• how do I do it better

    Nefertiti13 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 23 May 2016

    I posted a post in regards to first time bondage and got some great advice so I'm trying again. I had my first experience last night with my friend he wanted me to spank him I did, and he seemed to enjoy it and afterwards we were sat chatting and he said " I don't mean to complain but that wasn't a real spanking don't worry about hurting me" what did I do wrong he wants to do it again but now I'm even more self conscious as im not sure what to do to make it more enjoyable for him.

    kayliixx [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 307
    • Joined: 8 Apr 2014

    Maybe he felt you were holding back with force...speak to him explain your self conscious and maybe see if he can help you with what he would like. If you don't feel comfortable see about maybe using a toy with spanking and build it up....not really sure but ensure you are comfy with what you do so enjoyable for both sides xx

    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 16291
    • Joined: 20 Aug 2014

    Firstly Hi and welcome to the forums xx

    If not you've not spanked someone before it's a difficult thing to get the hang of. I love (and need) a good spanking frequently but it has to leave a bum that's red, sore and stinging for a few days, welts and bruises. I'm guessing that's the kind of thing he wants. Have a chat with him...outside of the bedroom. Explain that you're not sure how hard to spank him as I feel that you are a little hesitant which is completely natural and understandable.

    Spanking is a 2 way thing. You BOTH have to be happy with the intensity of it. Make sure you have a safeword in place. It should increase your confidence if you know he has a word to stop you if it gets too much. And don't ever feel bad if he has to use it.....that's what it's there for x

    Stuburns [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2038
    • Joined: 23 Nov 2011

    I'm guessing you have a SAFE word to use when it gets too much. If so spank away. If it's to hard the safe word will let you know👍🏼

    Gem276 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 621
    • Joined: 11 Dec 2014

    Hello and welcome !

    Definitely find a safe word so you both know when or if he's reached his limit although by the sound of it you may struggle to reach a point where he'd have to stop you until you're really confident as to how you both like it!

    It sounds like he just wants more and a lot harder, if you struggle to reach the strength that he is after then you could always buy a paddle or crop to surprise him xx

    Twilightgirl123 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 229
    • Joined: 8 Oct 2013

    Talk to him. Communication is key and if you're feeling unsure of yourself then you have to explain that to him. It's understandable that you were a bit reserved when spanking him, I've always been the same with my partner because I was afraid of hurting him. Just take things a bit at a time and if you're both down with it maybe invest in some toys to give a more sharp sensation (paddles and floggers etc).

    One thing I would say is always have a safe word regardless. If something is too much it's important to have a clear and recognisable word or gesture that means it's too much and I need a break. I personally have both a gesture and word safe word. I raise three fingers as a physical safe word or I say 'Impala' (we're both Supernatural fans). Something memorable is important :)

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