• Passion Gone?

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    Twilightgirl123 [sign in to see picture]
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    Myself and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 5 months and we're both extremely open minded sexually and have always liked to tried new things. We've never really had a problem up until recently.

    It just seems like the passion is gone. When we have sex it's as if he's on auto pilot and is just doing it to achieve orgasm. It's just really repetitive and its as if he isn't attracted to me anymore. Almost like he doesn't even enjoy it. This has obviously really upset me and I have spoken to him about it and he reassures me that he's very much attracted to me. I don't think he is and no matter what I try, he never bothers with the sweeping off feet and crazy wildness anymore.

    It's really getting me down and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

    Thanks in advance guys :)

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    pusseypleaser [sign in to see picture]
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    Why do you think he is on auto pilot?

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    You don't really give alot to go on for such a difficult problem, there is a real risk that any advice may be off the mark. But it doesn't sound to me like he has reassured you. You said it: it feels like he is just after going for orgasm, I assume here you mean just his own orgasm.

    I'm sorry to say this but if the guy is just getting his rocks off untill someone else takes his fancy, and he gets her, there are plenty of guys that will make the right noises to keep his this thing going.

    Only change is a real answer, to a question he isn't really answering.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Twilightgirl123 wrote:

    Myself and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 5 months and we're both extremely open minded sexually and have always liked to tried new things. We've never really had a problem up until recently.

    It just seems like the passion is gone. When we have sex it's as if he's on auto pilot and is just doing it to achieve orgasm. It's just really repetitive and its as if he isn't attracted to me anymore. Almost like he doesn't even enjoy it. This has obviously really upset me and I have spoken to him about it and he reassures me that he's very much attracted to me. I don't think he is and no matter what I try, he never bothers with the sweeping off feet and crazy wildness anymore.

    It's really getting me down and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

    Thanks in advance guys :)

    This is a problem I would normally associate with a married couple with kids and is normally relativley straight forward to put right as one can clearly see the cause,

    However in your case its not so straight forward as the cause isn't given or perhaps known .It sounds to me he is possably taking you for granted and just going through the physical motions of sex , which isn't good being blunt. Is he spending too much time with his mates ? watching too much porn? Seeing someone else ?Spending all his time on his hobby ? Time in the Gym ?Work commitments ? There could be many factors .

    I think you really nead to have a clear the air chat with him to see how he wants this relationship progressing as it clearly isn't at the moment and tell him that your not too happy about how things are.

    Once you have had this chat then come back to us and we can then offer further guidance based on the outcome .

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Question: what do you do during sex? How do you try and sweep him off his feet?

    I don't know how old you are, but often with young girls they seen things on twitter and fb of lads buying their girlfriends makeup and flowers and being soppy in text and bringing food in the middle of the night when you ask. But the fact of the matter is: it's all crap. You can't expect a lad to constantly be trying to sweep you off your feet. A relationship is about being a team and you doing as much for him as you want for him.
    Also lasses expect to just lay there and have a man rock your world, but it's hard for him to get into it if you're just laid there like a sack of spuds.
    Obviously we don't know enough info about why he is feeling like not making as much effort as the start, but it's probable that he feels the same as you.
    You might find if you start spoiling him then he'll start spoiling you.
    So start taking the lead, get on top, give him oral for no reason and make it amazing. Treat him to a meal at his favourite restaurant. Take him on a mini break. Do the tacky twitter stuff and get him a video game, some beers and a takeaway for a lads night in (this also gets you in good with his friends).
    Me and OH both have a motto of just throwing your all into a relationship and if the other doesn't do the same then don't waste your time. If you give him your all and he just takes it without giving back he's not worth the hassle, but if you're not putting in your all and he's not either then it's down to you both to give your relationship a shake.

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    Twilightgirl123 [sign in to see picture]
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    Okay I'll clear some things up.

    I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 20

    Our relationship is very happy normally. We've both admitted that although it is very soon and were very young, we are very much in love and plan to be together forever (gross haha). We've discussed marriage and kids and were both very happy with someday having both. Our relationship is very trusting. I would never cheat on him and vice versa.

    I always make an effort with him during foreplay and sex and in our relationship in general. I'm not a very demanding person at all and I don't expect him to pay for everything and bring me presents or anything like that. I don't expect material things from him. All I expect is him. I love him for him.

    I give him oral just for him and don't expect anything in return because I like to make him feel good. I do all the work during sex sometimes (I'll be on top etc). I put on sexy outfits and lingerie a lot because I want to excite him. I treat him both in the bedroom and out of it. I get him little gifts because I see things and think 'Oh he'll love that!'. If he's unwell I look after him. I put my all into the relationship because I want him to be happy.

    In the beginning he seemed to enjoy sex more and it was like he wanted to have sex with me because he wanted me. It's almost as if he does take me for granted now. It's as if he doesn't want me, he just does it for the sake of it because he knows the option is there (hope this makes sense).

    Thanks for all the advice so far! :)

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    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi there. Maybe take the emphasis off the sex and try to bring the spark back with a bit of romance.

    Go back to basics with kissing, cuddles, flirting and a good old snog that doesn't have to lead to sex but leaves you with butterflies. Massaging each other or having a candlelit soak in a big bubble bath is lovely too.

    Go for long walks hand in hand, bring a picnic, watch the sunset, enjoy just being together lying side by side listening to each others heartbeat at home.

    Sometimes sex is better the less complicated it is so you don't always need to dress up and go all out. Just relax and enjoy the sensations and the wonderful feeling of being together.


    Hope this helps :)

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    lovingnewtoys [sign in to see picture]
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    Dare I say perhaps you are doing TOO much for him both in and out of the bedroom!

    You are doing all the work, your words, so he probably feels he doesn't actually need to make any effort. Perhaps you could take a step back and see if this encourages him into some action. You are both so young and probably still discovering yourselves, and eachother, but this needs to be done together, not so one sided.

    Let him spoil you if he wants, and let him initiate sex and put some effort in, it is a two way street, all I hear from you is you like to please him, you like to treat him etc etc and expect nothing in return, this does not sound like an equal relationship to me.

    Basically, make him work a bit for it - obviously this is just my opinion, you know your relationship better than anyone.

    Good luck xx

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    Twilightgirl123 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for all the advice everyone.

    I'm going to talk to him and maybe ask if we can take a step back from sex. I'll try and encourage him to put an emphasis on mutual pleasure :)

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    lovingnewtoys [sign in to see picture]
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    Twilightgirl123 wrote:

    Thanks for all the advice everyone.

    I'm going to talk to him and maybe ask if we can take a step back from sex. I'll try and encourage him to put an emphasis on mutual pleasure :)

    Can I also just say I have noticed you have been giving some good advice to other members on other threads - maybe time to implement some of it in your own relationship, you never know it could just work xx

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    Sxleksaker [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with that you are probably doing too much for him. If you do everything you can for him and don't expect anything back, he's gonna get spoiled and take you for granted and that's gonna cause you even more pain in the end.

    I think LNT got a point, let him take the initiative and let him spoil you a bit too. :)

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