• Am I Being Oversensitive/A Prude Being Incensed By This?

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    KittenFeatures [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes but the best thing you can do if you DO know you have herpes is to tell the other person. Most parents wouldn't send a child to school with chicken pox (another form of herpes) because ythey know other people can catch it, so why would someone knowingly have sex with someone and not tell them when they know the person can catch it and they are blissfully unaware? I'd be more inclined to tell casual partners because they're the ones that are going to find out later and are going to have to deal with it alone all because you both wanted one night of fun. They're the worse hit in the sense that at least if it's with a partner you can reassure them and let them know it's not so bad, and make them aware of the risk.

    If you have the upper hand and do know, I 100% do believe you should share it with your partner so they they then know the risk. If they don't know the risks - you say they've stopped funding, and they don't teach it in sex ed that much, why would people be looking something up when they aren't even aware it's a risk? They don't even know the risk exists, it wouldn't even cross their mind to look it up. Most STI's are curable so people worry less about them, I suppose, Herpes is a little different in that once you have it, you have it. I think it's a trust issue if you don't tell them. Hell, I had a hard time trying to find a partner simply because I had a child and I told every other person that shows interest so that they knew what they were getting themselves into. It's just courteous to tell a partner of the risks that you know of.

    1463936331
    popk1n [sign in to see picture]
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    I do not disagree with any of the medical claims above.

    My issue was in my original post that I find it immoral to not tell if you know... basic respect between sexual partners.

    This thread turned out rather more educational than I thought it would! :)

    1463936368
    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    sugarboobies2232 wrote:

    I would still however expect honesty. It is truly awful to disover you have been given an STI or other illness that they were aware they had, but chose not to tell you. (First hand experience).

    I think you hit the nail on the head. It's the lack of honesty rather than the infection that would bother me BUT I can understand why it would be hard to disclose when there is so much stigma. I'm pretty sexually confident and not at all ashamed of having herpes, but someone who was less confident would probably find it harder to disclose.

    On a one night stand or with a very casual partner I expect a certain amount of deceit. They say they are single or going to break up with their partner? I've discovered that isn't always that true. They say they always use condoms? But they are willing to not use them with you... They claim to be a certain age, but then you find out they lied. People lie, cheat and are just in the dark. I'm not trusting someone else, especially someone I barely know, with my health.

    1463936881
    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    popk1n wrote:

    My issue was in my original post that I find it immoral to not tell if you know... basic respect between sexual partners.

    I think I have less faith in humanity than you. I expect people to be immoral and am happy when the odd person proves me wrong.

    1463936983
    popk1n [sign in to see picture]
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    Friday13 wrote:

    sugarboobies2232 wrote:

    I would still however expect honesty. It is truly awful to disover you have been given an STI or other illness that they were aware they had, but chose not to tell you. (First hand experience).

    I think you hit the nail on the head. It's the lack of honesty rather than the infection that would bother me BUT I can understand why it would be hard to disclose when there is so much stigma. I'm pretty sexually confident and not at all ashamed of having herpes, but someone who was less confident would probably find it harder to disclose.

    On a one night stand or with a very casual partner I expect a certain amount of deceit. They say they are single or going to break up with their partner? I've discovered that isn't always that true. They say they always use condoms? But they are willing to not use them with you... They claim to be a certain age, but then you find out they lied. People lie, cheat and are just in the dark. I'm not trusting someone else, especially someone I barely know, with my health.

    Agree with the first paragraph :) Also agree with the second tbf, but for the reasons you listed that is why I am unlikely to have anything ever more casual than an agreed friends with bens with someone I know. And I will always use condoms until the day I decide I want to get pregnant. So I agree... but Im unlikely to be in that position. I dont trust easily, for those very reasons above.
    1463936984
    popk1n [sign in to see picture]
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    Friday13 wrote:

    sugarboobies2232 wrote:

    I would still however expect honesty. It is truly awful to disover you have been given an STI or other illness that they were aware they had, but chose not to tell you. (First hand experience).

    I think you hit the nail on the head. It's the lack of honesty rather than the infection that would bother me BUT I can understand why it would be hard to disclose when there is so much stigma. I'm pretty sexually confident and not at all ashamed of having herpes, but someone who was less confident would probably find it harder to disclose.

    On a one night stand or with a very casual partner I expect a certain amount of deceit. They say they are single or going to break up with their partner? I've discovered that isn't always that true. They say they always use condoms? But they are willing to not use them with you... They claim to be a certain age, but then you find out they lied. People lie, cheat and are just in the dark. I'm not trusting someone else, especially someone I barely know, with my health.

    Agree with the first paragraph :) Also agree with the second tbf, but for the reasons you listed that is why I am unlikely to have anything ever more casual than an agreed friends with bens with someone I know. And I will always use condoms until the day I decide I want to get pregnant. So I agree... but Im unlikely to be in that position. I dont trust easily, for those very reasons above.
    1463937126
    popk1n [sign in to see picture]
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    Friday13 wrote:

    popk1n wrote:

    My issue was in my original post that I find it immoral to not tell if you know... basic respect between sexual partners.

