• Female sexuality affirmation needed..

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    Stevie, hetro sub curious male [sign in to see picture]
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    One of my favourite sex plays is for my masturbation to be watched and controlled by my OH. I love to edge too. I do fantasise about her having control when I can cum or not. It's better if my hands are cuffed behind me, blindfold and gags optional. I love not having control and giving my OH the opportunity to be sexually creative with me under those circumstances. This could stem from my teen years of believing that women had no sexual urges at all. Even now in my mid 40's I still need that affirmed for me. When I take away my control and let the female be in control it's immensely sexy for me to feel her act out her urges and desires unhindered.
    This is why I love seeking out erotica written by women, and watching women having a completely indulgent solo play and orgasm. Always a turn on.
    Thinking about it my last proper relationship my partner never ever initiated sex play. I always had to do it. There had been only one woman I'd been with who felt really free in expressing her need for sex play. That was exciting and felt complete and real. It didn't last as we didn't feel anything else in addition to the sex.
    One other relationship was 8 years with a woman where we never had intercourse at all. We played around with other things but I always initiated. I think she was a little over shadowed with a certain belief in no sex before marriage, she was a westernized Muslim and her parents disapproved of me. It never bothered me at the time that we did not have intercourse. Even now in my current relationship intercourse is only once a month if that. Again it's with someone who is not openly sexual. I've asked if she has any turn ones but she says not really. I've noted all my little turn ons and put them in a jar in my sock drawer. She knows its there so if she is inclined she can have a peek at one or two. Actually there are two full jam jars of my turn ons. I really delved deep and wrote every one out. There's not much left that's not in one of those jars. It feels so exciting to know that.
    I would appreciate any feedback and thoughts on this.

    1462803837
    Gem276 [sign in to see picture]
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    Personally I would LOVE that! I like to know a that I am pleasing my man and would happily go through the entire two jars, confident that if there were any that I am not up for I would discuss it with him. I am definitely submissive in terms of the roles that we play, he would not allow me to hand cuff him and when I got him to wear a blindfold to try something new and push his comfort zones I liked that he trusted me to do it but it didn't turn me on to have him blindfolded (for us it was the wrong way round).

    However, 9/10 it's me that initiates it and I joked the other day I wonder how often we would have sex if it were to be left to him but in reality it's probably that he doesn't get much of a chance to as I tend to wake him up with a blow job and pounce on him at any given opportunity!

    If your lady isn't all that interested in sex then she may never choose to just have a look at your fantasies, maybe you could talk about it with her if you were to take her on a date? Maybe organise a special picnic with champagne and bring a few to introduce them to her. I personally wouldn't find 2 jars of fantasies as intimidating (I would see it as a challenge) but not all women are as openly sexual as I am but maybe wooing your lady might make her susceptible to having a look rather than her having a sneaky peak and thinking, "Oh my goodness, I could never do that I dread to think what are in the rest of these, if he never knows I have looked maybe it won't come up!?"

    1462805970
    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    I've always found that although I am really adventurous I always felt pressured by exes to explore and didn't feel comfortable, it was kind of like if he's not able to wait while I come round will he actually be trustable if I do it. Like anal or being tied down. If I can't trust him to stop asking when I've said no, can I trust him to listen to me when I'm in a vulnerable state? No. And I actually never orgasmed until OH as I just didn't feel comfortable letting go with people that were so desperate to make me orgasm.
    It's like a puppy, if you chase it it will run away, if you kneel and coax it it will come.
    Although I'm very sexually open a jar of his turn ons would disturb me a bit, especially if we weren't really having sex so he wrote down everything he wanted. Unless we had discussed it beforehand and agreed to surprise each other, otherwise it's kind of demanding, like you're expecting her to read them and carry them out.
    You can't change her sexual desires, especially not by trying, you either love her and be happy with everything else, and maybe if she feels less pressured but still desired then she'll become curious on her own. Or you don't.
    I find it really important, as my OH has a much lower sex drive than me, to do what he wants, any sex is better than no sex, and if I start focusing on him he gets turned on and turns the tables. Even if it's not sex for me at all, just oral for him or sex but no orgasm for me, I still enjoy it and it takes the pressure off him, he doesn't feel pressured to make me happy, so he does because I don't make him.
    (Although I've learned recently that sometimes instead of not making him do something I want and just hoping he will he would rather be told to just do it- totally not sex related thoigh)

    The moral of the story is- the less pressure you put on, the more you get

    1462806101
    Stevie, hetro sub curious male [sign in to see picture]
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    Gem, thanks so much for spending time to reply. I've thought a few times about having a date together. I'm 48 and she's 50 this year. Maybe she has just lost interest in sex. Jokingly she said what you wearing these for when I wore a sexy man G string when she gave me a massage once. It seems maybe she's gone off the boil or simply doesn't know what she wants these days. I'm a patient hubby and have abstained for many years in.previous relationships. Maybe I have to be more patient and it may or may never happen. Let's see.

    1462834077
    Stevie, hetro sub curious male [sign in to see picture]
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    Young and fun.
    Thanks for your considered reply. Slowly slowly catchy monkey.. Patience is the key I guess.

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