• Help with a new partner

    Mrs-pip [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi all

    I've just started seeing someone new and needing some tips. Before this man I'd been in a long term relationship. Sex was good but I guess after a while you just know exactly what works for your partner.

    Things are going well sex wise for us. All very heated and passionate. Problem is oral for him.

    I've tried 3 times and it's never ended in oral. All seems to start off well but can't seem to finish so we switch to penetrative.

    I know he's not been with someone for years and believe he mastrubated every day (maybe still does) but I thought it would be easy.

    I don't know if I'm just getting bored. He seems to take a while to cum. I've tried him standing and I'm on my knees. After a while I have to move as his legs are a. little long. I've tried him sitting, and him lying on the bed.

    I've tried a lot of licking, firm sucking and more gentle but still nothing.

    Any tips? He's great at oral so want to try and repay the favour.

    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    Did you ask him how he likes it?

    Does he take as long to cum with other sexual acts?

    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Mrs-pip, It's really great that you've found a new partner and things are going so incredibly well in the bedroom passionate and explosive. I think it's really lovely that you're so eager to master oral on him to return the favour. Sounds to me like you're going about it the right way in all honesty. I'm no oral expert as I'm only experienced with my oh at it and every guys different. The only thing that comes to mind is working him up to the point he's gagging for it before you start, as the more excited the quicker he'll come. It could be that because he takes awhile to come you're giving up prematurely, and if you become bored and continue I guarantee he'll feel it. Me and oh have this saying 'if we can't give 100% then its not worth it as you need to be fully committed. Saying that, we have gone back on it and it's been mindblowing. Other than that I've heard guys say they can't come through oral. When I met oh he always told me that it's really difficult for him to come that way. Luckily he's sucessful 90% of the time but we have been together 11 years. When I first tried it makes me cringe totally I had no idea what I was doing and practically are him alive 🙈 but he told me he's liked etc. It would be worth talking with your partner and finding out how he likes it. Communication is the key to success with all relationships so I'd definitely go down that route. Your oh will be happy that you're so interested in making him come that way.
    As I said I'm no where near an expert, but hope I've helped even a small not hunni 💟xx

    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
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    Personally I would ask him. My husband takes forever to cum during oral but 17 seconds during full blown penetration. He enjoys oral so much he tries so hard not to relax so it lasts. We recently bought cupcake flavour lube, no more lock jaw or boredom as the stuff is just so bleedin' delicious!

    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    asking is a good thing to do, particularly as moans of appreciation are sexy
    using your hands is also a good move,particularly if they are lubed up.
    a low speed vibe on the shaft can also feel quite pleasant for some men too.
    you could also make an occasion out of it, what is the hurry if it is an enjoyable thing for both of you?

    mf77 [sign in to see picture]
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    Guess what not every guy likes it that much. Its certainly something I can take or leave. Maybe it's not what floats his boat?

    Throbinhood [sign in to see picture]
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    Try watching some porn together or maybe try something different like putting a well lubed finger up his bum, Im sure that would help!

    luvved up cupple [sign in to see picture]
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    My wife often uses mouth wash just before she ventures south. Feels amazing and I tend to cum faster.

    Could be worth a try?

    Red Lightning [sign in to see picture]
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    I quite frequently last a long time during sex with my partner and I have never reached an orgasm though oral. There have been several occasions where I have not been able to reach an orgasm at all, no matter what we do. It doesn't mean I'm not enjoying, I'd rather have great sex for an hour and not cum, than last for 30 seconds. I'm really driven by how much my partner is enjoying it, so if she's loving it and cumming again and again then I'll reach an orgasm much faster. If I think she's getting bored though then it's a massive turn off.

    We personally like to use oral as a warm up before having sex, and if she's cums as a result then it's just an added bonus.

    The closest I've ever come to having a orgasm through oral was when we were doing 69. Being able to pleasure my girlfriend while she's giving me oral makes it much more enjoyable for me.

    I think one of the most important things to remember though is to be very careful with your teeth. My partner will occasionally catch me with her teeth without realising it and it hurts, and it's not a kinky kind of pain. I've only ever been with one woman who was really good at oral, so there is a technique that needs to be mastered.

    If I was you I wouldn't get too hung up over it. Talk to him and find out what he prefers. It might be that he isn't much of a fan of receiving oral. It took 2 years for my partner to start enjoying it.

    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I think this book will help as it will give you lots of advice and ideas and its avaialble form Lovehoney

    "Oral Sex He'll Never Forget " By Sonia Borg

    This is a real quality book with top reviews . Its also full of pictures and ideas for scenarioes,semi roleplay situations, as well as new tricks to try.

    As an added bonus it contains in the Appendices a sex survy that you can do on each other for setting boudaries and new things to explore .

    I can't recommend this book enough.

    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
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    There are loads of people (male and female) who simply cannot orgasm from oral sex, or who take a very long time. Oral sex is only an easy orgasm for some people, and lack or orgasm from oral has nothing to do with his masturbation habits, his not being with anyone for a while or your technique.

    One thing you could try is taking the focus off him by engaging in a 69 together. A lot of people feel pressured and struggle to orgasm when the focus is all on them, by having both of you recieve oral at the same time he may be able to take his mind off that pressure and let go. Don't go into this expecting him to orgasm though, or he really is going to start feeling pressured. It's okay not to orgasm through oral sex and is only a problem if you make it one, so long as he's not having trouble orgasming with other activities there's nothing wrong with him.

    I'd stop over thinking it and accept that for this guy right now, oral is clearly either a foreplay only activity or a prolonged activity, only to be undertaken when you're not going to get bored part way through (which will show and will make him take even longer as he'll be worrying!). Maybe that will change in time. There's no need to 'repay the favour' by matching sex acts one for one though, as long as you both are being satisfied it's all good :)

    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
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    My bf was single for many years and he can very easily get himself off. In some respects he's Conditioned himself to efficient masturbating and does so several times a day.
    When we first got together he did state very clearly to me that I probably wouldn't be able to get him off either orally or by hand due to this. I can now but it's taken time and I'm not always successful either but I'm no longer disheartened by this.
    He's turning 50 next month and knows himself very well and in all fairness hasn't really had many partners that he enjoyed oral with either.

    We did however talk about it alot. So I had no misconceptions. I knew that it was possible for it to take time. Clear his head space and get used to being physical with another person again.

    kayliixx [sign in to see picture]
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    My partner had been in long term relationship before me where he never really got much due to kids etc and so was used to self pleasure. When we got together he found it really hard to get off at all with me and often had to finish himself off. I found this really hard and even seen myself in tears after sex a couple times.

    Lots of reassurance from him helped us both and he told me what he liked so would defo advise talking it through.

    I still can't get him off with oral but that doesn't matter we use it as foreplay instead and not an act to orgasm for him.

    Just talk and work out what is best for you both xx

    NiceGuyNorthEast [sign in to see picture]
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    Communication is the key here, will give another males prospective.

    I am fully on the side of I can happily leave oral sex out of foreplay, well recieving. I love to give oral sex, but just cannot switch off with BJ's. I find it very not stressful but just like you have to perform and I always get very sensitive down there.

    I would much rather please a woman orally to the point of orgasm then switch to sex so we both orgasm at or around the same time.

    Everyone has thier own way of maximising pleasure, so just ask.

    Mrs-pip [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 18 Jun 2014

    I have an update. Will post soon. Thanks everyone.

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