• If you have ever had a cold sore, do you tell your partners?

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    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Leading on from this thread: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/1454674-am-i-being-oversensitive-a-prude-being/

    The general consensus is that people would expect a partner, whether casual or committed, to tell them if they knew they had herpes or another transmissible infection.

    So my questions are:

    If you have ever had a cold sore, do you tell your partners? If so, when do you tell them?

    If you don't tell them, do you expect people with genital herpes to tell you? If yes, why the double standard?

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    MK7 [sign in to see picture]
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    I've never had them so I'd want my partner to tell me so i don't get coldsores myself. Don't want to start.

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    Sxleksaker [sign in to see picture]
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    I haven't had either, but personally I would like people to tell me about it. To have herpes genitally can cause problems if they erupt during pregnancy around the time of giving birth. It could infect the newborn child and it may have horrible consequences. So I'd really appreciate if the person told me first.

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    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
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    Honesty is the best policy and if you could be putting someone else's health at any level of detriment then you owe it to them to be upfront about it.

    If they're genuine, and you are with them, then it can be resolved or worked around.

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    Northseaguy [sign in to see picture]
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    My other half suffers with facial ones occasionally but when she does we don't kiss or let her give oral sex. I fortunate have never suffers so she still gets pleasured orally but she had then since she was a teen and we were at school together so I've always known. I guess if I didn't know id want her to tell me. Just take precautions when you have an outbreak.

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    I've never had them, but I'd be upfront about it if I did. I'd expect the same from my partner. I would tell them before any intimacy accured.

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    Quiet ones are worse! [sign in to see picture]
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    My wife gets them on her mouth every now and again, but you can easily see them, I've never had one as far as I know.

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    sugarboobies2232 [sign in to see picture]
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    I've never had one, and neither has my partner. If I did have them, I would expect my future partners to tell me if they had them.

    I knew of someone who actually caught gential herpes during with her partner. It was her first time and he wasn't honest with her. It was horrific for her.

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    I've never had any but if I did I would definitely tell a partner x

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    myghost [sign in to see picture]
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    I do get the odd coldsore around my mouth i would make a partner aware as they could get them too i'd also like to know if they get them of have had any sort of transmittable disease that's the last thing i'd want me or a anyone else to get

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    Sex Squid [sign in to see picture]
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    I've never had a cold sore myself, but if I was to meet someone in a bar (assuming I'm single) I wouldn't expect them to tell me before kissing me if they didn't have any flared up at the time, no.

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    I've never had one, nor has OH, we both checked about all things like that before having sex. I would expect someone to tell me they had anything that I could catch wether it be sexually transmitted or not. You wouldn't like someone sending their kid to play with yours without telling yo they had had chicken pox last week or had been in contact with a kid with chicken pox.

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    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Young and fun95 wrote:

    I've never had one, nor has OH, we both checked about all things like that before having sex. I would expect someone to tell me they had anything that I could catch wether it be sexually transmitted or not. You wouldn't like someone sending their kid to play with yours without telling yo they had had chicken pox last week or had been in contact with a kid with chicken pox.

    If you are in the UK, you almost certainly haven't been checked for herpes unless you paid for the test. They do not routinely test for herpes, they only do swabs of actual sores. If you have never had a sore and haven't paid for a test, you have never had a herpes test. You could be asymptomatic carriers of either type (or both) or you could not have herpes. There is no way of knowing.

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    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    When I say checked I mean checked with each other. Not with a doctor. Sorry I didn't phrase it well. Neither have ever had a sore or kissed anyone with a sore. Never had one night stands, only relationships so we'd expect to know if they had cold sores. I

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    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry for misunderstanding and glad to hear you had a conversation about sexual health before having sex 😊 You can carry HSV 1 from childhood though (you won't necessarily have had symptoms and if you did, it may have been when you were too young to remember), and you can contract it in adulthood but not show any symptoms so if one of you was to ever contract HSV 1, it doesn't necessarily mean anyone has cheated. Most people just don't know they have it as they are asymptomatic.

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    Yes man [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH suffers from coldsores and as soon as she feels a tingle she puts a total ban on sexual activities! I thought she was being a bit drastic but I accepted her reasons why. But just to prove her point a friend of ours got with a new fella who was her 2nd sexual partner, he went down on her whilst he had a large coldsore on his lips and within days she contracted vaginal herpes really bad! She now has regular outbreaks and at the age of 40 she had just found she had a large sexual appetite but instead its ruined her sex life. So word to the wise as soon as you feel a tingle stop everything, its just not worth risking it!

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    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    ^Oral HSV 1 sheds asymptomatically 9-18% of the time (compared to genital HSV 1 which is 3-5% of the time) so it's not just when there is a tingle that there is a risk https://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf

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    Yes man [sign in to see picture]
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    Friday13 wrote:

    ^Oral HSV 1 sheds asymptomatically 9-18% of the time (compared to genital HSV 1 which is 3-5% of the time) so it's not just when there is a tingle that there is a risk https://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf

    F Yes, I know this, but unfortunately the first you know of a coldsore is the tingle, so it might be a bit late but it's still better to be safe than sorry.
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    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    ^If your OH gets them fairly regularly she could take a low dose of antiviral medication as suppressive therapy which would reduce outbreaks and transmission rates. It's probably not worth doing if she only gets one a year but if they are regular or they really bother her, it might be worth considering. Obviously topical antivirals for episodic treatment is the standard but there are other options if you want to reduce your risk and she want to reduce her outbreaks.

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    Yes man [sign in to see picture]
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    Friday13 wrote:

    ^If your OH gets them fairly regularly she could take a low dose of antiviral medication as suppressive therapy which would reduce outbreaks and transmission rates. It's probably not worth doing if she only gets one a year but if they are regular or they really bother her, it might be worth considering. Obviously topical antivirals for episodic treatment is the standard but there are other options if you want to reduce your risk and she want to reduce her outbreaks.

    Never said she got them regularly just she suffers from them and when she does we're extra careful! Just trying to point out what can happen if you don't take coldsores seriously with our friends experience!

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