• Help - Do i confront my lying partner

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    Kentchris1980 [sign in to see picture]
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    Afternoon All,

    I've been seeing my other half for about 2 months now and normally at wkends. Today we couldnt meet up as she was meant to be out with her daugher at a friends birthday but i now know this isnt true as i was on her emails as she asked me to see if an order had been dispatch for some clothes and on there was an email from just eat for some pizza to her ex boyfriends address.

    do i confront her or forward the email onto my email and then confront her and say whats going on?

    any advice would be great.

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    luvved up cupple [sign in to see picture]
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    Order the exact same pizza next time you're together as a surprise treat, see if she reacts.

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    KittenFeatures [sign in to see picture]
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    She's lying to you already after 2 months? Trust and communication are a massive part of a relationship, they are fundamental. If she gave you permission to look at her email account then I'd confront her about it outright. Not angrily, I would just ask as if I were curious.

    When I started my relationship with my boyfriend I told him I was planning on seeing my ex again (we were on good terms after the relationship ended and we wanted a catch up) and he was fine with it because he knew that I wasn't going to do anything and that my ex was a very mature responsible man who respected my boundaries and was well aware the relationship was over. You need to know whats going on with her and where she's running off to otherwise it's only going to carry on and she will think she can get away with it the longer she does.

    Confront her as soon as possible but make sure to be sensitive about it as you still don't know the who, what, when, where and whys of the situation. She could have a number of reasons for it. Let her know how it makes you feel that she's lying already. I feel there's no other way but to address the situation head on because of how early it is in the relationship.

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    honeybun91 [sign in to see picture]
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    I would message her and say how was the birthday and when she lies say. Did you have pizza there before the email came though about it... See her reaction face to face

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    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
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    I would speak calmly to her about it. She's either very stupid or not lying if she actively asked you to log into her email knowing it would catch her out.

    Just Eat more often than not saves your log in details on whatever device you use it on so it is entirely possible her ex still had the log in details and just helped himself to a free pizza. She may not have been there at all, and if she was she may not have had any bad intentions in going to see him; birthday parties don't last all day, she could have popped over for an innocent visit before/after and possibly even with her daughter. Is the ex related to the daughter, even in a step parental role? The child may still enjoy seeing the guy. There's no rule saying you can't go for pizza with an ex without it making you a cheat or a liar in any case, assuming it's fair to class her a liar at all at this point as all she said was that she was going to a party, she didn't say 'Im not going to my ex's house for pizza'. You don't know what happened and that email proves nothing other than a pizza was sent to that address, so it would be wise to move forward with tact unless you want her to get defensive.

    Maybe it would be better to take a concerned stance, say you found the email and since she had said she'd be at a birthday party, you are worried someone has used her just eat account without her permission? You can then gauge her reaction. Or of course be honest and tell her you've seen this email and it's made you insecure, without accusing her of lying before she has a chance to explain. Face to face would be best, at least try calling her if you can't wait that long as if she is lying, she'll be put on the spot and you'll know she's lying. Whereas if it's nothing to worry about, she'll be able to reassure you and you'll be able to see/hear she's being genuine.

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    What if she sent him the pizza, through just eat, and asked them to put a message in it saying this is all you will get from me now.

    It may have been done to push him away, just be careful as others have said, and think about the tone in your voice if you do say anything to her. That can say you don't believe her even if your words say you do.

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    sugarboobies2232 [sign in to see picture]
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    luvved up cupple wrote:

    Order the exact same pizza next time you're together as a surprise treat, see if she reacts.

    This is something i would do. But perhaps not the best solution as you need answers, so talk to her x
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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    Talk to her face to face. There well may be a perfectly innocent explanation......and if there isn't ? At least you'll know x

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    Quiet ones are worse! [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't jump to conclusions, it's not always how it seems , as in my wife and friend thought all sorts of things wrong between them last night , turns out a technical text messaging issue had occurred in the end nothing wrong? proceed with caution.

