• Difference in libido

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    Seasidecouple [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey guys.
    Do any of you experience libido differences in your relationship? I have a huge libido to the point that multiple cravings per day occur. My OH openly admits she could live without sex all together. This has been the case for over a year or more. Leading to sex occurring roughly once every other month. Any tips to help?

    1473090392
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Many people are with someone with a lower or higher libido,,, thats how someone is. But if it is a new thing in your relationship and you were previously more balanced then something has changed, often child birth is the cause, can you say more about your relationship, as any thing anyone can say to help has little foundation in the facts of your relationship.

    1473090606
    Seasidecouple [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia4Ever wrote:

    Many people are with someone with a lower or higher libido,,, thats how someone is. But if it is a new thing in your relationship and you were previously more balanced then something has changed, often child birth is the cause, can you say more about your relationship, as any thing anyone can say to help has little foundation in the facts of your relationship.

    We have a child who was born in 2015 but this was happening before this. She does work a stressful job but when we sit down and discuss her work she always says everything is OK and there are no underlying issues. When we furst got together wed have sex multiple times a day and whilst i realise the honeymoon phase doesnt last its gone to a very negstive extreme. Maybe it's just how it is?!
    1473091915
    luvved up cupple [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you tried just talking about anything other than work, sex etc. Discuss hobbies, plan trips together or with the little one to enable you both to have some time away from the 9-5. If possible get a sitter and have a date night, movie, meal, drinks then go home.

    Also home life can be a hindrance, please excuse me if I'm speaking out of turn here but - from experience - sharing in the household duties helps take some of the everyday pressures off Mrs LUC.

    Again, not wishing to tar you with any particular brush but, laying off initiating sex for a night or two can help. I was in a similar position 6 months or so ago, not getting much, always horny, suggesting it most nights. Mrs LUC felt pressured and nagged, looking back I can see that now. Let's be honest if your wife is like mine she knows you are horny, she'll let you know if she's up for it. Perhaps you'll tell her your going for a shower if you know what I mean it gives her a bit of a break (once little one settled) and once you are *clean* settle down with a film. TV show or whatever you choose to do of an evening.

    I can't guarantee that all or any of this will work but this is sort of mirroring our situation. Talking, easing off the pressure and making time for each other was a great start and now things for us is a lot better than it was.

    Hopefully you'll be able to work thru this. It won't happen overnight, it may take some sacrifice in the short term but hopefully it will be worth it for you both in the long run.

    Wish you both all the best.

    1473092109
    Seasidecouple [sign in to see picture]
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    Great advice LUC. Sounds very similar here.

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Most people do say tings are ok, how many times has a work collegue or friend said are you ok , and you said oh fine thanks,, even though you felt like crap. People do it with their partners too, for many reasons, like not making a drama out of something you are feeling that has no impact on your OH unless you tell them, or that you feel that you would be adding to their worries, and you want to spare them that..

    But if you don't comunicate, you can never understand each other. Maybe she never did get much from sex, and did it to please you in the " honey moon period" it happens. But there is in my opinion usully something behind it, even something from before you two met that has left her feeling sex, is a chore that she really doesn't want to do, and so could manage without.

    You either accept that that is how things are, or try to get her to open up, but gently. I could make you a list of things but I would just be guessing. Talk to her, try to find out what, and when; but make sure that you tell her that you need to understand, that you are not looking for ways to twist her back to having sex again; and mean it in your heart. ```anything that comes from this talking is to come from her and her alone, or you have lost.

    Support her understand her feelings, try to find intamacy rather than sex, and make sure she knows that what you are offering will not lead to sex, or is in any way an attempt to get that, and that if that comes it will be from her not you. Take baths or showers together, but no sexual things, wash her back her hair, and pat her dry. Give her massages, but stay away from erogenous zones. Go out on dates, do things together, make her feel like a woman, not a blow up doll.

