• Why do I bother.

    1462577541
    Bob a job [sign in to see picture]
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    Have been trying for last few weeks to be dirtier and have been going to work leaving sex toys under bed covers and then texting wife who does use toys saying there upstairs waiting for you while I'm in work. Now I get up same Time take kids to school then go to work only to have text back later in day saying some excuse why she couldn't play. Now yes I am a kinky dirty husband but she has enjoyed it before several times but recently nothing. Have spoken about it. I do everything on my lists for dy he day as I. Get this and that even went about 40 miles out of my way to help my in laws. Nothing I really don't get women. Especially my wife at the moment.

    1462578244
    BumblebeeBuzzed [sign in to see picture]
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    It's possible she has stuff on her mind, or isn't feeling 100%.. Or any of the million other reasons she may not want to masturbate on your request/when prompted.
    I don't mean to be harsh or anything, but I think you're being selfish here and not actually thinking about this from her point of view. But that's just my personal opinion. I'm sure she'll be happy to oblige if/when she feels like it. Give her time.

    1462580189
    MondaySixteenth [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't be harsh on either of you. You sound like you're trying your best to spice things up but there may be an underlying reason that your wife isn't feeling it.

    Relationship problems, stress, anxiety, exhaustion, depression, effects of medication, menopause, hormone issues, contraception, medical conditions, or a combination of these things can decrease libido so it might be worth seeing how your wife is.

    1462602694
    SquirtyPanda [sign in to see picture]
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    I think getting upset over her not playing when you're basically demanding her to is a little petty imo. She's your wife, not your sex slave. She has a mind of her own and if she doesn't want to masturbate then who are you to be annoyed with her? You say she wasn't always like this, at least you know she can fulfil your dirtiness so it's not like you've NEVER had it.

    In the nicest of ways just accept it. Some women do go through dry patches and have zero libido. Nothing wrong with that. Showing her patience and loving should be enough to make her at least think about it. Getting all het up and annoyed is going to offend her even more and just make things worse. Remember to communicate and try to keep things friendly. This isn't worth falling out over.

    1462602745
    Bob a job [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks all I know it must be something just sometimes it's good to vent frustration here. Better to release than to bottle it up.

    1462604374
    Verity... [sign in to see picture]
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    Your right there hun, you don't get women. Let me help you here. Taking into account the good advice the ladies have given above i'm going to be totally honest and blunt. You taking your children to school, going to work and driving 40 miles to help the in laws is not a turn on in anyway at all for your wife, it is called everyday life. You expecting to be rewarded for these acts is selfish and imature. Look at it another way do you get turned on by the everyday chores your wife does while your at work? ie When you walk over the freshly hoovered floor, when you pull clean clothes from your draw, do you look longingly at her over the dinner table and say wow you cooking these chops for me is driving me wild? ect. Are these things a turn on for you? No this is called life. You should do these things because you want to help your wife or at the very least do them because they need to be done, you should not be helping out with expectation of being rewarded for your effort with sex. This is a huge turn off.

    Sex toys being left in the bed, if this was done for me as a one off, i may run with it, as it would be something new. However if it was done regularly i wouldn't like it. To me when my other half goes to work i am busy, i have my own things to be getting on with. I wouldn't want my partner doing this and then being disopointed that i didn't have the time to roll with it. You are not doing this for your wife, you are doing this for you again expecting something in return for your effort. This is where you are going wrong. By being disopointed that she hasn't made time to do this you have actually turned this into, you leaving toys that she is to play with on your demand and then tell you about it. Again not a turn on.

    When men are selfless and help out reguarly without expecting gratification this is hot. When men genuinly think of us, what we like, what we need, and a little pampering, without expecting anything in return This is a major turn on. Taking the children to school and helping the in laws is appriciated but not a turn on especially knowing the reason why you are doing it.

    Do a few nice things for your wife without expecting anything from it. Make her feel wanted and special without any presure for sex.

    1462606172
    SquirtyPanda [sign in to see picture]
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    ^ 👏👏👏👏

    1462606478
    Verity... [sign in to see picture]
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    SquirtyPanda wrote:

    I think getting upset over her not playing when you're basically demanding her to is a little petty imo. She's your wife, not your sex slave. She has a mind of her own and if she doesn't want to masturbate then who are you to be annoyed with her? You say she wasn't always like this, at least you know she can fulfil your dirtiness so it's not like you've NEVER had it.

    In the nicest of ways just accept it. Some women do go through dry patches and have zero libido. Nothing wrong with that. Showing her patience and loving should be enough to make her at least think about it. Getting all het up and annoyed is going to offend her even more and just make things worse. Remember to communicate and try to keep things friendly. This isn't worth falling out over.

    Great advice. x

    1462606617
    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
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    SquirtyPanda wrote:

    ^ 👏👏👏👏

    +1 👏👏👏 Verity got it spot on 💜xx
    1462608730
    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    Hmmm....I'm going to go against the grain here I think.

    I would find what you do and ask of your wife a huge turn on and I'd be more than willing to oblige. However.....I'm submissive (very) both in the bedroom and everyday life. I'm guessing your wife isnt which is why this is not for her.

