• Relationship advice, please?

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    Didn't have time right now to read all replies but my immediate reaction was for you to read up on borderline personality disorder or even bipolar.

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    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Vanessa8 wrote:

    Didn't have time right now to read all replies but my immediate reaction was for you to read up on borderline personality disorder or even bipolar.

    +1. It's worth looking into both these conditions as one of them may be the reason why he is behaving as he is and being emotionally abusive. With help and support from the relevant people he may be better able to manage and control his mood swings and erratic behaviour. If it's not any of these conditions it could be something else medical causing it or it could be learned behaviour from family or friends. Again he could get help to end the cycle. Also I was thinking last night that sexting while he is busy at work and not on his lunch or a teabreak alone might not be the best idea as he was maybe caught doing it the other day and that's why he ended your session rather abruptly. Although he could have been a bit nicer about it in his text message like "Oops. Got to go. Later's xx". Good luck x
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    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Forgot to say that even if he gets the necessary help to try to solve or manage his issues it may already be too little too late to save your relationship as there has been so much damage done already. But seeking help could aid him for his future life happiness and other relationships and you will know that you have done all you can and given him a chance to turn his life around with or without you. All the best x

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    Mrs Slocum [sign in to see picture]
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    "It might not seem bad to you guys but I don't have anyone else besides him, I've got no friends and barely any family and he helped me recover from clinical depression"

    I can't say I've experienced what you are going through but I have experienced the "I've got no friends and barely any family" I can tell you that when it mattered, I found I had friends, people that I hadn't considered as friends, and I'd done a pretty good job at holding people back at arms length.

    It's OK to let other people into your life.

    I'm not going to tell you to leave. I know it's difficult to contemplate even doing so when you are reliant on someone. But let others in and let people help. Whether that is in the form of counselling, Dr's or confiding in someone else.

    You know, maybe it's him that is more reliant on you and you just don't know it. Until you both address the problem nothing will change

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi this is very tough and I sympathy but he has depression. The symptoms and the moods swings show it. You need to broach it. Very carefully and cautiously. He may not be ready to open up or admit it yet.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Like the others have said its not your fault. The others have alrady made excellent points so there is very little to add.

    I know you said you don't want a break up because you are emotionally involved with this guy.

    BUT

    You need to ask yourself and answer honestly . Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this guy who is mentally abusing you ? Unless he changes it isn't going to get any better is it ?

    And thats where I will leave it .

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    Gentle giant wrote:

    Hi this is very tough and I sympathy but he has depression. The symptoms and the moods swings show it. You need to broach it. Very carefully and cautiously. He may not be ready to open up or admit it yet.

    What symptoms of depressions are you seeing in this? Can you explain it to me please? :) I dis not see any sign of depression pon first reading but maybe I was distracted by something else, and I'm curious about it

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    Hornydragon [sign in to see picture]
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    I think gentle giant may be spot on, the distance, the intense emotion, the swing between I have experience of this and it was/is depression, the worst thing is until they acknowledge there is an issue treatment cannot begin effectively and this can take many years (not a pleasant journey)

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    ScarlettBlacks [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm not a professional, nor do I know enough about your partner, so I will not make any assumptions about his mental state.

    I will however say that, though I always advocate patience and understanding when it comes to mental health, it is not a get out of jail free card. Mental illness does not excuse abuse. It does not exempt you from being considerate of the people around you.

    I understand you said breaking up isn't an option because you still love him, but as others have said, you should question if love is really enough, and maybe even if he really does love you, if he's making you feel "limited" 30% of the time. A partner should be there to support you, and though that doesn't mean they should never criticise you, it does mean that it should be done in a respecting and mutual manner.

    I've been in a similar relationship in the past, so I understand that it can be hard to see that someone you're very invested in emotionally and have spent so much time with isn't good for you. If you really don't feel like a break up is the right thing for you maybe try and reach out to people in your life, or see if there's events around you that you're interested in where you could meet people, people are often a lot more friendly and open to being supportive than one might think and if you surround yourself with other people, especially ones who are kind and supportive, it may help you gauge if your partner is treating you right.

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    Andy/Jul [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi and like everyone here has said you need to reivaluate your relationship with this person who is very slowly strangling you , you have to make yourself the biggest priority and make yourself stronger .this guy is bad news .....I hope you can sort this out for yourself

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    I really, really feel for you. There is nothing about this situation that is nice or easy to resolve.

    I know you have asked people not to suggest leaving, because that is not an option. Is it not an option because you love him and want to make it work, or not and option because of other circumstances? If it is the latter, then someway, somehow it could be an option if that was what you felt was best for you. However if you want to find ways to make it work and ways to help him resolve his attitude towards you then support for him and for yourself will be a must.

    Have you consider writing some of your thoughts down about his behaviour makes you feel, and how you would like things to be? Sometimes when we are talking people don;t always hear us in the way we would like, and things can become heated and it becomes much easier to say hurtful things. Sometimes a well worded letter can be easier for people to digest.

    I appreciate that he helped you get through your depression, but if his current behaviour has landed you in A&E due anxiety that severe, he is really undoing and of the good he did. Sometimes people who help us through bad times or out of personal diffculties can become so important to our sense of self that it's hard to imagine being right or well without them. But that doesn't mean they can treat people badly. And whether or not he's sweet and nice 70% of the time or not, the rest of his behaviour is terrible.

    He may well have some of the issues that other people have mentioned, I'm not a mental health professional so wouldn't like to comment. But even if he does, as some else said that is not reason enough to be eomtionally abusive.

    I would definitely think that couples therapy would be a good start, but sounds like individual therapies might not be a bad idea either. Even if he won't go maybe you could look into some for yourself, it may give you the support your need for you anxiety to make you feel strong enough to deal with whatever the future brings.

    Good luck ith everything, and I do hope you've had a chance to read through all the replies.

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