• Can't orgasm during sex

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    Ktg24 [sign in to see picture]
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    When my oh decides to finally have sex he does what he needs then goes to sleep. I haven't been able to orgasm since I had my first child. How can I get him to make me cum so I can be happy like him and don't have to do myself?

    1471962515
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    The firsst tthing that needs to happen, is you talk to your OH, and tell him how you feel, not just I can't cum when we have sex. Him getting his end away, and leaving you to it, is not fair, you will end up resenting him. Sounds like he thinks giving you attention is not worth the effort, as you don't cum. Even if you don't cum, you can still get a lot from the intamacy.

    Bring back the romance, and the intimate times, that don't lead to sex. learn to be with each other an give pleasure to each other in other ways, like massage, shower or bath together, and wash each other, dry each other, but sensually.

    Get him to work on fore play, sounds like you don't get any, you won't cum if you feel like his blow up doll. he needs to get you hot first and take more time over you, if you can for the kids, make time. You have just got in the mom/ wife mind set, and have forgotten how to be just a woman. do things and dress in things that make you feel feminine, and pretty.

    How do you make your self orgasm when you play alone, do you use toys. ? get more in touch with your self, so that you can show him how to please you.

    He can make it last longer, by withdrawing and keep you going with oral and or fingering, or toys. then coming back to you, with penetration, let him get you off with oral, and then let him finish, what ever works. then you will start to feel more comfortable and sexual with him, and if you persiveer things may come back for you; it's your mind thats blocking you, because of how you feel when you are with him; it's you mind that can put this right. But you OH has to be onboard with this and support you, not use you. Talk, talk, talk, it is esential.

    1471962740
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi and welcome to the forums.

    We are all sympathetic to your issue and the first thing to understand is you're not alone.

    This is why Love honey is here and particularly the forums.

    My first suggestion is that you try to increase your communication. I know this is far more easily said than done. However most guys if confronted with them being a bit selfish about sex with a loved one will try to improve or take notice. Even write a letter the old fashioned way if you don't think you can broach it face on.

    Secondly take control in the bedroom literarily take matters into hand. Get on top and so oh no you don't its my turn to have some fun. When iam done with you then you can come and not before lol

    1471980902
    Jann [sign in to see picture]
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    Sounds like a communication problem to me. Maybe if your OH is aware that you haven't been satisfied in a while he might put more thought and focus into what you need.

    I have a rule with my SO where I have to cum during foreplay, as I find it hard to during PIV and often am too tired to cum in postplay, so you could try doing this with your partner, or at least get in enough foreplay to get you close (in case you need recovery time and you and your partner end up switching places!).

    If you want to bump things up in the same amount of time, I'd go for a bullet vibe during PIV to make sure you get enough stimulation where you want it (this is easier if you hold the toy, but having your partner do so may slow him down and feel more intimate for both of you). If you know which postitions are great for you, go for these. You could also try a cock ring, particularly one with a vibe as this will speed up your climax and slow down your partner's.

    One final thing: it sounds like you're not getting it as often as you want, so you could set the 30 days of sex challenge. I've never tried this so I have no first-hand experience, but it could be a subtle way of telling your partner you want more, while trying new things which might work better for you

    1471982651
    SquirtyPanda [sign in to see picture]
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    Ktg24 wrote:

    When my oh decides to finally have sex he does what he needs then goes to sleep. I haven't been able to orgasm since I had my first child. How can I get him to make me cum so I can be happy like him and don't have to do myself?

    Wow. I feel sorry for you.

    One word, communicate.

    1471997647
    Ktg24 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the replies.. I said to him tonight you can't keep turning me on and leaving it at that , you have to finish the job.! He just went on to say he's fed up with work and he's tired all the time. And that he wished he didn't have to go. He also apologised for leaving me turnt on. I usually just rub if I'm not given oral after sex. I do have a vibrator but I've only used it twice I'm getting more and more shy around him with sexual stuff I used to try it on all the time but getting rejected all the time has made me shy.i only use the vibrator when he's not home.

    1471998241
    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
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    Aw Ktg24, this is really unfair on you. We went through a rough patch of terrible sex. I wont bore you with any details really as there's alot on other threads about our issues.

    Sometimes it can be hard to communicate but big well done for giving it a go. Tell him you would like to set aside some time to be together maybe on an evening he has off where he won't be tired. We organise sex, sounds boring to most but he works away and we have kids. It's nice to know we will have sex on a Friday so we spend time thinking about what we would like to do.

    When my husband went through a phase of the good old hump and snooze I made sure he worked on me first so I wouldn't be unsatisfied. It did get a bit boring though until we discovered Lovehoney. It has improved our sex life no end!

    1472039688
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Ktg24 wrote:

    Thanks for the replies.. I said to him tonight you can't keep turning me on and leaving it at that , you have to finish the job.! He just went on to say he's fed up with work and he's tired all the time. And that he wished he didn't have to go. He also apologised for leaving me turnt on. I usually just rub if I'm not given oral after sex. I do have a vibrator but I've only used it twice I'm getting more and more shy around him with sexual stuff I used to try it on all the time but getting rejected all the time has made me shy.i only use the vibrator when he's not home.

    Well done that's a great start. You've broached it with him that's the toughest part. Go one the charm offensive and seduce him into doing more for you.

    1472042976
    sugarboobies2232 [sign in to see picture]
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    Ktg24 wrote:

    Thanks for the replies.. I said to him tonight you can't keep turning me on and leaving it at that , you have to finish the job.! He just went on to say he's fed up with work and he's tired all the time. And that he wished he didn't have to go. He also apologised for leaving me turnt on. I usually just rub if I'm not given oral after sex. I do have a vibrator but I've only used it twice I'm getting more and more shy around him with sexual stuff I used to try it on all the time but getting rejected all the time has made me shy.i only use the vibrator when he's not home.

    Sounds like there is a lot of stress going on in his head, with work and tiredness. How about giving him a massage? Communication really is key and you need to tell him you are here for him to talk to regarding any issues he has.

    You don't deserve to feel like a blow up doll, and make this clear to him, you are willing to make him cum yet he needs to want to do this for you to. I agree with Alicia too. Bring back the intimacy. No one likes to feel they are just used for sex. Shower together, do things together, anything so that you are spending time with eachother.

    1472083594
    Ktg24 [sign in to see picture]
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    I've just received my butterfly strap on vibrator to use during sex so I can orgasm when he does with him being in control of the remote.. Only problem is how do I show him and explain. I've told him I can't orgasm through sex so this is my only option other than my hand 😬 Thanks for all the replies xx

    1472089872
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    Ktg24 wrote:

    I've just received my butterfly strap on vibrator to use during sex so I can orgasm when he does with him being in control of the remote.. Only problem is how do I show him and explain. I've told him I can't orgasm through sex so this is my only option other than my hand 😬 Thanks for all the replies xx

    Maybe if you tell him you would orgasm jf he would care instead of you can't at all. That certainly doesn't help if he thinks there's no reason to make an effort anyway

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