One of which my Mrs did clock as "eyeing" me up . I didn't reveal to her that she was an Ex and at end of the day it was her who finished with me after booking a couple of nights away in Blackpool . I ended up taking a mate instead and probably had a better time!

    But yes the consensus of opinion is to keep my exes at arm length and avoid if possible .

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