    1473092461
    Peter Parker [sign in to see picture]
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    I think I can really relate to this thread Seasidecouple. I'm cursed with a raging libido that never seems to be satisfied. It can be a real distration.

    I imagine that the common perception is that men do want more sex then women, but I'm not that foolhardy and recognise that this is just not gender specific and that we're all different with different drives and appitites.

    I find that i leave my OH to initiate sex, because that way i know she doesn't feel pressured into it and it will be great for both of us. I can't think of anything less sexy then a partner feeling obligated or pressured.

    In terms of making up the shortfall between us, I guess I manage through a combination of keeping busy, masturbating and exercise (which takes the edge off slightly).

    We've been together over 10 years and i'd say her appite for sex has evolved and changed, with so many factors playing a part from contraception, pregnancy, stress, aging all playing a factor. Ultimately the sex we do have and the anticipation of the sex to come is fantastic and is just one aspect of our lives together.

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    Seasidecouple [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks guys. Great advice and help.

    1473093564
    Peter Parker [sign in to see picture]
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    One thing I find helps 'post-kids' is a bit more build up, whether through just sexy messaging during a quiet moment during the day or ordering a surprise gift (from LH, of course).

    1473094219
    Seasidecouple [sign in to see picture]
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    We must be on the same wavelength!

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    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
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    I've tended to have a higher sex drive than my hubby all through our married life. I often found that when he was up for it though I wasn't because it was just sprung on me rather than him gradually introduce me to the idea. I think most women are the same, as we are so busy and probably just had our hand down the loo, whilst comforting a child, whilst the dinner is burning. The last thing on our minds is having our other half shoving his erection in our back etc. Sorry to be so blatant but just wanted to give you an idea of what it can feel like for us. I then found my libido dropped because I was bored, same old position, quick fumble, job done. I always knew what was going to happen and I just found it quicker to just sort myself out and unbeknownst to me my hubby felt the same. This led to us just not doing it or maybe once a month. It's so difficult to admit it's boring to each other so the never ending cycle continues. It came to breaking point so I laid my cards on the table and here we are now, not being able to keep our hands off of each other. All it took was communication and a bit of help from love honey😊. We are annoyed that we wasted such much time and could have had this a lot sooner if we had only talked (warts and all, instead of worrying so much of hurting each other's feelings).
    I'm not saying that any of the above is the same for you and your partner, but it might be worth thinking about.
    I would hate to think of anyone else going through the same as what we did. We could kick ourselves now, but we got there in the end😄. I hope you do too

    1473098294
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots wrote:

    I've tended to have a higher sex drive than my hubby all through our married life. I often found that when he was up for it though I wasn't because it was just sprung on me rather than him gradually introduce me to the idea. I think most women are the same, as we are so busy and probably just had our hand down the loo, whilst comforting a child, whilst the dinner is burning. The last thing on our minds is having our other half shoving his erection in our back etc. Sorry to be so blatant but just wanted to give you an idea of what it can feel like for us. I then found my libido dropped because I was bored, same old position, quick fumble, job done. I always knew what was going to happen and I just found it quicker to just sort myself out and unbeknownst to me my hubby felt the same. This led to us just not doing it or maybe once a month. It's so difficult to admit it's boring to each other so the never ending cycle continues. It came to breaking point so I laid my cards on the table and here we are now, not being able to keep our hands off of each other. All it took was communication and a bit of help from love honey😊. We are annoyed that we wasted such much time and could have had this a lot sooner if we had only talked (warts and all, instead of worrying so much of hurting each other's feelings).
    I'm not saying that any of the above is the same for you and your partner, but it might be worth thinking about.
    I would hate to think of anyone else going through the same as what we did. We could kick ourselves now, but we got there in the end😄. I hope you do too

    Yep that says it true for sure.

    1473100083
    Seasidecouple [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you're right lil. Perhaps in an open, honest conversation we can discuss it and put it right.

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