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    Jr251271 [sign in to see picture]
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    honeybun91 wrote:

    I would message her and say how was the birthday and when she lies say. Did you have pizza there before the email came though about it... See her reaction face to face

    Seems fair, you'll get to a conclussion pretty quickly!

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    pusseypleaser [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with Terri JJ. Face to face is best

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    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
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    Just ask her face to face as others have said. If theres a plausible explanation then you'll get it from her and you'll know she is being honest.

    If she is lying and tries to cover it up with more lies, you'll also be able to tell.

    Trust your instinct and know deep down that if it doesn't feel right, then it usually isn't.

    If she is messing you about, you're better off knowing now, and getting out at this stage rather than always trying to figure her out in the future.

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    delilahxx [sign in to see picture]
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    Just Jenson wrote:

    Just ask her face to face as others have said. If theres a plausible explanation then you'll get it from her and you'll know she is being honest.

    If she is lying and tries to cover it up with more lies, you'll also be able to tell.

    Trust your instinct and know deep down that if it doesn't feel right, then it usually isn't.

    If she is messing you about, you're better off knowing now, and getting out at this stage rather than always trying to figure her out in the future.

    I agree with all this, there could be an innocent explanation.

    But ask face to face so you can see the reaction in case she is lying.

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    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
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    It seems completely ludicrous that she would give you her log in details if the email was anything other than innocent. I think you could be jumping to conclusions here to be honest.
    The best thing to do as others have said is to confront her face to face in a calm way. Explain you saw the email and ask what it was about. I'm sure you'll be able to tell if your oh is lying by her reaction 'if' she is trying to hide something. I'm all honesty it seems innocent. If I saw the same on my ohs emails I'd think nothing of it but I'd definitely confront him about it.
    When you chat with your oh be sure to not go in all guns blazing or you risk pushing her away when she could well of done nought wrong.
    All the best 💟xx

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    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
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    Best thing you can do is ask her. It could be perfectly innocent and her email address is linked to his Just-Eat account.

    I have been cheated on and even been the cheater in past relationships. The one thing I can tell you is a cheat always works hard at covering their tracks. I've found, more often than not, if you get caught it's because you want to get caught. You want it over. Its sad that only 2 months in the trust isn't strong. I hope you get the answers you need.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    luvved up cupple wrote:

    Order the exact same pizza next time you're together as a surprise treat, see if she reacts.

    That's what I would do n and watch her squirm.

    Seriously as the others have said you need to confront this issue and have it out with her. Don't go with all guns blazing but calmly have a chat . Don't jump to any conclusions until you have all the facts either.

    Good luck

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    NiceGuyNorthEast [sign in to see picture]
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    I would have a calm chat with her, as it sounds if you don't then this will eat you up through the rest of the relationship.

    It could be innocent, but like RosyCheek said, sometimes they want to get caught as they cannot face the guilt and want to own up.

    Hope you get the answer that you want.

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    Friday13 [sign in to see picture]
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    luvved up cupple wrote:

    Order the exact same pizza next time you're together as a surprise treat, see if she reacts.

    Damn, you guys are devious! 😄

    I'd just ask. There are lots of reasonable explanations. Just be very careful how you frame it. As you can imagine, being accused of lying or cheating when they've done nothing wrong would, rightly, piss most people off.

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    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
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    I've just re-read this as something was bugging me. You said she was supposed to be out with her daughter at a friends birthday party.

    Is this ex the father of said daughter?

    Maybe there is complete innocence in the whole thing (not taking away the fact she lied about her whereabouts) but maybe she isn't ready to tell you as yet that she has regular contact with her ex for the sake of their daughter. Suddenly this holds her in high esteem that she is mature enough to put the child first.

    As you say it's only been 2 months for you guys, which is still pretty early days in my opinion

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    sugarboobies2232 [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you spoke to her?

    Looks like there are a few of us on here that would watch her squirm!

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