• Keeping things exciting

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    Vanilla_Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    I know this has probably been covered before so sorry about that but how do you keep sex exciting when you have been together years? We have been using toys and lingerie from the start so they don't make it extra exciting. I've tried roleplay but he doesn't like it. It just feels like things are very routine and samey at the moment and with my sex drive being lower I need something to spice things up.

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    Sex in different places in the house, sex outside, sex in semi public place with risk of being caught, bondage, pounce when totally unexpected, watch porn together and then reinact it ? Sorry if those are not great ideas but all I can think of at the mo xx

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    wildflower [sign in to see picture]
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    I know only only too what you mean having myself been married for 30 years !

    I'd agree with Terri .....sex outdoors feels exciting and naughty and something as simple as adding a blindfold during sex can turn it into a whole new experience.

    Maybe reading each other some erotic stories ? We haven't done this yet but it's an idea that I like the sound of x

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    Vanilla_Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you both :) we have the first childless evening for what feels like forever tonight. We are going for cocktails and a walk along the beach. I think I will pull him to one side if I spot somewhere discreet.
    Also love the idea of re enacting porn, had never thought of that before! X

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    wildflower [sign in to see picture]
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    Well that sounds like a lovely evening ! Hope you enjoy x

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    Vanilla_Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    Had an amazing night! Just what was needed to make things exciting again. Also mentioned the re enacting porn idea and he loves it too :)

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    luvved up cupple [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi, apologies for a, being late to the post & b, the length of it but...

    A few months ago we were in a similar position, everything very regimental as pick up kid's, make tea/lunches for next day, bath kids, put kids to bed, have our own tea, oh look it's 8:30, what shall we do? Film/catch up TV, early night, wake, shave, work, repeat..

    The few times we did have sex was very samey, very one sided and for me (Mr in this case) not much fun. My wife - by her own admission - is (was?) very selfish in bed & this came to ahead in early April when my requests were rejected closely followed by requests of her own. A sleepless night later and epic 8 page letter written at work explaining what was going on in my head addressed some issues and as a result things are much better all round and still improving.

    It was our wedding anniversary a couple weeks ago and some friends of ours got us Monogamy and, even though we've been together 18 years (married 14) it was a fun game to play together. In fact we've had 2 or 3 games in the last couple weeks. Yes some cards are more aimed to at people in newer or younger relationships than ours but with plenty of cards it's easy enough to swap in and out if needs be, we're giving it another go hopefully next week before we get it reviewed.

    Early signs are good and, for the price of a dildo / outfit / offer lingerie you could get what seems to be 2+ hours of hot foreplay that'll be different each time.

    Hope this helps.

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    Mr-Mrs-Sexy [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi I'm not going to add much but a HUGE +1 for monogamy board game, also terii's reply nailed it as well. Glad you had a great night!!

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    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Sounds like you had a great night Vanilla_Kink:)


    Glad to read that things have improved for you too luvved up cupple.
    It's very easy when you have kids and life gets so busy to get a bit stuck in a rut.
    We went through the same and it was a letter from me and a good talk that started to put it right again.
    It sounds like you are now much happier and back on track again :)

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    luvved up cupple [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Lmh_95 sometimes you just need to stop, take stock of a situation before you get to far into or away from something, and yes things are going great at the moment and hopefully long term. Glad you guys and VK are all doing good too.

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    bagpuss356 [sign in to see picture]
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    After 10 years together we had similar problems. This forum has helped matters no end and sex is now back on the agenda!

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    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    luvved up cupple wrote:

    Thanks Lmh_95 sometimes you just need to stop, take stock of a situation before you get to far into or away from something, and yes things are going great at the moment and hopefully long term. Glad you guys and VK are all doing good too.

    Yep that letter and talk certainly set the ball in motion for us and after a back to basics approach we found that rather than us continuing to drift even further apart as we had been doing, we reconnected and remembered why we fell in love with each other in the first place. Which then led to us discovering Lovehoney, reading tips and advice on the forum and trying new things. I'm so glad that I found this wonderful community! To be totally honest I would say that 22 years after we first got together that we now have a better sexlife than we've ever had:)
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    Vanilla_Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you everyone :) the monogamy game has been on my wish list forever so maybe it's time I put it into my basket :) I'm glad I'm not the only one who has felt this way as was worried it was a bad sign for our relationship. I think after reading your responses I probably got lazy and stopped putting as much effort into making it exciting. I love the idea of writing a letter too, even if I don't give it to him. Would be good to have a proper think about how I'm feeling and then work out how to improve things from there x

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