    I think I have less faith in humanity than you. I expect people to be immoral and am happy when the odd person proves me wrong.

    I know humanity is dodgy. But thats why I feel no inclination to engage in sexual activity of a nature so casual I barely know the person. I would have to trust them as a person before engaging sexually I think. If I dont trust tbem im general, Im not trusting them with my body :/
    1463937707
    KittenFeatures [sign in to see picture]
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    popk1n wrote:

    Friday13 wrote:

    popk1n wrote:

    My issue was in my original post that I find it immoral to not tell if you know... basic respect between sexual partners.

    I think I have less faith in humanity than you. I expect people to be immoral and am happy when the odd person proves me wrong.

    I know humanity is dodgy. But thats why I feel no inclination to engage in sexual activity of a nature so casual I barely know the person. I would have to trust them as a person before engaging sexually I think. If I dont trust tbem im general, Im not trusting them with my body :/

    +1 to this. I will not trust anyone until I really feel I know them. I've had one one night stand in the past and absolutely hated it and have never gone back since. Trust is a massive thing for me and I do take responsibility for what happens to me when I engage in intimate activities with another person. There's only so safe you can be though and if someone decides it's not their responsibility to tell someone else they have an STI and the other person catches it, how much would you argue that the person who didn't know is responsible? It's a bit of a grey area because although they did choose to carry on, they didn't know there was a risk and the other person, although they did know there was a risk, decided not to tell them becuse it's just casual?

    It's an interesting debate. I personally love a good debate about humans. Psychology and everything is so interesting.

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    Sex Squid [sign in to see picture]
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    KittenFeatures wrote:

    ...a bit of a grey area because although they did choose to carry on, they didn't know there was a risk and the other person, although they did know there was a risk, decided not to tell them becuse it's just casual?.

    This is the bit I disagree with. "they didn't know there was a risk". Sorry but we are all adults and every time you engage in unprotected sex with a new partner you KNOW there is a risk. Not knowing if someone has an STI is not the same as not knowing you're taking a risk.
    1463940078
    KittenFeatures [sign in to see picture]
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    Sex Squid wrote:

    KittenFeatures wrote:

    ...a bit of a grey area because although they did choose to carry on, they didn't know there was a risk and the other person, although they did know there was a risk, decided not to tell them becuse it's just casual?.

    This is the bit I disagree with. "they didn't know there was a risk". Sorry but we are all adults and every time you engage in unprotected sex with a new partner you KNOW there is a risk. Not knowing if someone has an STI is not the same as not knowing you're taking a risk.

    True but you can get STI's through protected sex as well. And I have found that there are a fair amount of adults in the world that really do not know the risks. I do think it is immoral to keep having an STI from someone that you're going to have sex with, especially unprotected. I would never have unprotected sex with someone I was not planning to have regular sex with.

    It was a genuine question, it wasn't a statement, there's no reason to say sorry. I don't believe myself that someone else is solely responsible for looking out for you. This day and age people love to blame other people for their problems. But both of you are equally responsible in this situation. Overall, the from what I've seen, the opinion from the initial blogger was 'if other people won't tell others that they have an STI, why should I?' which unfortunately is a common mindset these days and only adds to the issue.

    My actual opinion is if you have an STI you should tell your partner, whether its casual or not. Why? Because they have as much right to know as you have to hide it.

    1463940251
    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Sex Squid wrote:

    KittenFeatures wrote:

    ...a bit of a grey area because although they did choose to carry on, they didn't know there was a risk and the other person, although they did know there was a risk, decided not to tell them becuse it's just casual?.

    This is the bit I disagree with. "they didn't know there was a risk". Sorry but we are all adults and every time you engage in unprotected sex with a new partner you KNOW there is a risk. Not knowing if someone has an STI is not the same as not knowing you're taking a risk.

    +1 But I'd go one further. Everytime you have sex with any partner, you know there is a risk, however small. There are things that get passed on despite using barrier contraception, if you stop using barrier methods because you are in committed relationship there are things that can't be/aren't tested for and have no symptoms, if you are in a committed relationship there is no guarantee your partner is faithful... All we can do is try minimise the risks.

    I'm still on the side of telling, but I work under the assumption my partners at least have HPV and could well have other things they either aren't telling me or don't know about. 

    1463941955
    Jennylafay [sign in to see picture]
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    @ friday13

    I would be more than happy to pay if my health is involved!

    1463942659
    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Jennylafay wrote:

    @ friday13

    I would be more than happy to pay if my health is involved!

    If you are interested in having a HSV antibody test just search 'private HSV blood test uk' or 'private HSV blood test *your area*'. There are some home testing kits too.

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