    Its better that you rant to us than have a go at your wife for not following your wishes but you do need to consider her feelings xx

    1462610140
    Kazamarie [sign in to see picture]
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    Ahhhhhh you sound lovely 😉. You know I have been on both sides being at work all day and also bringing up a baby alone and recently had a house of 3 poorly people to care for while being pregnant myself and honestly I find going to work the hardest lol. You obviously work hard supporting your family making sure there's money on the table and making sure your family are cared for that's far and few between these days. I expect your wife is just going though a dry patch we all go through them. I am myself at the moment and I know it frustrates my oh but he gets it 😊. Maybe sit down together with a glass of wine one evening and ask her about it and maybe pour her a nice hot bath and give her a Massage. Make her feel special 😉 x

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    Bob a job [sign in to see picture]
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    forums are great fun 👍

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    LeilaK [sign in to see picture]
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    For me personally, I would love it if my OH left sex toys under the bed. I would gladly oblige lol. Maybe she was just too busy that day, tired, or not in the mood. I think the two of you need to sit down and have a chat.

    Go out for a nice meal together, talk to each other openly. Have fun. Hopefully it might lead to a wonderful kinky night! I do hope you can work things out. Good luck x

    1462612841
    glittergirl [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree in every way with verity
    but if what you actual point is your trying to spice things up and your trying and she isn't showing any signs of wanting you i get that also.
    But what men seem to miss is this women it's all in the mind make love to get head first buy this i mean turn her on go back to basics when you first meet
    ...send that tx to just to say hi tell her how beautiful she is to you while she is doing the dishes come up from behind her brush her hair to the side while you kiss her neck give her that cheeky smile flirt with your wife again let her know you love and appericiate her send her them i can't wait to see you message.
    don't expect sex in return straight away building her up to it and your find she starts to want you more.
    leaving a toy in a women's bed will not turn her on massively maybe first time but after that it will ware of. Make love to her mind get her juices flowing litterly.
    So many forget the importance of flirting.
    waking up to toys in your bed when you have everyday life and jobs to do is not a instant turn on for some if your tired and feeling under appericiated looking at a toy isn't always going to get you in the mood and wet enough to sit and insert and play as a female.
    I'm sure this can easily be fixed if she feels like your after more then a on the spot demand.
    After all could u slways preform undwr that presure.

    1462613717
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    glittergirl wrote:

    I agree in every way with verity
    but if what you actual point is your trying to spice things up and your trying and she isn't showing any signs of wanting you i get that also.
    But what men seem to miss is this women it's all in the mind make love to get head first buy this i mean turn her on go back to basics when you first meet
    ...send that tx to just to say hi tell her how beautiful she is to you while she is doing the dishes come up from behind her brush her hair to the side while you kiss her neck give her that cheeky smile flirt with your wife again let her know you love and appericiate her send her them i can't wait to see you message.
    don't expect sex in return straight away building her up to it and your find she starts to want you more.
    leaving a toy in a women's bed will not turn her on massively maybe first time but after that it will ware of. Make love to her mind get her juices flowing litterly.
    So many forget the importance of flirting.
    waking up to toys in your bed when you have everyday life and jobs to do is not a instant turn on for some if your tired and feeling under appericiated looking at a toy isn't always going to get you in the mood and wet enough to sit and insert and play as a female.
    I'm sure this can easily be fixed if she feels like your after more then a on the spot demand.
    After all could u slways preform undwr that presure.

    I think I am the first guy on here responding. I totally agree with the above. Unfortunately most men and yes in my early years ,I was the same ,just think pressing a button will programme their woman to do and feel exactly as they want them to be.This doesn't happen in real life .

    Your best bet if you want a positive response from your lady is to treat her like one.

    Forget the toy thing at the moment and by the way I don't think that you are selfish perhaps a little frustrated that it didn't work ,and go back to basics. Try and get her onside again and reconnect as you once did. Try going out on date nights and talk to each other as a couple .Don't try for sex let her make the first move. But do plenty kissing and cuddling as you probably did in the early days of the relationship. Offer to run her a bath and buy her a bunch of flowers occasionally and demonstrate to her that you care and love her.

    Good luck

    1462614643
    glittergirl [sign in to see picture]
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    I certainly don't think your selfish for wanting sex either it's what tells a relationship apart from other relationships or you migth as well be brother n sister under same roof. Different approach is needed thou. And you need to stir them feelings you get when starting out. And that means starting over.
    You would not of just left a toy in her bed on that first meeting as she would think what the ....
    Go back a step to moved forward 3 .

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with ALL the other posts.

    Everyone is different, and everyone feels different at different times. I had a partner who told me to stop when I came up behind her to give her a kiss (as in what Glittergirl said) she said it made her feel smuthered when I wanted to show affection when she was busy.

    A week later I was drying the dishes, and I felt a atmosphere, it went on all night; until I said will you please talk to me, whats wrong. So she said, when you where drying the dishes, I wanted you to put me over the twin tub, and have me; but you didn't.

    So just go with her flow, and make affection, and understanding the rule, and talk, talk, talk.

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