• Vaginismus?

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    Sexy Minx 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Do any ladies out there have any experience of this? Been reading about it and think it's my problem.

    Happily married for 20+ years but over the last 2-3 years our sex life has dwindled to nothing. Initially it was just painful for me so it put me off but now penetrative sex is more or less impossible. OH bought me some love balls and I've only managed to get them in once, and that hurt, as did removing them, even with loads of lube. No problem having an orgasm through clitoral stimulation and my vibrator sees a lot of action when OH is at work (and I suspect he does his own thing too) but we never try anything together any more because it just doesn't work out. I've had a great sex life for about 30 years until this, so I think I can rule out being nervous of sex as a possible cause!

    Trying to pluck up the nerve to go to my doc about this now. Desperate to get our sex life back on track ..... any advice please?

    1467683382
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    I've delt with a similar issue. i've never had trouble inserting a tampon or menstrual cups of balls etc. but the first time I had sex really wasn't a great experience and many other ones after that weren't either (pretty much all non consentual). Because of that, sex always hurt. I never realised it was abnormal until I got with my current boyfriend. We tried to solve this by ourselves but the more we tried, the more I was getting away from sex because I wanted to avoid all the negative emotions that where associated with not enjoying it and feeling pain and my condition not going anywhere.

    I then decided it was time to see a sex therapist. This helped me to clear any mental issues that could've caused the unwanted contractions, and then the therapist sent me to a pysiotherapist specialised in perineal muscles. That is what really helped me the most. The physio stretched me and made me work out my pelvic muscles to get them healty, I also had excercises to do at home (which is responsible for most of the progress). Overall, it's about stretching your vagina, and toning it (because a muscle that is always contracted becomes weak). Dilators can be used for that too. I continued with therapy and here I am, I'm not totally healed as sometimes I still have to stretch out but I am not afraid of sex anymore and barely experience pain at all.

    In my case, my muscles were so used to being contracted that they just stayed like that. I think they did not contract that much more when penetration was attempted, but as they were always somehow contracted, it was just as painfull (and also contributed to the vagismus cycle with fear that causes contraction that causes pain that causes fear etc).

    Maybe you are experiencing the same thing as I did, or maybe you suffer from vaginismus, but in either cases, It seems that something has causes it. Can you recall an event or a change that occured before you started experiencing pain that could've been responsible for that?

    I would definitely go see a therapist about it (as well as a doctor, a doctor is always good). The mind plays a big part in vaginismus and you'll need to have some help sorting it out. Also those two profesionnals will know the right threatment. My advice would be don't try to solve this on your own, it'll only get worse.

    Also, when you say "OH bought me some love balls" are you talking about kegel balls? If you are, I really think you should stop using them as it can even worsen the situation, making your muscles even more tight!

    Let me know how this goes, I wish you the best of lucks, and know you are not alone. I've been through depression trying to get myself out of this. If you need any help, don't hesitate seeking for it, be it from a professional or from members here.

    1467734312
    BreastProudStacey [sign in to see picture]
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    Many years ago I had the condition. It is a psychological problem rather than a physical one. Having said that, it doesnt necessarily require either medical or psycologists help.My OH at the time researched some of the known cures and the answer for me lay in a specific kit made for vaginismus sufferers. I would imagine you can still buy them. The kit cam with a series of dilators all of increasing circumferences, all really smooth and starting off smaller than a little finger. Gradually worked my way up using lube and the graded dilators to the point that I completely overcame the problem. Once my mind knew it was safe to receive a digital penetration at a reasonable circumference I was pretty much able to enjoy sex as I pleased. The main thing is not to panic, know that its farily common and fairly easily overcome. Dont worry, it can certainly be beaten x I am proof x

    1467734577
    Vanilla_Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    These were highly reviewed by someone who suffered with it. http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35782 may be worth having a look at the reviews?

    1467734900
    BreastProudStacey [sign in to see picture]
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    Vanilla_Kink wrote:

    These were highly reviewed by someone who suffered with it. http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35782 may be worth having a look at the reviews?

    That looks very similar to the kit I used successfully. xx

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    I wouldn't say "it is fairly easy to overcome" as it sounds harsh to people for whom it was not easy.. I agree though that it is something that certqainly be beaten and that OP is not alone

    1467757991
    Sexy Minx 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the advice everyone, all very helpful. A lot of what I read online pointed to it being psychological but I have no idea as to the cause ... other than work related stress in a job I'm not doing any more. Something else I've just thought of ... I think it started fairly soon after I came off the pill and had a mirena coil fitted. Could they be related? Hope not because I kept forgetting to take the pill (it's an age thing) and not had a period since the coil was fitted, which is brilliant! I'm actually due to go to the Doc for a routine smear test ... that could be fun!

    1467760091
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    the minera could be the cause of the first pain experience (due to a disbalanced hormonal level causing dryness for example, or pain experienced with the speculum during the fitting itself, etc) and after that, it becomes the fear to feel pain again that makes the vagina contract itself, making it painful, increasing the fear, inscreasing the pain, etc. What dilator does in my opinion is it makes you used to having penetration without any pain. It bring up confidence. It stretches to a certain level but also eases the mind.

    1467848247
    Sexy Minx 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Today has been a bit of a revelation. I've never had a rabbit and wanted to try one so bought myself the Jessica Slimline. It arrived today and, assisted by a squirt of Enjoy lube, Jessica slipped in with no problems at all! My other vibrator still hurt (it's bigger) but rather than spend £55 on the dilator training set as suggested, I think I'll just see how I get on with my little ole bunny for a while first. Watch this space!

    1467876439
    Mrs Dynamite [sign in to see picture]
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    Sounds promising!

    I wanted to suggest that maybe you should incorporate your toys into your couples sex time? Sex doesn't always have to mean penis into vagina penetration after all.

    There's a good chance your husband would love to use your vibrator on you and bring you to climax. Then if you're willing and able, you could perhaps return the favour?

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